All the Elements

 This morning in my devotions I found myself in Psalm 57. It's a passage very familiar to me and dear to my heart. When I was sick with a mystery illness back in 1986-7, I read this psalm over and over as I literally held onto it for dear life. It's got all the elements: prayer, praise, despair, faith, and declarations.

This particular psalm is written by David, the same David who ran toward Goliath and declared that God would deliver the giant into his hands that very day. But now, he's running from a mad man, Saul. David is hiding in a cave. That's a far cry from chasing down a giant, right?

He's open and honest about his distress. In verses four and six he says, 

• I am surrounded!
• My enemies have set a trap for me!
• I am weary.

Man, can I relate to that! Many times I feel surrounded by enemies like fear and doubt. It takes a lot of courage and strength to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. The cool thing about David though, is that he always brings in faith. In verses two, three, and seven he says:

• God will send help.
• My God will send His unfailing love and faithfulness.
• He will fulfill His purpose for me.
• My heart is confident in You!

It's kind of like his own little pep talk. Have you ever had one of those? :-) Mixed in these few verses, as was his custom - he takes time for praise. In two verses, five and 11, David praises God by saying, Be exalted O God above the heavens, May Your glory shine over all the earth. David was also a man of action and he said in the first couple of verses: I look to You for protection! And I cry out to God Most High.

I'm telling you, this psalm has it all! Since I've been meditating on declarations over the last few weeks, you know I have to pull those out of this psalm too. David makes four powerful declarations. Even though he is in distress, he is surrounded by his enemies, he's hiding in a cave for fear of his life. He still declares in the midst of his struggles:

• I will hide in the shadow of Your wings...
• I will awaken the dawn with my song...
• I will thank You O Lord...
• I will sing...

And that's where I'll leave you today. What are your declarations today? Can you look your "enemies" (doubt, fear, etc) in the face and declare - Today I will hide in Your shadow O Lord...all day long. Today, Lord I will sing to you, I will thank You, Lord. 

How Long?

Do you ever feel like you've reached the end of what you can do? It may stem from pure exhaustion, but it feels like it's a "that's it" moment. It feels like God doesn't hear. It feels like He has moved away. There are just those times of overwhelm. Or maybe it's just me. I do think that the psalmist was feeling these types of emotions when he penned Psalm 13.

It's not clear what type(s) of circumstances David was facing, but his emotions are clear. His soul is crying out for God to intervene. In the New Living Translation, Psalm 13 reads this way:

O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?

How long will you look the other way?

How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,

with sorrow in my heart every day?

How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!

Restore the light to my eyes, or I will die.

Don't let my enemies gloat, saying, "We have defeated him!"

Don't let them rejoice at my downfall.

But I will trust in your unfailing love,

I will rejoice because you have rescued me.

I will sing to the Lord because He has been good to me. 

I love the way that David emptied out his soul before God with transparency and his honest, raw, and real emotions. But he didn't leave it at that. He usually makes his declarations. He laid it all out there- and then said what he was going to do. In this psalm, he said he would trust, rejoice, and sing even though he was feeling down, forsaken, and on the brink of defeat. 

As I was thinking about this psalm and my own feelings were running crazy in my head, I started with David's declarations and then penned this poem.

But I will trust in Your unfailing love,

I will rejoice because You have rescued me.

I will sing of Your goodness...

Those are my declarations

I will sing from my cave

The pit will hear my heart cry out

to the God who hears.

I will rejoice in His goodness

and when the enemy surrounds,

I'll sing from behind the fears.

I will trust God in the pain

and when my heart is overwhelmed

I'll cling to Him through the tears.

For He is still my God

in the good and the bad

I know at my cry He comes near.

Today, I'll make these declarations once again. I will trust, I will rejoice, I will sing. I'm finding declarations to provide a powerful shift in my attitude. (And I need help with that!) Just saying them out loud helps me refocus on Him and His mercy and grace. Will you join me today in declaring our trust in Him once again?

We Are His!

 

Social isolation is real, for caregivers. Actually, most of us dealt with it LONG before the COVID pandemic. It was almost amusing, if it hadn't been so serious, to see people whining and crying about having to stay home and "miss" all the social interaction. I wrote a post welcoming them to our world. Many of us have lived a life of social isolation for years. Our "norm" just become more complicated during the pandemic. 

I guess the aloneness is what made this scripture stand out in my private devotions this morning. It's a familiar passage, and yes, I was reading it because yesterday was Thanksgiving, and giving thanks was on my mind. 

Psalm 100 is just five short verses and I really enjoy the New Living Translation, but any translation or paraphrase is good! Verse three is the one that stood out to me today. It says Acknowledge that He is God! He made us, and we are His. We are His people, the sheep of His pasture. I noticed, of course, that the caregiver is not excluded. It doesn't say "everyone but the caregiver is His." And it doesn't state, "Everyone is His people except caregivers." It also doesn't say, "He made everyone except caregivers." 

When I read passages like this, I often still wonder if I am really His. Does He see my day-to-day? Does He hear my whines, pleas, and whining? And still, He claims me? That almost moves me to tears - to know that He sees... He hears...He knows... and still says I am His!

I think, wow, I"m such a mess and I feel like I've literally got nothing together - yet He still claims me. Doesn't He see how ugly life can be? Doesn't He see my intense struggle over my own faith? Doesn't He know how often I waiver? The answer to all of these is yes. A yes that resounds with the truth that we are still His. As dysfunctional as we may feel - we are still His.

Part of me wants to argue. How could He still claim me? But then,  I look at my own son, my caregivee. He can do nothing on his own. He has no voice. His hands are contractured. And even recently professionals refuse to work with him because they think he's too far gone. But He is still mine. I love him - he is and will forever be my son.

Today, even though the ugly of life is staring me in the face, I will rejoice that He still calls me His own! I will thank Him that He can look past the circumstances to the real me inside and He still says, This one is mine. Even though I feel emotionally crippled. Although I am wrung out and falter in my faith every day, He doesn't throw me away. He calls me His own. That's a powerful thought right there... I'll meditate on it all day - will you join me in rejoicing that we are still His?

Dessert in the Desert

 I'm still in Isaiah 41 today! But today, I'm looking at verses 17 to 20. It's a rich passage for us caregivers. It talks about the poor and needy, and how they fail for thirst. But God promises to hear them and not forsake them. I feel poor sometimes. And as much as I hate it, I feel needy sometimes. But God is here. He hears the pain in our tears and feels the dispair in our fears.

He doesn't stop with helping us and hearing us though. Here are some of the things He says He will do for us:

• open rivers in desolate areas
• cause fountains to spring up in valleys
• make pools of water in the wilderness
• place springs in the dry land

As He carries out these magnificent feats, these barren places begin to sprout and bring forth vegetation. In my mind, I picture a desert becoming an oasis. It's like a feast for the eyes and soul in the middle of a barren, dry place. A dessert in the desert if you will.

It always amazes me how God can take those broken areas of our lives and bring forth fruit. Just about the time we feel like we are spent for sure, and have nothing left He brings forth a living spring. A pool of fresh water just arises in our deepest, driest times. When everything has dried up and gone away - even our tears - He provides a cool refreshing drink.

Sometimes I wonder if He can bring something beautiful out of something like caregiving. The answer is always, yes. It's His specialty, whether anyone else knows it or not - He's always in the business of bringing growth and life from something others may deem worthless and dead.

Today, I will focus on what I see Him doing in me. I'll look for that sweet spot - that dessert in the midst of my desert. He never fails. He never leaves. He will not abandon. Today, I will count on Him to be here - with me right where I am emotionally, physically, and in every other way. Will you join me?

Times 3

 

This morning in my personal devotion time, I found myself in Isaiah 41. The whole chapter spoke to me today. But I want to focus on something that God said three times. First off, the prophet Isaiah, speaking God's words to His people refers to the children of Abraham. To clarify - that's now us! (Galatians 3:29)

Between verses 10 and 14 three times, God said, I will help you. This stuck out to me today in particular because, well, I need help! As caregivers, we face a lot of emotions, situations, circumstances, and trials. We need help sometimes and it's not always there. But God took the time to tell His kids that He would help them!

He even added fear not in the mix each of the three times He told them (us) that He would help us. Life doesn't get put on hold when we become caregivers. There are still life events like weddings and funerals. Nothing else skips a beat just so our emotions can catch up, right?

As rewarding as caregiving can be for most of us - it's also tough. It can be heavy. Caring for another whole person can be emotionally draining and physically exhausting. It's easy to wake up one morning to find out that we are spent from the inside out. But.we.keep.going.

That's where I am today. I'm tucking myself away in my safe place (in Him). I'm going to let the world pass me by today as I tend to the day-to-days of caregiving and try to find a place to let the peace He gave reign in my heart.

But I was encouraged that God took the time to tell His kids He would help them. I didn't say, I'm here if you need me. Don't you hate when people tell you that? To me, it translates to - I'm keeping my distance but you can call.....How different would it be if someone walked up into your living room and said - Either give me something to do or I'll start somewhere.? Man, what a dream come true that would be! 

That's kind of what God is communicating here in chapter 41 of Isaiah. He's telling us - I'm here and I'm ready to help. I envision Him rolling up His sleeves... 

Today, I will rejoice in the truth that He never leaves. He never tells me I'm too complicated or life is too complex for Him. He never says He'll be back when things calm down a bit. He is here. And He is here to help. That's something I can grasp ahold of today. Will you join me?

All the Same

 

Does it sometimes feel like our days, lives, and emotions are like a perpetual roller coaster ride? And I'm not talking about the kiddie roller coaster either. I'm comparing it to the biggest, scariest (and a little bit fun) way up and down roller coaster that only the brave will ride! (lol) Maybe (hopefully) it's not that way all the time, but most days sure do have a lot of ups and downs for caregivers.

With our emotions staying on the edge most of the time, it doesn't take a whole lot to tip us over. (Maybe it's just me!) Sometimes, we seem to hum along quite nicely figuring days out as we go. Then other times, it feels like one blow after the other with no relief in between. Maybe our loved one becomes ill. That's a game-changer. Supplies don't come, so you order them out of your own pocket. Then the order gets delayed. (LOL - yes it really happens this way, doesn't it?)

It can be quite overwhelming, even though there are good days and bad days; smooth days and rough days. Things can change on a dime - then change right back before you know it. But no matter what - it's going to come down to this one thing - trusting Him.

Trusting God remains the same no matter what we face in a given day or moment. It's kind of one of those broad choices we can make before, after, or during everything feeling like it's out of control, right? We will trust Him with good news and bad news. We will trust Him in illness or health. He is trustworthy when aides show up, or if they don't. He can still be trusted when people do their jobs, and when they don't.

Today, my mind is inundated with what-ifs and why-nots. But no matter what - it's all the same. I am going to trust Him. I'll trust Him with the things I can see and those things I cannot see. I'll trust Him if I feel alone, or if I feel surrounded. He's got this. He's got me. I'll rest in Him and trust Him for today - will you join me?

Losing Wait

 Navigating through caregiving is never easy no matter what the circumstances. I always thought that long-distance caregiving was "easier" than full-time in the home caregiving. But over the last three years, as I cared for my son at home and my aunt in a facility until she passed, I found out it's just a hard job no matter what. There is always nothing simple about taking care of another person and making decisions on their behalf. 

As we work through the process, we learn that there is a lot of waiting. Waiting on doctor's orders to get supplies. Waiting on authorizations for medical procedures. Waiting on paperwork to get aids in to help. And that is just the beginning of a long, long, list. It can feel like we are always waiting on someone to do their job or to work on our behalf.

Waiting can be perplexing and it can feel like we can't do anything to help. In some instances, we can call or email the right person to help things move along faster. Other times, there is just nothing to do but wait. That's hard on most of us as we are used to being in charge. For those of us with Type A personalities, it's pure torture! We like to get things done. 

When we fall into overwhelm mode and it seems there is no one listening to us or working on our behalf, there is a wait that is good. Many times, I've prayed and reminded God that He is my husband. (Isaiah 54:5) Then, I wait on HIM to act on my behalf. And even though whatever natural things I am waiting on may not be taken care of right away, I am never disappointed when I wait on Him.

Today, I will take all those situations where I am waiting on a person for something - and I'll roll them all into one and hand them to Him. Then, I will wait on Him to act on my behalf. I'll spend my "waiting energy" looking to Him for He is my help. People offer some help - but they can't keep or sustain my soul. I may just write all the things I'm waiting on in a journal and leave them there. I will trust Him to provide, to sustain me, to keep me today. Will you join me as we wait on Him?