Tear-Stained Pillow Cases

Have you ever wondered who would find your tear-stained pillowcases? Odd question, I know. But after a very emotional day yesterday I found myself crying into my pillowcase last night. This is extremely odd for me as I rarely cry at all. I tease and say my “eyes sweat” occasionally. But I am certainly not a crier. Yesterday seemed different. The load got heavier – I know you as a caregiver understand! We carry so much every single day, how in the world could it get worse? But we all know – it can and it does from time to time. It doesn’t usually take too much to be “more overwhelmed” than being overwhelmed. Lol

As I buried my face in my pillow last night and let my heart cry out without words to God, I found a bit of peace. I became thankful that He was still right here with me, even after the blows the day had brought. I became grateful to have a safe place to take my heart without fear of condemnation.

Then this morning, I got up early to get my head on straight before another sure-to-be long day. I found myself in 1 Peter 3 – and I have no idea how I got there! Lol. But I found the words comforting. Maybe you will too. Verses 10 through 12 are taken partially from Psalm 34. But it was 1 Peter 3:12a that stood out to me. It says this: For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers. (NASB)

I thought about that for quite a little bit. I know I am one of the righteous because 1 Corinthians 1:30 says He became for us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification and redemption. (NASB) Our righteousness as a caregiver is not in question. It was not compromised when we became a caregiver. In fact – it is still intact. (Another thing to be thankful for today!) So, His eyes are on me – on you – because we are the righteous. And His ears are open (as opposed to closed) to our prayers. I find that comforting this morning.

Today, instead of concentrating on all the difficult spots around me, I will choose to be thankful. I’ll purposefully thank Him for being my righteousness. There’s certainly no way I could be righteous on my own! My meditations will be on how He hears me – and didn’t turn down the volume when I started caregiving! I’ll be grateful that He didn’t send me on this journey alone – but He chose to walk it with me. And with that – I’ll trust Him for one more day – will you join me?

Caregiver Tips: Essential Home Preparations for the Visually Impaired

As a caregiver, you want to help your loved one feel as independent as possible. Living independently with a visual impairment is not just possible, but it’s well within reach. If you’re planning on updating your current home to make it safer and more comfortable for your loved one, you don’t have to spend a ton of money. Simple modifications can make your home safer and more convenient.

By knowing how to design, illuminate, and organize your house, you’re taking the first step in helping your loved one live comfortably with a visual impairment. Keep in mind that while some of these projects are DIY, you may need to hire some help for bigger jobs, especially those that require electrical work.

Rethink your lighting and contrast

Making changes to the lighting in your home is not only inexpensive, but it’s probably the best thing you can do to make living with a visual impairment a little easier. For the most part, it’s advisable to increase the amount of light in every room of your house. This includes overhead lighting, lamps, and specialized direct lighting on desks and tables. The brighter it is, the better your loved one will be able to navigate your home.

Keep in mind that “too bright” can also cause problems, mainly with glare. Experiment with different types of light bulbs, from incandescent to halogen and LED. Work with your loved one to figure out what works best for their specific type of visual impairment.

Even if your loved one can’t make out definite shapes, text, or patterns, color is one of the strongest visual cues for most with visual impairment. Use this to your advantage. Use contrasting colors to draw attention to potential hazards in your home. Paint the edges of stairs white. Use dark-colored mats, grips, and fixtures on light-colored appliances and fixtures.

Invest in kitchenware and prevent bathroom falls

You spend a lot of time in the kitchen. However, for the visually impaired, it can be one of the most challenging rooms of the house to make comfortable. Not only should you apply lighting and contrast principles to the kitchen, but you should invest in some basic kitchen equipment that will make your loved one’s cooking experience not only more enjoyable, but a whole lot safer.

VisionAware suggests some specialized tools, like “long oven mitts to protect hands and arms from hot surfaces; a low-vision timer with large, raised, high-contrast numbers, such as white numbers on a black background; a boil alert disc to know when water is boiling and to keep liquid from boiling over; [and] a double spatula to avoid spills when turning foods.”

Your number one goal when it comes to bathroom safety is preventing falls. First make sure the bathroom is well lit. Next, you should add non-stick flooring and grab bars and a railing wherever it’s most practical.  You should also add a non-slip mat in the bathtub or shower.

Don’t be afraid to hire some help

Despite your best efforts, amid all your caregiving duties, it can be hard to keep the house clean. However, it’s especially important to maintain a tidy home for those with a visual impairment. Clutter leads to potential hazards.

You should consider hiring a part-time or full-time housekeeper, depending on your specific needs. The cost will depend on which company you hire, how large your home is, and how often you schedule the cleaning services. Do your research to find the best housekeeping services in your area.

Remember: it’s not only OK, but in many cases, recommended, that you accept a little help in order to help your loved one maintain their independence. Plus, having a little extra help frees up time for you to take care of yourself and avoid caregiver burnout.

As a caregiver, it is crucial that you modify your home environment to meet the needs of your loved one while helping them maintain a sense of normalcy. Small changes, such as additional lighting and color contrast, modified kitchen equipment, and extra help to keep the home tidy, are all great ways to help your visually impaired loved one. You support your loved one 100 percent, so make sure your home does, too.

Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

He Gets That!

As I was reading this morning I came across a phrase that caught my eye. I picked up my Bible and just started reading where it opened. It just happened to be in Psalm 33. The subtitle had grabbed my attention as it says The sovereignty of the Lord in Creation and History. I’ve been looking at different passages about creation as I find it fascinating.

But when I got down to verses 13-15, I paused. Then, I read it over about four times. Then, I looked it up in several different versions. Guess what. They all say about the same thing. So, I looked it up in the Strong’s and Lexicon.

The word “fashioned” as I assumed means God shaped our hearts. He was involved in the creation, folding, and molding of each individual heart. And the heart, of course, is not representative of our physical blood-pumping heart. It’s our spirit-soul man. The part of us that makes us an individual. The part of us that is the alive part.

I found this all fascinating. Psalm 33:13-15 says this:

The Lord looks from heaven;

He sees all the sons of men.

From the place of His dwelling He looks

On all the inhabitants of the earth;

He fashions their hearts individually;

He considers all their works.

(NASB)

He did not mass-produce us He fashions each of our hearts. As mixed up as our hearts and emotions can be as caregivers, He sees and knows all the ins and outs we go through on any given day. He made our hearts with a capacity to care and to love – just like He has.

Sometimes as a caregiver, I can feel very cut off from the world. Social isolation is a real thing. And even on those times when I do get out, I can feel so separate – so different. And you know what? He gets that.

There are days filled with appointments, calls, visits. I can feel totally overwhelmed almost before I get up out of bed. Often, I get up as tired as I was when I laid down. You know what? He gets that.

Some days are frustrating from the get-go. Supplies don’t come in, aids either don’t show up or don’t do their jobs. (And we still have to treat them decent. Lol. You know what? He gets that.

There are times I’ve been totally overcome with grief. Tears well up in my eyes and I fight to keep from slipping into a depressed state. The world may not understand living grief. But you know what? He gets that.

Those same “hands” that took the time to form our hearts individually are there to pick it up when it shatters into a million pieces. Those graceful hands tenderly touch our hearts and bring peace in turmoil. If He took the time to individually form our innermost beings – He cares about every part of us, no doubt.

Today, I’m going to trust my fashioner with those parts of me that no one else can see. I’ll give Him the nitty-gritty parts of my heart that people overlook or ignore. I’ll lay the emotions I don’t even understand at His feet this morning. And I will trust Him from this most hidden place. Will you join me?

The After-Battle

I think I’ve shared that I’ve been studying the armor in Ephesians 6. If not, guess what! I’ve been studying the armor in Ephesians 6! It’s funny to me how we can read something over and over and then one day it seems to just open up and make sense. I have read, studied, and memorized this passage, but in the reading this time several things stood out that I hadn’t noticed quite this way before. Hopefully, I can get it all out of my heart and mind and into a study guide or devotional – not sure which one yet.

So, this one little phrase really stuck out to me this time. Paul tells the church at Ephesus to put on all the armor so they can stand. He mentions standing a couple of times throughout – when you’ve done all… just stand. Do you have days like that? I know I do. Days when caregiving is just overwhelming and we’re at the end of our own proverbial rope are frequent it seems. But here we are – still standing. And thankful to God for perseverance, strength, peace and His presence.

The phrase that’s standing out to me today is in verse 13. I’m using the New Living Translation (it’s the old NLT). It says to put it all on – so that after the battle you will still be standing. There’s that standing thing again. But the focus for me is on the three words: after the battle.

Paul in no way told the Ephesians they would be able to avoid or escape the battle. While there may not be an escape route – there is an after. Whatever battle we are facing today will come to an end. And I’m sure there will be a new one immediately following but after this battle – we’ll still be standing as long as we are hidden in Him. And as long as we continue to embrace His word.

For caregivers sometimes it feels like everything is a battle. Seriously, and some days it starts with breathing. Taking one more step or taking one more breath is the battle some days. But as we continue to stand complete in Him – after each battle no matter how long, how short, how intense, or insane – we can still be standing.

I don’t know what battles I may face today. For me right now it really is one breath at a time. But I know that no matter what comes my way, and I’m sure they’ll be something(s)… this tiny soldier will still be standing and trusting Him.

Today, in the midst of exhaustion I will purposefully trust Him. I will direct my thoughts to His watchful care over us. I will turn my meditations to His care, His intense love and His extreme desire to be with us. Then, I will trust Him for each breath as I breathe through this day one step at a time. Will you join me?

Beating for You

Today I decided to share a song that I wrote. I know I’m not a really good singer- but I hope you can hear past it to God’s message to you. This was written after I’d stayed day and night in the hospital with my son for over three months. It would be about two more weeks before we would transfer to a nursing home.

Needless to say, my heart was broken. Shattered into pieces and I wanted to run..but God gave me this song as a way of reassuring me that He was with me through the long, dark nights. And that His heart was indeed still beating for me. My hardest task then was to fight my way through the emotions I was feeling and find rest in Him. Will you join me on a journey to Father’s heart? Here’s Beating for You:

Guarding the Broken Heart

In my studies this morning, I found myself in Proverbs 4. I'm actually studying the armor of God and I chased some thoughts that led me to the last few verses of this chapter. I wrote down some notes on my other study but then my mind settled in verse 13. The New Living Translation states it this way: Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.

I can only feel my situation - and my first thought was - protect your broken heart. I wondered if it was any different for caregivers than others. Probably not, really. We still need to guard our hearts and perhaps we need to be a bit more diligent about it than others. For me personally, the first two things that came to mind that I must protect from taking root in my heart was bitterness and unforgiveness. When my son first had the accident I began to pray that I would not grow bitter as things progressed along lines I really didn't want them to go. You know?

One of my first prayers was that I would move closer to God and have an amazing story of resilience. Well, maybe it hasn't happened just like that. Choosing to not let circumstances lead us down the road of bitterness is just that - a choice. Forgiveness is a choice as well. That's easy to type - easy to say, but not always as easy to do. But just because it's not easy - doesn't mean it's not do-able.

As I meditated on this verse this morning, lots of current situations come to mind. Things I need wisdom to deal with, decisions I need guidance to make, and lots more. I thought of how important it is to lean into Him a little more each day. That's what helps us guard our hearts, I think. I don't want anything in my heart that would keep me from His. Clarification - He won't move! But when I harbor bitterness, unforgiveness, and hidden sins within my heart I will step back and I won't be as comfortable in His presence. His presence remains. His love is the same. It's my own sin that makes me feel separated from Him.

Today, I will purposefully choose the path of my heart and my feet. I'll guard both so there will be no occasion to stumble. I'll meditate more on guarding my heart and what that looks like as I bring all my thoughts captive to the Spirit of Christ. I'll be busy with all that. But I will choose to rest in Him - up close and personal to Him as I guard my heart. I will re-examine myself to see if there is any bitterness or unforgiveness trying to creep in and I'll put up a wall of His peace to keep it out! Will you join me?

And Still I Wait

I didn't get past the olive tree - and the oil that comes when the crucible of life presses us in yesterday's devotion. But I did spend just about as much time in the final verse of Psalm 52 as I did in verse 8.

In verse 9, the phrase that captured my attention is this: I will wait for your mercies. I thought about that for a while. What's it like to wait - for His mercies? I immediately thought about the scripture that says, His mercies are new every morning. The funny thing to me about that is that there is no "morning" to God- it's always today. The sun doesn't set - there's no darkness in Him.

So I looked up the scripture. Of course, it's in Lamentations 3:22-23. The New Living Translation worded it this way: the unfailing love of the Lord never ends! By His mercies, we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each day. 

There's a lot to think about in these two verses. I already mentioned His mercies must begin afresh for us each day. He doesn't have a new day - but we do and boy do we as caregivers need His mercy to be fresh and ready to go for us! Even though this is the part of the verse I was looking for, it was the other part that caught my attention. It's by His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.  Maybe it's just me - but caregiving and all that goes with it is strenuous - mentally, physically, emotionally, financially.... I need Him to protect me from destruction. the writer even mentioned a verse earlier feeling of grief and loss. Those are so familiar to the caregiver!

It's God's mercies that He keeps fresh for us each day that keeps the crucible of life from utterly destroying us. Yesterday, we talked about that. The crucible is designed perfectly so it doesn't do any more than squeezing the oil out of us so others are ministered to. Wait!! I'm the caregiver - I need the ministry! (That's my thoughts anyway...) But isn't it really about being able to lift each other up? Isn't it really about letting our little lights shine in the midst of dark circumstances? Isn't it about keeping faith in the furnace? It's about a shared hope - even though some days we can barely make it through. I get that. But as we make it through each day trusting Him - our lives are pointing the way for others to seek and find hope in Him too.

Today, I'll just be thankful the crucible doesn't destroy us - it just squeezes out what is shareable. My thoughts will be on the freshness of His mercies no matter what time of day we need it. I'll meditate on His closeness when I need Him most - and when I think I need Him the least. And I will trust Him for one more day - will you join me?