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Showing posts with the label God's presence

Where Did He Go?

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  Don't you love those times when God feels so close? There is no doubt that He's right here - right now and He's walking through the day or midnight with you. I do. But then there are those times that even though I know  He's here - I can't seem to find Him or hear Him. Those are not fun times, for sure. This morning I read in Jeremiah 23:23-24 where God said through the prophet: An I a God near at hand and not a God afar off? Can anyone hide in secret places, so I cannot see him? do I not fill heaven and earth? There were several things in these two verses that spoke to my heart personally this morning. I love that God asks in an explanative way  - how can I be close and not be far? Because I don't know where you are, but I'm happy to say that God is right here in Oklahoma with me and my son! :-) He is also there with you wherever you and your loved ones are. So, He's near to me here - yet far away from me with you. AND  He's near to you there - bu...

Short Days

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  Are the days getting shorter? They must be because I keep running out of time and energy before I'm done! Can you relate? When Chris came home from the hospital a couple of weeks ago, he had to have IV antibiotics three times a day for 10 days. Man, did that stretch my scheduling and organizing abilities! lol But we got it done and yesterday, the nurse removed the med line. I was so relieved! (I'm sure he was too!) I didn't realize how much hooking up an IV and removing it three times a day would take out of me. Sounds a little bit silly to those who don't understand, right? As caregivers, our days (and nights) are already packed full of tasks and responsibilities. Adding one more might not seem like much, but it is when you are already on overload. (I know you understand!) Most nights I go to bed feeling like I failed because there is still so much left to do. I've had to change the way I talk to myself though. Instead of beating myself up, I started saying- You ...

No Recalls Issued!

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 Do you ever wonder why there are so many recalls? It seems like it used to pertain just to vehicles. Some little or big part wasn't functioning right and had caused or could potentially cause damage. So they recalled the part and replaced it for free. Over the years, other items were recalled. Things like car seats, blenders, cell phones, and who knows what else! Some sort of manufacturer's defect was discovered and a recall was issued in an attempt to prevent injuring innocent consumers, right? This morning during my devotions, it hit me that heaven doesn't issue recalls! There's never been a recall on His peace. Jesus told us He was leaving it here for us - and He's not going to take that back! God's love hasn't been recalled. Romans 8 tells us it remains no matter what we walk through - there is literally absolutely nothing that can separate us from His love. And He's not taking that back! I haven't seen a recall issued on His grace either. His g...

The Back of the Cave

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  This morning I let my mind and heart run around in Psalm 57 for a while. It's been a long-time favorite as I "found" it during one of the darkest storms of my life in 1986. I find myself going back there a lot. David penned this psalm while running for his life from Saul. He was hiding in a cave. Do you ever feel like you live in a cave as a caregiver? I know I did when I first brought Chris home. I found myself all alone almost all the time.  What David did in the cave is an example for us all. He wasn't shy about expressing his emotions or concerns. But he also wasn't shy about declaring his faith and trust in God, even in the tough times. He declared from the back of the cave I will hide beneath the shadow of Your wings. I cry to God! I will sing Your praises. Be exalted O God above the heavens. Even while navigating a difficult time in his life, he put his trust in God. I think we do that a lot. David also declared in verse 3 that God was going to send forth...

This Day

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 I know we don't like to talk about our fears. Somehow we've let the world convince us that if we express any amount of fear or concern, we are not in faith. Nothing could be further from the truth. David even said What time I am afraid  I will trust in You. ( Psalm 56:3) We have so many stories of Bible heroes who faced difficulties that we sometimes forget they were human. Joseph cried bitterly  when his brothers sold him. He had to have been afraid. We read the rest of his story without a lot of emotions sometimes. It's easy to forget this is the life he was living - we're just reading it. Someone said real courage is moving ahead even though you are afraid. Without fear - situations don't take courage to face. I remember when I first brought my son home. Every time it was time to transfer him (which wasn't a lot back then), I'd get sick to my stomach. I was so scared I'd drop him or hurt him. Those fears were warranted - but they didn't last, tha...

Everything - Everywhere?

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  In my Facebook Live devotions this morning, I referred to Ephesians 1:23. In the New Living Translation, it says ...Christ who fills everything everywhere with His presence. I talked about His presence being literally everywhere. We cannot get away from Him even if we wanted to. In Psalm 139, the psalmist said even if I make my bed in hell - You are there. Death doesn't separate us from Him - and nothing in life can remove us or partition us off from His presence. He fills everything - everywhere. That may not seem too significant to many people, but if you've been a caregiver, you know that there are a few dark, lonely places along the way. The good news is  - He's there too! I sing Psalm 61 a lot - from the ends of the earth, will I cry unto thee - We can easily feel like we dwell at the ends of the earth,   a place far from normal ...places others are afraid to go even in thought. But God dwells there - He fills that place with His presence too. Where is your "...

No Room in the Inn

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 Do you ever just feel out of step with the rest of the world? I'm not really sure what everyone uses to measure "normal" but I think our caregiving lives don't fit the mold. :-) Most of the time, I'm good with it - I know we walk a very different walk. However, I also know that the baby boomer generation is busy taking care of our parents, so it's a bigger thing than most think. Honestly, I'm not sure about everyone else - but I am sure about me. And I feel out of step with pretty much the rest of the world. When you are a caregiver: Simple things are not simple. Doable things are not doable. Basic activities of life are more complicated. I know you understand. In one way, the pandemic has been a huge help. It's so much easier to order groceries and household supplies now. I am thankful for that since just going to the store can be a huge deal. One cough from my son and the trip is off! lol (Yes, I'm a bit overprotective like that!) With the holid...

A Little Help

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  Have you ever felt like you could use a little help? Who am I talking to, right? As caregivers a little help is great. One of the things we deal with is such a long laundry list of things that need to get done in a day. I'm sure our lists are all long, but they can vary based on the health and needs of our loved ones. My son is total care. That means I have to feed, change, dress, bathe, and transfer him over the course of the day. Although he is awake, he is not yet capable of doing much of anything. He can stand! That makes transfers easier, for sure. Sometimes, an aid is provided. What they don't understand is that everything they do helps. Even the smallest things like sweeping the floors, dusting, or taking out the trash. Those are all things that I won't have to do if they do them. Recently, I've looked at pricing for hiring someone to come in and help clean my apartment. Then I thought, I'm hiring someone to do things the aid is PAID to do but doesn't w...

Inside the Fish

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  As caregivers, we have good days and bad days  - just like everyone else! Actually, the number of caregivers is on the rise as Baby Boomers begin to age and need more personal care. A friend of mine just informed me the other day that his wife has early signs of Alzheimer's. Finding a caregiver-friend isn't as hard as it used to be as there are lots more of us.  Yet in the midst of all the caregivers, it can be a lonely walk. Maybe we need to meet via zoom too! The latest technological advancements have made it easier to connect. However, in the day-to-day grind of caregiving, it's still easy to feel alone. As I sit here writing this morning's devotion, sipping my coffee, I feel the aloneness. It can be easy to get my focus on that and get lost in it for the rest of the day.  But before I take that dive, I can help myself avoid it by going back to a scripture I read this morning in my private devotions. I found myself in Psalm 9. Verse 10 in the New Living Translat...

The Right Now

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 As if caregiving wasn't enough, we've found ourselves working through a historic pandemic. They can be difficult enough to navigate for families but made even more challenging by caregiving. Now, on top of all that was already going on in our nation and world, a large portion of the US is suffering through brutally cold and bitter temperatures. Utility companies were ill-prepared to handle a severe winter storm of this magnitude. Personally, I've stressed quite a bit over how I would take care of Chris if the electricity would go out. It's frightening to think about. It can be easy to get sucked into a spiraling cycle of worry right now. And that can be a difficult vacuum for anyone to get out of. When I begin to feel the overwhelm, I go back to basics. I try to stop all the crazy thoughts and focus on truth from the Word. This is why it's so important to read the word. If we are hiding it in our hearts like David said, Holy Spirit will help us recall it when we ne...

Something Like a Monday

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  It's Monday. I know for myself and many other caregivers, the day of the week doesn't make much difference at all. It doesn't matter, we do the same things every day with a few variations on days with appointments or days we either do or do not have the help. Actually, I was hoping to have something like a Monday to blame this funk on. lol. I hope you can't relate, but I'm pretty sure you do. :-) It's just one of those days where everything feels out of kilter, but there's no way to get it all back in place. We all have these days, and we all have to just keep putting one foot in front of another and keep on moving. Our loved ones have things that cannot be skipped just because we are in a weird mood. Today (Monday or not) is just like other days with laundry to be done, meals to be prepared, transfers, baths, and you know the list goes on and on. All.Day.Long. On days like this, I grab an extra cup of coffee. Then, I take a long, deep breath. I sit for a ...

The Strength I Need

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 I spent my devotions in Psalm 138 this morning. If you have time today, take a minute to read through it. There are several nuggets that spoke to my heart. I want to pull out this verse for my day today. Verse 3 in the New Living Translation says this When I pray, You answer me; you encourage me by giving me the strength I need. I thought about that for quite some time. Firstly, I think we do gain strength when we pray. It's especially true as we bring our burdens to Him in prayer and then leave them there!   Of course, this is written by the warrior-king David. If anyone knew how to take their troubles to God in prayer and leave them there- it was David! I try to follow his example a lot. He prayed. He praised. He declared! I like that combination. What I really wondered about this morning though, was how much strength I might actually need for today. Just for today. To say our proverbial plates are full is an understatement for most caregivers, right? So many things th...

Who am I?

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  I know you guys understand when I say that some days are better than others. Emotions can dip on a dime and it often takes a big shovel and lots of effort to get them back up where they need to be. This morning was one of those times for me. Who knows what the reason was, I just felt myself sliding down the slippery slope as depression tried to suck me in.  In my devotions this morning, I read Psalm 121. I had written it into a song when my son was in isolation in the hospital. I picked up my guitar to play it and thought about sharing it here. But there is something going on with my wrist and it just wasn't going to happen. I'm so glad as this psalm says, my help comes from the Lord.   Since I refused to give in - I went to the piano and began to just praise Him. Well, it didn't take long once my focus was on Him instead of me. I began to feel the load of the day shift off my shoulders and onto His. I will look to the Lord, my help comes from the Lord - the Maker of he...

Sought Out - Not Forsaken

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  Sometimes for caregivers, the nights are long and the days are longer. Last night was a long night here as Chris was coughing so much. I kept an eye on his fever and oxygen levels then gave more meds around 5. I know you know the drill! when we have a long, nagging night, it seems like our brains kick into high gear. At least that's how it is for me. My thoughts go crazy with all the things that could  possibly be wrong and go wrong. I'm constantly reeling my thoughts back in. At least I know we are in good company when it comes to having anxious thoughts. David said in Psalm 94:19 In the multitude  of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul. (NKJV) The NLT says it this way When doubts filled my mind, Your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.   May we at least find a little comfort in knowing that David understood anxieties at least a little bit?  Actually, David was a caregiver. Jonathon's son Mephibosheth was injured when his aid was ca...

In Good Company

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  It's easy to feel all alone as caregivers. This is even more often the case during the pandemic. We can feel like we are carrying the load of caregiving all by ourselves. And a lot of times, we are. It makes sense that we feel we are alone - when we are alone. Many caregivers have spouses, friends, relatives, aides, and others who help along the way. I think the worst loneliness is felt when we feel alone - even though we are with others. For me personally, if I am in a social gathering (mostly online of late!), I still feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. There is often casual conversation about things people are doing, where they are going, and even daily routines that are far different for caregivers. Sometimes we feel alone just because our lifestyle can be so different. Other times we feel alone because we are alone. Even in our aloneness - we are in good company. As I was reading this morning, I found myself in John 16. In the last few verses, Jesus tells His disciples ...

Even in the Ugly

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  My thoughts are all over the place this morning. That's not really anything new for me. Lol. I know you know the juggling drill. My mind is running through all the tasks I need to get done today - some of them are brought over from yesterday as I didn't get done with them then. I'm looking ahead to next month and trying to sort out finances, supplies, aids, and the list goes on. I am 99.9% sure you have a running list that looks almost like mine!  So, how does God keep tabs on all that? Psalm 139 reminds us that He knows our thoughts before we think them and our words before we speak them. Man...He is busy! Nothing has caught Him by surprise. Not our caregiving journies, the global pandemic, the crazy politics... He already knew all of that. And, He's gone before us into 2021 and beyond. That just blows my mind. Isaiah says it this way Who has directed the Spirit of the Lord or as His counselor has informed Him? Who taught God all this? Right? Then in the next verse o...

Behind and Before

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This week I've continued my studies in Psalm 62 . I'm still meditating and writing out some things from this phrase in verse 5 let all that I am. It's more than "okay" to bring all that we are before Him, it's required for a whole relationship. While thinking about bringing all that I am (and all that I am not) before Him openly I found myself once again in Psalm 139. It seems David understood how intimately God knows us - whether we acknowledge it or not. I love this whole psalm, but as I was reading and rereading it this morning this phrase in verse 5 stood out to me - Behind and before. David is in the middle of a discourse about how God knows us through and through. He knows our thoughts, words, deeds, ways, movements... pretty much everything!  Then David says this You have hedged me behind and before  and laid Your hand on me. (NASB) I paused for a bit to think about that. God has hedged us - enclosed us. So I wondered, what did He enclose us in?  ...

Forgotten

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Have you ever felt forgotten? I have. We can easily get sucked into the caregiver's fog and the rest of the world goes on without us. Today is my son's 35th birthday. These days are difficult. I opened up his facebook to read him his greetings only to be flooded with his friend's who have "gone on" with their lives, and they should. They stopped visiting and calling long ago when he couldn't answer them. I don't blame them, they were all so young when he was injured. But it still hurts my heart that he is forgotten and left to just deal. Then some caregivers have to deal with another side of being forgotten. It can yield a host of emotions from a totally different angle. That is when we care for loved ones with dementia or Alzheimer's. They forget us. My mom hasn't quite forgotten me yet, but most of the time it takes her a few minutes to figure out I'm not just someone who works there. Mid-conversation she'll look up and go, "OH...

The What Ifs....

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Sorry for my absence. To say I am a bit overwhelmed is well, a huge understatement. I just thought my son kept me busy, add my aunt in the mix and things like aides not showing up AGAIN, and I barely have time to breathe. I remind myself to do so often though. lol One of the things I never question is the power of prayer. If you've read along you know I harp on faith a lot - the fact that it is really what carries us through adversity rather than helping us avoid them. Prayer has been redefined similarly on this journey. It's not just a way to get what I want  as much as sometimes I wish it was. I was thinking about prayer, what it is, and what it is not this morning. Even though I have purposefully separated myself from God on occasion as I tried to deal with frustration, trusting Him, the lack of answers, and the heat of the battle - There is nothing dark enough or deep enough to separate our prayers from His ears. Then the trouble becomes why it seems He doesn't ...

So Easily Forgotten

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Yesterday, a post by a friend got me to thinking. (That's not unusual, and it's very easy to do.) They stated how they are dealing with a serious condition and how lonely they were feeling. As their condition had progressed and they were sent home from the hospital, visitors waned until they were left all alone to deal with their own emotions and thoughts. Not only do those in these situations have to sort through such a wide range of emotional changes, fears, thoughts, and decisions - on top of all that they are left to deal with the loneliness of being forgotten. Those on the outside don't always see it that way. They would quickly say, Oh, you're not  forgotten. I think  of you all the time. I pray  for you daily. But this doesn't erase or dilute the sinking alone-ness that the ill or caregivers deal with. Reading her post reminded me of the day I was informed of my son's wreck. I had to fly from Chicago where I was living to Shreveport, LA where he had...