Same Difference

 I am pretty sure that no one will argue about the difficulties of the caregiving journey. Caregiving is challenging no matter what. The sea is sometimes calmer than other times, but it's always rolling and creating waves big or small. One thing I've discovered is that it doesn't really matter how challenging or smooth the day is - I'm going to trust God, no matter what. I don't trust Him less on the days that are easier, I still have to trust Him and let His peace reign in my heart whether it's good things or bad things that try to distract me.

In 2 Thessalonians, Paul's closing starts with this: May the Lord of peace himself always give you His peace no matter what happens. I found myself reading and re-reading this verse over and over this morning. His peace is good in the bad times - and it's good in the good times. Sometimes, it's the good times that become more of a distraction because I forget my intense need for His peace when things look like they are going smoothly. 

Paul is reassuring the new believers that God's peace covers them in any and all situations. The interesting thing is that Paul is writing this from inside a prison cell. His life was not what we would consider "ideal." Yet, he had a grasp on how powerful God's peace was - no matter what the surroundings looked like.

Oftentimes, caregiving can feel like a prison cell. Caregivers give up many freedoms others take for granted to care for their loved ones. It's not as easy to just run to the store, or do a few errands. We may have to hire a sitter or have things delivered. No matter what our caregiving situation looks like - God has us covered in His peace. He didn't pack up and leave when life's road got bumpy. And He's not gonna leave just because we feel in control and great for a moment, either. His peace abounds to us in all circumstances and situations.

Today, I will thank God for His no-matter-what peace. My thoughts will be on how He surrounds me with songs of deliverance, joy, and salvation. I will rest in His peace today as I work through the emotions and challenges of caregiving. I'll remind myself that He's got me today and He will not let me go! I can trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

                                                                                                                                                           

Who's Listening?

 This morning, I was reading Acts 16 about Paul and Silas. They had been "seriously" beaten with rods, cast into the inner dungeon, and their feet were fastened securely in stocks. These two men had to be in intense pain with their backs open and bleeding. And I'm pretty sure it was difficult to get comfortable in a concrete block with their feet chained to the floor. I tried to imagine what that would feel like, especially taking into consideration the fact that they didn't do anything wrong - nothing that deserved punishment of any sort, let alone something this extreme. 

But this is where they found themselves. The account goes on to say that at about midnight (which would be very dark - as we can tell when later the jailor asked for a light to go into the dungeon area), they were singing to God. They were not moaning, crying, wailing, or whining. They were singing - not to the prisoners. They weren't leading everyone in a chorus of Amazing Grace. These two men were singing praises to God.

How could they do that?

Because God did not change with their circumstances. The Kingdom wasn't shaken - but the jail was! The dark jail cell did not change God's peace, it didn't change His grace, and His mercy was still intact. Paul would later write to the church in Corinth that God's grace would be sufficient for anything life might throw at us. Maybe his journey of discovery started in that jail cell that night. Who knows? 

As caregivers, we can often feel like we live bound up in a cell, with very little freedom and few friends left. Our souls can feel the brokenness of carrying the responsibilities. Our hearts can be broken as we see our loved ones hurting, slowly slipping away, or aging. But we can still sing to the God who does not change. Even though our souls are broken, bleeding, and hurting, we can sing of His grace because it still stands. It still carries us. We can sing about the Kingdom of God because He is still reigning on the throne of our hearts. God did not and will not abandon us to the darkness - His light can reach our souls no matter how far back we feel we have moved or been moved in life. He's still got us, and other prisoners are listening in. What will they hear today?

Today, I will purposefully sing of His grace because I know that grace is what gets me through each day. I'll turn my focus from my dark cell to the things about God that cannot change, like His love, grace, mercy, peace, and salvation. I will be thankful for His keeping power that sustains me through the long days of caregiving, and I'll trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                           

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I Spy With My Little Eyes

 Israel was on the brink of taking the land God had promised them. They were most likely weary from traveling across the wilderness all those years. They sent in the spies to take a look around. The majority of the spies saw how hard it was going to be to conquer and take the land. But two spies, Joshua and Caleb, saw the remarkable fruit and the good things about the land. 

I spent some time thinking about my own perspectives after reading this account in Nehemiah 9 this morning. Those who gave what the Bible calls a "bad report" focused on all the challenges, difficulties, and how hard the conquest was going to be. Joshua and Caleb focused on the end result and how wonderful it would be once God conquered their enemies, and they took the land.

On any given day, I can be anywhere in that process. Some days, I'm quick to acknowledge that God is with us, and we can take this day. Other days, I look at all the caregiving chores and responsibilities and wonder if I'll make it to day's end. It can seem like the biggest challenge is keeping my mind straight and keeping my focus on the promise of God instead of the giants.

The Children of Israel decided it would be better to elect a new leader who could take them back to Egypt. They were "wailing," it says in the NLT. I'd call that moaning, whining, and crying. I don't know how God put up with them! Sometimes, I don't know how He puts up with me either! Lol.  But Nehemiah 9:17 says, But you are a God of forgiveness, gracious, and merciful, slow to become angry, and full of unfailing love and mercy. You did not abandon them... even though they were faithless, weary, whining, built idols, and wanted to give up on His promises.

He could have told them they weren't worth the manna and just stopped it from raining down on them every day. But He didn't. He continued to provide for them and didn't take back His promises to them. I'm like, how could they do that? But then, I remind myself that I can easily shift my focus from the promises and provisions to the challenges and giants that need to be overcome. Sometimes, our true struggles are not with the literal giants, but they are to trust what He said. Things like He gives us peace. But it can be work to exchange my anxieties for peace. Just like the Israelites were thinking it would be more comfortable to be slaves since they knew what to expect, I can get comfortable in my anxieties and emotional bondage. Who knows what is out there in God's peace, right?

Today, I will shift my focus from the giants to the fruit. I'll trade my anxieties for His peace - even if I have to do it 100 times a minute! My meditations will be on His promises, and I'll reassure myself that even when I doubt - He does not withdraw His provision. I'll focus on His mercy, grace, forgiveness, and peace today as I trust Him to carry me one more day. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                           

Would You Like to Help Dove's Fire Ministries?

Maybe you've wondered about helping support all that goes on at DFM. One way is to shop my personal bookstore, which has devotionals, Bible study guides, and more that I have written. Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.

You can also donate via PayPal at paypal.me/dovesfireministries 

Or you can donate via CashApp: $JeanieOlinger

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Me Myself and I

 Do you ever feel so scattered that me, myself, and I feel like three distinct people? (Who am I talking to here!) For caregivers, distractions are free - forget a dime a dozen - and they come at us all day long from so many different directions that sometimes it's unreal. It can seem like the simplest things tear us apart emotionally sometimes. We have to give ourselves a break and lots of grace because we run on overload and overwhelm. 

It often feels like I'm being ripped apart from the inside out. "I" feels one thing. Maybe it's anger, frustration, or overwhelm. "Me" feels something totally different. Maybe there are a few joys in Chris' progress sprinkled with a few laughs or coffee with a friend. And in the meantime, I'm trying to get "myself" together so I can get all of me on one page. It's the only way to get things done, right?

It never fails, though. Part of me gets all focused on a task, whether that is work or caregiving-related. Then, another part of me gets distracted. For instance, I changed my morning schedule today because the nurse was coming at 8:15. I do my Facebook Live at 8, so I rearranged everything to accommodate and prevent an interruption to the broadcast. As I was making "myself" some breakfast - I chose something totally different and fast, so I would not be tied up when the nurse arrived. Literally, at 8:15, she called and rescheduled because she had a meeting at work she'd forgotten about. 

That's not a problem - it happens to everyone, caregivers and those who are not. But it always takes me a few minutes, hours, or longer to shift into another gear. Maybe it's the weird way I'm wired. But I hadn't tube-fed Chris yet since she was going to change out his tube. It just gets me all off center, and I'm working on ways to get me, myself, and I back into the same lane faster and easier.

My habit is to look at scripture and ask God for help. And I found it this morning in Nehemiah. He was being fought on every side. His enemies wanted to intimidate and confuse him. Why? Because if Nehemiah became confused or intimidated, he couldn't finish the work. I'll be the first one to admit that caregiving can be intimidating. This month, it's been 13 years since I brought my son home. I was terrified. Scared. Intimidated by the unknown and unfamiliar. But I kept my focus on helping my son.

Life throws good things and bad things at us so fast it's easy to become intimidated or confused. Each time the insults were hurled at Nehemiah, though, he adjusted, adapted, and advanced. It's the only way to keep me, myself, and I all moving in one direction in unison.

Today, Me, Myself, and I - will trust God. That's "our" declaration. No matter what things look like or how things shift and change, I will keep moving toward Him. I'll keep my focus on God and how He gives me the strength I need for today. I know my Helper will help me stay focused and productive today. My Comforter will make sure I am not overcome by all the craziness around me. Today, I'll lean in to Him and rely on Him to keep me whole and on track - especially when I feel like I can't do it myself. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                           

Would You Like to Help Dove's Fire Ministries?

Maybe you've wondered about helping support all that goes on at DFM. One way is to shop my personal bookstore, which has devotionals, Bible study guides, and more that I have written. Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.

You can also donate via PayPal at paypal.me/dovesfireministries 

Or you can donate via CashApp: $JeanieOlinger

Or if you have Venmo my ID is:@Mary-Olinger-6

And Then...

Sometimes as a caregiver, we don't feel comfortable sharing the emotional part of our journey with others. Perhaps sometimes, it's for their emotional safety. (Lol) Other times, we fear they won't quite "get" us. And for most of us, it may simply be because we don't want to dump on some unsuspecting soul. That can get us in an emotional bind because we hold everything inside with no release.

It can even seem like the religious world doesn't allow our emotions. They are condemned and labeled as a "lack of faith," or we are told we are not trusting God. I beg to differ on this point. God made us to have emotions and feelings. Why wouldn't He allow them? Our struggle shouldn't be in not letting them show but in learning to channel them and manage them in healthy, godly ways. I'm pretty sure throat-punching someone is off the table when it comes to handling emotions. Lol. I'm not saying I ever did- but...

These types of thoughts were running through my head this morning as I was reading the first few verses of Nehemiah. When he learned that the walls of Jerusalem had been knocked down and destroyed, he became an emotional wreck - but not in a bad way. In the New Living Translation, it says that Nehemiah sat down and wept. He goes on and says he mourned, fasted, and prayed. Verse 5 says, and then...

After Nehemiah had washed through all his emotions, he prayed. What a great response to such deep feelings of loss. As caregivers, we often deal with a sense of loss that many do not understand. Perhaps we are watching a parent slowly slip away from the person we know. For me, it is a constant loss of my son, whose body is still here for me to take care of. It can even be emotional to work through the loss of a lifestyle we knew and enjoyed before caregiving. God will take it all.

God didn't tell Nehemiah to dry his tears and suck it all up before coming to Him in prayer. He gets us. He knows that we need to work through an overflow of emotions from time to time, and He never condemns us. That is one reason I love the Psalms so much - it shows us that we can be emotional and we can pour it all out before God without the fear of being condemned or shunned. God willingly listens to our cries as we work out the pains in our hearts and the anguish in our souls. 

The problem for us comes when we fail to transition into the and then moment where we have cried our tears, punched a wall or two, curled up in the fetal position, and are done whining..but we don't bring it all to God. Maybe we don't realize it's okay. Maybe we forget that He gets us and won't hold us at a distance just because we feel like we are a mess. Instead, God welcomes us and trades us strength for weakness, grace for heaviness, and joy for mourning. But it's a process that starts with the and then..

Today, I will turn my emotions into and then moments. I'll cry my tears, voice my sadness, hurt, and mourning - and then I'll bring it all to His feet. My thoughts will be on how accepting God is of my whole being. I'll remind myself that He's walking this journey with me and will help me as much or as little as I allow. Today, I'll let Him carry me as needed as I work through the emotional baggage of caregiving. I'll trust Him with my heart and emotions today. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                           

Would You Like to Help Dove's Fire Ministries?

Maybe you've wondered about helping support all that goes on at DFM. One way is to shop my personal bookstore, which has devotionals, Bible study guides, and more that I have written. Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.

You can also donate via PayPal at paypal.me/dovesfireministries 

Or you can donate via CashApp: $JeanieOlinger

Or if you have Venmo my ID is:@Mary-Olinger-6

In the Thick of the Battle

Most mornings, right after I get my son up, I put on some sort of teaching. I try to find a YouTube video that is about an hour or shorter for him to watch. Well, I figure his spirit man needs to be fed - it didn't get damaged in the wreck. Our soul is always protected and hidden in God. So, I put on some teachers I know he liked or that were familiar to him. Our favorites are Duane Sherriff, Loui Giglio, Francis Chan, and Steven Futrick. I kind of randomly rotate through these teachers, so he gets some different "flavors."

Yesterday, I heard whoever we were listening to say that Job prayed before his troubles, during trouble, and after his troubles were over. So, that sparked me to read in Job during my personal devotions this morning. 

In Chapter 6, Job is in the thick of the battle. His friends have joined him, and in their grief, they have sat with him for 7 days without being able to say a word. They probably should have remained silent because their words began to cut through Job's soul like flaming arrows. They accused him of not trusting God, committing some horrible sin, or doing something that displeased God. They suggested that Job was being punished and all he needed to do was to repent, and God would lift his struggles and pain all away. Sound familiar?

As a caregiver, I've heard all the religious answers. I've been told to fast, march around the walls of brain injury, roar like a lion (yes, for real), and all sorts of other things to make my son better. I've wrestled with thoughts that maybe I did mess up somewhere along the way. But even if I did, doesn't God have grace for that?

In the sixth chapter, Job is beginning to pour out his soul. He says some things that I can relate to as I deal with the deep blows and wounds trauma leaves behind. He says these types of things in the NLT:

• My sadness weighs more than the sands of the sea (v.3)
• I wish God would crush me (and make all this end) (v.9)
• I wish God would just kill me (v. 9)
• I do not have the strength to endure (v. 11)

He is in the middle of the battle we face many times on an emotional level. I could so relate to his feelings of defeat, hopelessness, and angst. 

But in the middle of his tumultuous thoughts, Job says this in verse 10: At least I can take comfort in this: Despite the pain, I have not denied the words of the Holy One. That reminded me of Psalm 119:50, which says in the Old KJV; this is my comfort in my affliction, that Your word has quickened me.

Even in the thick of the battle, God's got our backs. People may not understand; they don't sit with us like Job's friends. For the first few weeks of caregiving, or immediately after trauma, they are attentive and helpful. Once caregiving becomes the new norm, they tend to disappear, like you don't need a friend anymore, right? But God remains. I like that. I need that.

It truly brings comfort to know that God's word still works in what we may deem a broken life. It's definitely not "normal." Our abnormal circumstances don't render God's word, mercy, grace, peace, or truth ineffective. Sometimes, pressing through the pain, tears, grief, and discomforts of caregiving actually helps us hear God's heart better. There seems to not be as much "life" in the way.

Today, I will purposefully press past my emotions, pain, and crazy thought patterns into what remains normal, secure, and stable - God's Word. I'll make it a point to meditate on scriptures about the God who never changes because I need His consistency in my life. My thoughts will be on His willingness to just sit with me in the battle, and I'll allow Him to strengthen me to take on today. Then, I'll sit back and watch as He continues to bring His purpose and glory to manifestation to light in me - even in the thick of the battle. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                           

Would You Like to Help Dove's Fire Ministries?

Maybe you've wondered about helping support all that goes on at DFM. One way is to shop my personal bookstore, which has devotionals, Bible study guides, and more that I have written. Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.

You can also donate via PayPal at paypal.me/dovesfireministries 

Or you can donate via CashApp: $JeanieOlinger

Or if you have Venmo my ID is:@Mary-Olinger-6

If you think about it, God is the only constant in our lives. His mercies are new every morning - for our sakes, not His. His grace covers us no matter how the ebbs and flows of life roll. His love is unending, undeterred, and forever - it did not change or become confused when we became caregivers. His word still stands, and we can hold on to it for survival and spiritual sustenance. And that's what I intend to do today! Will you join me?

The Many Faces of Caregiving

 Each of our caregiving journeys is different. Of course, some things will be similar, but we are each dealing with very unique situations and circumstances. We share things like emotional roller coasters, grief, and a disrupted, very not-normal lifestyle. But our parallel lives have many differences. Even the things we share, like grief, are different.

Some grief is because we see our parents or elderly loved ones slowly fading away. Some grief is because we wonder what our child could have accomplished. Others grieve over the loss of a child, even though we are still caring for their bodies and the person we knew is gone. There's a whole gamut of possibilities for grief. Any way you want to slice it - it's still grief that can't just be erased.

There are so many challenges - mostly every day for caregivers. Those challenges can be in one or more of many different arenas, including finances, supplies, relationships, or our own physical health.

But here's the good thing - no matter what the reality of caregiving looks like for you or for me - everything God said in His word - still applies.

God didn't take one look at our messy caregiving lives and say - never mind. He doesn't have an at-will eraser so He can erase some verses out of the Bible that don't apply to our situation - or other situations in life that just don't make a lot of sense. His word still stands - and it still applies to our lives.

We still have access to His grace, His mercy, His love, His hope, His word, and Him. Caregiving doesn't automatically create a chasm between us and God. I will say that our emotions can if we let them. And our thought process can if we let them run rampant. Oh, and our worry capabilities can if we get that switch turned on! (I speak from experience! lol)

But nothing we face changes God's word. The things He promised us, like peace, mercy, love, and grace, don't change when life goes south, becomes unmanageable, or tries to swallow us up. No matter where we are on our caregiving journeys, what we deal with each day, or how crazy things can get - He remains.

                                                                                                                                           

Would You Like to Help Dove's Fire Ministries?

Maybe you've wondered about helping support all that goes on at DFM. One way is to shop my personal bookstore, which has devotionals, Bible study guides, and more that I have written. Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.

You can also donate via PayPal at paypal.me/dovesfireministries 

Or you can donate via CashApp: $JeanieOlinger

Or if you have Venmo my ID is:@Mary-Olinger-6

If you think about it, God is the only constant in our lives. His mercies are new every morning - for our sakes, not His. His grace covers us no matter how the ebbs and flows of life roll. His love is unending, undeterred, and forever - it did not change or become confused when we became caregivers. His word still stands, and we can hold on to it for survival and spiritual sustenance. And that's what I intend to do today! Will you join me?