A Mixed Bag

 

chris and I hanging out at Bluff Creek Park

Do you ever find yourself wondering about the benefits of social media? Personally, one of the positives is that it's helped us stay connected, sometimes in a weird sort of way, through the pandemic. I've connected with "long lost" family members and friends. But sometimes, aside from those and maybe a few more positives, I just look at the screen and shake my head a lot.

Do we all really need to see what you had for breakfast? So, you found a penny while you were on your walk, and? Mixed in with the wonderful photos of family, friends, and vacation excursions is a mix of what? posts. There are heavy posts and light posts; humorous posts and serious posts. Sometimes, I'm like - you really need a group just for that. They probably have that too.

Groups for those who grieve, sing, pray, share photos of specific regions, love animals and the list goes on and on and on. It really is a mixed bag, isn't it? 

Sometimes my heart feels like a social media posting wall. lol. One second I'm happy - the next I'm in deep grief. One minute I'm singing and the next I'm crying. One time I am praying, the next I'm thanking God for answers while forming my next prayer. Anybody relate?

Honestly, I can't always handle social media. There are days trauma rolls through the pages. Sometimes, it's just memories that haunt me. I have to find a reprieve. I wonder if our lives look sort of like a social media platform to God. He scrolls down through all our heart's posts looking for something of substance. While I know that's not really how it is - what I do know is that He can handle my mixed bag of emotions, crying, rejoicing, grieving, singing, praying, and thanking. Whatever I've got in my "bag" at any time will not overwhelm Him. He doesn't need to take a FaceBook break from me. I so love that He can handle whatever I'm dealing with any given second, no matter how random, how deep, how serious or silly, or how fleeting. He's got me right where I am mixed bag and all. The key though is letting Him have the bag!

Today, I'm going to open up my bag and pour it out before Him. I'll give it up to Him and let Him do the sorting out because I kinda tend to get lost in it sometimes. My grief, happiness, need, desire, longing, - anything and everything is His today. You wouldn't think He'd be that excited about such a mixed bag of stuff, would you? But He loves it when we bring it all to Him. I'm going to hand Him everything and the bag - and trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

____________________________________________________________________

Primer on the Gifts of the Spirit bookcover
Check out my eBook store (some items are free!!) and my Amazon bookshelf! New titles coming soon.


What Time is it?

ronella with chris

 I spent my devotional time this morning walking around Psalm 37. Man, there is so much in that Psalm. I read the whole Psalm and then went back to reread portions of it. There are a lot of solid truths to hold on to and meditate on. I finally landed in verse 39. It says this The Lord saves the godly; He is their fortress in times of trouble. (1996 NLT)

The first part of this verse says that God saves the godly. He preserves them, protects them, and rescues them. But it was the second part of the verse that captured my thoughts this morning. He is their fortress in times of trouble. I read the verse a few times and thought about it for a while. Then, something captured my eye. It didn't say in one time of trouble. The psalmist said, in times of trouble. 

As we work our way through time, we may see many times of trouble. We WILL see times of trouble, no doubt. But He will continue to be our fortress. He continues to be our help. It's an unlimited resource for sure! There is no expiration date, and He didn't set a limit. What if it said He would be our help in three times of difficulty? Maybe He'd say you have five times to visit me as a fortress and protector. I am sure that as caregivers, we would have surpassed our limit long ago!

Instead, God is a perpetual protector. He just keeps being our refuge, our fortress, our strength, and anything else we feel we need every time we need Him! The only catch is - that we have to keep running to Him in order to hide in Him. 

Today, I will meditate on how He continues to provide a place of safety for my soul. I'll let my thoughts wander back and rejoice at all the times He has protected me up until now - and then I will purposefully run to Him again today and hide in His fortress once again. Will you join me?


A Story to Tell

 

Chris and I standing at a park in OKC

This is my second attempt to do the blog post today! I had one about half-written. It was all about something that happened to me this week. It was a good thing - a great thing really. But I stopped. I thought I don't need to tell my story - I need to tell His story. As interesting as "my story" and your story may be, it really all comes down to His story - not ours.

Instead of giving you all the details of my life - I'd rather be talking about how He gives life. God is so good at it that He breathes life into so many circumstances, relationships, thoughts, dreams, visions, even ideas long thought dead. We've seen Him do it over and over again. Just when we think we cannot possibly take one.more.step. He breathes. He glances our way. He touches us with His strength, mercy, and love, and all of a sudden we have what we need for that part of our journies.

Instead of focusing on my shortcomings and failures, for they are many, I can shout out loud about the grace He's extended time and time again. He doesn't keep count on how many times we fall short, He focuses on our multiple returns to Him. That's the part He loves. And He accepts us into His presence no matter how angry we were at Him. He welcomes us with open arms no matter how long we gave Him the "silent treatment." He just loves it when we come back to Him and His embrace.

Instead of focusing on all the things that can go wrong in a day - I'd rather talk about how He intervenes on my behalf every.single.day. God has a way of taking the most difficult situations, the seemingly insurmountable circumstances, those between-a-rock-and-a-hard-place spots in our lives - and turning them into precious moments and great deliverances.

Let's talk about His story! One of great forgiveness and grace. His story is one of unfailing love and faithfulness. His story is one of great mercy and peace, provision, and direction. I love His story. 

Today, I will take my eyes of my story and focus on His story. Why? Because His story helps write the pages of my story. My meditations will be on His great mercy, grace, peace, and love. I'll turn my thoughts to how He's walked every line of my story with me, sometimes in spite of me. (smile) Knowing His story - helps me walk out one more day of my story. As I walk out my story - I'll keep my mind on His story and let it carry me today. Will you join me?

______________________________________________________________________

31Days in Psalm 31 book previews

I have two bookstores of devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more! You can get my downloadable eBooks (some are free!) from Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore. A few of them are also available in print or for Kindle on Amazon!


The In and Out of it All

Chris making one of his looks

 In my reading this morning, I reached the story of Abraham, Sarah, and one of our favorites, Hagar. My mind stayed on the rejection Hagar must have felt. She was 'just a servant' in Abraham and Sarah's house. When she became Abraham's "wife" nothing really changed much for her, except that she became pregnant. I was thinking about all the rejection she had to have felt as I reread her story again. 

Then, my mind skipped ahead as I thought about how I'll be reading the story of Leah and Rachel as I continue to move through Genesis. What rejection these ladies went through, right? I thought a lot about how God met them where they were and how He touched and orchestrated their lives. I started thinking of others in the scriptures who endured rejection and could have let it stop them from being - from loving - from serving - from anything really. 

My mind stopped on the three Hebrew children and Daniel. They were captives. God delivered the mighty three from the fiery furnace, right? And Daniel was delivered straight from the lion's den. Remarkable and amazing stories of real faith heroes in scriptures. But did you ever stop to think that after their great deliverances they were still captives? 

God met these heroes in the fire, in the lion's den, at the well, etc. But He didn't change their natural circumstances, they remained. How we would be amiss if we didn't recognize God's power intervening in situations even if our circumstances never change. We may never know why God intervenes when and how He does sometimes and then other times seems silent. Maybe He's just sitting there looking and waiting for those perfect spots to step out of eternity and touch us in time. 

Our heroes continued to trust God for the day-to-day even after God intervened in a single situation without changing their overall circumstances. God saved them in their situation - not out of it. God can walk into our today too and make a difference. And while our situations remain the same day after day, He is always right here to act on our behalf and meet our most basic natural and supernatural needs.

Today, I will think about how He intervenes for me so often. I'll go back and think about how He changed situations I thought couldn't change, how He rearranged things that I thought would stay the same. My heart will be thankful for His interventions in my life and I'll meditate on His continued goodness and care as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Seek and Ye Shall Find

chris and me standing head to head

In our lives as caregivers, there can be a lot of things to complain about, right? On the most typical day, so many tiny things can go wrong. With the load we carry every single day, even the smallest things weigh so much. Something small like a dropped fork becomes a catastrophic event. Of course, this is a mild exaggeration, but it really feels that way sometimes. We can easily live on the emotional edge where every feeling can be intense. I may have discovered a way to counter some of it.

 As I was taking care of Chris this morning, I found myself finding little things to be thankful for. Of course, I see his hands are severely contracted, but I was thankful for the little bit of movement some of his joints still have. As I continued to go through our morning routine of changing out the gauze in his hands, cleaning the feeding tube and changing its pad, and dressing, I kept purposefully looking for things to give thanks for. A funny thing happened....

My whole demeanor changed. Now, that wasn't the purpose, but it was easily identifiable. I began to feel lighter, less depressed, and in an overall better mood. I thought, geez, what if I did this more often? (Now that's a thought, huh?)

What if as we navigate through our caregiving days, we purposefully look for thankful moments. It's easy to find the rough spots. It may sometimes seem like the hard stuff seeks us out - huh? But what if as we move through today we try to find things to be thankful for? It's an actual game-changer and attitude lifter! Not only is there power in gratitude, but there's also a real perspective adjustment that occurs.

Jesus said - seek and ye shall find. These words are true, of course. But we really will find what we are looking for. Are we looking to be sick? We'll find a growth, a bump, a spot - or something to worry about. Are we looking to be lonely? We may miss the true impact of a friend's quick text or phone call. We won't be able to see past what we are looking for to the reality of what we have.

Today, I will switch my focus to finding Him right here in the cave. I'll purposefully shift my gaze toward things I can be thankful for rather than things that send me over the emotional edge. Nothing is too small to generate thanksgiving, I won't overlook a thing! Will you join me?


Our Shield

 


As a new year unfolds, I take a soul inventory. I think about the things I  "invested" in last year. Maybe I invested some money, time, or just thought. My goal is to see what things merit continued investment. As a caregiver, you know how limited our time is each day, so we have to make the most of it. Some things can't be compromised like our own health (mental and physical), our jobs, other relationships (if we have any!), and our spiritual wellbeing. But some things can be cut for sure.

I was thinking along these lines in terms of how I care for Chris. What things do I need to make sure are in his days and which things are unnecessary? Right now, I want to focus on keeping him as comfortable as possible and as mobile as possible even with his limitations. I want to help him have more "experiences." He seems bored and unengaged here at home, but as soon as we get in the van - he pops his head up and looks around like crazy - more outings are on tap if it's just driving around in the country! (That is beneficial for us both, I'm sure!)

Most of all, though, I want him to feel genuinely loved. I have no way of knowing if he "misses" his friends or not. But I did show him a picture of his last girlfriend - he stared at the picture for a very long time and heaved the longest sigh I think I've ever heard. Can I shield him from the pain of wondering where she went? Can I protect him from the rejection of all his former friends? (I cannot and will not blame them - they had to move on with their lives, of course!) 

Then I realized I am not exactly his shield. I cannot shield him from rejection, loneliness, or any other emotion, especially since I really don't know what he feels. But that sense of desiring to protect and shield him is how God feels about us. He won't interfere. He won't always "fix" every situation to our satisfaction. But His heart longs for us to feel His love and care. He wants us to know that He's going to bat for us in ways we cannot see or may never know. 

David said in Psalm 3:3 - But You, O Lord, are a shield around me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head. (NASB) He's got us covered today - and every day.

Today, I will make an effort to realize His shield around my life and my heart. I'll meditate on His great love for me - far greater than the love we feel for our loved ones. I'll be thankful that He is near - because He wants to be - no one is demanding that He be near  - He chooses to come near us even when we feel most broken. I'll thank Him for His nearness and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?



_____________________________________________________________________

31Days in Psalm 31 book previews

I have two bookstores of devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more! You can get my downloadable eBooks (some are free!) from Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore. A few of them are also available in print or for Kindle on Amazon!


Seen and Heard

Kyrie and Chris at the Norman Park

Do you ever feel like no one really hears you? How often do you feel invisible to the rest of the world? It seems these are common to the caregiver. Sometimes, it's the system that meets the letter of the law but doesn't really meet our needs. One example is handicapped parking spaces. You know I rant on this one often. lol - But seriously, many places meet the requirements of the law but not the practicality needed to meet the 

If there is a space, the ramp takes up all the side space. That means you can unfold the ramp, but there's no room for a wheelchair - which is the intent, right? Another example is the ramp up to the sidewalk is made of rigid stone. There's a ramp - just like the law requires. But pushing a manual chair up it and over the rocky edges is impractical and difficult, although doable. 

Thirdly, hotel rooms! They love to advertise that they are handicapped accessible and comply with ADA. Sometimes, that means the room is a bit bigger than normal. But oftentimes it means you can get to the sidewalk or in the room. Seriously, one hotel that told me on the phone (I always call first) told me they were fully accessible and I could get Chris in the room. He didn't lie, technically. But I literally could get his chair in the room far enough to get him in the bed and that was it. There was no room to get his chair across the room to the bathroom. Smh.

These types of things can often make us feel like we have no place. It's probably similar to the way Mary felt as she and Joseph went from Inn to Inn hoping to find a place to stay. We can thank God if we are not pregnant caregivers! LOL Hagar had similar feelings I'm sure as she felt forced to leave the comforts of her home. But she had two encounters with God as she began her journeys. 

In the first encounter, she said You are a God who sees me." (Genesis 16) And in the second encounter, God heard the cries of the boy. (Genesis 16). Hagar realized that God could see her and could hear her and her son. God can see and hear us too - whether the rest of the world dismisses us, ignores us, or never looks our way. He is still a God who sees and hears. He doesn't close His eyes or turn off His hearing - He watches over us and He listens.

Today, I will remind myself that God still sees and hears. His hearing is so good in fact, that He hears the things I don't dare say. He hears words in my tears. He sees the tears before they form. I will rejoice that He is still with me right here, right now - and He's not going anywhere either! Will you join me?

____________________________________________________________________
I Will declarations book cover

Check out my ebook store where you'll find this "I Will" Declarations from Psalms for just a buck! Download it today! I also have devotionals, study guides, poetry books, and free stuff! My Amazon bookshelf has some of these books on Kindle and for print - check them out!

The Chase

  This morning, I was reading about Benaiah in 2 Samuel 23. He was one of David's mighty men, and these three or so verses are all we kn...