What About That White Horse?

After a couple of weeks, I was comfortable in the ICU waiting room. There was a certain sense of community there as we were all there for our loved ones. It was a horrible place really. I wouldn't leave because a doctor might bring word out about Chris at any time. Whoever had been there the longest sort of ruled their roost and I was the designated sleeper in a particular recliner. I recall sleeping and waking up hoping it was all a dream. But it wasn't. Somehow I kept thinking God was going to come riding through on His white horse and rescue me. But He didn't. And thus, began my walk of redefining faith.

God never promised He'd rescue us out of life's fiery trials, but He did promise He'd walk through them with us. He said He'd never abandon us, never leave us. In Isaiah 43, God tells the prophet I have called you by name, you are mine. I like that I am His and not one thing life can throw at me changes that. Think about that for a second. My kids can get mad at me - tell me I'm not their mom. But their blood and DNA will always scream they are mine! We will always be His.

Isaiah 43 goes on to talk about going through the fires and floods. God never promises a way of escape - no white horses here. But He does make these promises:

When you go through deep waters and great trouble - I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty - you will not drown!

When you walk through the fires of oppression - you will not burn up.

Even though we are not going to see or experience a dramatic rescue scene, we are not alone, we will not drown, and life's trials will not consume us. He has this. He has us. In chapter 61 of Isaiah, God made promises to those who mourn. Now what stood out to me was this. To those who mourn in Zion. Zion is the dwelling of the Lord, how could there be mourning there? He never promised we would be exempt from trials, floods, and fires. He did promise we wouldn't be overcome. Just because we are in the church and part of the body of Christ doesn't mean we will not mourn. Caregivers often live with grief. There's no condemnation... only comfort.

Today, I think I'll be grateful He didn't ride in on a white horse because I would have missed so much of the journey to intimacy with Him. I'll meditate on His grace and how my faith has grown through the trial. And I will trust Him to carry me through one more day white horse or not! Will you join me?

No Hours of Operation

In the natural, I'm a runner. I started running way back when Chris was first in the hospital. I am slower and fatter - but I still love it. It's a large part of how I manage my health both mentally and physically. Usually, a good run clears my mind and gets me back on track. One of my favorite songs to listen to while I'm running is "I'm running - running after You - You've  become my heart's desire." I think about running to Him both of us with arms open wide - and I can run for miles.

Proverbs 18:10 reminds us that we can run to Him, and I use "run" loosely. The name of the Lord is a strong fortress, the godly run to Him and are safe. As I thought on this scripture this morning and how often I have to run to Him for safety, I thought of an old hymn: A Mighty Fortress is Our God. So I looked up the lyrics. It's old English so it's a bit hard to understand. So, I'll focus on just the last verse since it's the one that stood out to me.

That word above all earthly powers,

No thanks to them, abideth;

The Spirit and the gifts are ours

Through Him who with us sideth;

Let goods and kindred go,

This mortal life also;

The body they may kill:

God's truth abideth still

His kingdom is forever.

I read that last verse over and over and a couple things stood out. I marked those in bold. No matter if friends, relatives, or others distance themselves, our bodies fall apart, or whatever other things may happen to this body - or in this life - God's truth abideth still. We can always run to Him  - He will always be our fortress in the times of trouble or the times without trouble. He just stands. His truth still stands. So, when Solomon said the Lord is our fortress, our strong tower - there is no end. He never set a time limit or said we have to get there by Wednesday or it's closed. There are no restrictions or hours of operation. God is always open and His arms ready to embrace. I find comfort in the truth that I can run to Him and He simply will always be my fortress, my protection, my safe place and my strong tower against the enemy.

Today I will meditate on how He is always open to receive me. He is always ready to care for me so I don't have to. God's saving and protecting fortress is just waiting for me to come running so He can surround me with His songs of deliverance and fill me with His peace. I'm running to Him today - will you join me?

Everything is Everything

Do you ever feel like life has sort of passed you by? I talked about how I sometimes feel politely ignored in another post. Maybe you feel like you drew the proverbial short stick. Maybe it's just me - but I had so many dreams and plans that were jerked out from under me with that one phone call. It can feel like no one really understands what we are going through, not that they are expected to. The caregiver's cave becomes an alone place - but a safe place for us.

I was thinking along these lines this morning and a verse came to mind. It took me a few minutes to find it as it's not really a super familiar one, to me anyway. It's in Exodus12:40-42. The New Living Translation reads this way:  The people of Israel had lived in Egypt for 430 years. In fact, it was on the last day of the 430th year that all the Lord's forces left the land. This night has been reserved by the Lord to bring his people out of the land of Egypt...

What stood out to me was that the days were numbered. God knew the exact time when they went into captivity and the exact day they were freed. God knew that it was the last day of year 430. That just sort of blows my mind. If He had their days numbered so much as to reserve a specific day to bring them out - He must be familiar with our cave-dwelling days too!

Nothing escapes His view. He sees when we are weak, overwhelmed, or discouraged. He also sees when we feel in control, are strong, or just okay. There isn't anything that escapes His notice. He is aware when we are rejoicing in small victories as well as when we feel defeated and overcome. Somehow I found it comforting that He doesn't miss a thing. He sees everything. He knows where we are no matter how far back into the cave we crawl...He knows the day, the hour, the minute and seconds we fail to trust Him - or choose to trust Him. and like the Children of Israel - He is keeping watch over us and keeping count.

Today, I will meditate on how He truly does know everything - every emotion, every thought, every fear...and still hears my cry and comes to my aid. My thoughts will be on His ever-abiding presence as I trust Him to carry me through the emotions of this day. Will you join me?

A Comforting Presence in a Dark Time: Helping Seniors Cope with the Loss of a Spouse

Profoundly painful. Disorienting. Emotionally devastating. Those are just some of the ways elderly people describe what it’s like to lose a spouse. Helping a senior cope with such a loss can be extraordinarily difficult. For those who have never had the experience, it’s impossible to appreciate how different losing a spouse is from losing a parent, a sibling or close friend. The bereaved person may experience confusion, indecision, or a total lack of motivation. Suddenly bereft of a helpmate and lifetime partner, they need help but may not know how to ask for it. So what can you do?

Listen unconditionally

One of the greatest kindnesses you can perform is to listen. Listen unconditionally and with empathy. Sometimes, encouraging a grieving individual just to talk about their spouse and letting them know you’re there to listen can be therapeutic. Simply allowing a loved one to share thoughts or vent pent-up emotions can be a valuable service. But it does require patience and a sense of restraint. Saying “I know how you feel” can come across as a shallow, patronizing statement if you truly don’t know.

Part of being a good, patient listener is allowing a bereaved senior to grieve freely. They may exhibit depression, remorse, resignation, and a host of other feelings (perhaps even contradictory ones) that may be overwhelming, even startling. Try to remember that this is an important part of the healing process, a sharing of feelings that can make the difference between a debilitating emotional decline and a glimmer of light that brings a little relief and a sense of hope.

Day-to-day coping

Coping with grief often makes it difficult for seniors to perform day-to-day tasks such as paying bills or taking medication. Children can be particularly helpful by supporting a parent in these mundane-yet-important tasks, freeing them to deal with their grief without the extra burden of personal responsibility. Seniors in mourning often find it difficult to stay organized. You can help by offering to help plan a schedule or drive them to appointments.

Maintaining a physical presence can be important because bereavement may produce powerful emotional responses at unpredictable times. Something may trigger a memory that produces a sudden crying spell or proves temporarily incapacitating. Having a loved one nearby who can do the driving, clean the house or wash dishes is not only emotionally supportive but can help prevent injury at a time when your parent or relative may be distracted and inattentive. 

Time to downsize?

For seniors who suddenly find themselves alone, taking care of a house as well as themselves can be daunting. There are belongings to go through, legal matters to attend to, and more. The stress of keeping things clean and organized may become too much. If this is the case, it might be time to consider downsizing to a smaller home, where your parent would have far less they are responsible for. To keep the process manageable, Angie’s List suggests creating (and sticking to) a moving schedule, decluttering and getting rid of items no longer needed, and starting small by packing closets first.

For certain seniors, an assisted living facility may be a better option. Here, your parent would receive physical assistance, emotional support, and social stimulation every day. It can be a difficult matter to bring up, especially for someone who’s used to being independent, but the benefits of assisted living can truly make a difference for an elderly person dealing with loneliness and depression for the first time. Many facilities offer temporary stays, during which individuals can get a feel for whether assisted living is for them.

Losing a spouse and lifetime companion is an inevitability for which no one is ever really prepared. Those who suffer such a loss may have needs they themselves don’t understand. Relatives and friends can provide a comforting presence just by being near, lending a loving ear or offering a helping hand. 

Photo Courtesy of Pixabay.com

Walking Alongside

 Once a year my daughter and I escape for a mother-daughter weekend away. We started the tradition 5 years ago on her birthday weekend. This year was our 6th trip and it was more of a caregiver's getaway since we now share caregiving responsibilities under one roof. It' always a great time and I learned so much on this trip.

On Saturday, we walked the 5k together. The first year we did it was a bit difficult for me because I usually run races. But every year she's done this one I have let her set the pace. This year's race was awesome! We visit, laugh, cut up and just relax, so it's a great time.

I thought about how much I enjoy just walking it with her - it's more than just getting the race done - it's the doing it together that makes it memorable. There really is something special about walking alongside someone else on their journey. Maybe it's just more rewarding when you make it about someone else's journey instead of your own.  Your journey is better.

I thought of what Jesus said in John about sending the Holy Spirit. He'll not only live in us, but He'll walk alongside too. Walking alongside is an important role. You still have to do the walking - but there's someone right there if you need anything like encouragement, a drink of water, a hand up, or a shoulder to lean on even though they don't walk it for you.

To further demonstrate - there were several amputees on this race. They all had someone there with them, but not one companion was walking it for them. God won't walk the caregiving journey for us - but He does walk alongside as a constant companion - just in case we need anything along the way.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm missing something as a caregiver, and maybe I walk like with a limp. But I can rest easy knowing that each unstable step is taken with Him by my side - to guide, comfort, instruct, and help. That's all I need to just keep taking one more step.

Today, I'm going to meditate on His ever-abiding presence. I'll turn my thoughts to how Holy Spirit is sent to us to indwell us - and to walk alongside. I'm not taking one step alone  - I like that. I'll think about how He accompanies me with each and every tottering step and I'll trust Him for one more day. will you join me?

Always Behind

Just a few weeks ago, my son's case manager came by. She started asking how long each task took and how many times a day it had to be completed. As the list grew longer, I started feeling overwhelmed. I had no idea it takes about 5 hours out of the day just to prepare his food and feed him. I also didn't realize how time-consuming transfers were. I mean, we've got it down to an art and it's MUCH easier than when I first brought him home. But still, an hour or more a day just to keep him dry and move him around? Then there was laundry, talking to various health professionals throughout the week, and tons of other things we didn't even get on her list. I was tired just thinking about it.

I'm starting to wonder if part of the caregiving journey is this feeling of being always behind. No matter what all I DO get accomplished in a day, I feel like I left at least as much undone. It's a daily thing. Maybe I am the only one - but I suspect not.

Feelings of being always behind lead my mind down dark paths of additional feelings of inadequacy, failure, etc. Once my thoughts begin spiraling, somehow everything I ever failed at and every mistake I ever made start surfacing. In just a few minutes I feel like the scum of the earth - lower than worm spit we used to say! But this morning, as my heart began to sink into that abyss, I did something a little different.

As soon as I thought of some shortcoming, mistake, failure or any other negative aspect, I made my mind think of something good that came from it. Then, I thanked God for that. With just a little bit of thought, each instance revealed a positive outcome in me, my circumstances, or whatever. And you know what? I didn't spiral down into the depths of grief or sorrow. I saw each circumstance in a different light when I realized there were positive outcomes even if they seemed as simple as God's grace extended to me, or some lesson I learned through it.

So even though I am "always behind" in my mind - there must be some really good stuff happening in the midst. Today, I will purposefully find gratefulness in the midst of my stress. I will command my thoughts to look past the obvious circumstances and choose to believe He is once again reaching and pressing for that positive outcome in me. My meditations will be grateful ones of His keeping power - His everlasting loving kindness toward me. And with that, I will gratefully trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

When In Doubt

This week I saw and retweeted a tweet from John Piper. The tweet contained the scripture from Matthew 14:30-31. Beginning to sink Peter cried out, Lord save me! Jesus immediately reached out His hand and took hold of him saying to him, O you of little faith, why did you doubt? John Piper then added this note: this saving hand went out to doubt, not faith. Thus He keeps His own.

I think I retweeted it because it really touched my heart. There is a sect of the religious world that try to make us feel like we have no faith if we don't see our loved ones healed. Early on this was a real struggle for me and I battled with some things I'd been taught about faith and my situation. At one point I thought I was doomed. But once I was able to redefine faith - I found it to be what would carry me through the years of caregiving.

In this verse, Jesus didn't reach out to the "faith-filled" Peter. He reached out for him in his weakest, most faithless moment and even asked him why he had doubted. But He didn't abandon Peter for doubting. He didn't say, sorry, I can't help you because you doubted. He saw Peter starting to sink and He reached out his hand.

As caregivers we have good days and bad days. There are a few days when I feel like I'm starting to sink into fear, doubt, uncertainty, or frustrations. As positive as I try to be I still have those times when I start sinking into negativity. There are literally tons of thing each and every day that reach for us and try to drag us into the abyss of depression, sense of loss, and grief. It can be the simplest thing- like yesterday I saw a Facebook post of one of my son's friends who had their first baby. I was happy for them, but I cried. Depression and grief started clawing and pulling on me. Anything can trigger a sinkhole anywhere. I wonder if it's similar to the one Peter found while walking on the water.

As John Piper pointed out, He keeps His own. He keeps us in all our moments both the high ones and the low ones. He doesn't wash His hands, walk away and let us sink. He always meets us where we are whether we are jumping out of the boat to walk on water or being swept away in the current of caregiving. His hand is extended to us.

Today, when I am in doubt, I will recall this story. It will be my meditation today as I consider how Jesus had no condemnation for Peter, just an extended hand. I don't know about you, but I need His hand today. So I will purposefully turn my heart to reach for Him. I'll trust Him for today and remind myself that I am His. Will you join me?