Roads and Rivers

 The social isolation of caregiving is one of the hardest parts for many of us. It's interesting now that during the pandemic so much attention is being given to being isolated and how it wears on mental health. Yet for many caregivers, it's been the norm for a long time. Yet when the rest of the world has to face the world we've lived in for decades, they fall apart. If it wasn't so serious, it would be humorous. 

One of the things that continue to bring me consolation is realizing that God is in this mess with me. I'm not facing it alone, even when I feel like I am. So, this morning during my devotions, I found myself reading in Isaiah 43. In verse 19, God says through Isaiah, I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Sometimes, caregiving can feel dry and bare like the desert. Other times, like the wilderness there is plenty of growth, but no people to enjoy it with.

A road in the wilderness would make way for many more people to traverse the region. A river in the desert would bring soothing refreshment for the soul. Having water in the desert can also mean the difference between life or death. I used to hike a wilderness area when I lived in Lousiana. Once you got off the road, there was nothing but you and nature for miles. A road meant having access to help and home. Maybe that's the road in the wilderness God is speaking of. When He makes a road in our wilderness it opens up the pathway to get back to Him. 

No matter how alone we may be, God is there with us. In the most alone time, He still lays out the road back to His heart. In the dryest times, He makes sure there is a river to refresh and preserve our souls. I'm reminded of the verse in Psalm 46 that says there is a river whose streams make glad the city of God.

Whether we are alone, thirsty, dry, or feel barren or abandoned, God is still reaching for us. He makes the way plain and simple so we can get back to Him - or He can get to us! 

Today, I will remind myself that I am not in this wilderness alone. My thoughts will be on how diligently He seeks His own as I remind myself I am one of His own too! I will purposefully look for the road that leads to His heart today. And I will look for the rivers God has provided to quench my thirsty soul. Will you join me in this search?

A Consistent Resolve

 Unless I am talking to other caregivers, I don't often share the things I am going through. Unless it's a road they have walked, they won't be able to understand where I'm coming from. Often, we are met with empty stares when others hear about our "normal" days. Without really understanding, I've even had comments about why I choose to take care of my son. Even though those types of things are hurtful, I know they come from those who have no idea of how love can compel us to do the hard things. And that's okay.

With that being said - we know how hard it is to provide care and make decisions for another person. We can feel alone especially when there is no one to help us make those decisions. Oftentimes, I feel like people look the other way so they don't have to process how difficult life can be for caregivers. And sometimes, it feels like God looks the other way too. 

Does He really know the day-to-day struggle? While I am sure that He does - and that he "gets" it better than anyone, the struggle is real. These are some of my thoughts from my morning devotions. I was reminded of Psalm 57:1 and the last part of the verse that says In the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge until these calamities have passed by. I thought of the psalmist's resolve. 

Soon though, David turned his prayers around to declarations. He declared four I wills in verse 7-9. I will sing. I will awaken the dawn. I will praise You, Lord. I will sing... 

But you see, I had just read Psalm 13, also written by David. He starts out this psalm by asking how long God is going to forget him. But guess how he ended it? The same way! In verse 6, he says, I will sing to the Lord. While I was enamored by his resolve in both of the psalms, I also realized they represent two different times in his life when he felt overwhelmed, defeated, out of control, etc. 

Both times he poured his heart out in transparent honesty before God. He was open and real with how he felt. And both times he ended with declarations. I will sing. David had a consistent resolve that no matter how difficult life or what new circumstances were presented, or how difficult the obstacles became He would trust God. I like that.

Today, I will turn my meditations away from my situation and difficulties and I resolve to praise God in this storm My heart will trust in His shadows until calamity has passed. My thoughts will be on His faithfulness and how He carries me so much of the journey. So, I will trust Him with one more day. will you join me?

In Good Company

 

It's easy to feel all alone as caregivers. This is even more often the case during the pandemic. We can feel like we are carrying the load of caregiving all by ourselves. And a lot of times, we are. It makes sense that we feel we are alone - when we are alone. Many caregivers have spouses, friends, relatives, aides, and others who help along the way. I think the worst loneliness is felt when we feel alone - even though we are with others.

For me personally, if I am in a social gathering (mostly online of late!), I still feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. There is often casual conversation about things people are doing, where they are going, and even daily routines that are far different for caregivers. Sometimes we feel alone just because our lifestyle can be so different. Other times we feel alone because we are alone.

Even in our aloneness - we are in good company. As I was reading this morning, I found myself in John 16. In the last few verses, Jesus tells His disciples that there is trouble on the way and they will all be scattered each to his own. (v.32) Then He says, you will leave Me alone. Then it seems to me as if the next phrase is Jesus responding to that alone feeling. As if to remind Himself He says, And yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. If Jesus needed to remind Himself that He was not alone in that deep dark night of the soul - we are indeed in good company.

As I read on through Jesus' prayer in chapter 17 and realized it preceded Gethsemane, I did some thinking about prayer. Prayer didn't keep Jesus from going to the cross - it sustained Him. Through prayer, He gained the strength to face it. None of our Bible heroes escaped peril by praying - but they did rely on the One who was going to see them through it. As caregivers, prayer isn't a magic potion to make all the hurt and difficulties go away. It is communion with the One who will carry us through it though. Again, I say - we are in good company.

Think of Joseph in prison for crimes he didn't commit. Daniel faced the lion's den for praying. Prayer wasn't an escape hatch - it was communion and intimacy with the source of strength.

Today, I will purposefully take time to spend in prayer. And during that time, I will make sure to thank God for carrying me this far. I'll be thankful that He didn't send me into the lion's den of caregiving alone but chose to walk it with me instead.  My meditations will be on how He walks with me - oftentimes carrying me through each day and He gives me strength. So, I will rest in Him and trust Him for today. Will you join me?

God Doesn't Know the Rules!

 

After yesterday's post, I started thinking about how God chases us down. He longs for us to be with Him so much and He never gives up. I thought of the scripture in Jeremiah 29:13-14 that says, and you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will let Myself be found by you. (NASB) That kind of spoils the game doesn't it? lol

I'm sure you played hide-and-seek as a kid. I have even played into adulthood. There are so many versions of the game, but the object always remains the same. That is to not be found by the seeker(s). But God says He will let us find Him when we seek for Him.

I kind of chuckled to myself picturing that. But then, my mind went to another game we played as kids, chase. I wondered if God played chase too - but since He is everywhere - we don't have to run anywhere to catch Him. As soon as we want to be with Him, He's like I'm right here for you. 

Well, that's no fun! 

Of course, I am speaking in jest. How awesome is that for real? As soon as we seek Him - He steps out so we can see Him. If we run to Him - He's already there! He may not be too much into the rules of our little games - but He does know how to shatter them with a dramatic ending.

He not only cannot hide from us if we are seeking Him - He calls out to us and says, hey, I'm right here! Before we take a step toward Him, He's already met us right where we are. He doesn't require us to follow any religious ordinances, complete a checklist, or get perfect. (Whew!) He just wants to walk this journey with us. How cool is that?

Today, I'll be thankful for God's lack of ability to play games by human rules! I'll stop chasing and rejoice that He caught me and I caught Him. I can just rest in His presence and enjoy His peace. That's what I will do today - will you join me?

Even in the Ugly

 

My thoughts are all over the place this morning. That's not really anything new for me. Lol. I know you know the juggling drill. My mind is running through all the tasks I need to get done today - some of them are brought over from yesterday as I didn't get done with them then. I'm looking ahead to next month and trying to sort out finances, supplies, aids, and the list goes on. I am 99.9% sure you have a running list that looks almost like mine! 

So, how does God keep tabs on all that? Psalm 139 reminds us that He knows our thoughts before we think them and our words before we speak them. Man...He is busy! Nothing has caught Him by surprise. Not our caregiving journies, the global pandemic, the crazy politics... He already knew all of that. And, He's gone before us into 2021 and beyond. That just blows my mind.

Isaiah says it this way Who has directed the Spirit of the Lord or as His counselor has informed Him? Who taught God all this? Right? Then in the next verse of Isaiah 40, the prophet says With whom did He consult and who gave Him knowledge and informed Him of the way of understanding? I cannot comprehend how God knows so much - but I know He does. And I know He knows me through and through.

He is not too busy to be intimated acquainted with my ways or my thoughts. Y'all, that blows my little mind. People often choose not to be around me - I understand that - I'm a bit high-strung! lol. But God NEVER chooses to separate from me or my craziest thoughts. And trust me, I can be way out there sometimes. 

I don't know about you, but as a caregiver, particularly when my son is not doing well or having a rough time, my thoughts get very ugly really fast. Memories of him before the accident run through my head and seem to mock me when I see all he can't do right now. I get angry, frustrated, and oftentimes I want to just give up. God never shies away from that kind of ugly. He waits. He comforts. He consoles. He carries me until I can try to stand again. But He never gives up on me. I'm grateful.

Today, I will just be grateful for His compassions, mercies, grace, and love that never fail. I'll purposefully be thankful for His heart that is always chasing mine down even in the ugly. I'll take joy in the truth that He still wants to be with me even when I am very sure I've given Him lots of reasons to not want to be with me! And today - when He chases me. I'll let Him catch me. Will you join me?

God's Got This

 I'm not sure things have ever been this crazy. Of course, I only have a little over 60 years to base my analysis on. (smile!) As if caregiving wasn't enough by itself, we have a pandemic that continues to rage on, political craziness out of hand, and a generation that seems bent on doing evil. I don't know about you, but sometimes I get soul tired. 

This morning, I was reading in Lamentations 3 where Jeremiah talks about God's compassions. Funny, it's not compassion - singular. It's compassions - plural. The prophet says his soul was removed from peace. In our current world situation, that would be easy to do. Our peace can be so disrupted if we watch the news or scroll our Facebook feeds all day, for sure! 

Jeremiah goes on to say in verse 18 that his strength and hope had perished. That's how he felt at the time. As caregivers, I think we all have those moments where we feel totally swept away in our responsibilities. On any given day we can feel like one more thing and we are done. But we also learn that those one-more-things keep coming and we keep going. Don't we?

Jeremiah is pouring out his soul and talking about his affliction open and raw. I like that because when we do that - it means we are being honest and real with ourselves and with God. It's okay to do that! But then, we should think about modeling after Jeremiah here and go on to remind ourselves of where we have been and how God has never failed us even in our darkest, deepest hours of pain and despair.

In verse 21, Jeremiah says here's what I recall so I don't lose hope. (My loose translation.) He reminded himself that the Lord's mercies keep us from being consumed. That His compassions do not fail. And that God is faithful. In a nutshell, he reminded himself that God's got this. 

I don't know what Jeremiah was worried about consuming him - but for me it's life. It's the day after day caregiving tasks and decisions that are sometimes very scary to have to make. I often get sucked into what I call the caregiver's fog and I feel depression clawing at my soul trying to suck me in and take me under forever. But as soon as I recognize it for what it is - I have to think like Jeremiah.

Yes, it's bad. Yes, it's tough. But God's got this. He's got me. He's got you. He never looks at His calendar and apologizes because His mercy ran out yesterday. He doesn't say, sorry no hope for today - it expired last week.  No! He offers a continual stream of hope, mercy, compassion, and love that are all able to carry us through one day at a time.

Today, I will remind myself that He's got this day and He's still got me in the palm of His hand. I will purposefully quiet my busy soul (mind, will and emotions) and bring my whole being before God today and ask Him for grace to carry me through. And you know what? He will do it again. will you join me?

Redeemed in Peace

 I've been doing live devotions on Facebook for a few months now. My goal was to be a voice of "peace" in the midst of all the turmoil. I placed a link to today's video at the bottom of this devotion in case you'd like to see it. Today, I talked about a verse in Psalm 55. As I was sharing the verse and my thoughts, I felt it was appropriate for us as caregivers. 

Verse 18 of Psalm 55 says this, He has redeemed my soul in peace from the battle that was against me. For there were many against me. As caregivers, there are so many things that pull at and war against our souls and our sanity too. Our plates are more than full with caregiving tasks. We have laundry, food prep, transfers, bathing, dressing, and a wide variety of other things to do to care for our loved one. Long distance caregiving has its own bumps along the way and plenty of surprise phone calls. 

So, when I found this verse this morning, I thought of us and how time after time God has provided peace in the midst of the turmoil. As if caregiving wasn't enough, we also have other cares to add more concern. We must protect ourselves and loved ones from exposure to COVID. And our political environment is quite the mess. So not only do we have the stress of caregiving providing plenty of things to war against us, there is no reprieve "out there" either.

But here's the thing. David said that God reaches into the raging battle to "redeem" our souls in peace. I always wonder why He doesn't make the battle cease. You know? He could just make it all go away. That might be nice - but it wouldn't make us strong and it'd be a little bit boring, don't you think? 

Instead, God walks right into the things that are troubling our souls the most. He comes right into the midst of our chaos, the ugliness of life, our fears, and crazy thoughts and emotions. And He gives our souls peace. The battle may continue to rage on around us - but we are in His hands. My heart and soul can rest in His heart even when the battle rages on. That's peace.

Today, I will look past the battle. I'll shift my gaze past all the things warring against my soul and I'll focus on Him. I will accept His peace even though life rages all around. I will embrace His peace and let it reign in my heart. Will you join me?

Today's FB live devotion.