Tenacity and Attitude

Do you ever wish there was some sort of caregiver's training available? I have found it to be more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants situation. We learn as we go and become experts on our loved one's condition. I started out pretty timid when it came to advocating for my son. But I learned over the years how to get things done. Perhaps some of the things I learned are not proper, or socially acceptable, but when it comes to getting people off their back ends and doing their job for my son - oh well!

I've always been one who has had a little attitude, but the tenacity and attitude that I've witness develop in myself as a caregiver has surprised me. We not only evolve into this caregiving role, we learn how to handle situations; hopefully with grace. But then there are those times when we know we have to grab the bull by the horns and get things done. I've found that even the quietest, gentlest person can become a bull fighter when needed.

In the Bible, my example is Benaiah. Never heard of him? I'm not surprised. He's only mentioned in two spots and he only gets about two verses. He is mostly unseen, like the caregiver. He most likely spent years training as a warrior and a fighter but all we get is this little glimpse into who he was. Here's what is said about him in 1 Samuel 23:20-21:

Then Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, the son of a valiant man of Kabzeel, who had done mighty deeds, killed the two sons of Ariel of Moab. He also went down and killed a lion in the middle of a pit on a snowy day. He killed an Egyptian, an impressive man. Now the Egyptian had a spear in his hand, but he went down to him with a club and snatched the spear from the Egyptian's hand and killed him with his own spear.

What I noticed first of all is that he ran into the pit to kill the lion. He did not wait on the lion to come out or attack - he ran into the pit. And it was a snowy day which means that footing would be tricky. He did not take an easy route, he saw what he needed to do and got it done. That's the tenacity of  a caregiver!

I find this little mentioned man to be intriguing. He is full of tenacity and attitude. I see caregivers the same way. We are not just sitting idly by and waiting for anything - we know how to get up and get going and get what is needed done. Most of us have most likely taken out a lion or two in our time as caregivers. You know, those situations that roar at you?

Today I am going to think about the changes that God has brought about in my life through caregiving. I will meditate on how it is God who gives me strength for the battle. I will turn my thoughts to the ways He has helped me deal with the situation in a positive way. And I will face today with tenacity and attitude, will you join me?

Behind Before I Begin

Caregivers typically have long lists of things that need to be done every day. If you think about it, they are taking care of another whole person and for many who take care of an individual who is total care it means doing all the basics at least twice every day; once for yourself and once for your loved one. Some mornings we can get up ready to take on the world and get a day's worth of chores done. Other days we can wake up feeling behind before we even get started.

I wonder if Moses ever felt that way. He could be considered a caregiver of sorts. He had millions of people that he was leading across to the Promised Land. They all had to be fed, clothed and cared for. I can't imagine what Moses dealt with on a daily basis. And while he didn't have to meet some of their basic physical needs, they looked to him for direction, sustenance, and guidance. I think what has amazed me about Moses' character was that no matter how rough it got and how crazy the Israelites acted his prayers were full of mercy and love toward them. God even told Moses at one point that He would wipe them out and start over with new people and make another great nation starting with Moses. (Exodus 32) Moses immediately cried out for mercy for his people. I want that kind of heart. I have to ashamedly admit that I would more likely tell God to,  "Go ahead, I'll wait right here!"

But in reality isn't it that deep mercy, concern and care that keeps us at our loved one's side? No matter how rough it becomes we just roll up our sleeves a little further to make things happen. There are so many aspects to caregiving besides taking care of physical needs. Moses wasn't just "in charge" of the Israelites, he was in love with them. He advocated on their behalf numerous times. I don't think we are really much different. No matter how difficult it gets, the caregiver is not looking to meet their own needs but those of the one for whom they are caring.

Well you know what? God cares for us, for you and me the caregiver. 1 Peter 5:7 encourages us to Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you. I think there are a couple of ways to look at the phrase He cares for you. On one hand He cares for or takes care of us much like we do our loved one. And on the other hand is the perspective that says He cares for you  meaning He can do all the caring and you won't have to. We can relax as we remember that He is in control. He's got the caregiver's back and He will take care of us and do the caring for us when we need Him to.

Today I will let anxiety go. I will meditate on the truth that He cares for me as much as (or more than) I care for my loved one. I'll think about how God is my caregiver. I'll turn my thought to how much He loves me and I will let Him do the caring for me today.  Will you join me?

Search Me O God

When my son was first injured and we were living in the hospital, I knew I had to find a way to get adequate exercise so I took up running. I thought it was an inexpensive sport that I could virtually do anywhere. It's been sort of a lifeline for me over the years. Running has become what I do to deal with the difficulty of caregiving. It helps me physically but it also helps me beat depression and clears my brain. It's really about the only thing I do, and the only reason I get out. 

Yesterday, I ran my 16th half marathon. I proudly added my finisher's medal to my overloaded rack on the wall. But I had something happen during my race that had to do with caregiving. As I neared mile 5 of the course there was a drumline playing. It totally caught me off guard. My son was the drum caption and the center snare for his college drumline before his accident. Seeing a drumline live brought back a flood of memories and I collapsed in tears. Eventually, I gathered myself and continued down the course to finish the race.

Things can be so much more than what we see and we never know what a person is dealing with on the inside. In Psalm 139, David talks about how God sees our insides. He knows our comings and our goings. Sometimes people are scared to see that deeply into another person; and sometimes we are too scared to let them look. But God sees past our fears, our emotions and the walls we build to keep others out. He sees what makes us tick. And He still hangs around!

I encourage you to take time to read this psalm today and think about how intimately God knows you. David says in the last two verses:

Search me O God and know my heart,

Try me and know my anxious thoughts;

And see if there be any hurtful way in me, 

And lead me in the way everlasting.

Our hearts are safe with God and He knows and understands everything we feel. He knows what makes us tick and He's not afraid to be close to us.

Today as I meditate on how He knows my thoughts, I will think about His closeness. My thoughts will be on His ever abiding presence and the fact that He is not afraid to continue to hang around even through life's storms. I'll think about how He loves me in the midst of the hurt and difficulties. And I will relax and let Him search my heart. He is safe, He cares. He loves.

Reachin' for those Bootstraps!

Did you ever hear the saying pull yourself up by your own bootstraps? In essence, it means to grab hold and get yourself out of where you are. For the caregiver there are many days we feel like we have to pull ourselves up out of the fog that surrounds us. Because we can be socially isolated, it can be difficult to find the encouragement we need on those days when life weighs in too heavily. On these days we may find ourselves trying to find our proverbial bootstraps so we can pull ourselves up enough to function. We don't always have another choice.

Some days I find myself reaching for those bootstraps to get my attitude and outlook to a point where I can face the day. That doesn't count making it through the day, just facing it can wear us out at times. Where is your go-to spot? What does your bootstrap look like? My bootstraps (what I use to get out of the caregiver's fog) is usually Psalms. I've always enjoyed the Psalms because David and the other writers are so upfront and honest with their feelings. They don't sugar coat it but instead they lay it out there like they see it at the time.

Today my thoughts go to Psalm 13 where the psalmist empties his soul by saying:

How long O Lord? Will You forget me forever?

How long will You hide Your face from me?

How long will I take counsel in my soul

Having sorrow in my heart all the day?

How long will my enemy be exalted over me?

We get the picture that David was feeling on the bottom and that he was in a position where he felt he needed to pull himself up by his own bootstraps! He asks God to keep him from being overcome by the enemy and for Him to hear his cries for help. I can pray that a lot of mornings, can't you?

But I love David's style because he never leaves it hanging. He goes right into his own solution - and demonstrates what it looks like to get a good hold on his bootstraps! It might be that he is simply reminding himself of the fact that he has trusted in the Lord's lovingkindness. Then he makes a statement of what he intends to do with that My heart will rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord.

It can be easy to focus on the negatives and the heaviness of the load the caregiver carries. But no one can carry it for us, even if we have tons of helpers along the way. We must get to the point where we can declare our part - I will trust. I will rejoice. I will sing. I'm going to find my I will's.

Today I will trust the Lord for strength to face my tasks. I will meditate on His mercy and the truth that He is carrying me and strengthening me for the journey. I will trust in His strength rather than in my own. I will rejoice in His never failing love; and I will sing of His heart which is always turned toward me and never away. Will you join me?

Did You Hear That?

As if the life of a caregiver didn't have enough daily ups and downs, it can seem like life just feels the need to throw a few more circumstances at us sometimes. Yesterday, my day had so many ups and downs my emotions were all drained out by evening. There was good: the mobility van was fixed and running. Then there was bad: now the lift is broke. Of course I had cancelled our ride arrangements for the next two days since I was getting the van back. So we are stuck at home again for a little bit. But such is a day.

Needless to say, today I feel the need to heed the words of Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God. It is difficult to be still when your thoughts are running all around in your head. So I am sipping my second cup of coffee and trying to get my head and my heart to slow down and take this day one second at a time instead of in a whole lump all at once.

I found myself in Psalm 143 during my devotions as I was trying to calm myself down to face the day. The psalmist starts out with a plea to God to:

Hear his prayer

Listen to his pleading

Answer his pleas for help

Caregivers can find themselves in situations where we just want God to hear us, listen to our hearts and answer us in His faithfulness. David goes on in this Psalm to explain what he is feeling at the moment:

My spirit is overwhelmed

My heart is desolate

My heart feels like fainting

He's crying out for answers and help in his situation. And the caregiver asks for nothing less. In verse 7, David says answer me quickly Lord, before my spirit fails. Who hasn't felt like that? Any number of situations can arise in a day of caregiving and we feel like we are just going to faint if God doesn't provide some answers. They don't even have to be the ones we want or like - but we just need some answers.

This morning as I was trying to slow my heart and mind down and absorb something from His word, my eye fell on verse 8. Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning. Can we hear mercy? Is His lovingkindness real enough to feel? Of course my head went off with tons of questions; but my thoughts ended up with the woman the Pharisees brought to the temple. You know, the one the leaders brought to Jesus to condemn? (John 8) 

They were saying she had been caught in sin and should be stoned. But Jesus did not condemn her. He asked the one without sin to throw the first stone at her; and they all just walked away. I wonder if she heard mercy that day? She certainly heard the hate and condemnation in the voices of the Pharisees. Today I need to hear mercy in His voice. While I'm going to guess that God does not fix vans or redeem us from every single situation we face as caregivers, I am going to lean on Him for direction and answers today. 

Today I will meditate on His great, endless mercy. I will purposefully lean in close to Him and listen for His heart beating for me. My thoughts will be on how He can bring peace into a tumultuous situation and calm the emotionally raging soul. And I will cling to His peace today. Will you join me? 

Digging Down Deep

Sometimes there's no rhyme or reason for the way caregivers feel. A day can be going along fine and our routine normal and then out of nowhere comes a wave of emotions or depression. Some days I wake up and am overcome by the mere thoughts of the day's tasks that lie ahead. Today is one of those days. How can I be tired before I even get started? And how can I be running behind before one task is done? I don't know. It can be difficult to determine  the exact cause of emotional distress. No matter what lies behind it, it must be worked through to finish the day's tasks.

Days like this are simply tiring but I'm afraid caregivers have many of them. How do we find encouragement and strength to get through the day and get everything done? No one is going to give us a day off! That's for sure. We find ourselves needing to dig down deep to encourage ourselves to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

David found himself in a position where he was all alone and his world had crumbled around him. He was fighting on the wrong side of the war with soldiers who didn't trust his motives so he was excluded. His wives were missing and he was trying to find a way to encourage himself in the Lord. He was in a position to dig down deep and find a way to make it through. Sometimes it feels like everyday is like that.

Today no matter how deep we have to dig, there is a way to find encouragement to make it through. Personally, my first thought is that He is with me. My mind goes to Psalm 46:1 where the psalmist says that God is a very present help in time of trouble. Verse 7 of this same psalm reminds us that the Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jakob is our stronghold. I remind myself that He has been with me for the entirety of this caregiving journey and He's not going anywhere!

Not only is He with me - He is carrying me on days when I feel like I can't go another step. He is a stronghold where I can hide from the storm until I catch my breath. But He also has a strong hold on me and my heart.

Today I will meditate on the truth that He has a hold on me and He's not letting go! I will turn my thoughts to His presence and the fact that He will remain with me through the toughest days and nights - and He has no where else to go! My heart will rejoice because He has my back and He gives me strength for the day. Will you join me today?

Great-grandmother to a King

This week we've been talking about how adversity can offer a door to hope. It's not that hope makes the pain of losses any less, but it does give way to a brighter future no matter what the circumstances are. Today's character is Ruth; it's such a beautiful story. As most stories do, it starts out with conflict and trouble. Ruth had married young and her husband died after about 10 years. To make matters worse, as real life does, there was a famine in the land. Naomi decided to return to Judah to her family since her husband and two sons were dead.

Ruth decided that she was going to remain loyal to Naomi and go with her to Judah. Naomi tried to discourage her by telling here there was no hope. She told Ruth, Go for I am too old to have a husband. If I said I have hope, if I should even have a husband tonight and also bear sons would you therefore wait until they were grown?....for the hand of the Lord is against me.(Ruth 1:12-13)

The custom of the day would have been for Ruth or Naomi to marry a brother of their deceased husband who could raise up children in his brother's name. Naomi had no other sons and she was a widow herself. There really was no hope in the womb. Ruth decided to see despair as a window of hope and she pledged her loyalty to her mother-in-law and returned to Judah with her. This had to be a difficult decision. She had lost her husband and was leaving her native land and traveling to a foreign one. But her great adversity became very hope-filled.

Naomi's kinsman, Boaz ended up redeeming Naomi according to the custom of the day. This meant that he ultimately provided for her and took her as his bride. Through their union - which occurred because of an adverse situation, Ruth gave birth to Obed; he was Jesse's father. And Jesse was the father of our beloved King David. So even though her situation was painful, she became the great-grandmother of a king.

Things had looked bleak, as they often do in life. Naomi stated there was no hope and she felt like the hand of the Lord was against her. It can be easy when life piles up on you to feel that way. Honestly, I've felt that way many times. It can seem like there is nothing good and that life has taken aim at you. Or maybe it's just me! Caregiving is a rocky ride at best and stressful situations abound and have a tendency to snowball on you at times. But there is always hope. Adversity and pain are not signs that God is against you. Sometimes it seems options are few and there is no end to pain. But there is always hope on the horizon. Remember that He is the God of hope. From the darkest seasons of our lives will come a ray of light and hope will arise. What an opportunity to trust Him more!

Today I will meditate on how He opens up a door of hope even in adversity. I will not dedicate my time to my trouble; but instead I will look ahead to where He is leading. When I feel like life has blinded me - I will trust Him to give me new vision and hope. I will trust Him for today and for tomorrow for there is hope. Will you join me?