I'm starting to wonder if part of the caregiving journey is this feeling of being always behind. No matter what all I DO get accomplished in a day, I feel like I left at least as much undone. It's a daily thing. Maybe I am the only one - but I suspect not.
Feelings of being always behind lead my mind down dark paths of additional feelings of inadequacy, failure, etc. Once my thoughts begin spiraling, somehow everything I ever failed at and every mistake I ever made start surfacing. In just a few minutes I feel like the scum of the earth - lower than worm spit we used to say! But this morning, as my heart began to sink into that abyss, I did something a little different.
As soon as I thought of some shortcoming, mistake, failure or any other negative aspect, I made my mind think of something good that came from it. Then, I thanked God for that. With just a little bit of thought, each instance revealed a positive outcome in me, my circumstances, or whatever. And you know what? I didn't spiral down into the depths of grief or sorrow. I saw each circumstance in a different light when I realized there were positive outcomes even if they seemed as simple as God's grace extended to me, or some lesson I learned through it.
So even though I am "always behind" in my mind - there must be some really good stuff happening in the midst. Today, I will purposefully find gratefulness in the midst of my stress. I will command my thoughts to look past the obvious circumstances and choose to believe He is once again reaching and pressing for that positive outcome in me. My meditations will be grateful ones of His keeping power - His everlasting loving kindness toward me. And with that, I will gratefully trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?
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