Still the Same

chris looking at his neice

 Well, it's almost a new year, and I guess you know what that means! Pretty much nothing, huh? Oh, if we write the date now, we'll switch out the last 2 for a 3! That's about it. There's no magic potion or button that gets pushed at midnight to signal anything new except on a calendar. I do like a new year, as it gives us a chance to reassess the previous year and choose what we'd like to change, set new goals, and things like that. But really, nothing changes at midnight tonight - but that's not all bad.

We'll wake up tomorrow still caregiving, still working, still doing our daily chores while the rest of the world gets to take a holiday. Hopefully, some of us will get precious time with friends or family to make the day brighter. But whatever caregiving situation we are in won't change tonight when the clock strikes 12. Again - that's not all bad!

When we wake up tomorrow in a new year, we'll still have everything God promised us. We'll find that His mercies are still being renewed every single morning, and tomorrow will be no different. His heart is still filled with love for us, and His grace will continue being enough to carry us through whatever we face each day of the coming year. His peace (that He gives us) will still be intact. His presence will be just as real and as tangible as we let it be! So "nothing changes" is actually a pretty good thing, I think!

So, I don't have to dread tomorrow - because God's kingdom won't change while we sleep tonight. Every promise He's ever made will still be active as we flip the calendar to a new year. I love that about God. He doesn't change in response to anything that goes on "down here." He is still full of grace, love, mercy, and loving kindness. We can be certain that He'll carry us through next year just like He has this year. That makes me smile - because He has no plans of leaving us stranded in our crazy emotions, anxious thoughts, and hectic lives.

Today, I will be thankful that God is still God, and nothing will change about Him - including how much He loves us and wants to be with us. I'll remind myself that His grace is always enough for any situation and that He's still got me! (One thing I am so thankful doesn't ever change!) So this next year, I just plan on continuing to trust Him for each new day. Will you join me?


One More Time

Chris standing up at the park

 Does it ever seem like your thoughts get stuck running along one track and it's hard to get them back where they need to be? Mine do. It seems I so easily get sucked into the black hole of emotions and horrible thought patterns. Honestly, it can be difficult to get my head back on the word and where it needs to be. Like David, I find I must encourage myself in the Lord many days. Sometimes, it's many times every day. Lol.

This year has had a lot of ups and downs, just like every year, right? And here we are in the last couple of days and I'm looking for ways I need to change. In the middle of that, I can be hard on myself. I'm starting to think caregivers do that a lot. Am I right? There is always something left undone at the end of the day - sometimes it's us! Lol. Each evening we can be swamped with all the things we wanted to get done and didn't. We met each demand made on us as well as we could and cared for our loved ones to the best of our abilities. But sometimes we need to hear one more time, that we are enough. We are loved by our Caregiver. We are surrounded by His grace. We can do all things through His strength. And sometimes, hearing those things one more time isn't enough. I have to remind myself all day long. Do you?

So, as we close out this year (there's one more day, of course), let this blog remind you that God's got you covered and He's right there in the mix with you - no matter how crazy, how overwhelming, how confusing, how big, or any other adjective you need to describe your current situation - He didn't leave when it got tough. As a matter of fact, He leaned in just a little closer. Sometimes, we just need to close our eyes and focus on Him with our souls.

Today, I will remind myself one more time that God has me. My thoughts will be on how His grace has carried me through yet another year I thought I couldn't make it through. Yet, here I am still hidden in Him - and look - you're here too! Congrats on a successful year's journey. My meditations will be on His grace and I'll picture Him carrying me right on into the new year. Will you join me in His arms today?



                                                                                                                                           


If you enjoy these devotionals, I have others! I've expanded my bookstore on Amazon. My devotionals are available in Kindle or print format. The new Bible study guides are now available on Kindle and in print! Check out my growing bookstore: 

I also recently opened my own bookstore. I'm presently filling it up with my books - check out the ones I have available in eBook format. You can download them and read them on your phone! Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.



Stay in the Game

Chris holding a football

 I love football! I used to spend hours playing it in the yard. My mom loved it then too, but only because it kept me out of the house for entire afternoons. Lol. I am an old-school Houston Oilers fan; that's where fandom all started for me. I loved Earl Campbell and still do. As I watched him and some of the other greats from that era, I learned to love the game. More recently, since becoming a caregiver, I started enjoying college football. 

Last night, I watched a bowl game. Arkansas was ahead 35 to 13. It was the final quarter, with not too much time left, when Kansas started an epic comeback. They were able to tie the game with seconds left on the clock, which sent the game into the first of a historic three overtimes. They lost in that third overtime, but they played with heart and guts. They stayed in the game when the world thought they were out. The Liberty Bowl will now go down in history as one of the most thrilling games of the season due to a team that never gave up and ended up setting all sorts of records.

Sportscasters aren't talking so much about the actual winners of the game based on numbers. They are talking about the epic comeback and heart of the Kansas team that tried. Of course, the win would have been an even better story, but Kansas has nothing to be ashamed of. 

In caregiving, there are no numbers to declare "winners" or "losers." We win when we stay in the game. It can be hard, and it can be stressful, but we can't give up on faith. Colossians 3:17 tells us that whatever we do - we should do it whole-heartedly as if we were doing it for Christ. I'm pretty sure that caregiving counts. Caring for our loved ones won't necessarily bring us any "victories" by the numbers on earth, but it will mean we win in the heart. We serve them as if we were serving Christ, and there is reward in that.

Staying in the game means not quitting when it looks impossible. It means we keep trusting God no matter how crazy our emotions get or how many funky roads our thoughts run down. Staying in the game means we just keep trusting God to lead us, to care for us as caregivers, to love us, and to keep us in the midst of the fight of our lives. And He will do all of that and more!

Today, I'll keep my heart and soul in the game by declaring my trust in Him. When I feel like I'm losing it, I'm all alone, or I just can't take one more step - I'll just lean into Him more closely. I'll kick my determination up a notch and give it another run. I'll center my heart on His grace, which carries me, and I'll trust Him for just one more day - one more play. I'll trust He'll make this day epic because I choose to stay in the faith game. Will you join me?



                                                                                                                                           


If you enjoy these devotionals, I have others! I've expanded my bookstore on Amazon. My devotionals are available in Kindle or print format. The new Bible study guides are now available on Kindle and in print! Check out my growing bookstore: 

I also recently opened my own bookstore. I'm presently filling it up with my books - check out the ones I have available in eBook format. You can download them and read them on your phone! Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.

Peace Agents

 This morning, I'm running super short on time, so I thought I'd share the live devotions I did on FaceBook earlier. Plus - I have an announcement!! I'm working on creating a YouTube section just for caregivers. It'll be private, so no one can access it without the links. Let me know if you'd like to have access. Until then - here's today's devotion on being a peace agent.




Spent With Grief

 

Me talking to chris after our first race

This morning, my emotions were all over the place. Who even knows why right? It just happens sometimes. Maybe it was a memory that sparked sadness or the crazy, rough dreams I had early this morning. (No, I didn't have pizza last night! Lol.) I chose to spend my morning devotions in a very familiar place - Psalm 31. It's been a long-time favorite psalm of mine, and it's loaded with good stuff to meditate on all day.

I read through the entire psalm before really landing anywhere. But I had a hard time just skipping by verses 9 and 10. David describes his eyes wasting away with grief in verse 9. Then, in verse 10, the psalmist says my life is spent with grief and my years with sighing. (NKJV) Boy, did I feel it this morning. Grief may come in waves, or it may set up camp - but it comes. I think caregivers deal with different types of grief. Those who are caring for parents miss the person their parent was and deal with the emotions of a huge role reversal. Those of us caring for children grieve for the person they were too. Parents caring for children with disabilities grieve over what could have been. 

David goes on to use some terms common to caregivers. He talks about being a reproach, forgotten, fearful, and alone. (I relate to all of those, do you relate to any of these emotions and feelings?) But here's what I love about David, he wraps up the midsection of this psalm with a faith confession. But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say "You are my God." (v.14 NKJV) I love that David is so open and honest with his emotions and feelings because, in many circles today, it's not acceptable.

We can wrap up every crazy thought and release every wild emotion in prayer to the God Who hears us. As a matter of fact, He's aware of all of it, even if we don't share it with Him. So, He patiently waits for us to bring it to Him and trust Him with our care. That's not too different than our loved ones trusting us with their care (even if they don't know they are doing that!). 

Today, I will package up all my emotions and give them to God. I'll trust Him to care for me today. I will trust God to bandage up my wounded soul (mind, will, emotions) and anoint me with the salve of His Holy Spirit so I am whole in Him. I'll let Him carry my concerns today - and I'll let Him carry me too! Will you join me?

I Wasn't Ready

Chris outside standing in the standing frame

 I never dreamed that Christmases alone would be in my future. But there it was. We had invites, but life didn't give us the go-ahead, so we ended up spending Christmas Eve and Christmas alone this year. It was okay; I was just a little surprised that it happened to us. I don't know why. So, if you spent the holiday alone, I'm sorry. It's a sinking feeling.

Sure, I tried to scan Facebook a time or two, but all I saw were all the happy families spending great times together. I just avoided social media for most of the day, got a lot of work done, and tried to push it all out of my mind. But, boy, did it nag. I wasn't really emotional about it, but it sure hung over my head all day long for the two days. I'll plan differently for next year, that's for sure.

While I focused on working and getting a few projects done, I kept reminding myself that it was no big deal. But nagging thoughts like I'm not important to anyone kept trying to gain ground in my head. I even knew it wasn't true - I had places to go. It just didn't work out so that we could. I hope you didn't have a similar experience, but if you did, now is a great time to remind yourself that God is here - wherever your "here" is today. 

He hasn't unplugged His mercy, and His thread of grace still runs through every aspect of our lives. For this, I am thankful. Whether we spent the holiday with a crowd of family or friends or we spent it all alone, His grace, peace, love, and mercy were all still intact. I love that about God. He never outlines an area He won't enter or touch. He binds our wounds and heals our hurts. And He does it over and over again, for they are many when you are a caregiver.

Today, I'll remind myself that God is right here. I'll let my soul rest in the truth that He's got me covered and surrounded. My meditation will be on His ever-abiding presence and His comfort that remains extended even in my pain. My heart will be grateful that He never forgets about us, and we are not just an item way down on His to-do list either. We are front and center in His mind - He's near the brokenhearted, right? So, He must be right here in our today. So, I'll trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                         

Grace Enough

Chris smiling while hanging out at a park with me

 The holidays are particularly hard for many caregivers. I'm kinda used to not getting together with family during the holidays; there's usually some reason. Last year, we'd been exposed to Covid on Christmas Eve and missed the family get-together. Today, it's just too cold to take Chris out, even though it's warmed up to a balmy 16 degrees! Not being able to celebrate traditional holidays can make the loneliness we feel year-round seem even deeper. I'm so thankful that His grace is enough to carry us through every lonely moment. Sometimes, it's in the darkest hours of our souls that we find His sustaining grace. 

We can rest assured that His grace is enough for the holidays too. Jesus doesn't take Christmas off, even though He could celebrate His "birthday." Lol. Whether we have a house full of loved ones and gifts, or we are spending the days alone with our loved ones, His grace is enough. 

About this time of year, I start reflecting on the year we are leaving and looking forward to the new beginnings of a new year. I also plan some changes for the new year. I'm going to be more Bible teaching on my YouTube channel and am still working to narrow down my ideas, so there's some structure. (I have WAY too many ideas and not enough time!) Of course, this blog will remain in my plans for the next year - I'd just like to see myself improve on consistency! But whether I'm looking back or forward, His grace is enough. 

I look back from last Christmas to this holiday season and see a lot of changes and improvements. I have seen His grace work in so many ways, and I plan to keep open eyes moving forward. I'll be keeping a lookout for His grace in action in my life. I hope you'll join me in celebrating and actively seeking His grace, for it is His grace that carries us through caregiving days.

Today, as I spend Christmas Eve alone with my son, I'll adopt an attitude of thankfulness. I'll remind myself of all that God has done for us this last year and how His blessing continues. My heart will be set on thanksgiving for His grace that never runs out, never runs low, and is always "enough" for each day - and that includes today. I'll keep an eye out for threads of grace running through my day today as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Check out this morning's Facebook live on His grace.


The Rest of the Story

 


When I was a kid, we often listened to Paul Harvey on the radio. One of my parents' favorite spots was his "The Rest of the Story." Mr. Harvey would lead in with an interesting, familiar story. Then he'd fill in all the gaps that were not as well known. Most of the population knew the "end" of the story, but there were so many interesting details worked in to help the person or persons reach their end goals. It was always so inspiring to hear of how people overcame adversity to achieve major life goals. He'd always end with, "And now, you know the rest of the story." 

I wonder what the rest of our stories will look like. Maybe none of us will do anything the whole world will know about - but what we do every single day is still extraordinary. In essence, we are laying down our lives for our loved ones. But sacrificial love isn't talked about too much these days. Maybe it's because we live in such a selfish society that they can't see selflessness or understand it. It always encourages me to think about how Christ did that for us. He embraced selflessness and came for us. We are His prize.

While it makes sense to me that we would lay aside our dreams and desires to care for our loved ones, I can't quite grasp how Jesus chose to die for us; for me. But - we are the rest of the story. We may never know the rest of our stories; we've got a lot of steps left in our journeys. But Jesus knew the rest of His story before He came as the baby messiah so many years ago. He knew we were His prize - and He still thought we were worth it.

We love those we are caring for, right? And we care for them so much that many times we die inside just so they can live. That's our heart. That's Jesus' heart too. So, here's the thing - you look a lot like Him. We all have many shortcomings and flaws and make plenty of mistakes. But we just keep going for our loved one's sake. He walked right down a painful path for us - and that's what we do for those we care for day after day. 

My point? Jesus knew the rest of the story - and came anyway. We were worth it to Him. We are loved.

Today, I'll encourage myself by reminding myself that He came for me. I will meditate on how much love and dedication it took for Him to come and live and die on my behalf, knowing what a mess I would be. I just need to know that I was worth it. I'll be thankful today that He knew everything about me and came anyway. I can rest in that truth and reassure my heart that He really does love me right here, right now. He gets us as caregivers and gives grace for the journey. I'll embrace His love today and lean a little closer to Him as I trust Him to write the rest of my story. Will you join me?


                                                                                                                                           


If you enjoy these devotionals, I have others! I've expanded my bookstore on Amazon. My devotionals are available in Kindle or print format. The new Bible study guides are now available on Kindle and in print! Check out my growing bookstore: 

I also recently opened my own bookstore. I'm presently filling it up with my books - check out the ones I have available in eBook format. You can download them and read them on your phone! Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.

Not Strong Enough

Chris in the standing frame

 Do you ever have people compliment you by telling you how strong you are? Occassionally, it happens to me. I try to  be gracious and thank them for their kind words. But inside, I feel oh so weak.As survivors and overcomes of the many obstacles of life, we may look strong. We may also catch some flack for being so independent. But when people don't show up for us, and that happens a lot for caregivers, we learn to kick into survival mode and I can do it myself mode, right? Then they say - you are so strong. I'm like, yeah, right - it's because I have to be.

Experience Speaks Loudly

One time early on in my caregiving journey, I had two routes for my son's future treatment. I called together those who I thought were going to be helpful in his care, as I needed some input. After I explained the options, they both just shrugged their shoulders and said basically, "it's on you, so do what you feel best." I was deflated and disappointed. I trudged forward.

Isn't that what we do a lot? We keep putting one foot in front of the other relying on God to be there for each step. No wonder David said in Psalm 119:105, Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path. We may not be all that strong, but we are strong enough to wait for Him to illuminate our paths so we can take one more step. Sometimes, it seems like God is our only helper (not that that is all bad), because no one else is there for us.

But then... there's grace.

We can count on His grace to carry us through each day on the days we just can't take it and the days we think we've got it all handled. He's always there to help us along the caregiving path. I can say with no reservation that it is His strength that carries me from one day into the next. He's always provided, even when it seemed there was literally no way to make it. He's always lit my path, even when it was so dark I couldn't see. And on those days when I think surely my soul is going to take it's last breath, He is right there to carry, console, comfort, and care for my soul. Man, He's good isn't He?

Being weak is not a bad thing when you land in the hands of the God of creation.Feeling dazed and confused is not to be feared when God's wisdom is just a prayer away. Being on the proverbial edge is not so bad when you know you're going to fall into the hands of an alert God who is paying attention to every single detail of your life.

Just for Today.

Today, I'll remind myself that God is right here - no matter where my "here" is. I'll comfort my soul by assuring myself that He's got me. He won't let me fall or fail. I'll meditate on His eternal presence in my life - and remind myself that He is here by choice, not because I am strong, but because I am weak. I will rejoice knowing that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9)So, I'll just be content and set back and watch Him flex His muscles as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

The Sifter


 Do you ever feel like you're living life in the sifter? You know the one - where Jesus told Peter that Satan had asked to sift him like wheat. Then, Jesus prayed that Peter's faith wouldn't fail? I always wondered why Jesus didn't pray that Peter wouldn't have to go through all that. Why didn't He pray that Peter would just be strong - but isn't it the sifting trials in our lives that build our faith in God? Maybe they are responsible for making us lean in to Him a little more closely.

This morning, I found another scripture like that. It's in John 17:15. It's Jesus' final prayer before He heads to the cross. He prayed, I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one. (NKJV) Sifting is going to happen, and we don't even get an exemption card as caregivers. Sometimes, it's the caregving that acts as a sifter, trying our faith.

Hard things are going to come our way, that's a given. But the One who keeps us remains with us through them all. As caregivers, we deal with grief, loss, and tons of other emotional baggage that we have to work through on a daily basis. We can trust that God has our back, our front, and our in-betweens. He gives us peace, comfort, and even joy, right in the midst of our struggles. He may not lift our troubles away, but He lifts us in the middle of them all. No where in the Bible do we see God making the path easy for those walking through time. Instead, He walked with them, just like He walks with us. 

Oh, do I wish sometimes that He would just remove the sifter! Just remove the hard parts, please! But even if He did - there'd be more hard parts down the road. They are what He uses to shape our faith, much like Peter's. But Peter wasn't perfect, even though Jesus Himself prayed for him. Just a couple chapters further in John, we see Peter totally denying that he knew Jesus. And yet, Jesus prayed for Peter anyway. And ultimately, Peter stood. In faith. In Christ. He became a pillar of faith in the church as it unfolded over the next few years. There's hope for us too! 

The difficult things can shape our faith, if we let them. It's all about leaning into God rather than pulling away when the going gets tough. We can trust that He's got us in His hand - no matter what our world's look like. No matter what types of disarray we are dealing with - He's got it all under control. Trusting Him - well, that's as simple as faith gets.

Today, I will lean in to Him just a little closer. I see all the chaos and disarray in my world, and I know He sees it too. But He won't run away or turn away from the painting of my life that seems to have gone awry. Instead, if I let Him, He takes the brush and turns it into something beautiful, stunning me and the world who sees it.  So, today, I'm handing Him my brush, and I'll let Him paint while I ride out the sifter. I'll just trust Him - will you join me?

                                                                                                                                           

Songs in the Night

chris standing while i help offer support

This morning, I read the story of Paul and Silas in the jail. The account is found in Acts 16. It describes how they were beaten and thrown into prison, not based on something wrong they did, but due to greed on someone else's part. In verse 25, it says that about midnight, Paul and Silas began to sing and pray. Now, my first thought in those midnight moments of my life is not always about singing or praising God. Of course, I had to wonder what in the world they were singing about.

No matter what the words were, no matter what they were singing, it was about God. And that's why they had songs in the night. When we find ourselves in tight spots, we can still sing about the goodness of God. Why? Because our circumstances didn't change His goodness. What we go through doesn't change His grace. His mercies are still new every morning - no matter what the morning brings.

I have to wonder how our situations might be changed, or at least our attitudes, if we sing about our unghanging God, even in dire circumstances. In Acts 16, God shook the place and their chains fell off while the doors swung open. But no one left. Maybe it was symbolic for us. When we praise God and acknowledge His unchanging love, patience, mercy, grace, and other attributes - what holds our souls in bondage falls off. We may not walk directly out of the circumstances that moment. But our souls are free no matter what we see.

In 2 Corinthians 4, Paul opens up about being hard-pressed, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down. In some ways, we can relate as caregivers. Life can have a way of dealing some hard blows. Sometimes, we don't even have time to react before we are dealt another blow. But we can continue to sing of the goodness of God, His rich mercy, and His all-sufficient grace right in the middle of our situations. We can sing about the light in our souls while sitting in the darkest night. And when we do - we find such freedom inside.

Today, I will meditate on the unchangeable attributes of God. I'll thank Him for His grace, mercy, and favor in my life. I'll remind myself that these things don't change, even when life changes. My thoughts will be on how God continues to carry me when needed. I'll remind myslef that He's walking through time with me - by His own choosing. Then, I will rest in the comfort of that thought as I trust Him for just one more day. Will you join me?

Small Stuff

Kyrie and Chris at the park

I'm starting to think that there are no easy days for caregivers. Each day is somewhat mundane, doing the same tasks over and over and never really getting "done." But in the middle of that, we never know what kind of wrench may get thrown into the mix. A surprise doctor visit. A phone call in the night. Delayed shipments. A sudden fever. We never know what a day, or a long night, may bring. Keeping a positive outlook and fighting to keep our "heads above water" are two real things we face pretty much every day. Of course, that doesn't mean every day is bad. But most days are hard, even though we have our caregiving routine down to a T.

I am in a caregiver's group on Facebook, but I don't hang out there much. It is a safe place to vent and air out emotions. But it seems to get a bit whiny to me. I don't need that. When I share, I try to post positive things. As caregivers, we have so much on our plate, and it does get overwhelming. How do we keep a positive outlook when there are not a lot of positives? Celebrate the small stuff.

We spent four months in the hospital after my son's wreck. The days were uncertain, and somehow I hooked up with a few people online. A young man told me two things that I have continued to hold on to. First, he said that the doctors do not have the final say - God does. And secondly, he said, "progress is progress." No matter how small it seems, he suggested celebrating any progress or positive. I've done that to keep my head up for 14 years now. 

I may look silly to others, but "progress is progress" has become a caregiving mantra of mine. Add another layer to it by thanking God for all the positives. A thankful heart can't remain heavy. Some days, it's easier to find small victories to celebrate and be thankful for. Other days, I have to work really hard at finding them. But it's always worth the effort to be positive and thankful.

I encourage you to celebrate the small wins, the little positives, the good things today. If you are not sure where to start, begin with the basics. Be thankful God loves you and hasn't abandoned you. Celebrate the truth that He is with you in the middle of the storm, He doesn't abandon ship when the waters of life get rocky!

Today, I will look around for those small things to be thankful for. I'll choose to have a thankful heart and express my gratitude to God for every small victory, no matter how small it seems. Thanksgiving will be my focus today as I open up my heart to God and allow His peace to rule there. That's something to be thankful for - His ever-abiding peace. I'll thank Him for His peace and trust Him for one more day - will you join me?



No Contingency Plans

Chris outside in the standing frame

 Here we are, making it day after day. One day we just look up and realize it's been years on this caregiving journey. We didn't plan for it. Didn't count on it. Had no expectation of it, but here we are, just relying on God from moment to moment to make it through each day. (Enter: big sigh.)

I don't even have the imaginative capacity to imagine what life might have been like without the hard left onto the caregiving road. I'd like to think I would have trusted God anyway. I'd like to think I'd have held onto Him and His promises with a grip just as tight. If nothing else, caregiving has taught me how much I need Him and how grateful I am that He chooses to walk the road with me instead of just waiting for me at the end.

I really don't have a contingency plan. There isn't any other hope, direction, or goal outside of trusting Him for each breath. And I'm not looking for one, either. I am so content that He's got me no matter what. I know I can run to Him with all my stuff in tow, and I will not be turned away. Nothing is too big, too bad, or too boring for Him to help me deal with. I remind myself that I have no contingency plan - I'll just continue to trust Him. But then, I remember that He doesn't have a contingency plan either! 

Since God doesn't have another plan, He will continue to carry, shield, comfort, and care for us. He's not looking for a second job. His grace is enough, and He doesn't need to call in any backup. He is the one consistency in a caregiver's world of crazy-all-over-the-place emotions and thoughts. And He's not going anywhere. I love that, don't you? I need that, do you?

Today, I'll remind myself that I haven't been crazy enough to run God off yet. (Smile) As crazy and goofy as my life and mind are - He has no backup plan. He is the plan! I'll lean into His heart a little more today and listen for it to beat for me. I'll trust that He's got this day taken care of for me, and I'll remind myself that He had today prepared for me while I was still in my yesterday. He wants to meet with my heart today. I intend to let Him do just that. Will you join me?



                                                                                                                                           


If you enjoy these devotionals, I have others! I've expanded my bookstore on Amazon. My devotionals are available in Kindle or print format. The new Bible study guides are now available on Kindle and in print! Check out my growing bookstore: 

I also recently opened my own bookstore. I'm presently filling it up with my books - check out the ones I have available in eBook format. You can download them and read them on your phone! Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.

Going Through

Dexter greeting Chris in the Project 34 Lobby

 This morning as I was reading, I found myself in Proverbs 12:13. It says, The wicked is ensnared by the transgression of his lips, but the righteous will come through trouble. (NKJ) I first noticed that it did not say that the righteous would be able to avoid trouble. Instead, it says - we'll come through it. No one is exempt from trouble. If we are breathing, we're going to go through stuff. However, through is the key word for me today.

I remember sitting with my Daddy, who was grieving over my mom. She was not herself, having some form of dementia. She remembered us for a long time but eventually did not. Daddy was crying and asking why this had to happen to such a beautiful person. I just cried with him because I had no answer. Caregivers are often in some stage of grief, whether we are grieving over the person we lost through death or the one who is slowly fading away. Some of us grieve for the person we lost, even though we are still caring for their bodies. We don't usually understand the why of suffering, but we sure do get the suffering.

This verse stood out to me this morning, and I'm glad it did. It was a great reminder that we can't always avoid things, but we will always get through them with the help of God. I thought of a few of my Bible heroes and the things they went through - noted, they did not avoid the troubles - they went through them.

  • Daniel went through the lion's den and came out on the other side.
  • Paul and Silas went through being beaten and chained to the walls of a dark prison. But when they rejoiced and praised God - they walked right out.
  • Joseph went through years in prison for something he didn't even do. Besides going through being betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery unjustly.
  • Jesus went through the cross - He didn't avoid it.
These are just a few examples of those who went through - I bet you have some favorites of your own, right? Isaiah 43 is a reminder to us that God's taking us through our struggles. He says when you go through the waters - and when you go through the fire...He's still right there, making sure we are going through.

Today, I will remind myself that God is right here with me in my today. I'm not going through this alone, but I am going through. I will remind myself that God's not going to abandon me when the waters get too deep, or the fire gets too hot. He'll keep me in the middle of it all. My heart is in His  - I'll remind myself that I can trust Him, even for today. And that is my plan for today - trust Him through it. Will you join me?


_________________________________________________________

31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover


Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle.


Still Writing

 

me writing in my journal

When I woke up this morning, I was just grateful. That may have spilled out wrong - there wasn't anything wrong except another long night, but I was just overcome with gratefulness. I spent some time thinking about how God has carried me all these years, even BC (before caregiving). Overnight, Chris had woken me up a time or two, and then I couldn't go back to sleep. I hate those unproductive hours, but they happen. When I finally started waking up and shaking off the early morning grogginess, I started thanking God for keeping me hidden in Him. I thanked Him for being with me and never leaving. That's when I had this thought  - that He's still writing my story.

Over the years, I've had people talk to me about writing my caregiving story in a book. But my answer has remained the same. There's not a happy ending. So, this morning as I was meditating on Psalm 139 and how God watches us be formed in the womb, I realized that He didn't stop there. He's still writing our stories as we walk them out day by day. 

So many times that He has carried me came to mind, and I let my thoughts wander back over the years of how I've had His peace in the most troubled times of life. I thought about how He has shown up and shown out on my behalf or on Chris' time and time again. The song "The Goodness of God" began to run through my mind and I joined it with my heart in silent but powerful praise to Him. 

You see, He's still writing our stories, and He has left so much room for character development. (Lol.) He's lifted His eternal pen to write in peace where we need it. There's a line or two of joy too! He's written in comfort and then covered our stories' pages with His grace. It plays a supporting role. The ending just has to be good with an experienced writer like this.

Today, I may not feel it - but He's got me and my loved ones tucked safely into His heart. For that, I am thankful. As I go about my day, I'll think about how God has His pen out to write in whatever is needed. I'll trust that He's written Himself in as a major role as my life plays out. I trust Him to write my story. I'm going to grab a cup of coffee and watch what He comes up with next!  Will you join me?





Book cover of the 1 John Study Guide


I have two bookstores of devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more! You can get my downloadable eBooks (some are free!) from Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore. A few of them are also available in print or for Kindle on Amazon!


Hidden Crevices

Eli walking beside Chris' chair on a paved trail at Draper Lake in OKC

 Over the last week, as I cared for my son, I've thought about several things. Taking care of another whole person means getting to know them in more intimate ways than you could have ever imagined. Some pleasant, some not-so-pleasant ways. As I tended to Chris, I thought about how God tends to me. Of course, there are some things I'd rather not have to do - those unmentionables. But they must be done in order to provide proper care. I wonder if God minds getting intimate with the parts of our hearts that no one else will ever see.

As I care for my son's broken body, it brings up compassion I didn't even know about. It had been lying dormant in my emotions and was spurred only by caregiving. I've learned more about patience, growth, and love than I ever imagined possible. And all of those have led me to a deeper understanding of how God cares for us.

This morning, in my devotions, I found myself in Job 6. Job is in the middle of the darkest night of his soul. (I know we can relate to that.) He has lost all of his children. He lost all of his riches. His health is gone. He has three troublesome friends and a nagging wife left. In Job 6:1, he says this: Oh, that my grief were fully weighed, and my calamity laid with it on the scales! (NKJV) He wasn't afraid to put it all out there before God and his friends. His grief was great. 

I think grief is a part of caregiving. We grieve over the person our parent was. Or we grieve over what was to never be. Or maybe we grieve over what was and is now lost forever. And that grief - weighs a LOT! 

If we skip on down to verse 10 in Job's discourse, we'll see that he says, ...I have not concealed the words of the Holy One. I think that is our key - we must continue to keep God's word in our hearts and mouths. We must keep speaking His peace over our hearts and lives. Our words should be shaped by His words. He loves us - and we can never let that go. Otherwise, we will lose heart. May we remind ourselves today that God protects our hearts and keeps our minds. Our part is to keep our minds on Him and give Him our hearts - even those hidden crevices of grief that we don't want anyone else to see.

Today, I'll remind myself that God has me. He's watching over my heart, and He's got my soul tucked away in His own heart. I will trust Him with today, no matter what it brings. Will you join me?



_________________________________________________________

31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover


Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle.



Raw and Real

Chris in the standing frame out on the front patio

 You know how raw and real you feel after not sleeping for three nights in a row? Yeah, I know many of you do! I'm sorry we understand one another and relate to some of the tougher issues caregivers face. Here it is, nearly Thanksgiving, and we're supposed to be thankful. But wait - aren't we supposed to be thankful every day? Or has giving thanks become a day on our calendar? 

I've been mostly up since 4 this morning, and it's looking like a long day ahead. But as I sat there watching my son's labored breathing, a lot of thoughts started going through my mind. Honestly, I wanted to have a pity party. I wanted to cancel my FaceBook live devotion "Peace Out" - because, for just a minute, I thought peace was missing. That's an easy thing to miss when emotions are raw and real in the moment.

As I was contemplating how this day may roll out, wondering if we'd be headed to the hospital again or not, I pulled a David. In 1 Samuel 30, David was at one of the many low points of his life. He could have wallowed in self-pity and sorrow, but instead, it says David encouraged himself in the Lord. And you know what? Absolutely nothing changed - at first. But maybe David was what changed in the process.

I wondered how he did it. What did David say, think, or do? What real actions did he take when his emotions were raw and real? Sometimes, I wish these types of passages gave us a few more details. But then, we would make some pattern out of it and fail to experience the relationship, right? 

Since I didn't know quite where David started, I just started where I was. (That's a novel thought.) I reminded myself of the words God spoke to Paul when he was discouraged. Paul asked three times for God to rescue him out of his distress. But God's answer was My grace is enough. And that's where I started. I reminded myself that God's grace was enough for one more day - today. He didn't unplug it overnight. It didn't run out or expire. No matter what today brings - His grace is still enough for my today.

I began to thank Him for grace enough. I thanked God that He gave us peace and didn't take it back. I still have everything I need for life and godliness through a relationship with Christ. (2 Peter 1:3) And the funniest thing happened. I was okay. I still don't know what this day will bring - how it will turn out. But I do know that God has not left me to walk it alone. 

Today, I'll remind myself to be gentle with others while my emotions are raw and real. I will meditate God's patience with me, His grace toward me, and His peace inside me. As I turn my concerns into prayers of thanksgiving, I'll let Him lighten my load today and I'll take His peace instead. Will you join me?


                                                                                                                                           


If you enjoy these devotionals, I have others! I've expanded my bookstore on Amazon. My devotionals are available in Kindle or print format. The new Bible study guides are now available on Kindle and in print! Check out my growing bookstore: 

I also recently opened my own bookstore. I'm presently filling it up with my books - check out the ones I have available in eBook format. You can download them and read them on your phone! Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.


But It Feels So Real!

 

chris seeming to enjoy being outside

Last night was one of those long ones caregivers dread. Not only was I up with my son through the night, but I also wasn't feeling well either. Those nights and long days can also make us feel like there is no end in sight. Now that I am up and going (because I have no other choice, right?), I feel pretty good. Just a little tired, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to die. Lol.

During those long nights, we often feel so alone, so lost, so confused, and frustrated. There's a whole range of emotions that can run the gamut while you're up all night seeing to your loved one. Those long nights are often followed by days of exhaustion, concern, and wondering what's next. Tiredness lends itself to feelings of despair. And I'll be the first to tell you that it's a lot to try and fight off. But we do it over and over again. Am I right?

This morning I spent my whole devotion in Philippians. I did my FaceBook Live about it too. (See video below!) Paul spent the whole letter encouraging the Philippians while he himself was sitting in a prison cell. Maybe he was just telling them the things he needed to hear to keep going. (Lol - I do that a lot!)

We may feel alone - but God is with us. We may feel weak - but God fills us with His strength. We can feel like failures - but God always leads us to victory. He doesn't disqualify anyone from His blessings, peace, guidance, strength, compassion, love, or grace because of circumstances. He just bids us to come and find rest for our souls. Even if our bodies feel tired and worn out, He pours His strength into our souls and revives us. Just about the time we feel like we can't keep going - He'll grab hold of our hand and pull us close to His heart, where our strength, joy, and outlook are all renewed in an instant. 

Today, I plan on leaning into Him just a little more closely while I trust Him to carry me. I'll remind myself that God loves me and I am His - so I should be kind to myself. :-) My meditations will be on waiting on Him for His strength and relying on Him to carry me through this long day. I'll remind myself that He's done it time and time again and today is NOT the day He's going to stop being my strength, joy, comfort, or peace. I'll trust Him for one more day - will you join me?



Energizer Bunnies

 


There's no doubt that caregiver burnout is real. But what are we supposed to do about it? I've read many posts about how to prevent it and how detrimental it can be. One of the best ways to avoid it is to take a break. To which I reply, yeah, right. Not only are many of us unable to take a break, but we are also on go 24/7. We don't get paid days off, no PTO, or paid leave. Vacation isn't even in our vocabularies. Right?

We may get tired, worn out, worn down, fatigued, exhausted, and burned out - but we just keep going. Like the energizer bunny - we keep going and going and going, even to our own detriment sometimes. Most of the time, it's because we really don't have any other choice. Other times, we simply become comfortable with our discomfort. One morning, I woke up and wondered just how long it had been since I'd had a shower. That's when it's time to worry. Lol.

All these thoughts, and many more, were running through my head. I was sorting out my work responsibilities and caregiving tasks for the day. I really wanted to justify watching my football games this afternoon. (smile) I thought, man, my thoughts are running crazy this morning as I sipped my coffee. Then I thought, there's a scripture for that! 

Sure enough, I looked it up and found it in Psalm 94:19. I remember the old KJV saying, in the multitude of my thoughts but newer translations use anxieties (NKJV) and doubts (NLT). So, I looked it up in the handy dandy Strong's Concordance. It literally means thoughts. A lot of thoughts don't mean we are doubting, anxious, or worrying about things. We're just thinking them through! But in the middle of those thoughts - God brings comfort, hope, and peace. He waits for our energizer bunny mind to stop or slow down for a minute, then He extends His grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)

He's not afraid of my multitude of thoughts - whether they are founded in fear, doubt, or just having too much on my plate. Remember, Jesus walked right out into the storm to His disciples. He didn't wait for the storm to pass. We don't "need" peace after the storm; we need His peace, grace, mercy, hope, and comfort to make it through the storms.

Today, I'll remind myself that God is not too scared of my thoughts to hang out with me. I'll think about how He stays... and stays, and stays with me - no matter what. I'll be thankful that my crazy thoughts and cave-like life isn't too much for Him to handle. In fact, He reaches in - when I reach my end, and He brings me out of the fog. I'll turn my thoughts today away from the craziness of caregiving and to His grace and peace. Will you join me?



_________________________________________________________

31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover


Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle.



The Help

Chris looking at himself in the mirror

I've spent a lot of time in Psalm 121 since the day it became my anchor while living in the ICU waiting room all those years ago. It was then that I realized the nurses and doctors were great - and doing a wonderful job, but they were not my help. I understood the only "help" I would get would be from the One who could sustain my soul. 

This morning, I was reading Isaiah 41, and three times, God said through the prophet, I will help you. Three times is a good sign if you're into the numbers of things. Each time God promised to help - He prefaced it with Fear not. As I was reading, I thought, who is this talking to? Is it applicable to me?

So I looked at where the discourse started in verse 8. God's speaking through the prophet Isaiah to His children. He calls out the Children of Israel, the descendants of Abraham. And there you go - that's us! We are the spiritual descendants of Abraham by faith. (Galatians 3:26-29) That gives me a free license to claim this passage, right?

God is reaffirming that He's got everything under control and that He is stepping in to help His kids. That's saying a lot because, for many caregivers, there is little to no help. Some of us work pretty much 24/7 without relief. Hiring help to sit with our loved ones or to help with chores around the house is sometimes out of reach. Even ordering groceries and necessities through today's apps (which are wonderful!) gets expensive. Physical help is something most of us are short on. But spiritually, we have all the help we need.

As I continue reading in this 41st chapter of Isaiah, God repeats several things to His children. It's comforting to know that He knows where our hearts are and speaks to that. Here are a few of this chapter's repeats:

  • Fear not
  • I am with you
  • I will hold your right hand
  • I will help you
He sees that His children were afraid. He sees they felt alone. He sees that they needed to be lifted up. He sees they need help. He sees us. He feels us. He gets us.

Today, I will continue to remind myself that when it seems no one else gets me - God does. I'll remind myself that He sees all the frustration, the grief, the torment, and the load we carry as caregivers. And He extends His hand toward us. I'll listen for Him to whisper I will help you to my soul today. Will you join me?



                                                                                                                                           


If you enjoy these devotionals, I have others! I've expanded my bookstore on Amazon. My devotionals are available in Kindle or print format. The new Bible study guides are now available on Kindle and in print! Check out my growing bookstore: 

I also recently opened my own bookstore. I'm presently filling it up with my books - check out the ones I have available in eBook format. You can download them and read them on your phone! Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.


Hectic Mornings

 

Chris buckled in the van

First thing this morning, I dropped and broke my favorite coffee mug. Not a good start. Lol. I got it cleaned up, started the rug in the washer and grabbed a second favorite cup for my first cup of coffee. I sat and contemplated crying, but it wouldn't put my beloved cup back together. Wouldn't it be great if tears fixed things? I'll run that idea past God to see what He thinks. I have great ideas from time to time and I don't know why He doesn't jump on them! (Wink, wink!)

I had already slept in a little, which was welcome since I don't seem to get good sleep much anymore. But it set my morning routine into chaos, and I'm still running behind. I need to get up earlier, but I've been working later at night to try and make the proverbial ends meet. I'm pretty sure I'd love a day to just sit in the recliner and sip tea and try to see air move. Or maybe a day out in the woods would do me good. Then, I think of this familiar verse.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths. (NLT)

You know what stood out to me today? The very last word. "Paths." It's plural. I've never noticed that before even though I've probably read and quoted this verse hundreds of times. Paths - not path. As caregivers, we can be on many paths. We are mothers or fathers, sisters or brothers, a sibling, an aunt or uncle. We wear many hats and not just our mornings are hectic, our whole lives can be hectic. But He directs each path we are on. 

He doesn't skip over our caregiving status and only care for the parent or child part of us. God knows we are human and there are many areas we deal with daily. He doesn't isolate one area to care for and leave the rest of them to us. Also, He doesn't watch over all the areas of our lives, except one that He won't touch. He'll direct every path we are on in our lives. We just have to listen and lean in to Him for that direction.

Today, I'll remind myself that He is on every single path with me. I'm not alone. You're not alone. We may share the caregiving path with each other, but God shares every path with you and every path with me. He's got us covered no matter how hectic, chaotic, or otherwise stressful it seems. I will trust His leadership in my life today and as I recognize a path in my life (finances, relationships, work), I'll wait for His direction before I step. Why? He's smarter than me. So, I know I can trust Him for one more day - will you join me?



                                                                                                                                           


If you enjoy these devotionals, I have others! I've expanded my bookstore on Amazon. My devotionals are available in Kindle or print format. The new Bible study guides are now available on Kindle and in print! Check out my growing bookstore: 

I also recently opened my own bookstore. I'm presently filling it up with my books - check out the ones I have available in eBook format. You can download them and read them on your phone! Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.

 

 

 

 

If They Knew

chris in his batman hat

 Overall, I think I'm a pretty positive person. I try to find something good in every situation. But some mornings, I'm just too tired. Caregivers can bring a whole new meaning to an entirely new level of tired. Am I right? If I'm honest, there are mornings when I get up, and I just don't want to do a FaceBook live devotion for everyone else. I really don't want to write this blog sometimes. Lol. I'll admit that most of the time, when I push through in an attempt to encourage others, I find encouragement for myself as well.

Caregiving is very rewarding, but it can wear you out! Many times we don't have physical help, either. I can say, it's a good thing our help comes from the Lord! Psalm 121 has been a source of encouragement for me since I read it in the ICU waiting room during my 3-week stay. I lived there. I wrote a song out of Psalm 121 because my son's friend knew I was a musician, and he loaned me one of his old guitars. I lugged that thing around wherever we moved in the hospital. What a blessing. That's the guitar and the Psalm! :-)

I can read and quote that my help comes from God. But so far, He hasn't stepped in to do laundry, clean house, turn Chris, or take out the garbage in the snow. lol. While all that kind of help would be very welcomed and appreciated, His help goes much deeper than physical tasks. He touches and helps that part of us that no one sees.

People often compliment caregivers by telling them they are "so strong." If they knew that I still cry myself to sleep now and then or that I wake up as tired as I was when I went to bed, they might think otherwise. If "they" knew that we often push through extreme fatigue and caregiver burnout to take care of our daily caregiving duties, they might not think we were so strong.

If "they" knew there are days when I just want to sit, stare at the wall, and drink coffee, they might think otherwise. I'd love to binge-watch something - what's on these days? Things don't get done if we don't do them, right? So we push through our own fatigue, mental tiredness, and brain fog to make sure our loved ones are cared for. If they only knew, our smile often masks a broken heart, our laughter holds back tears, and our silence is because we are just out of words. Maybe "they" would think differently.

But in the middle of the trouble - our God continues to be our help. He sends in the troops of angels to make sure we do make it one more day - one day at a time. One thing I have learned on this caregiving journey is what it feels like to have God carry me. When I literally cannot do it myself, there He is to uplift my soul and encourage my heart to keep beating one more beat. One more step. One more day. 

My plan for today is to lean into Him just a little closer and let His peace overtake my soul. I'll remind myself of the promises in Psalm 121.

  • He is my help. (v.2)
  • He will not let me fall. (v.3)
  • He will watch over me without sleeping. (v.3)
  • He stands beside me as my protective shade. (v.4)
  • He keeps me from evil. (v.7)
  • He preserves my life. (v.7)
  • He keeps watch over me as I come and go. (v.8)
Today, I'll trust God is watching over my heart and soul. I'll remind myself that He sees it all, every thought, every emotion, every move. I'll trust Him today to gather my tears, calm my fears, and strengthen my heart. I will think about how He has me covered and surrounded by His grace and His grace is enough to sustain me today. So, I will choose to trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

Digging Deep

me helping chris stand

 I don't want to get up. That was what was running through my mind this morning. My morning routine is to get up and make coffee. While the coffee is making, it's the perfect time to change Chris, turn him in the bed, and give him a little water in his tube to start the day. Then, I grab my coffee and my Bible and go sit up in my bed. By the time I finish my coffee and devotions, it's time to hit the ground running. But this morning, I just didn't want to. But then I remembered, oh yeah, I have to do everything. 

Ever felt that way?

Sometimes, my biggest struggle is between taking care of Chris and getting all his stretches, standing, dressing, feeding, etc., in for a day - and trying to get work done for my clients. It can be draining and I always feel like I have to choose one or the other. This morning, it was just too much. So, I sipped some more coffee and prayed. (That's a novel idea!)

I asked God for wisdom on all sides. I asked Him to guide me into the most productive paths. I asked Him to help me. Well, it wasn't long until I was up and going and before I knew it, I had Chris bolused, my breakfast eaten and a second cup of coffee in hand. Here I sit. Feeling like the day is falling into place around me. Wow. How does God do that? 

Somehow, when we roll our cares over on Him (that's scriptural - 1 Peter 5:7) the things that matter begin to align. But I had to dig deep to get there. You know what I mean? There are times when I run to Him and I'm like - okay God, here's all my stuff - help me sort it out! Then there are other times when I try to sort and sort to no avail. Finally, I have the grand idea to take it all to Him. Lol. Anyone relate?

You know what the coolest part is? It doesn't matter if I run to Him as soon as something crosses my mind or emotions, or I wait until I am crushed under the load. God always answers. He fills me up so I can make another day. His peace overwhelms my overwhelmed heart. It's almost like He pushes a button that turns overwhelm off - just so I can think, and breathe.

Today, I will continue to remind myself to roll all my cares over to Him - even if it means digging deep into my soul. And even if it means doing it over and over again until it sticks. I'll let Him care for me (be my caregiver) today. And I'll trust His loving, patient care for one more day. Will you join me?


                                                                                                                                                                

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...