Through the Desert, Through the Rain He Remains

 

Those long nights can take a toll, can't they? For me, I've figured out that when Chris is doing well, I do well. But when he's not - I kinda lose it. I find myself grasping for His grace like a person without air gasps for breath. I can feel so needy, so helpless, and so vulnerable in those times. But I must say that every time God has come through. He has carried me when I thought there was no way to take another step. Why? Because He is faithful. The way things are going does not affect His faithfulness.

This morning, I was thinking about the whiney children of Israel. They complained about everything. It's not that they didn't have things to complain about - it's just that they chose to complain and whine about everything. They said that they wished they could have stayed in Egypt - at least they knew what to expect as slaves, right? Bondage brought with it a set of expected experiences. They knew they'd be mistreated. They knew they'd be overworked and abused. But the wilderness? Who knows what can happen there? Sometimes we become more comfortable with our bondages than progress since we know what to expect. As God leads us out of those bondages, we are in a position of trusting Him, period. 

So, this morning, in my devotions, I started thinking of His faithfulness. I thought of the whiney Children of Israel and how He didn't leave them, even though they were ungrateful and cranky. And while I certainly can't say that I've never been cranky or ungrateful, I do rest in the calm assurance that He won't leave me here in my life's wilderness, either. That's a comforting thought. 

Yesterday, as Chris started having asthma difficulties, I had a thought that brought me to His continued faithfulness. I thought, my song hasn't changed over all these years - because it's about Him, not me. He stays with us and is faithful during good times and bad. He is faithful in the desert and in the falling rain. He remains faithful during times of joy and times of weeping. He never tells us He "can't handle" us or our situation. He remains.

Today, I will be thankful for God's continued grace, faithfulness, and presence in my life. I'll remind myself that He's never packed up His bags and said He couldn't handle any situation. My meditation will be on His faithfulness and how I can't do anything to make Him be unfaithful. His faithfulness doesn't fluctuate with circumstances - it's just who He is, and He's got me. So, I will trust His faithfulness for one more day - will you join me?

                                                                                                                                                                

Seek and Ye Shall Find

 Over the last few weeks, I've been trying to strategize ways of dealing with stress. It's something we all deal with, especially caregivers. I'm walking and exercising more, which helps the body get rid of stress and it helps improve sleep to some degree. But I've also been working on training my thoughts. I've been working on purposefully finding things to be thankful for. At first, it was a bit difficult because let's face it, caregiving is hard work. 

This morning, I was plugging Chris into a nebulizer for a breathing treatment as he had an asthma attack yesterday afternoon after we'd been out for a little bit. As I was doing his treatment and his tube feeding, I didn't even really think about it; this "thought" just rolled up out of me. I thought, thank you, Lord, for carrying us through the long night. My own thankfulness surprised me! Lol. I realized at that moment that it's getting easier and easier to be thankful, even for the little stuff.

Jesus said seek, and ye shall find. Obviously, if He said it, then it's true. But it's also true on many levels. If we seek Him - we'll find Him. If we seek rejection- we'll find rejection. If we seek truth - we'll find truth. And if we seek things to be thankful for - we'll find things to be thankful for. When I started the quest of determining to grow thankfulness, I didn't realize what would happen. I knew it would help my overall attitude, and changing my perspective has certainly done that. And for that - I'm thankful. (Haha - see what I did there?) - smile.

My point is, I think, that when we truly start looking (seeking) for things to be thankful for - even in the difficulties of caregiving, we'll find so many ways He walks into our daily lives to support and help us. Being thankful may not change our circumstances, but it changes us.

Today, I will continue to seek things to thank Him for. As I go about my day, I'll look for all the hidden blessings that I may have missed by complaining so much. (I know I'm the only one who does that.) I'll shift my focus from my problems to my provider, from my hurts to my healer, from my needs to my nurturer. Man, He really is everything for us, isn't He? For that, I will be thankful. Will you join me?

I have two bookstores of devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more! You can get my downloadable eBooks (some are free!) from Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore. A few of them are also available in print or for Kindle on Amazon!

Mismatched Ends

 

Do you ever feel like you're running around all day working hard to try and get the proverbial ends to meet? It can definitely feel like it's a circus around here sometimes as I juggle to keep everything moving as it should. But when those "ends' do meet - it seems like they are mismatched. Every day has a list of all the things that need to be done, plus unexpected add-ons. It certainly feels like things keep spinning around and around. 

What do you do on those days when everything feels out of control? I have a few personal strategies, like stopping and making lists. I'll sip an extra cup of coffee or tea and make a list so I can more easily focus on those items that have to be done and let other tasks wait until tomorrow if they can. But while I'm sipping, I'm also praying. I ask God for wisdom in all my dealings. I include everything too. I ask the Lord for help handling my clients and managing work tasks. I ask Him to help me arrange my day, so I'm most productive. I even ask Him what I need to write in these devotionals and what I need to share on my Facebook Live devotions. I really don't leave any concerns out. Why? Because I know He cares about every little detail. Honestly, I can't imagine that, but I know He does.

This morning, I was reading God's own account of creation in Job 38-41. I love that passage! In Job 39:1, the Lord continues with Do you know when the mountain goats give birth? Have you watched as the wild deer were born? Do you know how many months they carry their young? Are you aware of the time of their delivery? (NLT) As I read through these few verses, I thought, God doesn't miss a thing! If He watches over the wild goats and deer, He must watch over us too! He sees all my mismatched ends and He knows my struggle to try and get them to meet.

So, today, I'll give Him all the mismatched pieces of my caregiving life. I'll include everything from disposable bed pads to wheelchairs, feeding tubes, nebulizers, and standing frames! He sees each part, and He can help me juggle them all. And at the same time, He gives me His peace and calm in the midst of it all. I believe I'll lean in a little closer and trust Him with one more day. Will you join me?

They Don't Know

 

I've been asked a few times about writing our story. A couple of things have kept me from taking it too seriously, though. Firstly, when I start thinking back to the very beginning in November of 2008, it seems so huge. I wouldn't know how to condense it all into a readable form. Secondly, there isn't a traditional "happy ending." Honestly, no one has lived happily ever after, yet. So, since the story has nowhere to go, I choose not to undertake the task. I might in the future, who knows.

This morning, I read the first couple of verses in Psalm 3. Twice, David says, "many are they." He said there were "many" troubling him and that there were "many" who didn't think God would help him navigate his circumstances. Have you ever felt that way? I know the overwhelm of caregiving is often insurmountable, or so it seems. But here we are. Right? There's busy - then there's caregiving busy. Two different things, really. Caregiving busy is pretty much double everyone else's busy, would you agree?

However, after David expresses the many things against him - he starts verse three with "But You, O Lord...." He turned all the many into a single statement of trust. As caregivers, we can have a lot of manys to navigate every day too. I know you have a list that looks something similar to mine and it includes figuring out how to dress, feed, transfer, do physical therapy, get to doctor appointments, etc for a whole other person, plus meeting your own needs and those of your family. That's a lot of manys that seem to be pressing in every single day. I didn't even mention all the financial, social, family, and work pressures that we must address from day to day.

Here's the thing - others may say or think what they want - but they don't know. Those manys pressing in on us are often hurtful words of others who don't have a clue. I just love it when someone tells me I need a break. (Please read the sarcasm indicated!) Or they tell me I need to get out, see the world, and experience new things. They don't know. 

It's okay, though, because they also don't know about the thread of grace that weaves throughout the days and nights of caregiving. They don't know how much we lean on God for strength, direction, help, security, and more, right? When David said many are saying this or that - they didn't know that David was trusting God to be his shield, the lifter of his head, his glory, and the One who was listening intently to his heart's cry.

Today, I'll remind myself that lots of people just don't know - but God does. He knows the silent tears we shed and all the emotions, feelings, and unexpressed words behind them. He knows our hearts - and why we choose to love our loved ones by providing their care. He knows - what they don't know. That is quite alright with me since He's the one doing all the carrying. I'll take a deep breath, relax, and rest in His arms for one more day - will you join me?

                                                                                                                                                                

What To-Do About To-Do Lists

 I don't know about anyone else, but it sure seems like my to-do list(s) are growing lately. Is this happening to you? I'm tied up until noon, pretty much just getting Chris's food ready for the day. I've been feeding him a blenderized diet for some time now. As beneficial as it is, it is also time-consuming. I did figure out to do all his tube feedings for the day in the morning, then I'm not making meals all day long. I guess it is more efficient. Who knows? Lol.

Of course, food prep is mixed in with getting him bathed, dressed, up, and in the living room. I think I eat breakfast in there somewhere. Oh yeah, and do the FaceBook Live devotions and write this devotion. Whew! I'm tired now just thinking about all that.

Then comes the afternoon, which is filled with Chris' therapy. We do the standing frame, range of motion, and all sorts of exercises. No wonder I feel like I can't get any "real" work done, right? Lol. I also have a long list of places I need to call, like getting the van serviced, changing my cell phone carrier, and scheduling a fireplace cleaning for the fall. But all of those cost money, right? Which means I need to work. Oh my - I think my head is spinning. Does anyone relate? I know many of you may have far more on your plate than I do, and I am so sorry.

Does it ever feel like your to-do list just keeps growing, but your to-done list doesn't? I remind myself nightly to keep from saying things like, "I didn't get anything done today." I DID get things done - even though I have lots remaining on my to-do list. In the natural, it's easy to feel like a failure. But we much reach deep into our spirit man and remind ourselves that we are victors. Every day we survive caregiving makes us winners!

Today is a good day to take a deep breath, pour another cup of coffee or tea, and remind ourselves of who we are in Him. Caregiving doesn't define us - it's what we do. He defines and describes us as children of the King, believers, sons and daughters, Kingdom dwellers, and those worth the blood of His dear son. That shifts the perspective a little, doesn't it? 

Today, while I try once again to whittle away at this growing to-do list, I will remind myself of the Kingdom I belong to. I'll ask God to remind me who I am to Him. My meditations will be on His undying love for me (is that possible? YES!), of His never-ending and always-reaching grace, and I will choose to rest in Him, even while I am working. Will you join me?

I have two bookstores of devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more! You can get my downloadable eBooks (some are free!) from Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore. A few of them are also available in print or for Kindle on Amazon!

Progress is Progress

 

This morning in my devotions, I found myself in Exodus 23. I was reading about how God was going to push the enemies and adversaries out before the Children of Israel. But He didn't want to do it all at once. He could have, of course. With just one swipe of His hand, they could have all been gone. But He chose to do it a little at a time in order to let the land recover and to keep it from being overrun by beasts. He always has a plan, and it's always better than mine!

I did my live devotion on this passage this morning and talked about how progress is progress. It's been my mantra for almost 14 years now. I have learned to rejoice in even the tiniest progress because it's still progress. This is applicable in our spiritual maturity as well. If I let His peace reign in my heart faster this time than I did last time - it's still progress! If I ran to Him first when something broadsided me emotionally - it's still progress, right?

Our journey is about learning to trust Him more. It's about running to Him first with our needs, hurts, wants, and emotions. We learn that He is our first and last option instead of just our last one. Has anyone ever told you all we can do is pray? That sounds so pathetic, so last choice. But really, it's an honor to be able to bring Him all our requests. The more we do it, the sooner we start doing it until our thoughts become prayers. But for those of us who are not there yet - progress is progress.

God is so patient and meets us where we are. He watches over our hearts even when we lean on Him as a last resort. He doesn't tell us that we should have come sooner. He's just glad we came. Little by little, we learn to let His peace reign sooner. We begin turning to His word quicker when we face trials. Scriptures begin to come to mind more frequently, so we can draw strength from them throughout the day. Progress is progress.

Today, I'll turn my thoughts to God's patience with me. I'll spend some time reflecting on all He has already done and how I've learned to trust Him more over time. I'll remind myself that He's always been there for me, and He isn't going anywhere anytime soon! With a thankful heart, I'll trust Him for today. Will you join me?

Sunrise Sunset

 

One of my favorite things to do is to make the short drive down to Lake Hefner and watch the sunset. as silly as that may sound, being near the lake and two other walking paths influenced my apartment choice. It's literally about a 5-minute drive to the lake. We go down and park on the north side, and I push him down to the lighthouse and back. So far, I've never been disappointed!

After watching the sunset at the lake last night, I got up this morning and headed toward the dumpster to take the trash out. There was the most gorgeous sunrise to greet me. Well, you know, that got me thinking. It was the exact same sun we watched "go down" last night, and here it was to greet me in the morning too. The only thing that had changed was my perspective.

Sunsets can be brilliant and bright with deep orange hues. Sunrises are often bright and yellow as they light up the daytime sky. Either way, it's beautiful, and it sends us different signals. In the evening, the sunsetting tells us it's time to slow down, wind down, and get ready for a restful night's sleep. In the morning, the brightness signals it's time to get up and about and get busy with the day's doings.

As I was thinking about all this, my thoughts went to how Go keeps us day in and day out - sunrise to sunset - to sunrise again. He continues to protect our hearts through the longest nights and the darkest days. He's always right there whether we see Him or not. Of course, we know the sun doesn't literally go away at night. It's the earth that's turning - not the sun moving around us like was once the thought. So, whether it is nighttime or a super cloudy day - the sun is still there - even when we cannot see it. It's still doing its "work."

I think God is like that too. He's always there even when we cannot "see" His work. Sometimes our emotions cloud our sight, and we can't see Him from the bottom side of the clouds. But He's still there. He hasn't moved - we did. During those dark nights of the soul, we can't see Him - but He hasn't moved. He is always right there, right where we left Him.

Many times we are tempted to throw in our proverbial towel - and sometimes, those feelings come several times in a day. Or in an hour. Or in a minute. Those are times we must remind ourselves that He is still there - He has not moved. He is still with us.

Today, I'll meditate on how God is always "there," just like the sun. It's life that moves us around, and we often cannot see Him. I'll turn my thoughts to how He is bright, light, and brilliant all the time, no matter what my skies look like. I'll remind myself that He is constant, and I am not. I'll be thankful that His brilliance is not influenced by my position or circumstances. I'll trust that He is here. Will you join me?