Yet He Remains Faithful

Last night as I was going through our bedtime rituals. I just stopped and looked at my son. He was lying down, resting and soon to fall asleep. I think all mothers like to watch their kids sleep. I just stood there by his bed and let my mind wander a bit. I thought about our journey and all we've come through to this point.  And I rehearsed some of my fears of what may happen when I get my ticket out of this place called time - or I get too old to care for him. The thought of him being left in a home made me shutter.

I thought of the people we met along the way and the ones I saw literally, just walk away. It's never been in me to do that. I thought of how much I love my son and how that holds me at his side no matter what.

I felt the bond between us strengthen as I grabbed hold tighter with my heart. It made me more determined to be sure things are in order so he doesn't ever have to feel abandoned. I can't imagine putting him somewhere and walking away. In that deep emotional moment it was like I felt God was saying the same thing about me; about us, His children.

He has that same intense desire to be with us. He will not abandon us. The scripture that came to my mind at that point was 2 Timothy 2:13 the passage (v. 11-13) reads this way in the NASB:

It is a trustworthy statement:

For if we died with Him

we will also live with Him

If we endure

we will also reign with Him

If we deny Him

He cannot deny us

If we are faithless

He remains faithful

for He cannot deny Himself

Two things ran through my mind He is faithful and He cannot deny Himself. Just like I can't stand even the thought of leaving my son's side - God cannot bear the thought of being separated from us. He remains faithful. Add to those thoughts verse 19 of the same chapter - The Lord knows those who are His and you have a win-win combination. He knows us - and He ain't going anywhere!

Today I will meditate on His faithfulness. My thoughts will be on the truth that He knows me. I will turn my thoughts to accepting the truth that He loves me and that love binds our hearts together and He is not going to leave...for any reason. Will you join me?

Reminding Ourselves

As I was reading through Psalm 71 in my morning devotions I recalled an old hymn called, Remind Me Dear Lord. I only remember a few of the phrases of that old song but sometimes it's really how I feel. At times I really need Him to remind me that I am still His child, He still loves me and He is still with me. Other times I need to remind myself of these solid truths.

I assume that David wrote Psalm 71 but it doesn't say that for sure - just that it is a prayer of an old man. Sometimes caregiving wears us down until we can just feel old. This Psalm was a great reminder for me this morning.

First of all, I noticed the things the psalmist reminded himself of regarding how he had reacted to God. He said things like:

• In You I have taken refuge
• Be to me a rock - to which I can continually come...
• My mouth is filled with Your praise
• I will hope continually; I will praise you more
• I will make mention of Your righteousness - Yours alone
• I will praise you with the harp
• I will sing praises with the lyre
• My lips will shout for joy when I sing praises to You
• My tongue will utter Your righteousness all day long

That's a lot of determination, hope and courage right there! Maybe he can say these things because they are mixed in with a variety of declarations he makes regarding his relationship with God. He says things like:

• You are my refuge
• You are my rock and fortress
• You are my hope
• By You I've been sustained since birth
• You took me from my mother's womb
• You are my strong refuge
• You have taught me from my youth

These are all powerful statements of faith, I think. He is declaring his absolute trust and confidence in God and reminding himself of all God has done over the years of his life. As caregivers it can be easy to feel like God and life have forsaken us and left us to drown in day to day responsibilities. These are some wonderful declarations we can make that help us remember who He is to us - and help us remind ourselves that we will continue to trust and stand.

But here's the other thing I noticed in this Psalm: the psalmist sheer desperation. Right in the middle of trusting Him and hoping in Him the writer lets us see the pain that's in his heart. He says things like:

• Listen to me and save me
•  Rescue me from the hand of the wicked
• Do not cast me off 
• Do not forsake me when my strength fails
• Do not be far from me
• Do not forsake me

For some reason this really encouraged me today- to see that the psalmist was in a state of despair with trouble all around and yet he did what was important and needful. He called on God for help, ran to him for refuge and continued to declare his trust in Him.

Today my meditation will not be on surrounding troubles or on the struggles we face as caregivers. My thoughts will be on the fact that I'm gong to continue to trust Him no matter what a day brings. I will sing. I will praise. I will continue to run to Him. I'll take some time today to think about all I have seen Him do in my life and in the lives of those I love; and I will be thankful. Will you join me?

Does "Everything" Mean Everything?

Sometimes as a caregiver it can feel like we are "missing out" on life. There are many times we just can't do what we used to do because of our responsibilities of taking care of another. It may mean that we cut some of our favorite activities to try and lighten our load, or it might even mean we lack any sort of social life at all.

For a long time I felt like I lived in a caregiver's cave. There was almost no social interactions and even now that we can get out and about even on a limited basis I am leery of scheduling outings. We just never know what a day is going to look like. It can be difficult to plan since we don't know what kind of day our loved one is going to have; and this can keep us from many activities.

Even now that my son and I can get out more, I'm very limited on how long I can spend out. I have to get back home to change him or to feed him. And honestly, sometimes the fear of what might happen while we are out keeps us home. There are tons of what ifs.

These can make us feel like we don't have "a life" like others. We can feel like life has shorted us somewhat. But I have found that God didn't short us a bit.

2 Peter 1:3 reminds us that He has given us everything we need for life and godliness. Everything - means everything. He didn't say that because we are a caregiver and have what appears to others as "less" of a life - we don't get all of His Holy Spirit. He does not exclude us from His spirit living in us. We have no less of Him than any other believer. The big-name TV preachers don't have more of Him than we do. Pastors don't have more of God or more access to Him than we do; and neither does any other leader in or out of the church.

Ephesians 3:16 says that we have the power of His spirit in our inner man It's a package deal. No one has a partial Christ. Even when a child comes to know Him - there is no junior Holy Spirit. As believers the Holy Spirit of God lives in us. We get no less of Him as a caregiver than anyone else. We all have the power of the Holy Spirit living in us working to transform us into His image.

We are partakers of his divine nature according to 2 Peter. And we demonstrate His love by taking care of our loved ones. We can offer the world a picture of His grace that they cannot see anywhere else. His spirit fully equips us for that.

Today I will meditate on the truth that I have full access to God and that I am not limited by being a caregiver. I will turn my thoughts to the fact that He did not withhold anything from me but my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. I did not get short-changed when it comes to having the fullness of God. That makes me smile....Today I will rejoice in this - that the fullness of God lives in me! Will you join me?

What? No White Horse?

I know I've shared before that when my son was first injured I honestly thought that at any moment God was going to come riding on a white horse right into the ICU waiting area and swoop us all away. After 3 plus weeks in ICU and over 4 months total at the hospital I kinda started to figure out that was not going to happen. Yeah, I'm a slow learner! lol

I still believe that God does not cause these things to happen, but I also believe he does allow life to bring them. However, I also believe that He does not waste them. What I mean by that is that while we are in any of life's situations - He's going to use it.

1 Peter 5:10 says this: After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. Honestly, I'm not rejoicing over that when I first read it. I'd rather it said that God is going to look down and see us suffering and come riding in and pull us out of the fire, rescue us, save us and take away our pain. It didn't say that though.

While I don't think God rejoices when we go through struggles or trials, I do think He uses what life brings to form us. Our natural man may be going through the toughest days of our lives, but He is working on our spiritual man. There's nothing like caregiving to reveal our own character to us. Sometimes (many times) I don't like what I see...occasionally, I do.

Caregiving is one of those life events that pulls the best and the worst out of us. For me, it's helped pull out being able to stand up and say what I think. Unfortunately, sometimes this also means that a few unacceptable terms are used to express what I'm really feeling. (I'm working on that.) Just being honest here. Instead of God swooping us away, stopping the pain and grief and returning us to a "normal" life (whatever that is), He uses the situation we are in to temper us.

He perfects or matures us; and confirms, strengthens and establishes us.  The New Living Translation says He will restore, support, strengthen and place you on a firm foundation. So even though sometimes it feels like caregiving is chipping away out our heart and life - God is in the background girding us up and working to strengthen our spirit man. Even though He isn't working to save our physical man - He's got us covered spiritually. In fact He's working overtime to see to it that we remain established and growing in Him.

Today I will meditate on the work He's doing in my heart, even though I don't see what He's doing all the time. My thoughts will be once again on how He put His Spirit in me - and that's what gives me strength to go on. (Eph 3:10) I will fight off the thoughts of abandonment with thoughts of how much attention He is giving to developing my character; and how He is still perfecting His image in me. Will you join me?

Lulled into Complacency

Caregiving has a way of lulling us into complacency. There's so many things that are the same as yesterday, things that don't change or go away.  Just my morning routine consists of getting Chris up, stripping his bed, starting his laundry, taking out his trash, pureeing his breakfast and feeding him. It's the same every single morning and then other routines take over after that. All of these mini-routines build up into one huge day of doing the same things over and over. For me, even runs to the urgent care or ER are routine any more. I know just what needs to be in the bag and I can throw it all together and be out of the door in a matter of minutes!

Even though the caregiver's schedule is hectic even at its most peaceful times, it has a way of lulling us into complacency. We know what to expect and when to expect it and basically nothing surprises us anymore. There's not a lot of spontaneity in the caregiver's life because there's a whole series of events that must occur to just go somewhere. It can take massive amounts of planning to just wiggle something like a movie into the schedule. Sometimes it's easier to just stay home instead of undertaking all the work necessary just to go get necessities. Complacent.

1 Peter 1:13 gives believers a stern warning  regarding becoming complacent in our faith. Peter tells them to prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on His grace. This verse is full of action that the believer must perform in order to keep from being complacent in our faith. As caregivers, our body gets tired and emotions can run thin and we can easily chill out and "turn off life." We can stop fighting for our faith mostly because we are just too tired body, soul and spirit. But it's important for us to remain diligent about keeping our minds sober and our hope fixed on His grace. We can't be distracted from Him by our crazy lives as caregivers.

Sometimes I think I'm too tired to be diligent; or I just want to rest from it all. I would love an emotional break - forget an actual physical vacation (what is that? lol) I'd just love for my emotions to be settled down and my mind to slow down and let my spirit man catch his breath! But while the caregiver may be thinking all of that, there is a good reason for us to keep ourselves in tip-top shape spiritually.

1 Peter 5:8 gives us the reason we have to be diligent even though we are tired. Our adversary, the devil, is seeking to destroy us. He doesn't want to destroy us physically - he wants our faith. When we allow caregiving to lull us into a complacent state spiritually - we become easy prey. So as difficult as it can be to stay focused on spiritual things through the distractions of caregiving - it is necessary for our spiritual being that we maintain our spirit man.

Today I am going to focus on how the Spirit of God lives in me to give me life. I'm going to purposefully feed my spirit His word instead of feeding my mind. My meditations will be on how I can remain diligent about pursuing Him and letting His peace reign in my heart and mind. Will you join me?

Holding on to What Does Not Fade

My latest personal devotions have been spent in 1 Peter. The epistles are among my favorite scriptures because they are just so rich! This morning I got stuck on 1 Peter 1:4. This passage is wonderful, but a few words in this scripture demanded my attention this morning.

Verse 4 says we obtain an inheritance which is imperishable, and undefiled, and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you. The words which I bolded are the ones which grabbed my attention. Our inheritance in the Lord cannot fade away, be defiled or perish.

That might not seem like too big of a deal to a lot of people, but for me as a caregiver sometimes I start to feel like a second class citizen all the way around. I feel the loss of a "normal" life, and feel like I can't get out and do things like so many get to enjoy. When my son was first injured, my life stopped and in many aspects it's never begun again. It's changed; but it's anything but "normal."

Many days I grieve the loss of my son, even though he is still here. I grieve the loss of my life too. It is so good to know that what we have in Christ, and who we are in Him cannot perish, cannot be stolen from us and will not ever fade away. Our life is hidden with Christ in God our Father and being a caregiver doesn't cause our standing in Him to change or waver one bit. Nothing in our spirit man changed when we became a caregiver.

This really touched me this morning during my devotions because when everything else in our lives changes, God's hold on us remains constant. Today I am going to grab hold on this truth and rest in Him. My meditation will be on His constancy - and His perseverance to hold on to me through life's struggles. I will turn my thoughts to His unchanging love for me. And I will rejoice in the fact that what He has put in me will not and cannot be damaged by life's roaring tides! Will you join me?

Still Can't See!

I've been thinking about Joseph a lot over the last few weeks. He was another Bible hero who spent some time not being able to see just what God was doing in his life. It had to be so hurtful and difficult to deal with not only the rejection by his brothers, but being sold into slavery.

If all that weren't bad enough he ends up going to prison for something he didn't do. Honestly, I'm sure somewhere along the way I might have quit. While Joseph's intense struggle isn't described in scripture, we can imagine that he endured heart wrenching agony. And it went on for years.

We read the story of Joseph in a matter of a few minutes sometimes without realizing the impact of the number of years that  passed. He sat in prison. And sat. Then sat. And then sat some more. And the prison he was in was not anything like our prisons today. As harsh of an environment as today's prison are they would be plush and luxurious by comparison.

I have to wonder what he thought about. Did he go over the dreams he'd been given as a young man and wonder if they were going to happen? You know he had to miss his family, but that was nothing new. Did he wonder what his brothers told his dad? Maybe he had dreams that Jakob, his dad was going to find him and come swoop him up and take him back home. I wonder all of this because it sounds like what I would do.

When my son was first injured in the automobile accident and we were sitting for three long weeks in ICU, I kept thinking God was going to swoop in on His white horse and whisk us away. But of course, it didn't happen like that. Instead, like in Joseph's situation, it just kept dragging out year after painful year.

Do you ever wonder how Joseph kept it together over the years? I mean he was in a tough spot that just got tougher but still managed to keep his faith. And it's important to note that he didn't have a Bible to resort to. He couldn't pick up the Bible like we can and go read Psalms for comfort or Proverbs for wisdom. He had far less than we do.  He had nothing. 

We know he kept the faith even when he couldn't see by something he told his brothers as it all began to unfold. He said to his brothers that what they meant for evil, God meant for good. (Gen. 50:20) He recognized that even though life came at him, God had  sent him before to prepare the way for his family to be preserved. God's cool like that. He can turn sticky situations into something good. And many times He does it right under our unsuspecting noses.

Joseph kept the faith through some very dark circumstances. God continued to use him to interpret dreams and to share wisdom. As a caregiver it can be easy to feel like we don't have anything to contribute. And quite honestly, people feel sorry for us and don't require a lot out of us. But that's no excuse.God never says never mind. He doesn't take back dreams, calls or visions. Whatever He says about us doesn't change because we become a caregiver. Even though the journey was difficult, God fulfilled what He desired in Joseph's life.

No matter how good or how bad it might look right now - God is still in control. He hasn't forgotten about us. He hasn't changed His mind about us. He is still our God. He is still a loving, caring King who is concerned about everything that concerns us. He remains faithful - even in the midst of the dark stormy night. We can't do a thing to change that about Him! I sure am glad.

Today I will meditate on how God never changes. I'll turn my thoughts to how He continues to watch over us no matter what a day brings - or doesn't bring. I will keep my thoughts focused on how unchanging He is when life around us is in a whirlwind. Nothing scares God. Nothing can make Him give up on us. I will not give up on Him. Will you join me in trusting Him for one more day?