The Stare

 

Chris at the 45th Infantry museum

Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has time for that? But there are times during extreme burnout when I feel like I could sit, stare at the wall, and drink coffee all day long. I'm tired of strategizing about my day. I'm totally over all the mundane tasks that have to be done over and over again - but never get "done." My brain is fried trying to figure out which job to invest my time in and who is actually going to pay me on time. I am pretty sure I cannot do one more load of laundry or make one more meal. I'm fried and the stare has overtaken me and my brain. Lol. I really hope you cannot relate!

As caregivers, we have so much on our plates. Yes, I said "plates" because we have more than one full plate to manage and deal with every single day. Caregiving is usually just the biggest plate that's piled high. There's our finances, work, self-care (whatever that is), and our other fill-in-the-blank plates that are piled high, too - because it's different for each of us. 

What's a caregiver to do - except sit for the three minutes we have and stare at the wall? 

It doesn't take us long, as there's always something pressing that has to be done. 

How do we handle it? The constant pressure. The constant "need." The every day, day after day. 

For me - it means bringing it all back to God over and over again. He's quite used to me dumping it all on His lap while I stare at the wall and take another sip of coffee. I often write it all out in my journal, too. That's a nice strategy because it gives me a safe place to process emotions and thoughts. I usually end my rant with a prayer. One that becomes my declaration for the day. I will trust You for one more day, Lord. 

One of the best things though, is that I can totally be honest about my feelings with God. I mean, let's be real - it's not like He doesn't know! Lol. I learned that it was okay to say just about anything by reading the psalms. David and the other psalmists called it like they saw it. They said it like they meant it. And they all ended up trusting God no matter what, too. We are in good company!

This morning, I read Psalm 46 again to remind myself that God is present in my situation. I also needed it to remind me that He will answer the deepest cries of my heart. He's a safe place to pour our hearts out to. Then, it's up to us to learn how to wait for Him. Wait for His grace to carry us through. Wait for His mercies that were refreshed for us this morning. Wait for Him to carry us as needed. All He is waiting for is for us to trust Him with everything. He gets us.

Today, I will remind myself that God is present, as the psalm says. My situation doesn't scare Him away, and He has no intention of avoiding it. I'll think about how He is in it for the long haul and I will not be abandoned on the way - He doesn't have anything more important to do than to walk with me through today. That's an awesome thought that will be my meditation today as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

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Bad Jugglers

chris and I at the park

 Do you ever feel like your days are filled with heroic juggling acts? I do. Then there are days that the juggling isn't so heroic. Actually, that's most days because it seems I'm always backed into a corner trying to figure out the must-dos and what can waits. Maybe I'm just a bad juggler. Lol. There are so many things for a caregiver to do each day. Things do have to be prioritized. And if you, like me, are trying to juggle caregiving, work, and ministry, well, some days just don't end well. Or at least I end them feeling like a huge failure.

One thing I have learned is to shift my focus from the things I chose to leave undone to the things I did accomplish in a day. It ended up being a big help for my mental health. I can spend my evening in the mully-grubs, thinking about the list of items I did not finish. Or, I can change the narrative and begin to list all the things I did get done that day. Our days are filled with shifting moments, aren't they? We have to think on our feet and eliminate some things to ensure our loved ones get the care they deserve and need. It comes down to being flexible and willing to make adjustments on the fly.

This weekend, I read the book of Ruth. Now, these three ladies went through some stuff. They made huge adjustments, and the book is only four chapters long! Naomi was widowed, and then her two sons died, leaving Ruth and Orpah widowed. I can't imagine the grief Naomi dealt with because of all her loss. She even asked to not be called "Naomi" since it means delightful. She chose instead to be called "Mara" because it means bitterness. Surely life dealt her a bitter hand.

But Naomi didn't stop and wallow in her pain. In fact, it seems she became anything but bitter. She began to encourage Ruth. Now Ruth was a Moabite, unaccustomed to the Hebrew customs. Naomi stepped up to the plate for Ruth and walked her through her situation so that she was covered and redeemed by Boaz according to the Jewish custom. Instead of becoming bitter, Naomi helped Ruth become better. She was able to juggle her own emotions and show up for someone else's benefit.

We juggle so many things, from finances to relationships, caregiving tasks to work, and housekeeping to personal care. What we choose says a lot about us! I want to be like Naomi who chose to help another up even in her own pain. I also want to be like Ruth, who made the hard choice of leaving her comfort and family behind to embrace a whole new world. Ultimately, I want to juggle everything in my life so that God is supreme.

Today, I will embrace the fact that there are lots of things to juggle. While I sort through each task's importance, I'll make sure God lands on top. My relationship with Him is not up to being juggled; it's a given. It's solid, and it's what carries me through juggling and sorting all the other parts of my day. I'll remind myself that I don't have to juggle grace, mercy, truth, and peace. I get them all, and no exchanges are needed. I can trust Him to lead me in my juggling. He'll let me know what to let go of and what is needed every moment of today. I can trust Him with today. I will trust Him with today. Will you join me?

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The King's Court

Chris wearing his Dale Earnhardt shirt.

 I was listening to some new releases this morning from Zach Williams and Nicole C. Mullen. Over the years, I've written some songs. I'm not a great singer and definitely just get by as a musician. As I listened to these two outstanding artists, I had the thought that I'd never write a song the world would sing. I'm okay with that. But immediately following that thought was another one. It was how I will always have a place in the King's court. I sing for the One who matters. I'm quite okay with that too!

Thoughts of my seemingly broken life ran through my head. Not one second of my life was missed by God, including caregiving. No matter what happens or doesn't happen in life, we still have a place in His courts. My mind went to Mephibosheth. He was Saul's grandson and lived a large portion of his life in hiding and in fear. But David sought him out and gave him his rightful place in the king's court. (2 Samuel 9)

Mephibosheth had a caregiver. When the battle heated up, his nurse was carrying him and running away for safety, and she tripped and fell. His feet were injured in the fall, and he could not walk. We are caring for our loved ones because, for whatever reason, they cannot totally care for themselves. But we are all invited to the King's table and we all have a place in His court, both the caregiver and the caregivee are welcomed in His house.

I love that about God because the caregiver soon finds out that they are not always welcomed in every setting. Sadly, it's often even in a church setting. Ask me how I know! Lol. But God never turns us away. He doesn't say we are not worth it. He won't look the other way and ignore us. He opens up His courts, His table, and His arms to welcome us in. I needed to be reminded of that today.

So, today, I will meditate on how God welcomes us and our loved ones with open arms. It doesn't matter to Him if they can't walk, talk, or perform daily tasks. He loves us, and He loves them. We are all welcomed in His house. As a matter of fact, we are invited. My thoughts will be on His grace, His mercy, and His love for me and my loved one today. I'll let thanksgiving take over my thoughts because He sees past the situations to the persons inside, and He still chooses to hang around. I think I can trust Him for one more day. Will you join me? 

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Bookcover of Affirmations for Caregivers

Affirmations for Caregivers contains an affirmation, a verse or two to read, and a prompt for a very short response for each day for a month or 31 days.  You can download the eBook from the Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore right now and print it and and start today! The print version is also now available on Amazon! Check it out!

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Distracted? Drivers?

 

Chris outside in the standing frame

Yesterday, I thought a lot about distractions. I was thinking about some of our Bible heroes and how they got distracted from what God had said. First, I thought about Samson. He was totally distracted by Delilah. The important part of that story is that God still fulfilled the promise He had given about Samson. The distraction didn't change God's mind about using Samson.

In 1 Kings 13, a young prophet was given precise instructions from the Lord. He let an older prophet distract him from what God had said. It ultimately cost the young prophet his life. A simple distraction.

There can be many distractions in our lives, and caregiving can hold our attention and efforts, for sure. But what if we turned the distractions, even those that come with caregiving, into drivers? What do I mean? I think I mean that it's so easy to get distracted by our day-to-days, but we can use those distractions, and caregiving in particular, as drivers. A driver is the total opposite of a distraction. 

Distractions try to direct our attention to a multitude of other things. Drivers propel us right to the heart of God. I think over the years, caregiving has become more of a driver than a distraction. Even though there've been times when I was upset or downright mad at God, I always end back up in His lap. I'm starting to wonder if every situation - good, bad, or indifferent - becomes a distractor or a driver.

One thing I'm sure of is that caregiving and the related pressures, stresses, and responsibilities definitely drive me to the heart of God and back to His word. That's a good thing. Whether today is a "dark night of the soul" day or it's bright and cheery, God's got us covered. That's where I want to keep my focus. I refuse to let distractions draw my attention away to other things.

Today, I will cling to Him. I'll try to remember to run to Him before the day gets too busy or I get too burdened down to hear His gentle voice. I will lean in and listen for His heart, which is beating for me (and for you). Nothing is going to distract me from His heart today. In fact, anything that does come, I will turn it into a driver that carries me right back to Him! Will you join me?

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Paperback, Kindle, or eBook

Bookcover of Affirmations for Caregivers

Affirmations for Caregivers contains an affirmation, a verse or two to read, and a prompt for a very short response for each day for a month or 31 days.  You can download the eBook from the Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore right now and print it and and start today! The print version is also now available on Amazon! Check it out!



Unchanged and Unchained

Chris and I at Bluff Creek

 One of the biggest life-changing realizations that I have learned on this caregiving journey is that God is unchanged. He didn't throw in the towel when Chris had the wreck. He didn't explain that He no longer knew what was going on and so He'd be stepping down and relinquishing the throne. He stayed God. And more than that - He didn't change one iota. This world would be in a huge mess if God changed in response to my thoughts and emotions. It would be more than a crazy place! lol. 

Early on, while we were in the hospital for those initial four months, it dawned on me that God was unchanged. And even though it felt like my heart, hope, faith, and all light and life had been ripped out of my soul - He was still the same. It did take me some time to redefine my faith - and it took me even longer to find a way to trust God again, but He patiently waited until I calmed down and brought it all back to Him. That's when I realized He'd been the one who wiped the tears from my soul and cradled the many pieces of my heart, and nourished it back to health. 

He never left me, even when I was screaming and kicking and yelling about how He'd abandoned my son. He'd failed to protect us and keep all of life's bad stuff away. What arrogance. It was a great day when I realized I still needed Him. I still needed Him to carry me, shield me, keep my soul, and just be near. He was so willing, even after all my rants. I love Him for that.

We can continue to praise God, even when things don't go our way. As a matter of fact, when we praise Him in the middle of the battle, in the darkest part of the night, while standing in a pool of our own blood, sweat, and tears - it is there we learn to trust Him most. It is during the dark night of our souls that we learn who He really is. That's when He is unchained in our hearts and lives. Right there in that deepest, darkest cave is where we see how the Creator still works with nothing to make something of our lives.

Today, I will turn my emotions, thoughts, crazy thoughts, and meditations into prayers. I'll start by thanking Him for staying with me on this journey. I will praise Him for carrying me along the way on the rocky cliffside of caregiving. My thoughts will be on how He may not rescue me from the cliff - but He'll never let me fall into destruction. I'll remind myself that He still has me. He still has us. He still has the whole world in His hands, and I'll unchain His work in my life by reminding myself that I can trust Him - the one who is unchanged by circumstances. Will you join me?

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Paperback, Kindle, or eBook

Bookcover of Affirmations for Caregivers

Affirmations for Caregivers contains an affirmation, a verse or two to read, and a prompt for a very short response for each day for a month or 31 days.  You can download the eBook from the Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore right now and print it and and start today! The print version is also now available on Amazon! Check it out!


Circumstantial Evidence

Chris standing up looking at a park

This morning, I was reading about Caleb in the book of Joshua. I kind of let my mind camp there in the passage in chapter 14. This is the part of the story where the Children of Israel are taking the land that God had promised to give them when they first left Egypt. Caleb was one of the 12 spies sent over to check out the promised land. Of those 12 spies, 10 brought back a bad report based on fear and what they saw. But Joshua and Caleb, who saw the exact same things as the other 10, said they could take the land. The people believed the negative report instead of what God had said. That's why they started a 40-year trek in the wilderness.

In chapter 14, the 40-year excursion has ended and Caleb is standing at the foot of the mountain God promised him for bringing back a good report, one based on faith, not the circumstances. He begins explaining to Joshua (who, remember, was the other spy who brought back a faith-filled report) that God has been with him, and he has followed God completely. (v.8)

He goes on to explain that he wants what is rightfully his. He makes a lot of positive confessions or declarations as he presents his case to Joshua.
  • I am just as strong as I was back then...
  • I can still travel...
  • I can still fight...
  • I will drive the enemy out...
Sometimes, we focus on the faith statements, and that's a good place to be. But Caleb wasn't ignoring his circumstances. In verse 10, he acknowledges the obvious - I am 85 years old. In that one statement, he summed up what others were most likely thinking about him as he stood before Joshua. He had some circumstantial evidence to overcome in order to win his battles.

As caregivers, our circumstantial evidence is a much longer list than just our age, although that is on my list. Most likely there are a lot of other pieces of evidence or excuses why we can't walk in victory and have the things God promised us. In this passage, I learned that it is okay to acknowledge the situation. It's tough. It's an uphill climb. It's draining emotionally and physically. But we still have the promise of a God who is with us. 

Caleb's final plea in verse 12 was this: If the Lord is with me, I will drive them out of the land, just as the Lord said. I love that he sandwiched his declaration between two attributes of God. God is with me. That's such an important truth for the caregiver, and we talk about it a lot! And the second part was: Just as the Lord said. God didn't tell Caleb, "Never mind, I forgot you'd be 85 when you got here." God didn't take back the promise because of the circumstances. And He's not going to change His mind about us, either.

Today, I will remind myself that my circumstances did not take God by surprise. I'll meditate on the things He promised me, from the simple stuff like peace, love, grace, mercy, and His presence to the big personal stuff! I'll make a point to put the truths of what God has said and that He is with me before and after my declarations as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

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Paperback, Kindle, or eBook

Bookcover of Affirmations for Caregivers

Affirmations for Caregivers contains an affirmation, a verse or two to read, and a prompt for a very short response for each day for a month or 31 days.  You can download the eBook from the Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore right now and print it and and start today! The print version is also now available on Amazon! Check it out!






Undisputable

Chris in his batman shirt

 If you've followed along with this blog for a long, then you know I have quite a few favorite scriptures. I reserve the right to pick new favorites whenever it suits my fancy. Lol. I say this because this morning, I discovered a new favorite scripture during my morning studies. I was actually taking another deep dive into Psalm 23 when a reference sent me off onto a rabbit trail. It turned out to be a great trail to be on! Lol.

I found myself in Ezekiel 34. Odd place, right? He's perhaps one of the most misunderstood prophets in the Old Testament. I mean, really, a lot of his visions are foggy at best, and it can seem as if Ezekiel is disconnected from reality. But he demonstrates the heart of the prophet in this passage. That has always been to turn people's hearts back to the God who loves them.

In Ezekiel 34:11 in the New Living Translation (1996), it says For this is what the Sovereign Lord says: I myself will search and find my sheep. He's not going to pawn it off on His hired hands, angels, pastors, or anyone else. God is actively looking for His sheep. And the fact that He will find them (us) is indisputable.

When God says that He will find His sheep, who is going to try to dispute that? Only a fool! It's indisputable truth like this verse that keeps driving me to the heart of God. Knowing that He can't leave me - doesn't even have the capacity to leave since He's literally everywhere - He chooses to walk with us through time. He offers us a constant flow of His strength, peace, love, grace, and mercies. These indisputables are definitely what carry the caregiver through each day. At least, it's what carries this caregiver.

Today, I'll remind myself of the undisputable characteristics of God. My meditations will be on how He provides for me and keeps my soul safely tucked inside His heart. My thoughts will be on His protective power and His willingness to walk through the nitty-gritty of caregiving with me. I'll remind myself that He's not just waiting "on the other side," but He is actively pursuing a relationship with me - with us. Today, I'll let Him catch me, and then, I'll trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

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Now Published in Paperback!

Bookcover of Affirmations for Caregivers

Affirmations for Caregivers contains an affirmation, a verse or two to read, and a prompt for a very short response for each day for a month or 31 days.  You can download the eBook from the Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore right now and print it and and start today! The print version is also now available on Amazon! Check it out!


The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...