Showing posts with label storms of life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label storms of life. Show all posts

A Boat's Eye View

me holding chris up in his standing frame

 This morning, I've been thinking a lot about when Peter walked on water. It's funny how we label the story that way, isn't it? Why not call it "The night 11 of the disciples were too afraid to move"? Why not call it "Water walking with all the other boats in the same storm looking on"? Most of the time, I've heard it referred to as when Peter walked on the water, Jesus walked on the water, or Jesus calmed the storm. No matter what perspective we view the account in Matthew 14, several things were going on at the same time.

There are a few things that stick out in these few verses. Of course, we know that Jesus ultimately brought peace. He calmed the storm that He had sent His disciples into just a few short hours earlier. He also came to His disciples in the middle of the storm. He didn't wait until the storm calmed - and He didn't calm the storm before He headed over toward their boat. Now that's a thought - He could have calmed the storm before He walked to them. 

The storm revealed lots of heart conditions. From a boat's eye view, we see Peter fully trusting Jesus and jumping out of the boat to go to Him. We tend to give him a hard time because he sinks when he looked away. But he got out of the boat. The stormy sea and boat worked to reveal how much Peter trusted Jesus. What we don't usually hear mentioned is the 11 other disciples that just held onto the boat for dear life. 

Peter sank in a desperate attempt to get to Jesus. And there's no way Jesus was going to let Peter drown. 

Sometimes we tend to focus on the fact that Peter sunk. We totally ignore the fact that he got out of the boat in the first place with 11 others sitting by. Don't we do this to ourselves too? Maybe it's just me, but it's so easy to dwell on the ways I fall short, the areas where I sink, and my own failures without realizing that I'm still jumping out of a boat on a stormy sea every day in an attempt to get to Him. Let's celebrate that. 

Being a caregiver can feel like living in a boat, on the sea, in a storm. But if we look, we'll see Jesus coming to meet us in our boat right in the middle of the storm. He's right there for us whether we sink, swim, walk on water, or stay in the boat, and He brings His peace with Him.

Today, I'll remind myself that Jesus is walking to me right in the middle of caregiving. The storm hasn't scared Him off, and He'll even stay after He brings peace to my soul. My meditations will be on His presence and how I can get to Him, even if it means taking a chance and jumping out of the boat. I will trust Him to keep me from drowning in my own emotions and circumstances today as I reach for Him with all my strength. Will you join me?

Today's Facebook live on this same topic (without the focus on caregiving!)




                                                                                                                                           


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Go-To Scriptures


 I was visiting with a lady from Alaska yesterday. She was telling me about a ministry she helps with and she said they had a main scripture. It made me wonder if I needed one. I thought about what she'd said for some time, but couldn't settle on a single scripture that I would call my "life scripture." You know? My favorite passages change from day to day. Sometimes, it's from moment to moment!

I can say I have a lot of go-to scriptures. We talk about a lot of them here. Psalm 46:1 - God is my refuge and strength - a very present help in time of trouble. I go to that one a lot. But I have held onto Psalm 57:1 for years and declared that I will stay under His shadow and shelter until calamities are past. On any given day I may meditate on any number of verses I've read in my devotions or just a random one that comes to mind. Since His word is alive - and it's in us - you just never know which one may pop up!

Maybe that's why it's so important to hide His word in our hearts. When we need it - Holy Spirit will help us recall it. My students used to ask me to pray for them before their big tests. I always asked if they had studied. If they said no - I told them to pray that they will recall what they studied would be a waste of time. lol. It's true - if we put scriptures in, then God has something to work with. He'll help us remember the things we've read. 

I have some go-to scriptures on peace. Some on His goodness. A few verses I run to when I need comfort. And then I have a whole lot of them on trusting Him in the storms of life. Maybe it's because I live in a storm. (smile) So I have a lot of go-to scriptures, but not just one I can say - this is my verse. "My verse" changes with the winds of the day. I grab whatever passage is going to help me make it through the day with my faith intact. Can you identify? 

With all that being said, I love scripture. I love His word. I love the way it changes me and helps me shape my perspective to be more like His. It's like a one-stop-shop - there's a little bit of everything in there. We find comfort, peace, joy, direction, wisdom, grace, mercy, and the list goes on. 

Today, I will remind myself of the power of His word and I'll allow it to work in my life today. As I meditate on His word today, I'll thank Him for His word's power to change me and I'll let His word shape my day. Will you join me?



                                                                                                                                           



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What? No White Horse?

Chris wearing a batman hat

 Early on in my caregiving journey - before I even realized I was on the journey - I kept thinking God was going to ride in on His white horse and rescue me. I recall sitting in the SICU waiting room thinking I would either wake up and it'd be a horrible bad dream. Or that Chris would just wake up and start getting better. I never dreamed I'd be still caring for him 13 years later. There was no way I could have even imagined here - from there. I had no idea what here looked like.

Needless to say, there was no white horse; and there was no dramatic rescue. 

However, what did happen was that time after time, day after day, moment after moment, God kept rescuing my soul from the emotional dungeon that was trying to drag my heart into its pit. He never abandoned me or left me no matter how bad it got or how badly I behaved. (Yes, I did that.) Instead, I found His calming presence always nearby waiting for me to calm down enough to accept and embrace His peace.

God didn't ride in on His white horse - but He also didn't shy away from the storm. If Jesus hadn't walked out to the disciples in the boat in the middle of a storm Peter would have missed the opportunity to walk on water. Jesus didn't calm the storm until after Peter got to demonstrate his faith - even if it was but for a few seconds. Hey, a few steps on the water - is still walking on water!

Joseph named his second son, Ephraim which means fruitful. He said - God has made me fruitful in this land of my suffering. (NLT) And God keeps doing that. He may not always rescue us from suffering or pain - but He is always right there with us. What He does is eternal. Joseph's gifts weren't taken back because he became a slave, he still interpreted dreams.

God's love, peace, mercy, grace, and presence are eternal. They don't wane over time; they remain.

Today, I will remind myself that God is still God even in difficult times. He may not send to rescue us out - but He will give us the opportunity to trust Him enough to walk on water, or save a whole generation like Joseph. We never know what He will do with us or how our story will be told. I'll meditate on His eternal attributes - and I'll think about how He doesn't take things back. He walks into my storm - your storm - with all of who He is - and He remains. I'll rejoice that He is with me today and that He still extends peace, grace, mercy, and love for today. Will you join me?

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31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover


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Permission to Believe

 


I found myself in a very familiar story this morning as I was preparing for live devotions on Facebook. It's in Matthew 14:22-33. We know this story as the time Jesus came walking on the water. It's also familiar because Peter jumped out of the boat and walked on the water to get to Jesus. Have you ever been in a place where it felt like it would take a miracle for you to get to God? 

There were several things that stood out in this story. I hope you take a minute to read it again today. I like that Jesus took time for solitude and prayer. What an example for us. If He needed it - we certainly do! 

I like that Jesus stepped out into the storm to get to his weary, frightened disciples who were still trying to row the boat. (That's us - huh?) They were frightened at first. But then they recognized Him. He told them to not be afraid. They knew His voice because He simply said, I am here. (NLT)

Then Peter who is known to be a bit impulsive calls out. He said, If it's really You - tell me to come to You by walking on the water. (NLT) Now I've read this story numerous times as many of us have. But this morning I stopped to think about Peter's inquiry. Why didn't he just jump out of the boat and take off? His question seems to indicate to me that he really wanted to. What held him back?

If it's really You - Peter said. Did he doubt? If he doubted why in the world would he have trusted this voice in the night? What if it wasn't Jesus? A deceiver or imposter could bid him to jump out of the boat to his doom. Right? 

Maybe Peter knew Jesus' voice but was just enough afraid to stay in the boat. Maybe Peter just needed permission to believe. And Jesus said, Alright, come. (NLT) 

As caregivers, our days and nights can get rocky. We can be tossed around on life's sea like a boat in a storm. But we keep rowing just like the disciples did. It doesn't say they were waiting for or expecting Jesus to come to them. But He came. He walked right into the middle of their dark night; right into the middle of their storm and gave them permission to believe Him. I like that.

Today, I will take a good look at my own faith. I'll ask myself some hard questions too. Do I believe? Would I jump out of the boat and run to Him? Will I accept Him in the middle of the dark night of the soul? Will I trust Him to calm the storm? Yes. Yes. Yes. and Yes. Will you join me today?

Unplugged

If anyone understands me I know it's you, my fellow caregivers. And thankfully, we are a forgiving bunch. I know I've been MIA for quite awhile but I'm refocused and ready to go again. I found myself totally overwhelmed by everything and just had to unplug for a bit. I'm all plugged in now and we're good.

Of course, caregivers can't unplug like others can as there are some things that simply cannot be let go. Even if we "take a break" there are some things that can't be ignored. I can cut back on my work, rearrange my daily schedule, simplify my daily processes like cooking and cleaning - but caregiving can't be "cut back" on.

Each day is about the same whether we're feeling it or not. We don't get to just break from bathing, feeding, dressing, or exercising our loved one just because we're on overload. Add to that complicated situation those things that may seem simple to others like aides that don't show up as scheduled, nurses who like to make surprise visits, making a living and "normal" family matters and daily life and for me it means I gotta check out for a bit and find myself in the pile. And that is why I've been MIA for awhile.

With the new year I have a new determination to do some things I want to do. One of them is keep up this blog and some others as well. I want to write some of my stuff instead of just for "the other guys." So here I am.

I opened my Bible this morning to remove the bookmark and my eyes fell on this verse from Isaiah 49:

And now says the Lord, 
who formed me from the womb
to be His servant.....

That little phrase stood out to me - He formed me to be His servant. I am made to worship Him no matter what life throws at me and no matter how crazy the days may get around me. I was born for this.

But the last phrase in this verse stood out to me as well. It says My God is my strength. Not only did He form me so my every breath and actions could worship Him, He gives me the strength to continue. Talk about a cool package deal, right? We are not out here on our own trying to find a way to keep on worshiping Him in the midst of the fiery furnace - He is empowering us to serve Him. There are no exclusions. No exceptions. No unlesses....we are His servant and He is our strength. I like that.

Today I will meditate on being born to worship and serve Him. I can do that with intention today. I'll refocus my thoughts and actions on how He empowers me to walk with Him, how He carries me through the rough days and walks with me through the lighter ones. I'll think about what it means to be invited to walk with Him, the King of Kings. And I will rejoice once again that He has not left me to face life alone. I'll be content in Him and rest in Him for one more day. Will you join me?




Seeing Through the Caregiver's Fog

Other than the social isolation of caregiving, I think the wrestling with depression is one of the most difficult things I deal with. I can be fine, having a good day and some memory or small challenge can spark a deluge of emotions that send me off into la-la land. It doesn't take much, honestly. I'd like to say I'm alone in these emotional roller coaster rides, but from what reading I have done, it's common for the caregiver.

Over the last few weeks, the struggle has been so real as I'm sure it is for many. This morning I found myself trying once again to pull myself out of the caregiver's fog. I was actually thinking about storms and how natural storms pass. Caregiving does not. And for my situation I'm looking at a life that looks just like this for the rest of my life. It does get to me from time to time.

So, I went to the Word looking for the story of Jesus and His disciples facing the storm in the boat. I found it in Mark chapter 4. But the parable at the first of the chapter caught my attention. That means we'll still talk about the storm tomorrow! lol

Mark 4 starts with the parable of the sower who sowed the seeds in different types of soil. I know Jesus was giving us an analogy of the Kingdom of God and as He explains to His disciples later the seed is the message of the Kingdom which is sowed and the outcome depends on the condition of the soil. But as I read it I thought about the changes in my life on a day to day basis and my heart's response to the Word.

I can look at my days and see how some days are very fruitful. I have energy, I'm positive, my faith is high and things go generally well. Then other days are more like the thorny soil where every hope is choked out by thorns of caregiving or life in general. Some days the Word of God seems to speak to me personally and lifts me right out of the muck and mire as it sinks deeply into the soil of my heart. Other days God seems silent and I feel I'm left in a dry, rocky place to try and navigate on my own.

Of course there are lots of in-between days where there are series of ups and downs. I can go from laughing and enjoying the progress my son makes to weeping because the "picture" of his life is all messed up. Really. I should be rejoicing that he's marrying, having children, exploring his chosen career; not the fact that he regained head control or moved his right foot. Such mixed emotions - the storms of the caregiver's life.

Now the good part is that later on in this same chapter, Jesus explained the seed itself a little more fully. When the seed is sown there is not always an immediately recognizable growth spurt. As a matter of fact, it seems as if nothing is happening. As the farmer "goes about his days" the seed sprouts and grows without his direct knowledge.

So what does this mean for the caregiver? For me today? It means that God's word is enough.  It means that it is sown - it will grow. On the days I (or we - if you're with me) don't see it  - I'm not feelin' it - His word is still tucked away in my heart. It's not discarded. It's secretly growing and as I go about my caregiving tasks, it'll continue to grow and it will bear fruit in my life.

The caregiver doesn't get an exclusion in the Word. God didn't make ONE promise where He said "this is applicable for everyone but the caregiver."!

So today I will try to keep my focus. I will meditate on the fact that His word IS growing in me - whether I see it or not. I'll turn my thoughts to truths like - I didn't get kicked out of the Kingdom when I became a caregiver. My meditation will be on the truth that His word still stands and every promise is still true. I will shift my focus to those things I cannot see. And I will trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Holding on to What Does Not Fade

My latest personal devotions have been spent in 1 Peter. The epistles are among my favorite scriptures because they are just so rich! This morning I got stuck on 1 Peter 1:4. This passage is wonderful, but a few words in this scripture demanded my attention this morning.

Verse 4 says we obtain an inheritance which is imperishable, and undefiled, and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you. The words which I bolded are the ones which grabbed my attention. Our inheritance in the Lord cannot fade away, be defiled or perish.

That might not seem like too big of a deal to a lot of people, but for me as a caregiver sometimes I start to feel like a second class citizen all the way around. I feel the loss of a "normal" life, and feel like I can't get out and do things like so many get to enjoy. When my son was first injured, my life stopped and in many aspects it's never begun again. It's changed; but it's anything but "normal."

Many days I grieve the loss of my son, even though he is still here. I grieve the loss of my life too. It is so good to know that what we have in Christ, and who we are in Him cannot perish, cannot be stolen from us and will not ever fade away. Our life is hidden with Christ in God our Father and being a caregiver doesn't cause our standing in Him to change or waver one bit. Nothing in our spirit man changed when we became a caregiver.

This really touched me this morning during my devotions because when everything else in our lives changes, God's hold on us remains constant. Today I am going to grab hold on this truth and rest in Him. My meditation will be on His constancy - and His perseverance to hold on to me through life's struggles. I will turn my thoughts to His unchanging love for me. And I will rejoice in the fact that what He has put in me will not and cannot be damaged by life's roaring tides! Will you join me?

More Than What Meets the Eye

Yesterday I talked about the flowers along the trail and it made me want to get back out there and get a few pictures. So when the aide got here I went out just to enjoy running the trail and stopping to get pictures. I found this solitary flower along the way.

I think it grabbed my attention because just a while back there were rows and rows of flowers and this one was standing there all alone. My mind went off on its own rabbit trail when I saw it.

My first thought was how it was alone with no other flowers around it to add or detract from its beauty. But then I thought about all that it takes for this single plant to survive. Maybe that small cluster of flowers thinks its all alone in this small, but harsh wilderness; but there is a more than what meets the eye.

Many elements come together for this little flower. The leaves use the process of photosynthesis to keep the flower alive and the stem helps it stand tall so the sun and leaves can do their work. And there is an entire root system underground supporting this little guy and supplying it nutrients just so it can bloom, just so I can enjoy its beauty while I am out on a run! And besides all that there is the process of pollination going on to make sure this and other flowers have what is needed to survive. Nature has multiple systems going on that help keep this flower alive and beautiful.

Sometimes the caregiver can feel all alone and deserted. All the other flowers are enjoying each other's company in a different location but this one just stands here. Social isolation is one of the most crucial areas the caregiver has to deal with and it's real. We find our lives redefined by our social activities or the lack thereof and it can be a very lonely place.

When we look at this plant, we don't see the harsh, cold spring it endured. We don't see the dry spells it lived through during the hot summer. And we don't see how it lays over in the strong Oklahoma winds or how it endured the last tornado. And we can't see the entire system God has in place just to make it shine.

When God looks at us though - He knows. He knows about those long sleepless nights, the loneliness we endure, our fears, and all the other things that we fight day in and day out as we care for our loved ones. And He sees the beauty of the flower the troubles have produced. I couldn't see anything this flower endured - I only saw its beauty today. That's how He sees us. The flower has no idea how beautiful it is or that it made me stop and smile today - but it did.

My meditation today will be on how He gives us beauty for ashes. I'll turn my thoughts to how He loves us and how He sees beauty in us even when we feel like we are dry and living in the midst of a wilderness. I'll think about how His heart smiles when He looks at us...because he sees us blooming, beautiful and standing tall in faith. Will you join me?

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...