Our Shield

 

As a new year unfolds, I take a soul inventory. I think about the things I  "invested" in last year. Maybe I invested some money, time, or just thought. My goal is to see what things merit continued investment. As a caregiver, you know how limited our time is each day, so we have to make the most of it. Some things can't be compromised like our own health (mental and physical), our jobs, other relationships (if we have any!), and our spiritual wellbeing. But some things can be cut for sure.

I was thinking along these lines in terms of how I care for Chris. What things do I need to make sure are in his days and which things are unnecessary? Right now, I want to focus on keeping him as comfortable as possible and as mobile as possible even with his limitations. I want to help him have more "experiences." He seems bored and unengaged here at home, but as soon as we get in the van - he pops his head up and looks around like crazy - more outings are on tap if it's just driving around in the country! (That is beneficial for us both, I'm sure!)

Most of all, though, I want him to feel genuinely loved. I have no way of knowing if he "misses" his friends or not. But I did show him a picture of his last girlfriend - he stared at the picture for a very long time and heaved the longest sigh I think I've ever heard. Can I shield him from the pain of wondering where she went? Can I protect him from the rejection of all his former friends? (I cannot and will not blame them - they had to move on with their lives, of course!) 

Then I realized I am not exactly his shield. I cannot shield him from rejection, loneliness, or any other emotion, especially since I really don't know what he feels. But that sense of desiring to protect and shield him is how God feels about us. He won't interfere. He won't always "fix" every situation to our satisfaction. But His heart longs for us to feel His love and care. He wants us to know that He's going to bat for us in ways we cannot see or may never know. 

David said in Psalm 3:3 - But You, O Lord, are a shield around me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head. (NASB) He's got us covered today - and every day.

Today, I will make an effort to realize His shield around my life and my heart. I'll meditate on His great love for me - far greater than the love we feel for our loved ones. I'll be thankful that He is near - because He wants to be - no one is demanding that He be near  - He chooses to come near us even when we feel most broken. I'll thank Him for His nearness and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

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I have two bookstores of devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more! You can get my downloadable eBooks (some are free!) from Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore. A few of them are also available in print or for Kindle on Amazon!

Seen and Heard

Do you ever feel like no one really hears you? How often do you feel invisible to the rest of the world? It seems these are common to the caregiver. Sometimes, it's the system that meets the letter of the law but doesn't really meet our needs. One example is handicapped parking spaces. You know I rant on this one often. lol - But seriously, many places meet the requirements of the law but not the practicality needed to meet the 

If there is a space, the ramp takes up all the side space. That means you can unfold the ramp, but there's no room for a wheelchair - which is the intent, right? Another example is the ramp up to the sidewalk is made of rigid stone. There's a ramp - just like the law requires. But pushing a manual chair up it and over the rocky edges is impractical and difficult, although doable. 

Thirdly, hotel rooms! They love to advertise that they are handicapped accessible and comply with ADA. Sometimes, that means the room is a bit bigger than normal. But oftentimes it means you can get to the sidewalk or in the room. Seriously, one hotel that told me on the phone (I always call first) told me they were fully accessible and I could get Chris in the room. He didn't lie, technically. But I literally could get his chair in the room far enough to get him in the bed and that was it. There was no room to get his chair across the room to the bathroom. Smh.

These types of things can often make us feel like we have no place. It's probably similar to the way Mary felt as she and Joseph went from Inn to Inn hoping to find a place to stay. We can thank God if we are not pregnant caregivers! LOL Hagar had similar feelings I'm sure as she felt forced to leave the comforts of her home. But she had two encounters with God as she began her journeys. 

In the first encounter, she said You are a God who sees me." (Genesis 16) And in the second encounter, God heard the cries of the boy. (Genesis 16). Hagar realized that God could see her and could hear her and her son. God can see and hear us too - whether the rest of the world dismisses us, ignores us, or never looks our way. He is still a God who sees and hears. He doesn't close His eyes or turn off His hearing - He watches over us and He listens.

Today, I will remind myself that God still sees and hears. His hearing is so good in fact, that He hears the things I don't dare say. He hears words in my tears. He sees the tears before they form. I will rejoice that He is still with me right here, right now - and He's not going anywhere either! Will you join me?

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Check out my ebook store where you'll find this "I Will" Declarations from Psalms for just a buck! Download it today! I also have devotionals, study guides, poetry books, and free stuff! My Amazon bookshelf has some of these books on Kindle and for print - check them out!

Trust is an Action Word

 

It's funny how normal things can just leap out at you, isn't it? I make my living by writing for clients. I provide lots of web content which is mostly blog posts. My clients are from a wide variety of industries, so I get a lot of experience. One of the blogs I maintain for one of my clients has some issues. I sent him an email and explained what had happened and that I would get his new posts up for him and fix the issues on last week's posts. When I got his reply this morning, it jumped out at me.

He simply said, No worries. You always take care of me. I have worked with this client for more than a year but I got this boost of confidence directly from his confidence and trust in me. It seemed like I could literally feel his trust. And of course, that got me thinking! :-)

Can I have that same trust in God? What if I looked at my circumstances, then looked at Him and said, No worries. You always take care of me. And then, I just didn't worry about it anymore.

As caregivers, we often have to do that don't we? There are things beyond our capacity to understand or control. We have to give each day to Him and then remind ourselves that He has always taken care of us, and He's not going to stop doing it now. My client didn't just tell me he trusted me. He could have just said - No worries, I trust you. But he said you've always taken care of me. I easily read trust between the lines. I felt his action.

Today, I am going to meditate on what trusting God really looks like. Trust is a verb, and I want to take action on trusting Him. That means leaving things in His hands instead of taking them out and trying to figure them out myself. I'll remind myself that up until this point - God has always taken care of me - and He hasn't run out of grace or patience. He will continue taking care of me as I continue to trust Him to do so. My thoughts and actions will go toward fully trusting Him with every aspect of my life (caregiving included!) today. Will you join me?

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I have two bookstores of devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more! You can get my downloadable eBooks (some are free!) from Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore. A few of them are also available in print or for Kindle on Amazon!

A Crippled Soul

 

I'm still exploring the Bible's caregivers that we took a brief look at yesterday. Today, I focused on Mephibosheth and David. In 2 Samuel 9, David was looking for somebody - anybody from Saul's family. He said he wanted to "show them the kindness of God" (v.3) because of his friendship with Jonathan.

Ziba, a servant of Saul's household was brought before David and told the king that there was one of Jonathan's sons remaining. He also explained that Mephibosheth was "disabled in both feet." (NASB) David's next question is awesome to me - he simply said, "Where is he?" He didn't ask Ziba to "define 'disabled'." He didn't ask if he could walk some, or how much help Mephibosheth needed. He simply said, "Where is he?"

It doesn't appear that King David was inquisitive about any of the caregiving details. He didn't seem to consider how much care Mephibosheth needed, if he needed a chair, or had any other special care instructions. He just asked where Mephibosheth was, then he sent messengers to get him from Lo-debar.

When Mephibosheth came in before the king, he prostrated himself. David simply called him by name. "Mephibosheth." Then he explained that he was restoring all of Saul's household to Mephibosheth - everything that was his by birthright. David also gave him a "place" at his table with no regard for Mephibostheth's physical disabilities. That's true acceptance. No questions. No prodding. Just pure acceptance and rightful placement regardless of abilities or disabilities. David didn't even seem to question if he would be getting anything out of the deal. Many people devalue the disabled because they "can't give back." But David valued Mephibosheth for who he was - not for what he could do or not do. 

Now, I know you're thinking about how great a caregiver David was - but I'm looking at Mephibosheth. While I relate to David as a caregiver - I relate to Mephibosheth because of my inabilities. Sometimes, many times, I feel crippled in my soul. My emotions are all over the place. I have so much trouble focusing, etc. I feel broken, unwanted, and alone. I'm sure Mephibosheth had felt all those as his family was all gone. Yet here he found himself before the king...being restored, being made whole in soul, being cared for - all because of who David knew and the relationship he had had with Mephibosheth's father.

Here I stand before my God and King. I'm broken and alone. But the King - because of Christ - is restoring and making me whole - simply because of our joint relationship with Christ. Wow.

Today, I refuse to look at the brokenness life can bring - the toll caregiving can take. Instead, I will look at God who restores my soul and makes me whole through the cross of Christ. I'll thank Him that he knows I am disabled in my walk sometimes - yet He still sends for me and gives me a place at His table! And today - I'll just sit at His table and be thankful for one more day with Him - will you join me?

Bible Caregivers

 

As the year draws to an end and I start setting new goals for the upcoming year, I spent time this morning praying and thinking about this blog in particular. I feel like I have failed you, my fellow caregivers, by not being more consistent in posting. That's one thing on my list - to post consistently! I'm working on a time each week where I can set down with coffee or tea in hand and write a week's worth at a time. I prefer writing them every morning, but logistically that doesn't always work out. :-) 

So, I was thinking about taking topics and expanding them out. That led me down a series of thoughts about the caregivers in the Bible. While I've just started compiling a list I came up with these few off the top of my head:

• Abraham and Isaac
• David and Mephibosheth
• Hagar and Ishmael
• Joseph and his dad and brothers

I thought, man, those are some great ones to start with! These are some of our favorite Bible heroes, but we don't often think of them as "caregivers," do we? Yet each of them cared for another person in one way or another. Maybe their situations were very different than ours. But then, each of our situations is very different anyway! Some of us care for aging parents, but I have many caregiver friends who care for special needs children and special needs adults.

Any way you slice it, caregiving isn't an easy task. There are so many emotions involved from any angle. When we care for parents or other elderly family members there's a role reversal that takes an emotional toll. Caring for adult children who are "supposed" to grow up and move out has a totally different weight. And caring for a child with disabilities has emotional challenges of a totally different nature. So we can look at each of the caregivers in the Bible and glean something from their experiences, right?

Abraham laid his son (promise, future, hope) on the altar. That'll preach. Hagar was distraught worrying about Ishmael's survival. We have likely each faced this emotional challenge on one level or another as we've advocated on their behalf. Joseph sent for his dad and family and provided for them during a difficult famine. And David had Mephibosheth, Jonathan's son who has disabled, come to his palace so he could care for him. I'm sure he provided staff to take care of Mephibosheth, but nonetheless, Mephibosheth lived in the palace under David's protective hand.

Each of these characters shows us a picture of strength, faith, courage, hope, and trust in God. Those are things we can hold on to and use to encourage ourselves as we face difficult and not-quite-as-difficult days. One thing we can be sure of is that God is the caregiver for us all. That's foundational - and worth building on.

Today, I will meditate on God's care for my soul. I will think about these caregivers (and others) from the Bible and consider how they each leaned on God for their soul's survival. I'll lean my heart a little closer to His today as I trust Him for direction for myself and my caregivee. Will you join me?

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Check out all my published eBooks on Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore. I also have a few of the devotionals and study guides in print or on Kindle an Amazon store. (New stuff coming soon to both!)

The Great CoverUp

 

Each day brings a whole range of emotions for a caregiver. I don't want to brag but I can go from the epitome of cheer to the pits of despair in a matter of just a couple of seconds! I can be having a great day and happy to be alive and see a photo of one of Chris' friends on Facebook - and sadness overwhelms me as I wonder where he'd be and what he'd be doing if the wreck hadn't happened. Sometimes, good things cause sadness. Another example is when he makes progress. It's so exciting! But it's sad too that I am rejoicing that he took one step when it should be other things like getting married or pursuing his career in music. It's easy to paint over those emotions, isn't it?

Lately, I've discovered that I really enjoy painting. I've tried watercolor and like it. But I've done more with acrylics. There is something therapeutic about mixing colors and creating. I like some of my final products and I like some less. lol. But I never worry about making a mistake because I can just paint over it and start again. As I was thinking about a painting idea this morning that I really want to try, I thought I can't really mess it up  - I can paint over it.

In reality, I can paint over it. But the texture of what was will remain. It's just covered up. 

Sometimes, our emotions can be like the covered-over "mess-ups." We paint on a pretty smile to greet our loved ones, but underneath we know our hearts are still broken. Maybe we paint on a joyful attitude while we know our insides are still crying out. It's all still there - we just covered it up.

Here's the thing. God knows. And the best part is that He understands. He can look past our covered-up emotions and tears and see our true hearts. He sees and understands all the emotions mixed up together to make one new color of our lives. And He still extends His peace, love, and grace. He can see past whatever we used to cover over our emotions and feelings - He still knows what is underneath. And that's the part of us He wants to touch.

Today, I will think about how deeply He sees into my heart. I'm glad He does. I don't have to cover up anything - He knows it all and He still loves me and still wants to be with me. I'll be thankful today that He doesn't toss us to the side or say we "have too much baggage" for Him. Instead, He pulls up a seat beside us and just sits. I'll thank Him today for just being; for just being right here for whatever I face or feel. I'm just going to sit with Him today - because He's here. Will you join me?

The Adjustables!

 

As I was getting around early this morning, my mind was already racing through today. What will it look like? How will it all unfold? I am not expecting the aide to come today even though he is scheduled to be here. But after all, it is Christmas Eve. I'm so sure he's not coming that I already did all of Chris' laundry. lol

As I was thinking of the things I would have done today if he did come, I made mental adjustments. Some things I can still accomplish, I'll just have to do them differently. Other things will just have to wait. The story of our lives, right? 

While making the mental adjustments I thought, It's okay - I'm adjustable. Then, I thought of a few fellow caregivers and how often we must make adjustments. We are flexible - otherwise, we'd break for sure. It seems like sometimes every day is a series of well-timed (and sometimes ill-timed) adjustments. Maybe The Adjustables should be a new line of superheroes! Oh wait - we are! lol

We make adjustments daily based on our loved one's needs. They need more sleep - or less sleep. Call the doctor to work in an appointment. Supplies don't come as planned - make a new order to pay for them ourselves. Aids don't show - stay on schedule and cut the extras. Grocery order messed up - change the menu! lol 

Then there are the things we don't talk about much. Like how we get everyone ready to head out the door, but have to stop for that "emergency" change. Or how many times have we had to cancel last minute because something wasn't just right with our loved ones? We adjust and move on more times than others know. They don't see the tears behind closed doors. They don't see the loneliness eating away at our hearts. Others do not really know what to do with us, do they? Yet we persist and continue to move forward trusting Him one step at a time. 

Today, I will focus on how God adjusts to meet my needs. I'll meditate on how when I need to cry - He holds me. When I am joyous, He rejoices with me. When I don't know what to do, He continues to guide and walk alongside me. He gets us! And He is the great Adjustable - as He moves in response to our needs. That brings comfort today. Enough comfort that I will rest in Him and trust Him for one more day - will you join me?