Me Myself and I

chris at bluff creek

 Do you ever feel so scattered that me, myself, and I feel like three distinct people? (Who am I talking to here!) For caregivers, distractions are free - forget a dime a dozen - and they come at us all day long from so many different directions that sometimes it's unreal. It can seem like the simplest things tear us apart emotionally sometimes. We have to give ourselves a break and lots of grace because we run on overload and overwhelm. 

It often feels like I'm being ripped apart from the inside out. "I" feels one thing. Maybe it's anger, frustration, or overwhelm. "Me" feels something totally different. Maybe there are a few joys in Chris' progress sprinkled with a few laughs or coffee with a friend. And in the meantime, I'm trying to get "myself" together so I can get all of me on one page. It's the only way to get things done, right?

It never fails, though. Part of me gets all focused on a task, whether that is work or caregiving-related. Then, another part of me gets distracted. For instance, I changed my morning schedule today because the nurse was coming at 8:15. I do my Facebook Live at 8, so I rearranged everything to accommodate and prevent an interruption to the broadcast. As I was making "myself" some breakfast - I chose something totally different and fast, so I would not be tied up when the nurse arrived. Literally, at 8:15, she called and rescheduled because she had a meeting at work she'd forgotten about. 

That's not a problem - it happens to everyone, caregivers and those who are not. But it always takes me a few minutes, hours, or longer to shift into another gear. Maybe it's the weird way I'm wired. But I hadn't tube-fed Chris yet since she was going to change out his tube. It just gets me all off center, and I'm working on ways to get me, myself, and I back into the same lane faster and easier.

My habit is to look at scripture and ask God for help. And I found it this morning in Nehemiah. He was being fought on every side. His enemies wanted to intimidate and confuse him. Why? Because if Nehemiah became confused or intimidated, he couldn't finish the work. I'll be the first one to admit that caregiving can be intimidating. This month, it's been 13 years since I brought my son home. I was terrified. Scared. Intimidated by the unknown and unfamiliar. But I kept my focus on helping my son.

Life throws good things and bad things at us so fast it's easy to become intimidated or confused. Each time the insults were hurled at Nehemiah, though, he adjusted, adapted, and advanced. It's the only way to keep me, myself, and I all moving in one direction in unison.

Today, Me, Myself, and I - will trust God. That's "our" declaration. No matter what things look like or how things shift and change, I will keep moving toward Him. I'll keep my focus on God and how He gives me the strength I need for today. I know my Helper will help me stay focused and productive today. My Comforter will make sure I am not overcome by all the craziness around me. Today, I'll lean in to Him and rely on Him to keep me whole and on track - especially when I feel like I can't do it myself. Will you join me?


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