Beauty Among the Thorns

The last couple of weeks have been an emotional journey for me. I'll spare you the details (you're welcome!), but suffice it to say I've had more on top of more emotionally charging situations to work through. As if caregiving wasn't a rough enough journey on the emotions as it is, right?

What I have learned though, is that if I look - I can find beauty. Sometimes it's in the oddest places. Like this beautiful yellow flower. It's in the backyard where I stay. I'm sure most would label it a weed, and it'll soon be dug up and tossed out. Which is really sad because if my research is correct,  it's a type of thistle with a plethora of health benefits. But it's often labeled a weed.

Of course, the flower is what caught my eye, but as I looked further I saw all the thorns. If we look for it, we can find beauty among the thorns. Isn't it too easy to get distracted by the thorns and forget all about the beautiful flower that's unfolded before us? Being a caregiver is stressful. It's hard. It's emotional. Let me say that again - It's emotional. It can also be very ugly. But if we look for beauty where we can, and enjoy it while we can - our lives are enriched in a very surprising way.

I cannot get out much anymore, but early mornings, if I go early enough, I can get a run in. This morning, as I welcomed the sunrise, watching the skies be painted with beautiful colors, was warming to my eyes and my soul. Once again, I found a spot of beauty that helped me through the day. It's amazing how healing nature can be on the soul.

As I have purposefully sought out these types of spots of beauty, I realized I could find beauty among the thorns of life. Soon, my thoughts turned around and I realized that in all the "ugliness" of life God purposefully searches out those beautiful places. Places where I am growing and blooming in the midst of thorns. Places where there is beauty when it's not expected. And I just imagined that it was a beautiful thing to Him and made His heart smile too.

Today, I'm going to continue to look for beauty in adverse circumstances. I'll meditate on the truth that He sees the beauty in me and around me, even when I cannot. I will remain thankful that He sees past circumstances and understands my heart and can find those sometimes well-hidden beautiful spaces. And I will trust Him for this one more day. Will you beautiful people join me?

My Polite Journal

This morning I took some time to pour my heart out in my journal. My heart has been heavy for some time now. There are many things going on - but I'll spare you the details. (You're welcome!) If you haven't tried journaling, it can be a good strategy for stress relief. It's a safe place to let it all hang out! I had stopped for a while but this year I have picked it back up. Let me just say that I put more than my woes in my journal. I usually end with a prayer - or I write what God is showing me, what I am learning - and all those deep philosophical questions that rarely have answers. It's a polite catch-all for my sundry, sometimes crazy thoughts.

As I finished up the entry this morning, I ended with a couple of statements which became the first two lines of this poem:

Lord, hold me and hide me
Let me know You are beside me
As life's turbulent tides
Roll over and over me - 
Comfort me - pull me close
and help me see
There's more to life than the pain I feel
There's more to life than what
seems so real
Whisper to my soul that You won't abandon
But that You'll swoop me up
Out of the depths of this emotional canyon 
Remind me  can trust You even though
I am battle-worn
Let me know You've still got me
even though I'm bloody and torn
For in You I find my soul's true healing balm
Remind me I am not alone even though 
I look up and everyone's gone
You are there to speak and bring calm
Restore my joy, Restore my peace,
Restore my song
Help me remember You are with me and
You are for me all along

After I finished writing that I glanced at my open Bible and read from Psalm 119. Verse 132 says, Look upon me and be merciful to me, as Your custom is toward those who love Your name. He is always merciful, always faithful, always graceful toward us who continue to come back to Him because we love His name. 

Today, I will remember He alone has the healing balm for life. I'll meditate on His mercy that is new every morning and is rich toward us who love His name. I'll tie my heart to His - and listen to His beat over mine.. as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Hope in Tribulation

Sorry for the long absence. These hospital stays wear on me these days and take me longer to recover both emotionally and physically. I'm almost rested back up to the caregiver's normal!  lol. I'm still working on getting my little bookstore up online and last night I finished up another small study guide. I thought I would read back through some of the scriptures as I typed it all up. That is why this morning, I opened my Bible to Romans 5.

This particular Bible study guide is called the Garden Connection It ties the fall and redemption together so we get a big picture of what the fall of Adam and Eve did to mankind. But then it ties it in with the New Testament and the impact of what Christ did, and how he reversed the chain reaction set in motion in the garden. Anyway, I opened Romans 5 this morning for a reread. I'm looking for the garden connection and the work of Christ but found myself stuck in the first few verses.

Paul says, Therefore, being justified by faith, we have peace through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we also have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that - but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. 

There it was right in front of me in black and white once again. Despite the current, sometimes undercurrent of belief that we are free from trouble if we have faith - again the Word assures us tribulation and trouble exist in the believer's life. Paul reminds us to "glory" in our tribulations. Not because they are fun. But because of the outcome they bring in our hearts and lives. If I am honest, and I usually am, I don't care too much about perseverance. I don't even care too much about character. But hope. Now that's something I have to have. Hope  - which won't disappoint. It's not that our situations will turn out rosy. But it's that our heart will endure - because of His love that has been poured out in our hearts. The heart endures when the body is tired. The heart endures when the brain can't think. The heart endures.... hope endures.

I'm reminded of the verse in 1 Corinthians 13 - now these things remain - faith, hope, love.

Today I will hold my heart closer to His as my meditation will be on faith, hope, and love. I'll turn my thoughts to what hope really means - the eternal meaning - not the superficial I hope all this gets better kind of hope. I want to make sure all my hope is in Him. That's my journey for today - will you join me?

Darn Those Rough Spots

Every day is challenging for caregivers. Period. Even our better days are filled with things others may never even have to deal with or think about. I don't know the specifics of your daily drills - but mine include transfers, tube feedings, changings, dressing, range of motion, and feeding.. for starters. Of course, there are tons of other things that come up in the midst of the caregiver's norms. We do tend to adjust, don't we? And we just keep putting one foot in front of another. Other people might call these the "rough spots." But I call the extra bumps - like making decisions on behalf of another person or dealing with extra emotional baggage the rougher spots.

What are we to do when things go from rough to rougher? Personally, I'm just sad lately. I'm sad Chris can't walk, talk, or do anything for himself. I think a lot about who he was - and all he did. That creates a rough spot emotionally. Sometimes there doesn't seem to be a way to tunnel under it or climb over it and it's far too wide to try and get around.

I remind myself that the psalmist said, He is near the brokenhearted....and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18) I guess this isn't the type of broken I always wanted to be. You know? I want to be broken before Him  - as in humble. But not broken before Him as in lots of pieces. But I'm pretty sure He is near me either way. And I still must remain humble before Him - life tends to have a way of humbling us doesn't it?

So here I am trying to gather up all those broken pieces so I can bring them to the foot of the cross. Then I realize He is right beside me helping me pick them up. He's already carrying them for me. I have but to be humble before Him and not worry about the pieces of my heart... of my life....

Today, if all we can do is trust that He is near - that's enough. There is no striving - it's not work. It's not one more thing on top of everything else we already carry - it's not a chore. So, today, I will close my eyes, release my grip on my broken life, and trust. I'll trust that He is near - that He hears - He sees - and He cares. That's going to make my day go much easier. How about you?

The Big Dipper

As caregivers, our emotions are often running on the edge. For me, it doesn't take much to tip me over into a huge downward spiral. For today I'm calling it the "big dipper." Just a single word, an honest question, a picture from the past - it doesn't take much to send me into the dip of depression. I have developed a few strategies that work for me and being able to identify it early on means I don't always dip as far or I can head it off at the pass. But not always.

With so many things on our plate it doesn't take a lot, does it? This last week was full of dealing with a faulty internet provider which is enough frustration by itself when you work online and were without internet for two days! lol. Sometimes it's bigger things - but sometimes it's those little things that chip away at sanity and peace.

How are we supposed to deal with this "big dipper?" It's going to come for us. Some day. Some time. We may feel broadsided by it, or we might not realize it has slipped up on us. The church world can be harsh and tell us depression is sin, or that we are not trusting God enough. Neither of those is necessarily true. We have a LOT on our plates. Our cups run over with emotions, responsibilities, and life events. It can sap us of our strength and make the mess much more complicated - but it certainly does not indicate a lack of trust in God.

As a caregiver, there are days that run smoothly. Chris is doing good and things get done that need to be done, my clients are happy with my work (and pay on time!). Depression can still leak into those not-quite-perfect days. Nothing's ever going to be perfect - our loved ones are suffering in some way. I say the fact that you are still reading this blog - you are still searching scriptures for a strand of hope - you are still praying and seeking Him for strength - is an indication you are faith-filled. You haven't given up yet - you are still seeking Him. That to me is the epitome of faith.

And here's the other side of this "big dipper." God has a big dipper to - but it's just the right size to dip down into our lives, find us and pull us out of the emotional muck and mire. This reminds me of Psalm 40:2 where David said, He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He used His big dipper to come into our situation and rescue us. He doesn't sit and watch from a distance (like most of the church) - He inserts Himself as far into our situation as we will allow. He makes our steps firm. Then the next verse says this: He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God (not to ourselves or about ourselves) many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord.

Today, I will be thankful that God understands when life gets out of hand or out of control. I will thank Him for not leaving me when stuff just doesn't make sense. I appreciate that He is not afraid of my chaos, my crazy thoughts or roaming emotions. My meditation today will be on His gracious entry into my topsy-turvy world. I'll rejoice that at my invite, He joins my world, loves me in the midst of it and offers peace for each messed up piece. I'll invite Him to come deeper in my world today - will you join me?


Helping a Senior Loved One Plan a Spouse’s Funeral




Image via Pexels

Losing a spouse is one of the most stressful events a person can go through. For seniors, that stress is even more dangerous. The depression and loneliness seniors feel after a big loss can put their health at risk. Grief also weakens the immune system, which makes them more susceptible to infection and other illnesses.

Seniors dealing with dementia and related illnesses like Alzheimer’s have an even more difficult time with grief. Memory loss, emotional instability, and other symptoms of dementia make each day after a death a unique and challenging experience. Communicating about the loss and their emotions presents a difficult task you will likely have to go through multiple times. 

There are many things you can do to help support a senior after the loss of a spouse. One of the most important things to do is to be there long after the death to listen and encourage healthy behaviors. However, if you want to help in a more immediate manner, planning a funeral can be extremely overwhelming. Stepping in to help with the organization and execution of memorial services can be a big help for a grieving senior.

First: What Not to Do

For adult children who lose a parent, it’s easy to think that details like housing, finances, wills and end-of-life documents, and long-term care plans should be discussed with the surviving parent as soon as possible. However, these conversations -- while important -- should be postponed for at least a few weeks. Your loved one is already suffering a great deal of trauma after losing their beloved spouse, and piling on more stress isn’t going to help them cope with their grief. Wait until they’ve had some time to process their loss, and then gently bring up the conversation. If they’re still not ready, give it a little more time, but if they continuously shoot down the discussion, consider working with an elder mediator to get the ball rolling and help everyone come up with a plan for care and finances.

Body Disposition Options

Chances are, the deceased already chose their preferred method of disposition, or what to do with their remains when they are gone. If they did not make their preference known, it is up to the spouse to choose the best way to do so. Today, there are many more body disposition options available than there were in the past:

     Below-ground burial - This is a traditional option, but it requires various costs, including those for a plot, casket, embalming, grave marking, etc. Seniors are generally more comfortable with the idea of having a designated place at which they can visit their loved one.

     Above-ground burial - Entombment requires purchasing a crypt within a mausoleum in which the deceased can be buried.

     Cremation - Regulations for cremation vary depending on which state you live in, but it’s a cost-effective method of body disposition. Loved ones can choose to hold on to the ashes or spread them at a place that meant a lot to the deceased.

     Donation - Donating a body to medical science is not the most sentimental method of disposition, but it can do a lot of good.

     Coffin-less burial - This method of disposition is gaining popularity because it is much more cost-effective and eco-friendly. Without the use of embalming fluids or other chemicals, the body is washed and wrapped in a shroud. The body is then buried sans coffin to decompose and return to the earth.

Ceremony

Not everybody wants a ceremony to memorialize a death, but many people find it is a very useful event that helps them move on. If the deceased was religious, chances are they would prefer the ceremony be held in their house of worship with words being spoken by the leader of their congregation. There may also be friends or family who would like to say a few words in memoriam. Helping a senior organize these kinds of things can be a huge help when planning a funeral ceremony.

Reception 

After a funeral ceremony, people generally like to meet up at a designated place for a reception where they can enjoy refreshments and reminisce. Holding the reception at your place can take the burden off the grieving spouse. You can provide food and drinks, but don’t be afraid to ask for help or make the event a potluck. When a person dies, there are always a lot of emotions-- and a lot of food. Take advantage of people’s generosity, and let them bring the casserole.

***

When a senior loses a spouse, it puts their mental and physical health at risk. To mitigate the stress, they rely on friends and family to help with the arrangements. Providing assistance with choosing a mode of disposition, ceremony, and reception can help with this difficult time.

The Invisible Woman

Me and Chris standing at Sutton Wilderness
Several things have occurred lately that remind me of the social isolation so many caregivers experience. Even in a crowd, many times we are alone. Even when people do talk to us on outings (if we can even get out!) they can't connect with us beyond the obvious. They only see us as a person behind the chair. I've done a few other blogs about being more than a caregiver and life behind the chair. But as we've been able to get out more frequently, it's come to light again - that invisible feeling. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just the invisible woman. lol

It's not easy to do normal things others take for granted. Things we really want to do - but just are not feasible. Take going to church for example. Often, there's no fellowship - no one knows how to reach out because we stand out as so different. It's not their fault - they really don't know that they can still ask you out for coffee or lunch. Personally, I find myself in situations wondering why in the world I'm even trying. What's the point? Seriously. It's not worth the "social interaction" if you are just ignored. I'm pretty sure that doesn't count for "interaction."

These are the types of thoughts I've had this week as I am rolling a lot around in my mind. My son has been ill most of the week with health care professionals in and out - that's after the ER visit we had between services last Sunday. It's just a serious reaction to the antibiotic - but he's finally kicked it or so it seems. But these things make me think more deeply.

I want to get him out more - but I need to focus on what is good for him as well as good for me. In nature - I'm not invisible. Somehow I connect and marvel at the vast goodness, creativity, and immaculate care of God. I look at the precise detail He gave to little things like a pansy - Carefully drawing lines and accenting various parts with complimentary colors. Does He not care this much for us - even when we feel invisible?

I'm sorry if you feel invisible today. I hope you don't - it's not fun. But if you do - take a look at Psalm 139 (I spend a lot of time in this psalm!). I love the last part of verse 3 - He is acquainted with all my ways not just my deeds. He knows more than what I do - caregiving - and sees inside to the whole person who is pursuing Him. He has no box for me to fit in. He longs for fellowship and communion with us. That didn't change one little bit when caregiving happened. We are not invisible to Him - He sees. He knows. He cares.

Today, I will rejoice because He sees me right where I am - in all this emotional mess. I'll be thankful He didn't run away and He doesn't ignore me. He still bids me to "come" to Him and find rest. I suppose that indicates I still have to work to enter His rest! But I'm thankful that the invitation to the invisible woman still stands!

The Chase

  This morning, I was reading about Benaiah in 2 Samuel 23. He was one of David's mighty men, and these three or so verses are all we kn...