I'm not Stuck - I'm Going Through

I have read story after story by caregivers who feel like they are carrying the responsibility all alone; and in too many cases, they are. Caregiving can be a lonely walk. Not only are there limitations when it comes to outings, friends don't really know what to do with your new lifestyle either. They don't realize that your likes and dislikes didn't change when you became a caregiver. Did you like playing cards or going to movies before caregiving? Then it is likely that you still do. But sometimes those outings are no longer practical and in some cases they are not possible. You are the same person but your social scene may have changed. This can add to the loneliness that many caregivers experience.

The good news is that even when you feel all alone - you are not. I find myself returning to a favorite passage in Isaiah 43. It says something like this:

When you pass through the waters

I will be with you;

And through the rivers,

they will not overflow you.

When you walk through the fire

you will not be scorched,

nor will the flame burn you.

For I am the Lord your God...

Caregiving can become a heavy load if we carry it all alone; and we can feel like we are going down for the third time. And realistically, there is a lot to fear. My own fears have involved things like making financial decisions, medical decisions and a whole host of decisions all made for someone else and affecting others. What if I make the wrong decision? It can be a vicious cycle. The good thing is that we are not going through all alone. God is with us!

Notice in Isaiah each phrase includes the word, "through." It doesn't say you are stuck in the water or the fire but when you go through the trials. We are not stuck and we are not going through all alone. He is with us.

This makes me think of Psalm 23:4 where David says even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death - I will fear no evil.  Why? Because You are with me. 

Today I will meditate on the fact that God has not left me hanging in the midst of the trial. He is walking it through with me. I will remind myself that God is with me on this journey and sometimes - He has to carry me. Today I will think about relying more on His strength and less on my own - because quite frankly, mine runs out. Will you join me?

Family Resemblence

In 1 Peter 4:11, the apostle tells the reader that when we serve we are to do so with the strength  which God supplies. He also says that the final outcome of serving others is to see God glorified.When I first became a caregiver I could not see how God could possibly be glorified. After all, I was headed to the mission field to work for Him. I dealt with a lot of frustration when my "life" as I knew it was disrupted by caregiving. Our illusion has been that the only way to serve God is to work in "the church." If you don't teach Sunday School, lead worship or preach surely you are not serving Him.

Caring for our loved ones is a demonstration of the love of Christ to the rest of the world. John 15:13 quotes Jesus as saying, "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." We as caregivers offer a true picture of faith, love and compassion. In many instances, the caregiver has sacrificed their own lives in order to provide care for another. Isn't that what Jesus did for us? He paid the ultimate sacrifice.

One day I was caring for my son and I was mourning my old life; but I knew that I loved him too much to think about it too long - or to ever go back. In that moment I realized that it was that type of deep love that held Jesus to the cross. It's the exact same love that keeps us serving our loved ones. We bear a family resemblance, we look like Him when we serve.

Today I will meditate on His great love for me. I will think about the truth that He did not abandon me when life got ugly. Today I will continue to think about His ever abiding presence and peace in my life. I will enjoy Him today as He provides the strength to serve. Will you join me?

Without Complaint?

1 Peter 2:23 tells us that when Jesus suffered He did so without "uttering threats." I take it that He didn't yell back at His accusers or tormentors. He didn't tell them what He could do to them; and He suffered in silence. I can honestly say that I have not done that! I've said some pretty harsh things through this furnace and particularly during those really long nights. The load can become so heavy for caregivers that we speak from our pain or frustration. Many times, we don't really mean what we say - but in many cases, they are things that should never be uttered. Jesus, our example, did not speak out of turn, out of pain, and offered no complaint. He simply entrusted Himself to Him who judges righteously. 

Caregivers deal with constant pain and grief in many cases. If we follow the example our leader gave us - we are constantly presenting our pain and our situation to our Father. And we must let Him judge. Those who are on the outside of the Caregiver's Cave can be judgmental as they are just looking in at - but not actually in our situation.They can oftentimes say hurtful words, make snap judgments, or "should" on us. It can be easy for someone who is not walking through the furnace to judge. Thankfully, our Judge is not a human - He sees and knows all. He sees past our situation and into our hearts. He not only observes our deepest struggles - He understands them; and offers no condemnation.

He sees where we are and what we need; and He offers us whatever we need for our journey. Even though He is very aware of our weak spots, He offers no condemnation and supports us with His love. He offers peace, wisdom, strength...whatever we need right now to put one foot in front of the other. He has it and makes it available to us. We can rest easy in His embrace knowing that when it gets too tough - He is carrying us through.

Today I will meditate on His strength in me. I will turn my thoughts to His peace, patience and lovingkindness. I will let Him carry me when I need it. And I will rest in His embrace. Will you join me?

Faith Looks Different In the Furnace

Life brings us a series of trials. Caregivers are not exempt from trials, tribulations and troubles. We don't get a we don't get a break from life just because we are in a caregiving role. Along with taking care of another whole person, we still deal with friendships, breakups, deaths of loved ones, births, marriages and all the incidents that go with life in general. There is no exemption ticket that protects us from the rest of life just because we are a caregiver. And I'm finding that eventually, we adjust.

Most trials will pass in time; or at least settle down enough for us to handle it. The things we end up facing in life have no impact on eternity. It may be rough and tough here in the present, but our inheritance in Him is not tainted or destroyed because of the sometimes lengthy trials we must face. 1 Peter 1:3-4 tells us that we obtain an inheritance that is imperishable, and undefiled and will not fade away.  It is being reserved in heaven for us. It's not going to disappear, we just have to patiently endure tribulations in order to get to it. But it will be waiting in full!

Faith can look different from in the furnace. It's not so much a way to escape the trial as it is to face it.  The furnace exposes our faith. Verse 6 tells us to rejoice in our trials because they prove our faith in the same way fire purifies gold. However, gold is perishable; it will pass away eventually. Our faith is not perishable, it stands through it all making it more precious than gold.

Our faith is working for us while we are enduring our trial. Faith is what carries us through, even when we don't feel it. I was asked recently how I had kept the faith during my trials. My reply was I haven't - it has kept me. Faith is what holds us together when it seems our world is falling apart. Faith is what carries us through the flood, through the fire and over the mountain. It really doesn't matter if we can feel it or not - it's there with us and working for us. Today may be a good day for you - or you may feel like you are holding on by a thin thread of hope. Either way - or somewhere in between faith is working for you to ensure you can walk through the furnace; to make sure you get to the other side.

Faith comes down to trusting Him. Today I will meditate on how trustworthy God is. I will trust Him with my situation and hold on to the truth that He walks through the furnace with me. I will think about how faith cannot be destroyed even by the most intense of life's fires. I will trust Him. Will you join me?

Measure for Measure

Before I was officially a "caregiver" I lived in an ICU waiting room for three weeks and then in a hospital room with my son for another 3 1/2 months. I had flown in from another state and there was no "home" to return to. One thing I noticed was the instant connection all of the people hanging out in the waiting rooms had. We shared stories, food, laughter and tears; yet we had never met before whatever trauma had brought us in.

We understood each other. One event had turned our lives upside down and even though we had never met we became instantly bonded with one another. I felt like this unique experience offered a picture of how the church should act. We shared our lives for the short time we were together and all of the normal boundaries like social status, economic status and our belief systems really didn't matter. We helped each other out in any way we could. When one was down- another would comfort knowing they may need the same thing within the next hour. We held each other and poured out our hearts. Each person in the waiting area had had a significant event that brought them there and we could be mutually supportive and comforting.

In 2 Corinthians 1:3, Paul states that God is the God of all comfort. In the next verse he explains why God comforts us - so we can comfort others. I noticed that verse 4 says He comforts us in  our affliction - not before or after - but during our affliction He provides the comfort we need. It seems that He is able to provide the perfect level of comfort needed to match the level of suffering or affliction. And since He is the God of all comfort He has enough to carry us all the way through the trial. He doesn't walk half way with us and say, "that's all I got." He is in it with us for the long haul; in it for the duration of the trial.

No matter how intense our days as caregivers may become, how deep or difficult the trial becomes, He provides us the comfort we need to endure.

Why? Why does He comfort us in the midst of our trials? So we can comfort others. We are comforted by the Great I Am and then we are to turn to others and be His hands and feet. No one understands the path like someone who has walked it before. Just like my "waiting room church" who comforted each other in our shared afflictions we as caregivers can receive His comfort and then minister it to others. 

Today I will meditate on receiving His comfort and allowing it to bring peace to my  whole being. I will turn my thoughts toward His word and think about how He alone is the God of all comfort. And I will look for opportunities to share His comfort with others. Will you join me?

I Will Remember

Did you ever feel like God isn't doing anything? Sometimes when we pray we don't see any immediate actions and it is easy to think that God isn't doing anything on our behalf. Over the last few caregiving years many times my thoughts have turned into prayers. All day I am pouring out my heart before the Lord. I'm not asking to be rescued anymore; and I'm not necessarily looking for Him to ride in on a white horse and save me. But I typically am asking for wisdom to handle the various situations caregivers must face. Sometimes I'm asking for help, strength or peace.

It seems like this is what Asaph was doing as he penned Psalm 77. He was at his wit's end, a place the caregiver lives. We mean something entirely different from the rest of the world when we say we are livin' on the edge! Even on a good day it only takes one phone call, one mishap or one small change to topple our worlds. In this psalm, Asaph pours it all out before the Lord. Asaph went so far as to say when I remember God, then I am disturbed;when I sigh,then my spirit grows faint. (v.3) In the next verse he says I am so troubled I cannot speak. I have to admit that I've had many days like that. I've been so distraught that there are not even the right words to form into a prayer. What do we do when we are so overwhelmed with the tasks of caregiving? What do we do when we don't see God doing anything on our behalf?

It seems this is precisely where Asaph was; he was praying but not seeing God at work. These are the times when we can start reminding ourselves of the things we know God has already done. Asaph spent the rest of Psalm 77 listing the things he knew God had done, simply reminding himself of how he had seen God work before. In verses 8 and 9, Asaph asks if God has ceased being compassionate and gracious. Has God forgotten His promises? Has He withdrawn His hand from my life? These are all common questions for caregivers who find their lives have turned upside down. But starting in verse 11, he starts with I will remember....

Asaph shifts his focus from his present distress and focuses on the things he has seen God do. We see this shift in verse 11 - I will remember the deeds of the Lord; Surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will meditate on all Your work and muse on all Your deeds. And he then begins to list the things he knows God has done. This can be a powerful tool in the hand of a caregiver.

Today even if I don't see God doing anything specific in my life, I will meditate on the things He has done in my life. I will purposefully refocus my thoughts and heart on His ever abiding presence. My thoughts will remain on how He has given peace, walked the valleys with me, offered wisdom for decisions that have to be made. I will meditate on His love, grace and mercy that never changes toward me. Will you join me?

Waiting for the Light of Day

Long nights are one of the most difficult situations a caregiver has to face. It's 2 AM and your loved one is ill or not sleeping comfortably and you don't know what to do to help them. What a miserable place to be in! It's in those dark hours that I struggle a lot with faith. In those dark, lonely hours there is no one to reach out to and I find myself asking questions like Where are You God? Do You see us? Do You care? For many caregivers, the wee hours of the morning can be the hardest time to wait.

Nights in hospitals or just being up with your loved one can lead to sleep deprivation which has a whole host of adverse effects on the body and the mind. We can find ourselves in a perpetual state of waiting on Him. Isaiah 26:8 says we waited for you eagerly. I'm not sure "eagerly" is a word I could use to describe my manner of waiting sometimes. But then, maybe we can.

If I am "waiting eagerly" it would mean that I am waiting in expectancy - knowing that God is right there within reach. To wait eagerly means I am trusting Him for help. I wait for Him because I know He is going to give me the strength to make it through the longest night. He is going to give me wisdom for making decisions about my loved one; and then He'll give me peace about the decisions I've made. So even during the longest fight and darkest night I can wait eagerly on Him for help.

So what do we do while waiting for the light of day? I think the answer is found in verse 3 of this same chapter. The King James Version says -I will keep him in perfect peace - whose mind is stayed on Me.  The New American Standard translates it as The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace because he trusts in You.  Either way it is beneficial to keep our minds on Him while we wait.

I'll be the first to admit that this is not always all that easy, especially in the heat of the moment. But when I choose to keep my mind on a scripture and my heart in a prayerful mode - the going gets a little easier and peace is my reward. Sometimes it doesn't take a long night for the mind to run around in crazy circles. Most caregiving days are lived at a hectic pace. But when we slow our minds down and focus on His grace, His love, and His ever-abiding presence - peace will follow. Peace in our hearts is necessary for this journey.

Today I will meditate on the fact that He is with me and He doesn't bail ship when the going gets rough. I will turn my thoughts to His everlasting grace and never ending love for me. I will let Him carry me through this day. And I will purposefully embrace His peace and rest in Him. Will you join me?