Showing posts with label bitterness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bitterness. Show all posts

Guarding the Broken Heart

In my studies this morning, I found myself in Proverbs 4. I'm actually studying the armor of God and I chased some thoughts that led me to the last few verses of this chapter. I wrote down some notes on my other study but then my mind settled in verse 13. The New Living Translation states it this way: Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.

I can only feel my situation - and my first thought was - protect your broken heart. I wondered if it was any different for caregivers than others. Probably not, really. We still need to guard our hearts and perhaps we need to be a bit more diligent about it than others. For me personally, the first two things that came to mind that I must protect from taking root in my heart was bitterness and unforgiveness. When my son first had the accident I began to pray that I would not grow bitter as things progressed along lines I really didn't want them to go. You know?

One of my first prayers was that I would move closer to God and have an amazing story of resilience. Well, maybe it hasn't happened just like that. Choosing to not let circumstances lead us down the road of bitterness is just that - a choice. Forgiveness is a choice as well. That's easy to type - easy to say, but not always as easy to do. But just because it's not easy - doesn't mean it's not do-able.

As I meditated on this verse this morning, lots of current situations come to mind. Things I need wisdom to deal with, decisions I need guidance to make, and lots more. I thought of how important it is to lean into Him a little more each day. That's what helps us guard our hearts, I think. I don't want anything in my heart that would keep me from His. Clarification - He won't move! But when I harbor bitterness, unforgiveness, and hidden sins within my heart I will step back and I won't be as comfortable in His presence. His presence remains. His love is the same. It's my own sin that makes me feel separated from Him.

Today, I will purposefully choose the path of my heart and my feet. I'll guard both so there will be no occasion to stumble. I'll meditate more on guarding my heart and what that looks like as I bring all my thoughts captive to the Spirit of Christ. I'll be busy with all that. But I will choose to rest in Him - up close and personal to Him as I guard my heart. I will re-examine myself to see if there is any bitterness or unforgiveness trying to creep in and I'll put up a wall of His peace to keep it out! Will you join me?

The Power of Determination

Over the weekend, I spent most of my study time reading in Daniel. For this week, he's my favorite Bible character, and I continue to learn from reading about his faith in the midst of his life's trial. Like caregivers, his trial didn't miraculously go away one day; it was a lifelong journey. Actually, the 12 chapters this book contains cover a lifetime of over 70 years. Sometimes we tend to read through it in a matter of a few minutes without realizing the time element.

70 years he was in captivity. He lost his family, his country and his life to become the servant of a king. While there is the good side of things - we can't minimize the losses he went through. He was young when he was carried away to Babylon but we see him develop into a man of God in the midst of extreme circumstances.

I literally lived in the ICU waiting room for 3 weeks before my son was moved to the floor of the hospital and during that time I prayed that whatever the outcome would be - I wouldn't become bitter. There had been many instances where I'd seen individuals go through tough times to come out bitter and angry in the end. And about 18 months later when I was able to re-establish a home and bring my son home finally - I prayed again that I would not become bitter but that I would be like many saints who let harsh circumstances develop and deepen their faith.

I don't know if I've accomplished that goal - but I see it in Daniel. In chapter one, it says he was determined not to eat the king's food. He did not want to violate his convictions - and he knew he could die. The king could kill him for his request; or he could starve to death! He could have been kicked out of the palace and placed with those who were not "chosen" by the king to serve. He risked a lot by making his unusual request.

And then years later we see a matured Daniel being told he could not pray to anyone but the king. And in chapter 6 verse 10 tells us this: when Daniel learned the law had been signed (that there was to be no prayer to anyone or any god but the king) he went home and knelt down as usual....and prayed! I love that!

I want to have the determination we see in Daniel. It was like nothing on the outside mattered, he was determined to serve God no matter what. The scriptures make no mention of him being bitter or angry at God for all that befell him. And in our "new world" thinking - he had every right to be. As caregivers the world gives us that right too. And I will admit - I've been angry at God, He and I have discussed it many times - and we don't have any details on what Daniel was thinking - perhaps he and God had discussed it too.

My prayer today is that over the years of this caregiving journey I end up like Daniel - with my face in His. I love the way Daniel took the king's decree in stride and once again followed his heart and conviction rather than just blindly doing whatever the king said. He wasn't obstinate, rebellious, or hateful. He just turned and went to his prayer spot just like before - as if the decree had never been made.

Today I will be thinking about Daniel and how determined he was to serve God in spite of his circumstances. My meditations will be on how I can work on relationship with God instead of being angry that He let bad things happen in my life. I will think about how He walks through it with me and never leaves me on my own. And for me, I'll even think about how patient He has been, and continues to be as I work through my issues. Today, I will embrace His grace and His presence and focus on Him instead of my circumstance. Will you join me?

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...