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Scared of the Dark

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 As I was finishing up yesterday's devotion, I wanted to say that God isn't scared of the dark. I stopped myself as I knew I'd get all ramped up and just keep on writing. But my mind stayed on that thought for a large part of the day. I thought about how He is not afraid to meet us in the dark, hidden parts of our hearts and minds. Nothing gets too ugly for Him!  Our Bible heroes from yesterday were Paul and Silas, who had been put in prison for preaching the gospel. God wasn't afraid to show up and show out for them there, no matter how dark it must have been when they chose to start singing at midnight.  From there, my mind went to so many stories where God wasn't afraid of the dark. I thought about Joseph sitting in prison for something he didn't even do. God was there. I thought about Daniel being thrown into the lion's den, where he spent all night.  When the king opened the mouth of the den in the morning and asked if he was okay and if his God had sav...

Second Guessing

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 How much time do you spend every day second-guessing your decisions? I may not be able to find a specific time for that, but I know I do it a lot, and it is exhausting.  My mind runs back over every piece of the day as I wonder if I could or should have done something differently. Or better. Or worse. Lol. I "should" on myself a lot. Maybe I should have taken him to the hospital sooner. Maybe I shouldn't have taken him at all. I should have called the doctor. These scenarios can go on in my mind all day long if I let them. Second-guessing is part of caregiving, isn't it? Always wondering about the what ifs.  But second-guessing doesn't change one thing, not at all.  I wonder if some of our Bible characters did any second guessing. I was reading Acts 16 this morning. Paul and Silas thought about going to Asia, but God said, "No." Then Paul had the dream where the man asked him to come to Macedonia, and that's where they went. There were some really g...

Fear Faith and Freedom

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  God sent two Josephs to Egypt. In the Old Testament, Joseph was betrayed and sold into slavery by his own family. A famine drove Joseph's family to Egypt to survive, and they dwelt there for 400 years. Fear caused horrible slavery. Pharoah was afraid that they were getting too big and too strong, and the oppression began until it turned into full-blown slavery. We often associate Egypt with oppression, fear, bondage, and slavery because of the dark years God's people spent there.  But in Matthew, God sent Joseph, Mary, and the baby Jesus to Egypt to protect them from Herod, who wanted to kill the baby who was destined to become king. Of course, it was all a misunderstanding because Jesus wasn't going to set up an earthly kingdom by dethroning the fleshly king. Again, fear brought adverse circumstances. As caregivers, we can deal with fear in many different arenas. For me, if I fear something, it's getting older and not being able to care for my son, who needs total ca...

From Bitter to Better

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 This morning, I reread the story of Ruth. I find the book interesting from the aspect of grief, actually. We start with three women, Naomi, Ruth, and Orpah. All three of them are widows. Naomi lost her husband and both of her sons, who were married to Ruth and Orpah. Naomi, her husband, and her two sons had left their homeland due to a severe famine. While in Moab, the two sons married Orpah and Ruth. At some point, the men all died. After some time, Naomi heard that Judah was thriving again, and there were plenty of crops; the famine was over. She decided to go home. Orpah eventually made the choice to stay in Moab with her family. Ruth, though, chose to go back with Naomi. What dedication, right? Or perhaps it was desperation. However, the story of Ruth demonstrates to us how God can turn our desperate times into generational miracles.  When Ruth and Naomi returned to the homeland, everyone was so excited to see Naomi. But she was still grieving. She explained that she no l...

Pivotal Moments

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  Life is loaded with pivotal moments, and there are many of them on the caregiving journey. One of the first pivotal moments on my personal CG journey was when my son was still in the hospital. I never left the hospital after his wreck, and we were there for over 3 months. There was this one day, though, when the reality of it all was starting to sit in, and I was trying to sort it out emotionally. I couldn't even think about or plan for the future because I had zero to work with at that point. I had finally figured out that life had changed, and it was going to be a long, difficult journey at best. I went out for a walk and decided that I couldn't walk it for Chris, but I could walk it with him. I remember going back up to his room and crawling up beside him on the bed and telling him that. Of course, he didn't acknowledge anything because he wasn't really waking up yet. But it didn't matter; I was resolved and committed to the journey even though I couldn't s...

The Invite

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 In 2 Samuel, we find the story of Mephibosheth, Jonathan's son, and Saul's grandson. David was looking for someone - anyone from Jonathan's household to bless now that he's king. Someone told David about Mephibosheth, who was "lame in his feet." When the nurse grabbed him to flee after Saul and Jonathan were killed, she fell and crushed his feet while saving his life. Here he is now, grown and has a son of his own! But he is still bothered by the injury from all those years ago. I'm sure if modern medical treatments were available back then, it was probably something that could have been fixed.  David invited Mephibosheth to come eat at his table. He also ordered all of Saul's land to be restored to Mephibosheth, but the invite was specifically to sit and eat at his table. Mephibosheth accepted gracefully.  Remember that they didn't have ADA back then! In fact, those who were lame or had physical flaws were often prevented from coming into the kin...

Wiped Out

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 Do you ever just feel wiped out?  Who am I talking to? Of course, you do from time to time; you're a caregiver! Lol. This weekend I pushed extra hard to get a couple of projects done for work as they are both big projects and both are due by the last day of the month. Of course, none of the caregiving responsibilities are put on hold while I try to cram extra hours on the clock to finish up the projects. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful  for the work, but also tired because of the extra expenditure of energy. Wiped out is about as close as I can get to how I feel this morning - and there's still more to do! Plus, caregiving doesn't have a "hold" button. During my brief personal devotions this morning, I was pretty sure I was too tired to hold my Bible up so I could read it. Lol. That's not really much of an exaggeration. That reminded me of a time in my life that was far worse. I really was too tired to hold my Bible up. It was 1986, and I was sick ...