Showing posts with label God's presence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God's presence. Show all posts

Where Did He Go?

 


Don't you love those times when God feels so close? There is no doubt that He's right here - right now and He's walking through the day or midnight with you. I do. But then there are those times that even though I know He's here - I can't seem to find Him or hear Him. Those are not fun times, for sure.

This morning I read in Jeremiah 23:23-24 where God said through the prophet: An I a God near at hand and not a God afar off? Can anyone hide in secret places, so I cannot see him? do I not fill heaven and earth? There were several things in these two verses that spoke to my heart personally this morning.

I love that God asks in an explanative way  - how can I be close and not be far? Because I don't know where you are, but I'm happy to say that God is right here in Oklahoma with me and my son! :-) He is also there with you wherever you and your loved ones are. So, He's near to me here - yet far away from me with you. AND He's near to you there - but far away with us too. If I go somewhere else and find a new "here," He'll be there too! I can't outrun Him, hide from Him, or get away from His presence. (Not that I'm trying!) He is everywhere.

In the next verse, God mentions how impossible it is for us to try hiding from Him. I don't know that I try to hide from Him, but this reminds me that even if I tried to - He could still see me. Nothing obstructs His view of my heart.No difficulty. No trial. No empty bank account. No rejection. No problem. No sin. His all-seeing eye can see through anything as He looks into the depths of my being. I love that literally nothing can get in the way of Him seeing me. (I am going to meditate on that for a few!) He never says - I'll call back in a few - I can't hear you - bad connection. And there's no - bad connection where He says He can't see us - the picture is too fuzzy - or out of focus - nope. He can see us through anything. And that has a dual meaning.

The last part of verse 24 says Do I not fill heaven and earth? Again - every space is open to His sight and He is in every place. He fills it - completely. That includes my heart.

Today, I will meditate on how He sees through caregiving to make out the pure picture of my heart. My thoughts will be on how He sees me through anything that might try to cloud His view. And - I'll turn my thoughts to how He will carry me through anything back to His heart. I'll remind myself that He is right here - right now, and He's going nowhere soon. Because He's already there too. lol. My thoughts and heart will be on His all-seeing eye that never turns away from the view of my heart. And so, I know I can trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Short Days

 

my mom and aunt polly

Are the days getting shorter? They must be because I keep running out of time and energy before I'm done! Can you relate? When Chris came home from the hospital a couple of weeks ago, he had to have IV antibiotics three times a day for 10 days. Man, did that stretch my scheduling and organizing abilities! lol But we got it done and yesterday, the nurse removed the med line. I was so relieved! (I'm sure he was too!)

I didn't realize how much hooking up an IV and removing it three times a day would take out of me. Sounds a little bit silly to those who don't understand, right? As caregivers, our days (and nights) are already packed full of tasks and responsibilities. Adding one more might not seem like much, but it is when you are already on overload. (I know you understand!)

Most nights I go to bed feeling like I failed because there is still so much left to do. I've had to change the way I talk to myself though. Instead of beating myself up, I started saying- You maybe didn't finish this or that - but today you did do this, this, that, and something else. It seems to help me give myself a break to look at all I did do for the day rather than rolling all the things I left undone.

I'm pretty sure the days are not getting shorter, I'm just trying to cram more stuff in them. lol. For caregivers, it means facing each day with courage and bravery; short days and the long ones too! :-) It doesn't take bravery or courage to lay on the couch and wallow in self-pity all day, right? Who has time for that anyway! We don't need to be brave when everything is going good and easy. Caregivers must get up every morning (if they got any sleep at all) and face the day with bravery. The good thing is that we are not facing it alone. We have His strength to help us and hold us up.

David said in Psalm27:14 -Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart. We can be courageous because we are not facing the long or short days alone. He is in our today - all day long. And He is in our night - all night long until the next day breaks through the dawn.

Today, I will take courage knowing He is facing the day with me. I'm not walking through the next 24 hours alone. He is walking through the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years with me. He won't let me go - so I can choose to go bravely into the known or the unknown because He is upholding me! I'll trust Him for the seen and the unseen that may come at me today - will you join me?



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I Will declarations book cover


Check out my ebook store where you'll find these "I Will" Declarations from Psalms for just a buck! Download it today! I also have devotionals, study guides, poetry books, and free stuff! My Amazon bookshelf has some of these books on Kindle and for print - check them out!




No Recalls Issued!

Chris and his little ornery look

 Do you ever wonder why there are so many recalls? It seems like it used to pertain just to vehicles. Some little or big part wasn't functioning right and had caused or could potentially cause damage. So they recalled the part and replaced it for free. Over the years, other items were recalled. Things like car seats, blenders, cell phones, and who knows what else! Some sort of manufacturer's defect was discovered and a recall was issued in an attempt to prevent injuring innocent consumers, right?

This morning during my devotions, it hit me that heaven doesn't issue recalls! There's never been a recall on His peace. Jesus told us He was leaving it here for us - and He's not going to take that back! God's love hasn't been recalled. Romans 8 tells us it remains no matter what we walk through - there is literally absolutely nothing that can separate us from His love. And He's not taking that back!

I haven't seen a recall issued on His grace either. His grace remains. It carries us, sustains us, and helps us find Him when we are in trouble. There's never been a recall on mercy either. You see where I'm going, right? There has never been - nor will there ever be a recall issued from heaven. Everything God has ever given us - stands. It will remain throughout time. We can continue to trust His strength, mercy, grace, and love to get us through our days here on earth.

Now, look at this. In Isaiah 41:10 He says Do not be afraid, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you. I don't know about you - but that's a lot! And there will be no recalls - he will continue to strengthen us, help us, uphold us... even today!

So, today, I will remind myself that God is still right here with me. I will turn my thoughts to His ever-abiding presence - and He won't be issuing a recall! My meditations will be on how He sustains me right here, right now. I'll think about how He has "kept" me hidden in Himself and how He will continue to do it. I'll find that peace that comes from understanding that He won't give up, let up, or pull out when things get tough. I'll trust that today - He's right here with me and He's not going anywhere today. Will you join me?


                                                                                                                                           



If you enjoy these devotionals, I have others! I've expanded my bookstore on Amazon. My devotionals are available in Kindle or print format. The new Bible study guides are now available on Kindle and in print! Check out my growing bookstore: My Bookshelf

I also recently opened my own bookstore. I'm presently filling it up with my books - check out the ones I have available in eBook format. You can download them and read them on your phone! Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.


The Back of the Cave

 


This morning I let my mind and heart run around in Psalm 57 for a while. It's been a long-time favorite as I "found" it during one of the darkest storms of my life in 1986. I find myself going back there a lot. David penned this psalm while running for his life from Saul. He was hiding in a cave. Do you ever feel like you live in a cave as a caregiver? I know I did when I first brought Chris home. I found myself all alone almost all the time. 

What David did in the cave is an example for us all. He wasn't shy about expressing his emotions or concerns. But he also wasn't shy about declaring his faith and trust in God, even in the tough times. He declared from the back of the cave I will hide beneath the shadow of Your wings. I cry to God! I will sing Your praises. Be exalted O God above the heavens. Even while navigating a difficult time in his life, he put his trust in God. I think we do that a lot.

David also declared in verse 3 that God was going to send forth His unfailing love and faithfulness. David acted like he expected God's mercy, love, and faithfulness to overtake him right there in the dark cave. Why not? Right? What a rescuer of our souls! Even the darkest, dankest cave can't prevent God's mercy and love from reaching us! You'll never hear God say, O, it's too dark in there. He will never say He's afraid to pursue our hearts with His love! I love that about God. He just walks right into the middle of whatever mess the day, week, month, or years have caused and brings His mercy, peace, faithfulness, and love with Him!

Today, I will declare from the back of the cave that I will trust in His unfailing love and faithfulness. Today, I will praise Him because He will not abandon us to our own messes! Today, I will praise Him for bringing me joy in the midst of the pain, light in the darkest night, and peace in troublesome times. Isn't He wonderful? (Even in the back of the cave?) I declare that today I will trust Him for my very life and sanity as I trust Him to carry me for one more day. Will you join me?

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31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover


Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle. My devotional 31 Days in Psalm 31 is all about seeking God from the cave! Check it out!


This Day

chris standing in the standing frame outdoors I know we don't like to talk about our fears. Somehow we've let the world convince us that if we express any amount of fear or concern, we are not in faith. Nothing could be further from the truth. David even said What time I am afraid I will trust in You. (Psalm 56:3) We have so many stories of Bible heroes who faced difficulties that we sometimes forget they were human. Joseph cried bitterly when his brothers sold him. He had to have been afraid. We read the rest of his story without a lot of emotions sometimes. It's easy to forget this is the life he was living - we're just reading it.

Someone said real courage is moving ahead even though you are afraid. Without fear - situations don't take courage to face. I remember when I first brought my son home. Every time it was time to transfer him (which wasn't a lot back then), I'd get sick to my stomach. I was so scared I'd drop him or hurt him. Those fears were warranted - but they didn't last, thankfully. :-)

As caregivers, our concerns change over time. Recently, I had a caregiver friend who fell ill suddenly and passed away. Her son is being well taken care of by the family. I have no one who can take care of my son if I were to die today. (I'm not planning on it, but still! lol) I grieve because I fear he won't feel loved. My prayer is that I live at least one day longer than him. I can't imagine what will happen to him when I am gone.

Another common fear for caregivers is being able to provide financially. Thankfully, God has provided good work for me and that's not a huge concern at this point. But I did face those fears early on.

Our fears and concerns may change based on our own personal situations and circumstances. They change over time too, don't they? Kudos to every caregiver out there who makes it through the days through prayer, faith, and raw guts! :-) 

One thing I've learned to do is to remind myself that I have this day - today. Right now I am able to care for Chris and should be able to for the foreseeable future! I thank God for each day and for the strength to make it. I pray for wisdom to handle my affairs and plan for further down life's road. I remind myself that God is faithful for every "this day" we have the opportunity to live!

Today - this day - I will thank Him for His sustaining grace. I will be thankful for this day. I'll thank God for bringing us thus far - and for never abandoning us when the way got rough. I'll hug my son a little tighter this day - and pray that he feels my love. Then, I'll thank God for walking through this day with me - just like I walk through all my todays with my son, because I love him. Will you join me?


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31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover

Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle.

Everything - Everywhere?

 


In my Facebook Live devotions this morning, I referred to Ephesians 1:23. In the New Living Translation, it says ...Christ who fills everything everywhere with His presence. I talked about His presence being literally everywhere. We cannot get away from Him even if we wanted to. In Psalm 139, the psalmist said even if I make my bed in hell - You are there. Death doesn't separate us from Him - and nothing in life can remove us or partition us off from His presence. He fills everything - everywhere.

That may not seem too significant to many people, but if you've been a caregiver, you know that there are a few dark, lonely places along the way. The good news is  - He's there too! I sing Psalm 61 a lot - from the ends of the earth, will I cry unto thee - We can easily feel like we dwell at the ends of the earth,  a place far from normal...places others are afraid to go even in thought. But God dwells there - He fills that place with His presence too.

Where is your "here"? Remind yourself today that God is here. Right here. Right with us. I lived in an ICU waiting room for over 3 weeks when Chris first had his wreck. God lived there too. I saw His hand in everything. Each hospital visit - He's right there. When we return home (yay!) He's right here again. He's always here. No matter what our "caregiver's day" looks like - and we know how rapidly those can change - He's here. With us - For us - Filling us with Himself. It's a beautiful picture really.

He's not afraid of our days or our long nights either. He continues to fill us up with His presence. I'll be the first to admit that some of our situations can be ugly and smelly. (YOU know what I mean!) - And He is still right there. Man, that's a comforting, peace-bringing thought for me.

Today, I will meditate on God being right here with me. My thoughts will be on how He continues to fill me with all He is. I'll think about this long journey and how He's been in all my "heres" all along the way. He never abandoned the journey. Never gave up (and won't!). Never said life got too ugly, unmanageable, or uncertain. He just remains. I'll thank Him for taking this journey with me. I'll thank Him for keeping me full of Him. Will you join me?


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31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover


Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle.


No Room in the Inn

Chris' new look
 Do you ever just feel out of step with the rest of the world? I'm not really sure what everyone uses to measure "normal" but I think our caregiving lives don't fit the mold. :-) Most of the time, I'm good with it - I know we walk a very different walk. However, I also know that the baby boomer generation is busy taking care of our parents, so it's a bigger thing than most think. Honestly, I'm not sure about everyone else - but I am sure about me. And I feel out of step with pretty much the rest of the world.

When you are a caregiver:

  • Simple things are not simple.
  • Doable things are not doable.
  • Basic activities of life are more complicated.
I know you understand. In one way, the pandemic has been a huge help. It's so much easier to order groceries and household supplies now. I am thankful for that since just going to the store can be a huge deal. One cough from my son and the trip is off! lol (Yes, I'm a bit overprotective like that!)

With the holidays approaching, my sisters and I were discussing our family's Christmas get-together. One of my sisters has a single step going into her house so it's easy to get Chris' chair inside. My other sister has a series of steps. The last time I went out there, several of the guys grabbed Chris and his chair and toted him inside. It worked, even though my blood pressure went up! lol

It's obviously not feasible for everyone to build a ramp for their house, right? I've even found a few businesses that didn't have access for chairs. Like when we were ordering flowers for my aunt's funeral - the flower shop in a small rural town literally had no way for me to get Chris' chair inside. I stood outside and waited as others went in to arrange her flowers.

I wonder if this feeling is anything like what Mary and Joseph were feeling as they went from inn to inn finding nowhere to stay. Of course, their circumstances were a bit more demanding. :-) I can just stay home, they didn't have that option. How many places did they try before settling into the barn? It had to wear on their emotions - especially Mary's! She was going to give birth and had no place to rest.

One thing I'm thankful for is that God always welcomes me. His door is open for the caregiver - no ramp needed. I don't have to worry about not being able to "get in" to see Him. His ear is listening for our faintest cries for help. He is right here. Right now. I never have to wait outside for Him like I did at the flower shop. I can bring my son - chair and all - right into His presence where I can find grace to help in time of need.

Today, I will be thankful that He is ever-present - and that He doesn't always wait for me to get to Him - instead, He's right here. He never runs out of room, never denies access. I love Him for that. He hears the words I cannot form and sees the tears before they fall. He's that close - that accepting. So, when I don't feel quite "normal" today - I'll look to Him. Will you join me?

A Little Help

 


Have you ever felt like you could use a little help? Who am I talking to, right? As caregivers a little help is great. One of the things we deal with is such a long laundry list of things that need to get done in a day. I'm sure our lists are all long, but they can vary based on the health and needs of our loved ones. My son is total care. That means I have to feed, change, dress, bathe, and transfer him over the course of the day. Although he is awake, he is not yet capable of doing much of anything. He can stand! That makes transfers easier, for sure.

Sometimes, an aid is provided. What they don't understand is that everything they do helps. Even the smallest things like sweeping the floors, dusting, or taking out the trash. Those are all things that I won't have to do if they do them. Recently, I've looked at pricing for hiring someone to come in and help clean my apartment. Then I thought, I'm hiring someone to do things the aid is PAID to do but doesn't want to do. 

I think to myself, I just need a little help.

While I was thinking about all this, a couple of scriptures came to mind. As believers, we trust in God for our help. I'll be the first to stand up and say that He has certainly carried me through many days I didn't think I could make it. He undergirds me with strength. He fills me with His peace and hope! He is indeed my help.

But how many times do we miss the little things He may do throughout our days? Situations that all of a sudden work out, may just be His handiwork. Psalm 28:7 says The Lord is my strength, my shield from every danger; I trust Him with all my heart. He helps me, my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. (NLT) 

Then of course my favorite is Psalm 121:2 My help comes from the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth! (NLT)


Today, I will remind myself that the Lord is my help. He carries me. He soothes my soul. He calms my emotions. He is with me. Even though I feel like I could use a little help with household chores - I know that God is the one who helps my soul. I will give Him thanks for being here to strengthen my heart so I can make another day - will you join me?

Inside the Fish

 

chris in the standing frame

As caregivers, we have good days and bad days  - just like everyone else! Actually, the number of caregivers is on the rise as Baby Boomers begin to age and need more personal care. A friend of mine just informed me the other day that his wife has early signs of Alzheimer's. Finding a caregiver-friend isn't as hard as it used to be as there are lots more of us. 

Yet in the midst of all the caregivers, it can be a lonely walk. Maybe we need to meet via zoom too! The latest technological advancements have made it easier to connect. However, in the day-to-day grind of caregiving, it's still easy to feel alone. As I sit here writing this morning's devotion, sipping my coffee, I feel the aloneness. It can be easy to get my focus on that and get lost in it for the rest of the day. 

But before I take that dive, I can help myself avoid it by going back to a scripture I read this morning in my private devotions. I found myself in Psalm 9. Verse 10 in the New Living Translation says, Those who know Your name trust in You, for You O Lord, have never abandoned anyone who searches for You. I stopped and thought about that for some time after I read it this morning.

I'm pretty sure the searching and leaning into God is the important part of this verse. When we do that - He can't help Himself as He leans back toward us. That's one thing I love about Him, that He wants to be with us and reacts to our faintest cry for Him. 

My mind ran through several of my favorite passages as I thought of people in scriptures who were searching for Him. He met Hagar twice when she was searching for Him. He even met Saul on the road to Tarsus, because even though he was committing heinous crimes against the church, his heart was searching for God. Then, I thought of Jonah. 

There he sat in the belly of the whale. He has purposefully and intentionally disobeyed God's command. Yet it says in chapter 2 that Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from inside the fish. And you know what? God answered. Not out of obligation or pity - but because He saw a heart searching for Him.

As caregivers, it can feel like we are in the belly of the whale. We can feel cut off from others - and the pandemic certainly hasn't helped that! But if God can hear the prayers of Jonah in the belly of the whale - the person who deliberately disobeyed God to end up there- then, I propose - He can hear us too!

Today, I will meditate on the truth that God will not abandon us. Instead, He will meet us right where we are. I'll be thankful that even my bad attitudes are not enough to keep Him away. I'll remind myself that He wants to be with me. He likes walking alongside me through time. And I'll rejoice that He is right here - right now. Will you join me?

The Right Now


 As if caregiving wasn't enough, we've found ourselves working through a historic pandemic. They can be difficult enough to navigate for families but made even more challenging by caregiving. Now, on top of all that was already going on in our nation and world, a large portion of the US is suffering through brutally cold and bitter temperatures. Utility companies were ill-prepared to handle a severe winter storm of this magnitude. Personally, I've stressed quite a bit over how I would take care of Chris if the electricity would go out. It's frightening to think about.

It can be easy to get sucked into a spiraling cycle of worry right now. And that can be a difficult vacuum for anyone to get out of. When I begin to feel the overwhelm, I go back to basics. I try to stop all the crazy thoughts and focus on truth from the Word. This is why it's so important to read the word. If we are hiding it in our hearts like David said, Holy Spirit will help us recall it when we need it.

This morning as my mind began turning toward spinning out of control, I stopped all the noise. That's not always easy, is it?  I reminded myself that I needed to go back to the basics. Those things that don't change with the weather or in response to a pandemic. They didn't change when my son had a wreck and I was thrust into caregiving over 12 years ago either!

I landed in a familiar go-to scripture. Of course, it's in Psalms! lol. Psalm 46:1 is one of my go-tos. God is our refuge and our strength a very present help in trouble. That's where I started. I reminded myself that no matter what life throws at us - God is present. He doesn't avoid issues. Instead - He marches right into them. We talked about how He went out to "find" Hagar in her despair. He walked right into the fiery furnace with the three Hebrew children. He traipsed across the water to His frightened disciples in the middle of a storm. And He is not afraid or hesitant to walk right into our mess today. Acknowledging that He is with us and that He hasn't abandoned us helps shift our thinking. He is present. Now. 

Today, I'll remind myself that He doesn't shy away from the difficulties. He doesn't disappear when things get tough. My meditation will be on how He chooses to walk right into the mess. I'll let my heart rest in these truths today. I will think about how He goes to the extremes and through extremes to get to us no matter where we are. I'll let His peace reign in my heart as I trust Him for my right now. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                         



If you enjoy these devotionals, I have others! I've expanded my bookstore on Amazon. My devotionals are available in Kindle or print format. The new Bible study guides are now available on Kindle and in print! Check out my growing bookstore: 
My Bookshelf

I also recently opened my own bookstore. I'm presently filling it up with my books - check out the ones I have available in eBook format. You can download them and read them on your phone! Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.

Something Like a Monday

 

Chris and me at the park in Norman

It's Monday. I know for myself and many other caregivers, the day of the week doesn't make much difference at all. It doesn't matter, we do the same things every day with a few variations on days with appointments or days we either do or do not have the help. Actually, I was hoping to have something like a Monday to blame this funk on. lol. I hope you can't relate, but I'm pretty sure you do. :-)

It's just one of those days where everything feels out of kilter, but there's no way to get it all back in place. We all have these days, and we all have to just keep putting one foot in front of another and keep on moving. Our loved ones have things that cannot be skipped just because we are in a weird mood. Today (Monday or not) is just like other days with laundry to be done, meals to be prepared, transfers, baths, and you know the list goes on and on. All.Day.Long.

On days like this, I grab an extra cup of coffee. Then, I take a long, deep breath. I sit for a second and go back to the basics. God loves me. I whisper to myself. He hasn't abandoned me. I say a little louder. God cares for me and Chris. Now my eyes begin to sweat as I can finally begin to release the things that are troubling my heart. There are many and they begin to pile up after a while mostly because I forget to pour them out in prayer. 

Days like this are why I encourage daily Bible reading. As I was preparing for my devotions I do on Facebook live every morning, I read in Haggai this morning. It's a short book, but it has a lot of those basics I needed to remind myself of today. In just two short chapters, the prophet Haggai reminds God's people of these basic (but encouraging) truths:

  • Be strong - for I am with you. (2:4)
  • My Spirit remains among you, do not fear. (2:5)
  • I will give peace. (2:9)
  • I will receive you. (2:23)
  • I have chosen you. (2:23)
I am comforted when I remember that God wants to be with me - even when life's picture gets ugly or a storm blows across the sea of life. He still gives me peace, receives me, and even chases me down sometimes. And suddenly, I'm okay. Just to know that He didn't abandon me and He certainly isn't the author of those feelings. Now - I can face today - even if it's something like a Monday.

Today, when I feel overwhelmed, I will turn my thoughts back to these truths. I'll remind myself that He is with me, He comes for me, accepts me, and wants to be with me. I'll take a deep breath and express my thankfulness to Him for being right here - even on a Monday. Will you join me?

The Strength I Need


 I spent my devotions in Psalm 138 this morning. If you have time today, take a minute to read through it. There are several nuggets that spoke to my heart. I want to pull out this verse for my day today. Verse 3 in the New Living Translation says this When I pray, You answer me; you encourage me by giving me the strength I need.

I thought about that for quite some time. Firstly, I think we do gain strength when we pray. It's especially true as we bring our burdens to Him in prayer and then leave them there!  Of course, this is written by the warrior-king David. If anyone knew how to take their troubles to God in prayer and leave them there- it was David! I try to follow his example a lot. He prayed. He praised. He declared! I like that combination.

What I really wondered about this morning though, was how much strength I might actually need for today. Just for today. To say our proverbial plates are full is an understatement for most caregivers, right? So many things that have to be done on any given day. But every day only has 24 hours in it - no matter how it's sliced up. Then I asked, how much energy is God prepared to provide for me today? 

I'm kind of a high-energy personality and it might take quite a lot. lol. 

As caregivers, we never know what a day is going to throw in our lap, right? But it seems that God will give us the strength we need no matter what the level of need is. I think the key must be to trust Him for it. You know, like He gives us peace -not like the world gives - (John 14:27) But it's up to us to accept that peace and then let it reign in our hearts. Maybe the strength I need for today is kind of the same.

No matter what, He will make sure we can make it through today. Besides offering the strength needed to get through today - He also provides comfort, peace, and direction. Plus, He walks through each day with us and never abandons us to deal with the hectic craziness caregiving can bring alone. He's right there whether we see, hear, or acknowledge His presence. Actually, His presence goes before us into the day and then walks with us through it, and provides the strength we need all along the way.

Today, I'm going to thank Him in advance for giving me the strength I'm going to need today. I'll meditate on how He stays right with me no matter how crazy a day may get. My thoughts will be on the comfort and peace He provides - and how they do not wane or weaken over time. I like that. My prayer today will be that I will learn to lean on Him with more of myself and that I'll let Him carry me more. And with that - I'll trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Who am I?

 

cute smile from chris

I know you guys understand when I say that some days are better than others. Emotions can dip on a dime and it often takes a big shovel and lots of effort to get them back up where they need to be. This morning was one of those times for me. Who knows what the reason was, I just felt myself sliding down the slippery slope as depression tried to suck me in. 

In my devotions this morning, I read Psalm 121. I had written it into a song when my son was in isolation in the hospital. I picked up my guitar to play it and thought about sharing it here. But there is something going on with my wrist and it just wasn't going to happen. I'm so glad as this psalm says, my help comes from the Lord. 

Since I refused to give in - I went to the piano and began to just praise Him. Well, it didn't take long once my focus was on Him instead of me. I began to feel the load of the day shift off my shoulders and onto His. I will look to the Lord, my help comes from the Lord - the Maker of heaven and earth. Soon, all my worries were washed away as the notes I played and sang carried them away and to His throne.

Then, I became overwhelmed with the thought that He cares. He sees. He hears. Who am I? I asked myself. That the One who created the world - the Creator - listens to my heart as I pour it out before Him. He doesn't have to. He is God, after all. Yet He takes the time to listen to my hurting heart.

That must be a little bit of how Hagar felt when she realized God heard her cry and saw her tears. He sees it all. When we are up and doing well - and when we are down or just trying to make it through the day. He doesn't have a pause button that He pushes. And He doesn't have a fast forward so He can skip the ugly parts. He sees it all. 

But who am I that He is mindful of me? Who am I that He hears? Who am I that He chooses to see? Yet He does. Because He wants to.

Today, I will shift my focus off of what is going on around me and onto what it must be like around His throne. I'll think about the constant praise that goes on in His presence. My meditations will be on the truth that He knows right where I am, what I am doing, and what I am feeling. He doesn't avoid me - He joins me on this journey in time. By choice. I'll let that overwhelm my day today. Will you join me? 

Sought Out - Not Forsaken

 

Nice Little Smile from Chris

Sometimes for caregivers, the nights are long and the days are longer. Last night was a long night here as Chris was coughing so much. I kept an eye on his fever and oxygen levels then gave more meds around 5. I know you know the drill! when we have a long, nagging night, it seems like our brains kick into high gear. At least that's how it is for me. My thoughts go crazy with all the things that could possibly be wrong and go wrong. I'm constantly reeling my thoughts back in.

At least I know we are in good company when it comes to having anxious thoughts. David said in Psalm 94:19 In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul. (NKJV) The NLT says it this way When doubts filled my mind, Your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.  May we at least find a little comfort in knowing that David understood anxieties at least a little bit? 

Actually, David was a caregiver. Jonathon's son Mephibosheth was injured when his aid was carrying him and tripped. Both of his feet were crippled it says in 2 Samuel 9. David took him in and gave him a place at his table plus restored all the land to him that had belonged to his father and grandfather. David, the king went looking for someone of Saul's household and found a crippled man. It didn't put him off one bit. David had a heart after God, like God and he took Mephibosheth in even in his broken state.

Picture it. God comes looking for us even during those long, hard nights. He is looking for someone to show kindness to like David desired to do for Saul and Jonathan's sake. It was because of the covenant he had with Jonathon and the honor David he gave to Saul. God looks for us - seeks us out and comes right into our mess. Then He brings us to His table and cares for us.

Imagine Mephibosheth's fears of being summoned by the king. He may have wondered what David wanted from him. But like us before God - he found mercy, acceptance, provision, and restoration. I like that.

Today, I will rejoice in the mercies of God. I will allow His comfort to bring renewed hope and cheer to my heart. I will be thankful that even in the midst of a tough spot, He still reaches out to me with His comfort. It is amazing to me that His comfort, His peace, His joy, and His heart can penetrate the darkest night and touch my heart with His light. In the midst of my anxious thoughts, He comes seeking - looking for me when others avoid me. He sits with me all.night.long. And He keeps my soul. I will thank Him for that today - and rest in Him as I trust Him for one more day - will you join me?


PS - My devotional "21 Days" to help develop the habit of daily Bible reading is available on Amazon in Kindle format or hard copy!

In Good Company

 

Mama and Aunt Polly
It's easy to feel all alone as caregivers. This is even more often the case during the pandemic. We can feel like we are carrying the load of caregiving all by ourselves. And a lot of times, we are. It makes sense that we feel we are alone - when we are alone. Many caregivers have spouses, friends, relatives, aides, and others who help along the way. I think the worst loneliness is felt when we feel alone - even though we are with others.

For me personally, if I am in a social gathering (mostly online of late!), I still feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. There is often casual conversation about things people are doing, where they are going, and even daily routines that are far different for caregivers. Sometimes we feel alone just because our lifestyle can be so different. Other times we feel alone because we are alone.

Even in our aloneness - we are in good company. As I was reading this morning, I found myself in John 16. In the last few verses, Jesus tells His disciples that there is trouble on the way and they will all be scattered each to his own. (v.32) Then He says, you will leave Me alone. Then it seems to me as if the next phrase is Jesus responding to that alone feeling. As if to remind Himself He says, And yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. If Jesus needed to remind Himself that He was not alone in that deep dark night of the soul - we are indeed in good company.

As I read on through Jesus' prayer in chapter 17 and realized it preceded Gethsemane, I did some thinking about prayer. Prayer didn't keep Jesus from going to the cross - it sustained Him. Through prayer, He gained the strength to face it. None of our Bible heroes escaped peril by praying - but they did rely on the One who was going to see them through it. As caregivers, prayer isn't a magic potion to make all the hurt and difficulties go away. It is communion with the One who will carry us through it though. Again, I say - we are in good company.

Think of Joseph in prison for crimes he didn't commit. Daniel faced the lion's den for praying. Prayer wasn't an escape hatch - it was communion and intimacy with the source of strength.

Today, I will purposefully take time to spend in prayer. And during that time, I will make sure to thank God for carrying me this far. I'll be thankful that He didn't send me into the lion's den of caregiving alone but chose to walk it with me instead.  My meditations will be on how He walks with me - oftentimes carrying me through each day and He gives me strength. So, I will rest in Him and trust Him for today. Will you join me?

Even in the Ugly

 

Chris standing at the park

My thoughts are all over the place this morning. That's not really anything new for me. Lol. I know you know the juggling drill. My mind is running through all the tasks I need to get done today - some of them are brought over from yesterday as I didn't get done with them then. I'm looking ahead to next month and trying to sort out finances, supplies, aids, and the list goes on. I am 99.9% sure you have a running list that looks almost like mine! 

So, how does God keep tabs on all that? Psalm 139 reminds us that He knows our thoughts before we think them and our words before we speak them. Man...He is busy! Nothing has caught Him by surprise. Not our caregiving journies, the global pandemic, the crazy politics... He already knew all of that. And, He's gone before us into 2021 and beyond. That just blows my mind.

Isaiah says it this way Who has directed the Spirit of the Lord or as His counselor has informed Him? Who taught God all this? Right? Then in the next verse of Isaiah 40, the prophet says With whom did He consult and who gave Him knowledge and informed Him of the way of understanding? I cannot comprehend how God knows so much - but I know He does. And I know He knows me through and through.

He is not too busy to be intimated acquainted with my ways or my thoughts. Y'all, that blows my little mind. People often choose not to be around me - I understand that - I'm a bit high-strung! lol. But God NEVER chooses to separate from me or my craziest thoughts. And trust me, I can be way out there sometimes. 

I don't know about you, but as a caregiver, particularly when my son is not doing well or having a rough time, my thoughts get very ugly really fast. Memories of him before the accident run through my head and seem to mock me when I see all he can't do right now. I get angry, frustrated, and oftentimes I want to just give up. God never shies away from that kind of ugly. He waits. He comforts. He consoles. He carries me until I can try to stand again. But He never gives up on me. I'm grateful.

Today, I will just be grateful for His compassions, mercies, grace, and love that never fail. I'll purposefully be thankful for His heart that is always chasing mine down even in the ugly. I'll take joy in the truth that He still wants to be with me even when I am very sure I've given Him lots of reasons to not want to be with me! And today - when He chases me. I'll let Him catch me. Will you join me?

Behind and Before

This week I've continued my studies in Psalm 62. I'm still meditating and writing out some things from this phrase in verse 5 let all that I am. It's more than "okay" to bring all that we are before Him, it's required for a whole relationship. While thinking about bringing all that I am (and all that I am not) before Him openly I found myself once again in Psalm 139.

It seems David understood how intimately God knows us - whether we acknowledge it or not. I love this whole psalm, but as I was reading and rereading it this morning this phrase in verse 5 stood out to me - Behind and before.

David is in the middle of a discourse about how God knows us through and through. He knows our thoughts, words, deeds, ways, movements... pretty much everything! Then David says this You have hedged me behind and before and laid Your hand on me. (NASB) I paused for a bit to think about that. God has hedged us - enclosed us. So I wondered, what did He enclose us in?  Time?

I think He has enclosed us behind and before with Himself. He covers us. Surrounds us. He's got our past covered and our future covered with His grace. And He's not afraid to touch us - He has laid His hand on us! It seems to me that He has made us the center of His attention. He makes sure our paths (although not perfect, smooth, or easy) are wrapped by Him. If we can see ourselves encapsulated in His presence, surrounded by Him - it makes each step a bit easier, I think. I can't step far enough to step away from Him. My pathway cannot get so entangled that He is not in the next step. I'm hedged in behind and before. I love that thought!

Today, I will think about how His presence surrounds me. There wasn't an "off" button because I became a caregiver. He isn't afraid of our live's picture and He's not scared to reach in and touch us either. I'll be purposefully grateful that He's got me hedged in and His hand is still on my life. And as I meditate on how thoroughly He has me covered - I'll just rest in Him and trust Him for today. Will you join me?

Forgotten

Have you ever felt forgotten? I have. We can easily get sucked into the caregiver's fog and the rest of the world goes on without us. Today is my son's 35th birthday. These days are difficult. I opened up his facebook to read him his greetings only to be flooded with his friend's who have "gone on" with their lives, and they should.

They stopped visiting and calling long ago when he couldn't answer them. I don't blame them, they were all so young when he was injured. But it still hurts my heart that he is forgotten and left to just deal.

Then some caregivers have to deal with another side of being forgotten. It can yield a host of emotions from a totally different angle. That is when we care for loved ones with dementia or Alzheimer's. They forget us. My mom hasn't quite forgotten me yet, but most of the time it takes her a few minutes to figure out I'm not just someone who works there. Mid-conversation she'll look up and go, "OH! You're my daughter!" It's funny -but it's not.

It is emotional to be forgotten, no matter what the circumstances. We want to be remembered. It's not anyone's fault but it can still wear away at our emotions. I have to remind myself that there is One who has not forgotten. God never forgets. He knows what we walk through each day as caregivers. He understands all those seemingly little things that wear away at our minds and emotions.

Isaiah 49:15 asks, Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget - but I will not forget you.

In Psalm 27:10, the psalmist says for my father and mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me up.

Caregiving can be a lonely walk. We can feel forgotten by men and God. We can't fix the human part -  but we can rejoice in God's part. He will not forget us - He will not forget our afflictions. Instead, He comes running to us to help us - and carry us when needed. Let's just acknowledge that He is here and encourage ourselves in the truth that He has not forgotten us.

Today, I will remind myself that He hasn't forgotten the hand life dealt me. I will meditate on His care of my heart and mind. I'll be thankful that He is the keeper of my soul. This will be my meditation today as I lean a little more into Him on this emotional day. Will you join me?


The What Ifs....

Sorry for my absence. To say I am a bit overwhelmed is well, a huge understatement. I just thought my son kept me busy, add my aunt in the mix and things like aides not showing up AGAIN, and I barely have time to breathe. I remind myself to do so often though. lol

One of the things I never question is the power of prayer. If you've read along you know I harp on faith a lot - the fact that it is really what carries us through adversity rather than helping us avoid them. Prayer has been redefined similarly on this journey. It's not just a way to get what I want as much as sometimes I wish it was.

I was thinking about prayer, what it is, and what it is not this morning. Even though I have purposefully separated myself from God on occasion as I tried to deal with frustration, trusting Him, the lack of answers, and the heat of the battle - There is nothing dark enough or deep enough to separate our prayers from His ears.

Then the trouble becomes why it seems He doesn't do anything in response. I wonder if Joseph cried out to Him day after day sitting in a dark, dank prison waiting for God's promise to manifest. How many years did Moses pray as he led God's children across the desert towards the promised land? Sometimes I think prayer isn't about getting an answer for ourselves, it's more about the communion. It's about having a constant companion who is moved by our grief and pain. He listens to us even when we sound like babbling babies in His ears.

It's not so much about getting what we want... it's about talking to Him all the way through the what ifs.....


  • What if He doesn't give me the answer I desire?
  • What if the situation gets worse instead of better?
  • What if He says "no"!
  • What if the money's not there...
  • What if no help comes..
  • What if this had never happened?
  • What if What if What if...
His ears will stand the what ifs. He still desires to talk with us one on one - and as we mature in a relationship with Him the conversation moves beyond our daily needs and wants. We begin to sense who He really is - way beyond our limitations in this life. He is with us - He doesn't carry us around adversity - He walks with us through it.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.

Today, I will turn my thoughts to His sustaining power. I'll meditate on the "going through" part rather than the avoiding parts. I will rejoice that He won't abandon me anywhere along the way (even when I act like a brat....) I will trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

So Easily Forgotten

chris and mom
Yesterday, a post by a friend got me to thinking. (That's not unusual, and it's very easy to do.) They stated how they are dealing with a serious condition and how lonely they were feeling. As their condition had progressed and they were sent home from the hospital, visitors waned until they were left all alone to deal with their own emotions and thoughts. Not only do those in these situations have to sort through such a wide range of emotional changes, fears, thoughts, and decisions - on top of all that they are left to deal with the loneliness of being forgotten.

Those on the outside don't always see it that way. They would quickly say, Oh, you're not forgotten. I think of you all the time. I pray for you daily. But this doesn't erase or dilute the sinking alone-ness that the ill or caregivers deal with.

Reading her post reminded me of the day I was informed of my son's wreck. I had to fly from Chicago where I was living to Shreveport, LA where he had been medi-flighted earlier that day. When I finally got there after an all-day ordeal, the ICU waiting room was still full of people. For the three weeks he was in ICU there was a constant flow of people in and out. Once we moved into an isolation room on the regular floor, visitors became fewer. Then even less came when we finally transitioned to a nursing home 4 months later.

After we finally made it "home" (which had to be recreated since I'd been headed to the mission field) there was no one. As if we were fine now. Today, even when we are in the hospital there are few visitors if any at all. It's like everyone thinks you are okay now that the initial crisis or initial diagnosis is over. But that's not really the truth. Caregivers live in crisis mode, we just adjusted - nothing went away.

Since God knows everything, we can assume He knew we would have those times when we feel forgotten, forsaken and all alone. Those times just come as caregivers. It's easy to feel like we have the weight of the world on our shoulders because we sort of do - on behalf of another.

The scripture, When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me is nestled in an interesting passage. I'm going to assume for clarity's sake that he's speaking of when his parents pass away. He precedes the thought with do not hide Your face from me, do not turn Your servant away in anger, You have been my help. Do not leave me or forsake me. What a plea for God's ever abiding presence to remain. Then the acknowledgment that even if his parents forsake him, he knows God has him. He follows it all with teach me Your way O Lord.

I then turned my thoughts to this verse in Isaiah 49:15 God asks the prophet, Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? The obvious answer is no. It's not natural to forget or neglect a child. But God follows the question, which He didn't ask just to receive information with Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. What a promise!!

We can feel so easily forgotten, forsaken and like we are having to forge through caregiving on our own. But He sees. He knows. He will never forget or forsake. He draws near and answers our unspoken prayers, fears, cares and cries with a simple I am here. 

Today, I will meditate on His nearness, whether I feel Him or not. I'll turn my thoughts away from the crowds who left to the One who stays. I'll be thankful for that and trust Him just for today. Will you join me?

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...