Against all Odds

This morning I woke up with a phrase on my mind. It was simply, trust the process. Yesterday's thoughts about Moses and how God delivered and led the Children of Israel out of Egypt and to the promised land one step at a time were racing through my mind.  I thought of how they crossed the Red Sea, needed water and He provided, needed food and He provided and numerous other victories they had along the way.

Jericho also came to mind and I realized they battled on so many levels and in so many arenas to get to their destination. But then I was a bit perplexed as I wondered what in the world would be my destination. I'm not going anywhere. Sometimes it feels like I'm sitting still and life is passing me by and I withdraw further into the caregiver's cave where it is at least perceived as safe. But I don't want to stay there - not really.

And it's at that moment determination arises once again and I resolve to find ways to live outside the box life has tried to enclose me in. It's easier to fade into the cave and live in a little box. There's no fear of being interrupted since most won't venture in. Not even church people. lol

Then this story comes to mind. It's in 2 Samuel 23:20-22. It seems like it was just dropped there by accident. These three verses describe the warrior, Benaiah. He did some mighty heroic acts but I want to focus on one. Verse 20 says he chased a lion into a pit and killed it - on a snowy day. Two things stand out to me, one that he chased the lion into the pit to kill it instead of playing it safe and running the other way. And two, he found his footing on a snowy day and managed to wrangle and kill a lion. He was in a predicament, but he prevailed.

I think of the caregiver - thankfully there are no physical lions in our dens. But we can have some momentous things to deal with. Emotions can rage, finances are slim, friends are few - and that doesn't even cover the stress of actual caregiving. (I could write a book on that one! lol) What I draw from this scripture is that against all odds - Benaiah won. Perhaps it was driven by anger (what did that lion do anyway?). Maybe it was sheer determination. Who knows what he was thinking - but he didn't let it go and he refused to be defeated.

We are faced with a similar choice. We can either be defeated by our circumstances and give up or walk away or chase it down and remove it from the equation. And this is where I am today. I'm staring at this lion of emotional strain, exhaustion, and many other elements that go along with caregiving. Do I choose to succumb and let it just have me and fall apart? Or do I choose to chase it down and defeat it? I'm determined to write a happy ending to my story. So as it all tries to close in on me today I'll stand up and say "Enough!"

Today, I'm going to trust Him for lion-chasing emotion-managing strength. My thoughts will be on how He provides, He loves, He cares for me. I'll follow Paul's advice to Peter (1 Peter 5:7) and I'll cast all my cares, worries and anxieties over on Him and let Him carry them for me. I will pray for Him to show me the lions in my life - and I will chase them down - and I will win!!! Will you join me?

One at a Time

Sorry for my absence, but my son was in the hospital most of last week. Just part of the journey, right? But it sure does stir up a wide range of emotions. I'm not sure if the social isolation or the battle for the soul is more difficult. By the soul, I mean the mind, will, and emotions. It sometimes feels like life has taken me captive and sentenced me to life without parole.

The caregiver can struggle with so many things on an emotional level as the tasks of taking care of loved ones wears away at our heart. We do what we do because we love them - but that doesn't mean it's easy. Jesus died for us because He loves us - but that didn't make the cross a pleasant journey.

Maybe I am only speaking for myself, but my emotions can be all over the place from one second to another. Fears and doubts try to chip away at faith leaving my heart and mind in shreds. Oftentimes, I feel like a prison caught between my faith and the reality of the day-to-day. As it all closes in around me it can be an internal war zone. Often I feel like a victim - but I refuse to take on a victim mentality. One of the lines in a Zach Williams song says, "I don't want to be a prisoner."

This morning as I was running laps around the parking lot with Chris looking on, I was praying about these feelings. The thought came through my mind of Moses. He led the Children of Israel out - one step at a time. God didn't pick them up and set them in the promised land. He walked them through struggle after struggle, through battle after battle, through challenge after challenge.  Joseph didn't have a dream and then see it fulfilled. He walked through years of struggle, dismay, and maltreatment before he saw it come true.

I guess I'm saying that the deliverance of our souls come one step at a time - not just once and done. God walks us through each fight with fear, each battle with doubt, through the weariness - and temptations... He delivers my soul one little piece at a time. I'll cherish each step of the journey then because I realize each time I finish upright and faithful He's freed a little more of my soul.

Today, I will begin to rejoice that we are still winning - even though it is a difficult journey. Even though life rages against the soul He is the keeper of my soul. Today, I will trust Him to keep me and my soul intact. Will you join me?

Safe and Loved

tender moments between mom and son
This morning as I bent over my son's hospital bed to kiss his forehead, I whispered, I want you to feel safe and loved. Many times, our loved ones are so vulnerable and unable to protect themselves. As a mother and a caregiver, I have such a sense of needing to also be advocate and protector.

My son cannot speak for himself, I have looked at some camps designed specifically for brain injury victims - they look wonderful. But I cannot stay with my son. Since he cannot speak, he would not be able to tell me if there was anyone hurting him in any way. I just can't take him. When I get respite for him I take him to a nursing home where my sister works. I also know several of the staff so I feel he is better watched over.

Those who need caregiving are often the most vulnerable among us. I just wanted my son to be assured I was here to protect him and to ensure his safety. Specifically, I wanted him to know he is loved. He seems so alone sometimes even though I am with him always.

As I was having this tender moment with my son, I realized how God must feel the same way about us. He longs for us to feel secure. He longs for us to feel His love for us. Sometimes I wish I could just take my son up in my arms and hold him. He's just a little too big for that! But does God wish we would present ourselves to Him in such a way that He could scoop us up and hold us? I think maybe He does.

We are safe in His arms - He is the protector of our souls - that part of us that doesn't die.

Today, I'm going to meditate on His intense desire to be with me. (and you....) I'll turn my thoughts to how He longs for us to come to Him, to rest on Him and to feel secure and loved. I'll think about how He guards my soul - my mind, will and emotions and how He keeps the part of me that will never die safe and securely tucked away in His heart. And with that I'll trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

Circle of Determination

This photo may not look like much to you, but it means a lot to me. See the path that has been beaten along the outer edge? I've done that over the last few weeks. My treadmill malfunctioned and I was on a running streak (still am) and didn't want to give in. I measured the distance around my tiny backyard and it's .01 mile. That means running around it 100 times is a mile. I made it a tiny bit longer by adding the patio in the mix.

It may look like a silly path but I call it my "circle of determination." I am on a fitness journey here. As caregivers, our own health often gets laid to the side because of all the duties we need to complete each day. The reality is, even though I hate for people to remind me of it, that we have to be healthy for our loved ones, if not for ourselves. As much as I want to care for my loved ones, I also want to feel good while I do it as much as possible. So I laced up my running shoes and started putting some miles in - then my treadmill broke and the aide doesn't come in until it's way too late to get out there. So, I made a way. Isn't that one of the caregiver's finest qualities we develop? lol

My point is that I was determined to do whatever it took. When my caregiving journey started my first prayer was that I would not get bitter along the way. I remember crying out to God in the chapel at the hospital and asking Him to guide me in a way that I wouldn't get bitter. I prayed I'd become like heroes of faith I'd heard of who like Paul took their prison time and turned it into opportunities to share and spread the Truth of the gospel. I cannot yet say I've succeeded, but I can say I'm still determined... and that'll go a long way!

One of the main things I've determined is to stay in the Word, even when it doesn't make sense. And even when it makes me mad. Scriptures like Jeremiah 29:11 and Romans 8:28 can bring a cloud of confusion and frustration along with a barrage of questions. How can He bring something good out of this? How are these good plans and hope? That's actually one reason I stay in Psalms where David and other psalmist are gut-level real about their emotions as well as the fears and struggles they are facing.

Our questions don't hurt God's feelings or frustrate Him. And they don't mean we don't trust Him either. Sometimes those heart-wrenching questions are our way of seeking Him more deeply as we try to find our way through caregiving. He continues to patiently reveal His heart toward us in the midst of the struggle. I love that He never throws up His hands and quits on me no matter how difficult the questions I ask. I do think He may shake his head and close His eyes from time to time though.... lol

Today, I'm going to meditate on keeping the faith in the midst of the struggle. I'll be thinking about my tiny little footpath and the determination it took to create it. And I'll apply that to my faith walk. My thoughts will turn toward staying in the word... (Thy word is a lamp unto my path and a light unto my path.) and a renewed determination to hold on to faith. And to hold on to Him as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

I Will Care for You

My mom and aunt

I will care for you
When your strength is gone
And you can’t do it on your own
When you aren’t sure what to do
Or don’t remember how to…
I will care for you.

When reality passes away
Like it’s the end of a day
Your mind’s in the clouds
But you know everyone in a crowd
Your memory starts to fail
And your body is oh so frial..
I will care for you.

You misunderstand the simplest stuff
Don’t know if you’re hungry or had enough
When you don’t know the time or the day
I’ll take your worry away
And I’ll care for you.

I’ll assure you of my love
Hug you and tell you  - you’re safe with me.
I will care for you.

I’ll help you dress
And all the unspoken rest
Showing you dignity even in my pain
Tears in my eyes as I watch you fade
I will care for you.

When you can’t talk – I’ll be your voice
If you don’t know – I’ll make the choice
I’ll listen to your stories again and again
Because soon they will be silent…

Although we’ve gotten here by life’s chance
I’ll be your lead in this long slow dance
It wasn’t what we expected
Didn’t see it coming at all
We’ll do the best we can –
Just take my hand

I will care for you.




(c) J Olinger 2018

Better Set That Watch!

Today is one of those days. My prayer this morning has been "set a watch over my lips, Oh God!" I'm stressed out beyond belief. My fellow caregivers understand. Everything has piled up and it takes very little to feel like you're falling off the edge into an abyss of emotions and struggling with depression.

I love caregiving for both my son and my aunt, but there are those days when it seems overwhelming and it's not one particular thing you can put your finger on. My humanness shows and my cape is missing. lol

Things pile up. We get tired. We feel lost, cut off from the rest of the world and like no one understands where we are or what we have to deal with on a day-to-day basis.

This morning I was praying for the Lord to guard my heart and my lips. I looked up the scripture and found it in Psalm 141:3. The New Living says it this way: Take control of what I say, Lord and keep my lips sealed. I backed up to read the previous two verses. David was calling out to God and spoke my heart. He prayed O Lord, I am calling to you. Please hurry! Listen when I cry to You for help! Boy, do I feel that one on this day. Lord - please hurry - I need You to come to my rescue!

As you read the rest of this psalm, David is asking God to save him from his enemies. In verse 8 he says, don't let them kill me! David feared for his life and perhaps I cannot relate to that. But I can relate to feeling like my emotional life has been sapped, drained and left for dead.

When I can't feel anymore - I can run to Him. As David said in this psalm, I look to you for help... You are my refuge. No matter what this day or any day brings, I know I have a refuge, I know my help comes from the Lord. I will trust. And hope He sets that guard over this heart of mine as well as my lips.

Today, I'm going to allow Him to work on my heart. I'll trust Him for the peace that passes understanding that He promised. My heart will continue to lean into Him and wait on Him. And I'll pray like David in this psalm that He accepts my prayer as an incense offered up to Him because I trust in Him. And I will trust Him for one more day. Just for today. Will you join me?

For Long-Distance Caretakers, Neighbors Can Be a Lifeline to Loved Ones in Need


Are you providing care for a senior loved one who lives in a different city or state? When you’re a long distance caretaker, it can be stressful not knowing whether your loved one is safe when you’re away. But if your loved one has a network of neighbors and friends to help you out, it can make life a little easier for you both. Here are some ways you can get to know these neighbors when you live out of town:

Send an Introduction Card  

If you want to get to know your loved one’s neighbors, a simple card or handwritten note can be a warm way of introducing yourself. People love getting cards and positive pieces of mail. You can provide your contact information and some information about your loved one in the card, if you feel comfortable doing so. For neighbors that have already proven themselves to be helpful to your loved one, consider sending a thank you note or a little gift card to show your gratitude for their assistance. Don’t forget to keep these people on your mailing lists for holidays to further build a warm, caring connection.


Find an Organization to Help   

When you don’t live nearby, it can be really tricky to try and get to know your loved one’s neighbors. Luckily, there are local organizations that can help you and your loved one make these important connections. In Denver, organizations such as A Little Help, are connecting seniors to neighbors who can offer assistance, friendship and caring when they need it most. These programs also reach out to younger generations, connecting seniors to high schoolers and middle schoolers who can assist their elderly neighbors with tasks around the home. You can do a quick web search to see if there is a similar program in your loved one’s area.

Make Some Phone Calls

If you can get contact information, why not give your loved one’s neighbors a call to introduce yourself? You can let their neighbors know that you are available if needed and ask them for resources that could help your loved in the area. Even if you don’t make an intro phone call, having the contact information for people living near your loved one is a smart move. You never know when you may need to reach out to get help checking in on your loved one or helping them with a difficult task.  You can also keep a list of emergency numbers in case you need to help your loved one from afar.

Use Social Media 

It’s easier than ever to connect with family and friends with the growing popularity of social media. You can connect with the neighbors of your loved one through social media to make contacting them an easy task. There are even social media sites dedicated to specific neighborhoods. Sites including NextDoor are specifically tailored to encourage communication between neighbors and neighborhoods. Once you’re logged in, you can even look up people on a map to see who lives around your loved one. There are benefits of social media for seniors as well, so connect your loved one, too.

Say “Hello” During Visits 

Being the primary caretaker for your senior family member most likely means a couple of visits from time to time. When you’re in town, try to make some time to get to know the neighbors in person. Pick up some baked goods or bottles of wine and make some house calls to say “hello” and connect with people living in the area. Or, if your loved one feels up to it, host a little house party for the neighbors. All you need is a couple of hours of conversation and some light refreshments to get to know your loved one’s neighbors a little better.

For seniors living alone, having a network of neighbors and friends can be a real lifesaver. By taking the time to get to know the people around them, you can give them this helpful network while giving yourself peace of mind when you are far away.

by Claire Wentz

Photo Credit: Pixabay

The Chase

  This morning, I was reading about Benaiah in 2 Samuel 23. He was one of David's mighty men, and these three or so verses are all we kn...