I Was, But I Am

 I'm spending a lot of time in Psalm 119 as I am finishing up another devotional. There are so many verses that stand out to me, but I stopped to read verse 107 over and over. The psalmist says, I am severely afflicted, give me life according to Your word! I really wondered what was going on at the time for David to use the phrase "severely afflicted," but obviously, it was something big to him. 

It made me think back over life, and the times I felt I was severely afflicted. Caregiving is definitely one of those seasons. Most days are okay. We make adjustments. We learn our new normal, which is a far cry from what it used to be. We mourn over the loss of our BC (before caregiving) lives. We suck it up and learn to give it to Him so we don't get sucked into the emotional abyss. But it's still difficult. 

I think I like the two extremes in this verse. Maybe that's what caught my attention. David says he felt severely afflicted, but he's also asking God to give him life. It feels a little desperate to me. I only know: because I know! I'm pretty sure many of you understand those moments, too.

Those moments when it feels like our emotions are so raw, wounds are so open, and our minds won't slow down enough to even try to process it all. We can feel stuck. Abandoned. Alone. Confused and overwhelmed. But like David, we know the source of life.

It's those moments of brokenness that bring us to our knees as we turn to the source of life with a desparate prayer. Breathe on me. Put life back into these weary bones. It's as we are coming out of those moments our soul whispers, I was...But I Am. 

We understand that we were broken, alone, confused, angry, and feeling sucked into the depths. But I Am stepped in. I don't know about you, but I know about me. It seems like every time I am sure I'm going down for the last time, and there's not going to be any way out, I find myself resting in His arms, trusting His grace for one more day.

He just keeps carrying us through day after day.

Today, I will remind myself that God has been with me each step of the caregiving journey. He has seen the affliction. The wounds. The worry. The fears and the emotional abyss. And none of that has scared Him away or disqualified me from a touch of His grace. He continues to meet me in those hard places over and over again. Today is no different for Him. He is right here, right now, waiting to step in and rescue our souls from whatever tries to take us under today. He has never failed, and I'm 100% sure He won't start today! So, I will trust Him with one more day. Will you join me?

Now is a good time to grab a copy of Command Your Morning - the second part will be released by the end of the year! Command Your Morning is a 31-day devotional that is focused on taking charge of your soul and day in the morning and trusting God that the rest of the day will follow suit! You can get the eBook from my shop at Buy Me A Coffee. Or the print and Kindle versions are now available in my Amazon Shop.