I've been asked a few times about writing our story. A couple of things have kept me from taking it too seriously, though. Firstly, when I start thinking back to the very beginning in November of 2008, it seems so huge. I wouldn't know how to condense it all into a readable form. Secondly, there isn't a traditional "happy ending." Honestly, no one has lived happily ever after, yet. So, since the story has nowhere to go, I choose not to undertake the task. I might in the future, who knows.
This morning, I read the first couple of verses in Psalm 3. Twice, David says, "many are they." He said there were "many" troubling him and that there were "many" who didn't think God would help him navigate his circumstances. Have you ever felt that way? I know the overwhelm of caregiving is often insurmountable, or so it seems. But here we are. Right? There's busy - then there's caregiving busy. Two different things, really. Caregiving busy is pretty much double everyone else's busy, would you agree?
However, after David expresses the many things against him - he starts verse three with "But You, O Lord...." He turned all the many into a single statement of trust. As caregivers, we can have a lot of manys to navigate every day too. I know you have a list that looks something similar to mine and it includes figuring out how to dress, feed, transfer, do physical therapy, get to doctor appointments, etc for a whole other person, plus meeting your own needs and those of your family. That's a lot of manys that seem to be pressing in every single day. I didn't even mention all the financial, social, family, and work pressures that we must address from day to day.
Here's the thing - others may say or think what they want - but they don't know. Those manys pressing in on us are often hurtful words of others who don't have a clue. I just love it when someone tells me I need a break. (Please read the sarcasm indicated!) Or they tell me I need to get out, see the world, and experience new things. They don't know.
It's okay, though, because they also don't know about the thread of grace that weaves throughout the days and nights of caregiving. They don't know how much we lean on God for strength, direction, help, security, and more, right? When David said many are saying this or that - they didn't know that David was trusting God to be his shield, the lifter of his head, his glory, and the One who was listening intently to his heart's cry.
Today, I'll remind myself that lots of people just don't know - but God does. He knows the silent tears we shed and all the emotions, feelings, and unexpressed words behind them. He knows our hearts - and why we choose to love our loved ones by providing their care. He knows - what they don't know. That is quite alright with me since He's the one doing all the carrying. I'll take a deep breath, relax, and rest in His arms for one more day - will you join me?
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