Life in the Cross Hairs

Chris and Kyrie

 Do you ever feel like you are running back and forth, and round and round trying to survive life and the Enemy of your soul keeps taking pot shots at you? It's like you're always lined up in the cross hairs and your head or your heart is the bullseye. 

I remember when I first started the caregiving journey, I prayed I would survive. Then I prayed that I wouldn't become hardened through life's difficulties. I also asked God to help me emerge (even though I don't know what that looked like) having done something profitable for the Kingdom of God. I thought of all the stories I'd heard of people who were persecuted or imprisoned. When they came out they had accomplished a couple of things. 

Firstly, they knew God in a deeper, more intimate way. And secondly, they had written books. Think of Paul who wrote about 2/3 of the New Testament. He wrote most of those letters sitting in a prison cell. I also think of Joseph who was in the prison all those years for something he didn't do. He maintained his faith and trust in God through the deepest, darkest days of his life. I wanted to be like that.

I probably gripe, complain, and cry too much to ever make that list of faith-ers. Lol. But eventually I do settle down and realize that God is right here with me in my right now. It can still feel like we are always in the cross hairs though. Always something new being thrown at us or shot at us. For many caregivers, it's all day, every day. It can be tons of small stuff - or a few huge things chunked our way. But our main goal is always to just survive with our faith in tact.

I know you've got your list, but here's a few on mine - and this is just today:

  • my last blender broke and I had to order a new one while I waited for the replacement
  • my son has a small place inside his elbow that's slow to heal
  • the respite wasn't approved this go around so I don't have any breaks in sight - not even for a few minutes...
  • I'm waaaaay behind on my "real work" that pays the bills... 
  • there are two therapist appointments and one doc appointment on my calendar (just for today and tomorrow) 
  • I'm exhausted before I begin
  • My van has to have an oil change - I'm scared to even drive it to the shop! lol
  • medicines (not covered by insurance) have to be paid and ordered
I could go on - but I know you have your own list. Again, it can feel like we are in the bullseye - there are no easy days! lol. But here's the thing - even though we are doing a lot and it can feel like life keeps taking cheap shots at us - God's got an open door policy.

In Psalm 61, David reminds himself that God had been a refuge from all of life's storms. He says, You have been a shelter from the enemy. While God protected David from a physical enemy - He also doesn't hesitate to protect us from our unseen enemies. His door is always open to us, so we can say with David that we will continue to trust God with our lives, hearts, souls, and situations.

Today, in the middle of this hectic life, while I feel like I just keep running back and forth, I'll trust that God will keep me out of the bullseye. Then, I will turn that running toward Him. I want to run right up and through His door that is always open for me. That's where I know I'll find a place where there is peace for my survivor's soul. I'll remind myself that I can indeed trust Him for one more day. Will you join me there?

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