It's Okay to Ask

Sometimes, I am not sure what to do with such a wide range of emotions that are associated with caregiving. There is daily grief over what was, the shaded future, and what could have been. There's a sense of loss that is different for each caregiver. For me, it's the loss of my son although his body is still here. I also feel the loss of relationship with him and the future we were supposed to share as he matured, married and began a career and family. With my mom, it's a different loss due to her dementia. There is the loss of the relationship, as well as the loss of her memories of all the things we shared over the years. The grief, losses, and social isolation can chip away at my heart and soul as I fade into quietness.

As believers, how do we deal with these things? Where is that line of faith? We know all too well that there are no "Christmas Miracles" in real life. Not for us anyway. But that's a lot to carry, isn't it? It can be so difficult to navigate through a wide range of emotions on any given day.

I have to take my heart back to hope. Is there any? Sometimes, it really doesn't look like it - but there is always hope as long as we are breathing in and breathing out.to be honest, I'm not sure I always know what that hope looks or feels like. But since I've made it a practice to hide His word in my heart, my mind wanders over to Psalm 42.

The sons of Korah start the psalm out describing their deep desire for God. They call it a thirst - like the deer longs to be refreshed by the brooks. This first little bit has been used in worship choruses for years, but if you did a bit deeper into the psalm you find that they were trying to find God in dire circumstances, just like we do as caregivers sometimes.

The writers were seeking God in a hard circumstance, not worshipping Him in Sunday morning church. They share feelings of despair, feeling forgotten by God, and oppression of the enemy. For us, the enemy may look like brain injury, dementia, or something else. But our soul becomes disturbed (v.11) like the Sons of Korah.

But then they end the psalm in the most unusual way - with a declaration of trusting Him. They turn to ask themselves - why are you discouraged oh my soul? So, it must be okay to ask, right? I can't tell you how many times (every day) I've asked. And it's okay. Especially when it's followed with - I shall yet praise Him - the help of my countenance and my God. Still declaring in the midst of things so hard to understand - that He is still my God and I will continue to trust whether I can or cannot see.

Today, in the midst of pain, disappointment, and struggle I will declare - You O Lord are the help of my countenance - You lift me up! You are still my help and I will still trust You and praise You. Will you join me?

It’s All the Hard Part

Nothing is easy about caregiving, in my opinion. Some days are overall easier than others, maybe. And eventually we tend to adjust to a new normal, don’t we? For me, it’s taken some time to get into a groove and stay there. That’s actually how I adjust to many of the daily responsibilities. When I need to add something new, I find a spot for it in what I am already doing and once I fit it into my “groove” it becomes a new norm too.

As caregivers, we have so much on our plate it can be hard to juggle it all. And it’s not just a hectic spot – it’s every single day  - day after day. It can be easy to lose sight of life itself. Most caregivers I’ve had a chance to cyber-chat with get frustrated with people who tell them they need to take care of themselves or they need to take a break – but offer no real solution for how to do so. Not to mention how friends seem to vanish over time and social isolation becomes a real deal that gnaws away at our very existence. But alas, we adjust and continue to do what we must do for our loved ones.

Pressing on when it gets difficult makes me think of a scripture. Hebrews 12:1-2 says this:

Therefore, we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,

Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us,

And let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

Looking unto Jesus, the author, and finisher of our faith

Who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross,

Despising the shame  and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

(NASB)

I’ve mentioned it before, but it’s worth sharing again. I recall the day I stood by my son’s hospital bed, right after I’d brought him home. I was still heartbroken and was also in caregiver’s shock as I had no idea what it was going to look like. It was certainly figuring it out a day at a time thing. Lol. As I looked at my adult son sleeping, I was overwhelmed by the love I had for him. I knew I would stay beside him no matter what that road looked like, for I was bound by love. And in that moment, I realized this was the same love that held Jesus to the cross. His intense love and compassion for us was why He faced the cross, to begin with – and it’s what held Him to the cross when He had the power to walk away.

He looked out over time and saw us in our caregiving situations and endured the cross so He could perfect our faith. Those days when we just are not sure we can put one foot in front of the other or it takes all our strength just to breathe – we can look at Him and realized He endured pain for us because He cherishes us, He loves us. And we can take one more step, one more breath.

I think I didn’t really understand love until that moment that day. It’s helped me sort through many days – none of them easy.

Today, I’ll keep my thoughts focused on His great love for me. My meditations will be on how He didn’t get off that cross because it hurt – He knew WE needed Him to stay there. He endured – I can endure. I can run this caregiver’s race that is set before me with patience because of what He has done. I’ll thank Him for the grace to make one more hard day – will you join me?

Where Were You?

This weekend I paid for a sitter so I could get out in nature a bit. I’ve heard the saying that you go into the woods to find your soul. There is definitely something healing about a nice walk in nature. Well, this wasn’t really a walk, there was a LOT of rock climbing. But it was good for my soul and my body.

I think hiking is good because it gets your mind totally off caregiving, work, and life. For a few hours you’ve got to focus on where you are, where you are going and not getting lost! It takes every bit of you and demands you be “all in” for a little while. But while you are immersed in a nice hike and enjoying the fresh air – it really does bring a cleansing to the soul. As I got to this one area with beautiful rock formations and interesting plant life even here in early winter, I paused. I looked around at the beauty of nature and I realized the load of life had been lifted off my shoulders. Nature had done its job. I said, “thank you” out loud. Then began to thank God for all He created.

As I looked around at all the rock formations, I thought of how small it when compared with all His creation. I thought of the scriptures that mention how He holds the waters of the world in the palm of His hand. Then I thought of my favorite passage on creation. It’s in Job 38. Verse 4 stood out in my mind as God asks Job, Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? As I continued to hike and look at the wonders of creation, I thought of that phrase Where were you? Oddly enough it made me feel small and huge all at the same time.

On one hand, I recognized the power of God and how big He really is. But I also realized He takes time to speak to us. It was also significant to me that He was addressing this question to Job, the one so admired for facing great adversity and coming through it with faith intact.

So, I marveled that I felt so close to God out in the wilderness. I marveled that as insignificant as I feel in the grander scheme of things, He took time to touch my heart. I was refreshed, renewed, and recommitted to serving Him with all I had. My soul was calm – and that had been the point of the hike.

I thought about how God used nature throughout the scriptures. He spoke to Moses in a burning bush, made water run out of a rock, and today, He used it to speak to my heart once again.

Today, I will meditate on His majesty. My thoughts will be on the wonders of creation and how He still speaks to us today when we take time to listen. I’ll take time to listen to Him today – I’ll find that quiet place for my soul to reach out to Him once again. And of course, I’ll continue to trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Where’d You Leave It?

Yesterday as I was driving up to see my mom in the nursing home, I spent some time praying. It was one of those times where I felt like I just upended my heart and dumped it all out at the foot of His throne. I handed Him all my pain and confusion, some with words – some without. As I was pouring my heart out before Him I began to get some answers. They just started popping up in my mind.

As I drove, I asked for wisdom. Then I asked for peace. When I asked for peace, I had this question come up in my head. Where’d you put it? It struck me a bit funny, but I let my heart and mind pursue it. Where’d I put what?  Peace. That’s what I was praying for, right?

Then the scripture came to mind – in John 14:27, Jesus told His disciples, Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. In that moment, it seemed as though He was asking me a question. And of course, we know God doesn’t ask questions just for the sake of gathering information – He already knows!

It was more like he was asking me where did YOU put the peace I left for you?   I thought about that for quite some time. Jesus was preparing Himself for the crucifixion – He didn’t need peace on the other side of the cross. He is peace. He said He was leaving it for His disciples who were also instructed to not let their hearts be troubled. Well that’s easier said than done, especially for caregivers who have circumstances from all sides chipping away at their hearts, minds, and peace – day in and day out!

But somehow – just His question brought peace to my troubled soul. As I got lost in thought, peace began to flood my soul. I realized He left it here – His peace that is. He left it for us. What are we going to do with it? Where are we going to put it? Will we lay it aside and just go on walking in our confusion and fears? Or will we let ourselves be clothed and covered with His peace? Colossians 3:15 says to let the peace of God rule in your hearts… It’s an exercise in trust I presume! But it’s definitely a purposeful action.

Today, I will focus on letting His peace reign in my heart. I’ll be intent about leaning in to hear Him and drowning out the noise of the caregiving world with His voice. To “let” means to allow – I’ll allow His peace to reign in my heart – and in my mind today. In that way – I’ll trust Him with just this day and all that it may bring my way. Will you join me?

First things First

I’ve just come out of a few very rough days. I know you fellow caregivers (and some who are not) really do understand. It can seem like everything is rocking along smoothly when all of a sudden, BAM! Everything falls apart all at once. Our loved one is sick or facing new challenges, supplies don’t come, aids don’t show up or don’t work – whichever, right? For each of our unique situations, there are any number of crazy things that can happen in a day to make our already weird lives even more abnormal. Lol.

Even our easiest days are more difficult than other hardest days, you know? That’s not a complaint at all, just the way it is whether you are an LD caregiver or a full-time in the home caregiver. This last week was a double whammy for me. First, my son was sick (I’m thinking COPD instead of asthma – but haven’t got that confirmed yet.) Then in the middle of it all I get a call about a situation with my aunt. It turned out to not be too serious – but it was a LOT for a day. I was quite literally at my wit’s end.

I have to admit I was pretty upset at God. I felt somewhat like the psalmist in Psalm 13 when he said, how long O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? And of course, it didn’t take too long (not forever at least) for the tides to turn again and everything be all worked out for both my son and my aunt. But it was stressful for a few…

It’s so difficult to keep first things first when dealing with tons of stuff going on, isn’t it? I can honestly say – I’m no Job. I’m pretty sure I have “sinned with my mouth.” And after my reading this morning in Genesis, I guess I’m no Noah either. Lol. I’m not too surprised actually.

Noah is so interesting though. First off – God said some really nice things about Noah. He found grace in the eyes of the Lord. (Gen.6:8) Verse 9 says Noah walked with God. That’s an interesting term. Later in that chapter is says that Noah was careful to do all God told him to do. And then in chapter 7, God said that Noah was righteous before Him in a “wicked generation.”

We know that Noah obeyed God and built the ark and then he spent a long time floating around until the rains stopped and the earth dried. Who knows how stir crazy that was, right? At least we’ve got TV! Lol. He was locked up in there caring for all the animals and his few family members. But it was the first thing he did when he opened the door of the ark that got me this morning.

In Genesis 8:19, everything came out of the ark. In verse 20, it says Noah built an altar to the Lord. What if after every really challenging moment, a hard day, or rough situation we built an altar to God in our hearts? What if after those super trying days – or days on end – we kept going back to that altar and declaring we are going to serve God period? That’s how I want to be. Maybe I get tripped up in the particulars. We don’t know if Noah did or not – maybe he cussed out an animal or two! Lol (No hate mail – I’m sure he didn’t.) Did he get frustrated? He was caregiving times 100 with all the animals and his family. He had to get frustrated from time to time. But when he came out – he built an altar.

Today, as I come out from under a super stressful spot – I purpose to build an altar in my heart. I’m renewing my commitment to Him and confirming that I will still “walk with Him.” This altar in my heart will hold all my burdens and I will release them to Him. Just like the smoke went up from Noah’s sacrifice, my woes, pains, and concerns can rise before God as I place them on the altar of my heart and release them to His care. I’ll purpose to stay in that place of worship and sacrifice as I walk through today – will you join me?

The Unexpected

Life is filled with the unexpected. No one knows this more than a caregiver, right? We literally never know what a day may bring. Our loved one may become ill, have a fall, or any number of things. Of course, the unexpected isn’t always negative either. Someone may send a gift that brightens your day. Or a stranger speaks kindly to you and your loved one. You just never know.

The Bible has lots of unexpected things too. One thing I was reading about this morning was the birth of Jesus. When Simeon saw baby Jesus, he began to proclaim and prophesy. This phrase in Luke 2:32 stood out to me today: A light to bring revelation to the Gentiles. The Gentiles? We were in God’s plan all along even though the Jews found it so surprising. Remember Isaiah 60? We know the first verse well and used to sing it back in the ‘70s when we thought it was cool to just sing the Word.

The first part says Arise, shine; for your light has come! And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you! But then if you go on down to verse three it says the Gentiles will come to that light. Well, what are they doing there? Lol. They were unexpected.

Remember Hannah’s prayer for a child? In 1 Samuel she prayed earnestly for God to relieve her of her being barren so she could have a child. He did and Hannah had Samuel. She gave him back to the Lord and he began to serve in the temple. The first thing God did with Samuel was upset the religious system of the day. No one expected that one!

God is always full of surprises for His people. Sometimes, He’s been telling us about it all along. Other times we don’t have a clue. His answers to our prayers may not look like what we expected. Hannah wanted a baby, God sent a prophet. The Jews wanted a Messiah, and God sent a baby. God is not backward – He just works differently than what we can think or imagine.

Today, I’m going to expect the unexpected. I’ll take a look around to see what prayers God has answered and I didn’t know it because I expected one thing but got another. I’ll trust that He is always at work for me and in me. My meditations will be on how to expect the unexpected from Him – and how to accept it with grace. I’ll turn my thoughts to all the prayers He has answered before and trust that He has heard my heart today as well. And I’ll wait for His answer – His way. Will you join me?

There's Waiting - Then There's Waiting

This word “wait” is an interesting term. It has two meanings. On one hand, it can mean to wait until something happens. It happens when something is supposed to occur – and you have to be patient as you wait for it to happen. We wait on someone to show up at an event. We may wait for a movie to start. I wait for my coffee to make each morning. 😊

The other way to use the word, “wait” is to serve. We like to tip a good waiter when they serve us well at a restaurant. The doorman waits on us as he serves us by taking our coats. The valet serves us by parking our car.

So when we say we are waiting on God which one are we talking about? These crazy thoughts started as I was reading in Isaiah 49 this morning. I had actually started in Psalm 31 as I’m working on a new devotional to come out soon. My meditations were on not being ashamed to trust God. A series of short searches and I landed in Isaiah 49:23. The very last part of that verse in the New American Standard Bible says this: they shall not be ashamed who wait on Me.

That’s when I started thinking a lot about the two kinds of waiting. We may find ourselves waiting on God to do something. But while we are waiting on that – we can be waiting on Him. Serving Him.

When I first became a caregiver, I thought my days of serving Him were over because I couldn’t serve like I had in the past. That of course was basically inside the walls of religion. It took a while to learn that I serve Him in many ways. Firstly, by taking care of my son. Then, I started taking care of my aunt too. As I serve these two fragile individuals – I am taking care of the least of these. And I am doing His service on this earth.

Serving Him isn’t complicated. It’s not about being on a platform or headlining an event. It’s about humbly doing whatever is set before us each day. And doing it for Him. Colossians 3: 23-24 says this: And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord Christ. (NASB)

Today, I will take time to meditate on how I serve God by serving those who I take care of. I’ll think of how that care comes from a place of love and how God cares for us because He loves us too. My thoughts will be on how my actions – each and every one of them – are an act of service to God. Today I will serve Him by serving them – will you join me?