Showing posts with label troubles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label troubles. Show all posts

Grandma's Poem

We've all had to make some adjustments during this pandemic. One thing I am grateful for is having my son home with me.  My aunt is in one nursing facility and my mom in another. Fortunately, both nursing homes have been proactive about connecting residents with their loved ones via technology. I can call and Facetime with my mom and I can send a message to skype with my aunt. I try to visit with each of them at least once a week. Monday, I talked with my aunt for a bit. Today, I got to visit with my mom. 

Mama doesn't talk much anymore. She will answer questions, mostly "yes" or "no" questions. She giggles a lot and cries when I call. The calls don't last too long as there isn't a whole lot to talk about with them. But today I decided to read mama one of my grandma's poems. (Her mother.) She seemed to really respond and acted like she enjoyed it. 

As I was reading it, I thought about how appropriate it is today. My grandmother wrote it years, decades, ago as a song. But I'll type it here as a poem - I hope you enjoy it!

Well my way was hedged and thorny
and I could not see outside.
I could not feel His presence
no matter how I tried.
So I raised my eyes to Jesus 
and though I could not see;
I held on to His promise
and claimed the victory.

Well He heard my feeble effort
tho He knew my faith was dim,
But He honored just that little
that He knew I had in Him.
And He lit my lamp in darkness,
and saved me from a fall 
We smashed a troup together
by faith, we leaped a wall.

Well I stumbled on a secret
and I think I learned it well
when you lift your voice in praises
you can shake the gates of hell.
It is the Lord's to battle, so when I found that out
I let Him do the fighting,
and I just cheer and shout.

Mind and Heart

Have you ever twisted a dish rag to wring all the water out of it? Have you ever felt like   a wrung out dish rag that's had all the water rung out of it? That describes my last day or two for sure and unfortunately describes the caregiver at the end of all too many days. We talk a lot about the numerous tasks we have to do everyday and how adding one more no matter how small thing can tip the whole boat. Sometimes it tips us physically other times it can tip us emotionally. Either one can be detrimental. But you know what? Because we are caregivers - we just keep going, and going, and going.

My already busy days got messed up by a minor wrist injury that occurred during my taekwondo session last week. Why does it take an act of God and congress to make a doctor's appointment and grab a quick xray? A busy day gets more hurried finding sitters and making arrangements to take care of these little extras. Eventually, I sat down with a cup of coffee and a big "Whew!" and wondered what I needed most. My answer came swiftly: peace.

This morning during my devotion I found myself in John 14. As I am reading through the chapter, I stopped on verse 17. The New Living Translation of this familiar verse reads this way I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives.So don't be troubled or afraid.  I stopped there to think about all that and let it soak in.

It's interesting that He said peace of mind and heart and that He said don't be troubled or afraid. I think our heads get so full of stuff on any given day that it becomes troubled; and that once our minds become troubled and upset - our hearts become afraid. His peace is enough to calm both. I like that. If we can meditate more on the peace He gives which far surpasses the "peace" the world can give maybe we can crowd out all the hyper thoughts that go through our minds as the day works itself out. I think I'll try that.

Today I will meditate on the peace that comes from knowing Him. I will let His peace rule in my heart and mind. I will try to think about Him and the peace He gives so much it crowds out all the other crazy thoughts. Will you join me.

I'm not Stuck - I'm Going Through

I have read story after story by caregivers who feel like they are carrying the responsibility all alone; and in too many cases, they are. Caregiving can be a lonely walk. Not only are there limitations when it comes to outings, friends don't really know what to do with your new lifestyle either. They don't realize that your likes and dislikes didn't change when you became a caregiver. Did you like playing cards or going to movies before caregiving? Then it is likely that you still do. But sometimes those outings are no longer practical and in some cases they are not possible. You are the same person but your social scene may have changed. This can add to the loneliness that many caregivers experience.

The good news is that even when you feel all alone - you are not. I find myself returning to a favorite passage in Isaiah 43. It says something like this:

When you pass through the waters
I will be with you;
And through the rivers,
they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire
you will not be scorched,
nor will the flame burn you.
For I am the Lord your God...

Caregiving can become a heavy load if we carry it all alone; and we can feel like we are going down for the third time. And realistically, there is a lot to fear. My own fears have involved things like making financial decisions, medical decisions and a whole host of decisions all made for someone else and affecting others. What if I make the wrong decision? It can be a vicious cycle. The good thing is that we are not going through all alone. God is with us!

Notice in Isaiah each phrase includes the word, "through." It doesn't say you are stuck in the water or the fire but when you go through the trials. We are not stuck and we are not going through all alone. He is with us.

This makes me think of Psalm 23:4 where David says even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death - I will fear no evil.  Why? Because You are with me. 

Today I will meditate on the fact that God has not left me hanging in the midst of the trial. He is walking it through with me. I will remind myself that God is with me on this journey and sometimes - He has to carry me. Today I will think about relying more on His strength and less on my own - because quite frankly, mine runs out. Will you join me?

Waiting with Integrity

Caregivers have unusual enemies. I say that because our circumstances in life offer different perspectives of the battle. We have unique concerns that others perhaps can't even understand. Day-to-day decisions can become very complicated for the caregiver and simple tasks like making meals or figuring out how to go buy groceries can be huge tasks. It can be a huge undertaking to complete the things most people don't even have to give a second thought to. For me I either have to figure out how to do things like buy groceries or supplies inside a very limited time frame while an aide is here or make ride arrangements 24 hours in advance. It's not a simple thing to just go buy a bag of groceries. And what if I'm about out of eggs and the aide doesn't show up? Let's get real with it - what if I'm out of toilet paper and today's the day I gotta get to the store; and the aide doesn't show up?

While others are worrying about their jobs, which coffee to buy at Starbucks or which movie to go see on the weekend, the caregiver is trying to survive another day. Our enemies can be discouragement, exhaustion, or fighting to keep our chin up and remain positive from day to day. In Psalm 25, the psalmist asks the Lord to not let my enemies win. For caregivers our prayer might be, Lord don't let caregiving take me under! Don't let it define me; You define who I am. It's very easy to lose yourself in caring for another person so much that you can't find yourself anymore. That can be the biggest enemy of all.

In verse 16 of Psalm 25, David says I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged, bring me out of my distresses. That's getting up close and personal. To ask God for help, we have to be honest with Him. It's not that He can't just reach down and rescue us no matter what we are going through - but true deliverance comes through honest and earnest prayer. How will we know what He has brought us out of if we don't identify it? How will we know what we are fighting if it's not identifiable? Personally, I can get sucked into this huge pit of depression which can be debilitating. I can barely take care of daily caregiving chores. Over time, I've recognized the patterns and learned strategies to preempt a long bout with depression. By identifying it and being honest about it I can avoid the deep, dark pit. It's okay to be specific with our prayers - and it's okay to admit to God how we really feel. (It's not like He didn't already know!)

Verses 20 and 21 say this:
Guard my soul and deliver me;
Do not let me be ashamed 
For I take refuge in You.
Let integrity and uprightness preserve me
For I wait for You.

God is able to guard our souls - that is a lot deeper than just taking care of our flesh. He protects the part of us that truly feels the pain of caregiving. He can keep our being safe - even if our body is broken. It takes integrity to be honest with ourselves and with God. To truly wait on Him means I admit I need some help here! The caregiver can wear themselves out trying to rely on themselves - but there comes a time when we know it's not our strength we are running on. When we wait on Him He will guard us and keep us hidden in Him.

Today my meditation will be on how He guards my soul. I will yield to His peace and His strength and allow Him to carry me - mind, will and emotions - through this day. My thoughts will be on how He preserves me in trouble.  And I will speak honestly with Him about how I really feel - so He can heal my heart and soul. Will you join me?

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...