Wait, There's More

 Today's title can be read a couple of different ways. I think maybe where a person is emotionally and mentally might influence how it's read. If a person is excited, it might be an exclamation. Wait, there's more?!!! But that's not how I was feeling it. Lol. Living in overwhelm mode has me reading it in a more mundane tone. More like, great, there's more.

Does it ever feel like things just keep piling up and getting higher? Even good things can become overwhelming for caregivers. Adding one thing to our day becomes the proverbial camel-back-breaking straw, right? I don't know about you, but I often find myself juggling and eliminating things just to get through the simplest, ordinary day. (No caregiving day is simple or ordinary, btw!)

But here's the thing I was meditating on this morning. Psalm 94:19 says, IN the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul. I love that God is not afraid of our anxieties. He never demands that we "get it all together" before He steps in. As a matter of fact, He makes a habit of walking right into chaotic circumstances. 

Think about it a little bit - Jesus walked right out in the middle of a storm to get to His terrified disciples in the boat. He didn't wait for the storm to pass or for them to calm down. He went to them.

He purposefully sent Moses back into the oppressive circumstances in Egypt. He didn't wait until the people were no longer slaves - He went to get them. He met Moses in the back of the wilderness where he was hiding in fear. God didn't tell him to get it together first, God went to Moses.

We could go on through story after story where God walked right into chaos and anxiety to bring His peace. I have to imagine today (a day I'm feeling even more anxious! lol), He'll walk into my anxious world too. And He comes without condemnation or judgement. He brings all of who He is and comes to speak peace to my weary soul, busy mind, and anxious heart. I love that about God.

Today, I will continue to remind myself that God's got this and He's got me. I'll think about how He empathizes with my need, emotions, and feelings and provides comfort enough to cover them all. I will tell myself that He's right here and He won't run away because it looks scary, lonely, or creepy. He remains, and that, my friend, is all I need to trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Life in the Cross Hairs

 Do you ever feel like you are running back and forth, and round and round trying to survive life and the Enemy of your soul keeps taking pot shots at you? It's like you're always lined up in the cross hairs and your head or your heart is the bullseye. 

I remember when I first started the caregiving journey, I prayed I would survive. Then I prayed that I wouldn't become hardened through life's difficulties. I also asked God to help me emerge (even though I don't know what that looked like) having done something profitable for the Kingdom of God. I thought of all the stories I'd heard of people who were persecuted or imprisoned. When they came out they had accomplished a couple of things. 

Firstly, they knew God in a deeper, more intimate way. And secondly, they had written books. Think of Paul who wrote about 2/3 of the New Testament. He wrote most of those letters sitting in a prison cell. I also think of Joseph who was in the prison all those years for something he didn't do. He maintained his faith and trust in God through the deepest, darkest days of his life. I wanted to be like that.

I probably gripe, complain, and cry too much to ever make that list of faith-ers. Lol. But eventually I do settle down and realize that God is right here with me in my right now. It can still feel like we are always in the cross hairs though. Always something new being thrown at us or shot at us. For many caregivers, it's all day, every day. It can be tons of small stuff - or a few huge things chunked our way. But our main goal is always to just survive with our faith in tact.

I know you've got your list, but here's a few on mine - and this is just today:

• my last blender broke and I had to order a new one while I waited for the replacement
• my son has a small place inside his elbow that's slow to heal
• the respite wasn't approved this go around so I don't have any breaks in sight - not even for a few minutes...
• I'm waaaaay behind on my "real work" that pays the bills... 
• there are two therapist appointments and one doc appointment on my calendar (just for today and tomorrow) 
• I'm exhausted before I begin
• My van has to have an oil change - I'm scared to even drive it to the shop! lol
• medicines (not covered by insurance) have to be paid and ordered

I could go on - but I know you have your own list. Again, it can feel like we are in the bullseye - there are no easy days! lol. But here's the thing - even though we are doing a lot and it can feel like life keeps taking cheap shots at us - God's got an open door policy.

In Psalm 61, David reminds himself that God had been a refuge from all of life's storms. He says, You have been a shelter from the enemy. While God protected David from a physical enemy - He also doesn't hesitate to protect us from our unseen enemies. His door is always open to us, so we can say with David that we will continue to trust God with our lives, hearts, souls, and situations.

Today, in the middle of this hectic life, while I feel like I just keep running back and forth, I'll trust that God will keep me out of the bullseye. Then, I will turn that running toward Him. I want to run right up and through His door that is always open for me. That's where I know I'll find a place where there is peace for my survivor's soul. I'll remind myself that I can indeed trust Him for one more day. Will you join me there?

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The Caregiver's Enemies

As caregivers, we have a unique set of enemies. Remember Ephesians 6:12 tells us that our battle isn't against flesh and blood. We are not fighting people, even though sometimes getting others to listen to us and take us seriously is quite a fight! That's okay - our real fight is against fear, doubt, and fatigue. Maybe you got a few more to add to that list. 

Of course, we are also told in 2 Corinthians 10:3 that we don't wage war with human plans and methods - we don't have natural weapons. But we do have supernatural ones! God has equipped us for the fight and He goes with us through every battle. 

Today, I used Psalm 23 for my Facebook Live devotions. One of my points was that God prepares a table for us in the presence of my enemies. (v.5) He creates this huge spread of peace, comfort, direction, truth, and love while our enemies (fear, doubt, confusion, etc.) just look on. They are NOT invited to the table - we get to eat in peace! 

And of course, this feast is spread out before us right after we came through the valley of the shadow of death. Sometimes, it can feel like the caregiver lives in that valley. Maybe it's that we are walking through it much more slowly than others. IDK. No matter what our individual valleys look like we can count on two things. 

• God is with us - the NLT says He is close beside me. (v4a)
• He provides comfort and protection. (v.4b)
• He will provide a table even if our enemies keep hanging around. (v.5)
• His goodness and mercy are still running after me! (v.6)

God will not refuse to protect us, provide for us, or comfort us just because we experience fear or doubt. The enemies of our souls can just stand there and watch Him bless us - He's not inhibited or prohibited by them - He loves us so much He will just keep pouring out His blessings and provisions on us! I love that about God.

Today, I will remind myself that no matter what this caregiving journey looks like or feels like - God's got me covered, protected, and fed. I'll think about how He doesn't wait for "better times" to take us under His wings and cover us. He is always on. Always "here." And always watching out for our souls. He's got His eye on us - even though He is fully aware of our enemy's presence. But the enemy is NOT His focus - WE ARE! I will be content to stay right where He can see me today as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

He Still Made A Way

 This morning, I was reading in Exodus 14 as I prepared for my Facebook Live devotional "Peace Out." I talked about how the cloud moved around from in front of the Children of Israel to behind them. God's glory was light to the Israelites and total darkness to the Egyptians who were chasing them. God's delivering power and protection are just amazing in this story. 

But as I went back to read it again, something else stood out. The Bible is so cool like that! :-)

The Egyptians are pressing in from behind - the Red Sea in front of them. They are sandwiched between two possible unavoidable deaths. First, God moves between them and their pursuing enemy. He protects them from being overtaken and destroyed. That's awesome in itself!

Secondly, while the cloud/fire maintains a strong wall of separation - the wind of God blows all night long across the Red Sea. The result was a seabed that became a dry pathway for the Israelites to walk across. What stood out, was that God created the path in the nighttime. I have to trust that in my night seasons, God is preparing a path for me. 

As I backed up in chapter 14 to some earlier verses - I kind of had the thought that they didn't deserve to see God move. Stay with me here. Lol. In verse 10 when the Israelites saw Pharoah's army approaching, they didn't demonstrate much faith. It says they began to panic, and they cried out to the Lord for help.(NLT) And then - they turned against Moses and complained. (v.11) It made me think of all the times I've complained about my life, caregiving, the difficulties, etc. But you know what? God still delivered them.

Even though they were complaining and panicking - God still made a way of escape and used a miracle to do it!

This passage gave me hope this morning, as I was rolling my most pressing needs over to God in prayer. He didn't tell the Israelites, well, you blew it when you went into a panic. Lol - He didn't tell them that He wasn't going to help them because they turned on Moses and complained. He still made a way.

As I sit here wondering how I will ever find a way through some difficulties I'm staring down - I'm reminded and encouraged to know that God still moved on behalf of imperfect people. I needed that today!

Today, I'll remind myself that God will prepare a path for me even in the night seasons. I'm not disqualified because I complain, even though it's better if I don't. God doesn't cast me aside when I go into a panic (3 or 4 times a day!). He just continues to plot and plan my protection and the path He is going to open up for my soul. How cool is that!? I think I can trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

Baby Steps

Caregiving days are just crazy sometimes. Okay, maybe they are most of the time. We never know what's going to pop into our schedule and throw us off, even though we do the same things every single day. Some days go a bit more smoothly, but that doesn't mean any of it is easy. Am I right? It feels like life moves very slowly and very fast at the same time. The good thing is that baby steps are still steps.

I've been working with my son on taking steps. He can now take 2-4 steps (with LOTS of help) from his wheelchair to the recliner. It's certainly not easy for either of us. His mobility and use of his legs keep improving, but I still need to help him raise his foot off the floor and swing it forward. He is doing more of the process than ever, but I still have to help a lot. 

While I'm helping him take a step, I'm also holding him up. So I have one arm wrapped up and around him to support him and hold him up - and the other arm working with one of his legs to help him take the step. As I was watching the video of his progress the other day, I realized that some days - this is God and me.

Our steps are not always easy or smooth, just like Chris' aren't. But while we are concentrating on taking a step and getting the motions right - God has undergirded us with His strength and He is supporting us with each step. I've often compared our caregiving to God and the way He cares for us, too. But I loved the mental image of God holding me while I try to walk through the day.

He doesn't knock our two or three steps either - because God realizes like I do - that 2, or 3, or 4 steps are not zero. So, He carries as needed. Holds us as needed. And supports us by lifting the weight we cannot handle yet. I love that about God.

Today, as I take what may feel like baby steps in life - I will rejoice because I know that God will not let me fall. He will undergird me and while He's overseeing each step, He is also supporting me and lifting me up! My meditation will be on Psalm 145:14 which says The Lord helps the fallen  and lifts up those bent beneath their loads. (NLT) I will let Him lift me up (body, soul, spirit) as needed today and I trust that He will carry me as needed. I will trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

How Many Towels?

 There are those times when caregivers become overwhelmed. We often suffer from caregiver burnout, and many times, even most times, there's nothing we can do about it. I've found a few ways to TAP out during the day. I can sometimes just sit and sip a cup of tea while my son watches something on TV. I'm working on a book outline that provides tons of creative ideas for how caregivers can relieve stress. 

This morning, I was just way overwhelmed. Things just piled up - Chris has a small wound that has to be addressed, I'm behind on work, money is tight, I need a new vehicle, possible job opening up... deep breath. And most of that is not even caregiving Lol. I know you get it - no matter what your list looks like!

As my mind went through all the things I need to do to care for my son (myself not included), first I realized I wasn't sure when I had had a shower. Secondly, I wondered if I could throw in the proverbial towel. Of course, the thought was fleeting and I would never do that. But if I could arrange a day off and trust that my son was well taken care of - that would be nice. It's also a pipe dream at this point.

One of the things I've learned is to turn my concerns and thoughts into prayers, so I did that. And as I began to give each situation to God, my heart felt a little lighter. I realized that He will never throw in the towel or quit on me. Somehow I drew strength in that truth - that God won't quit. He won't walk away. He won't emotionally check out. He just stays with me no matter what. 

We can describe our lives as dark nights of the soul, rocky terrain, stormy seas, or anything else that comes to mind. But Isaiah 43:1 reminds us that God will stay with us through floods and fires. In fact, I have to say that most of the time - He's carrying me anymore. When I think I cannot possibly take another step - there He is to help me take it - just like I help my son take steps. He can get from his wheelchair to the recliner with my help - I can get from morning to night with the help of God. 

Today, I'll remind myself that God has me. He's holding me up. He's carrying me. He is pouring in His life and His strength just so I can survive another day. And just about the time I want to throw in the towel, He's going to hand me a clean, new one just to be sure I can make it through the day. I'll turn my thoughts to how He cares for me and keeps my soul - no matter how crazy it gets in my head. I'm pretty sure at this point that I can trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Ever Tapped Out Emotionally?

 The term "TAP out" is used in martial arts. When someone is in a fight and they cannot fight anymore, they TAP out. It really means they are forfeiting the fight and choosing to lose. Many times, a fighter will TAP out in a chokehold or other strong armed hold they simply cannot get out of. Sometimes, it's a wise move to avoid serious injury. 

TAP is an acronym for To Avoid Pain. Tapping out is an honorable way of surrendering to another fighter. It is  usually a last ditch effort to survive without passing out or sustaining a bad injury. When the fighter Taps out, the ref calls the fight immediately. There is to be no more punches, throws, kicks, or fighting moves of any kind. The other fighter begins celebrating their win because it is over.

As a caregiver, there have been many times when I felt that I emotionally tapped out - just to survive. I usually describe those moments as times I sit, sip coffee, and stare at the wall. It means I'm done for the moment. I can't handle anything else at the moment mentally, physically, or emotionally. I'm done. 

God gets it when life paralyzes us. He understands when we just can't handle that one more thing. When we are so overwhelmed that one more straw will really break the proverbial camel's back. I love that God gets that - and He may seem silent, but He is very present and aware that life has overwhelmed us. Last night as I was getting ready for bed, I heard myself heave a long, deep sigh as I thought about getting back up this morning and doing all of "this" again. God heard that sigh and He felt everything behind it. He totally understood all the things I didn't even have words for - it only escaped as a sigh. And you know what? He didn't TAP out.

Psalm 46:1 reminds us that God is a very present help in trouble. He is present no matter what is going on in our lives. In fact, He is present even if we don't recognize it. God won't pack up and leave if He's not acknowledged - He waits. He has nowhere to go - doesn't have "better" things to do that to be present with us right smack dab in the middle of our circumstances.

Today, I will be thankful that He hears, sees, and feels my deep sighs. I'll remind myself that God is indeed in it for the long haul and He's not checking His watch or planning somewhere else to go. He is content to just be with me right here, right now. I'll take the words of Jesus to heart today - by reminding myself that He is with me and so I will not "let" my heart be troubled. Instead, I will "let" my heart trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?