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Showing posts with the label rest

#Overwhelm

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  Do you ever wake up in the morning feeling like you have an extra 9 million things to do on top of the regular 9 million things you do every day anyway? As if caregiving wasn't enough for a day, right? It's easy to feel like we are pulling in so many directions. And, of course, there'll be someone standing off in the distance reminding us to take time for yourself - the caregiver needs care too.   Smh. We sure do - but when? Am I right? It can be so easy to feel overwhelmed. It's an overwhelm that doesn't go away while you're sleeping at night. It just sits there waiting until you get up, then boom. I think it never really goes away on most days. However, there are a few brief reprieves here and there.  Does it ever feel like there are many things vying for your attention? The internet. My clients. My phone. Another text. eMails. Sometimes, even the things we use to cope and get through our days play into our emotional overwhelm.  But there's this one scri...

Slightly Inconvenienced

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This week I've been trying to make arrangements for my upcoming trip. This is the fourth year for my daughter and I to take a weekend away. Sometimes it's so difficult to get out for a day or two. Of course, this planning is on top of all the normal daily stuff I have to do. I had the weekend all lined out and at the last minute, the sitter for Friday cancelled on me. I was just shy of frantic, a little bit desperate and had to fight off depression's tightening grip. Times like those start my mind going in a whirlwind. I felt like I was inconveniencing everyone. I'm not a person who likes to ask for help often, and most of the time I'd just as soon do it myself. But I can't sit and get out both! lol It's the curse of independence - sometimes good and sometimes bad. First of all, I hate to ask for help, but you know there are always people who say Call me if you need anything.  But they really don't mean it. Well, they seem to mean it until you ca...

2-Way Psalm

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This morning I was reading in Psalm 91. It's been a favorite of mine for years even though I can't grasp it's full meaning. We see the psalmist talking about staying in the shelter and the shadow of the Almighty. And then he goes directly into his own declaration. I have a vivid imagination, and I'm a writer. So these two verses illicit quite the scene in my mind's eye. As a writer, an inspiring thought goes through my mind and I grab pen and paper to try and capture it. You never know where a thought will lead you - to a devotion, a song, a book! My active imagination sees David in full armor, of course, as he has a thought and runs to "jot down" these words of inspiration: He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. And then I see him set back and let those words sink into his heart as he meditates on them for a few seconds only to jump up and boldly declare: I will say to the Lord, "My r...

Like A Hamster in a Wheel

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This morning I woke up overwhelmed. Ever have one of those days? Before my feet hit the floor my mind was sorting out what seems like thousands of thoughts. My son didn't sleep well, he coughed off and on throughout the night - so I didn't sleep well, I worked all day yesterday and felt like I got nothing done, there's so much to do and lots of it has to be done today, and on and on my mind goes like a hamster in a spinning wheel. Ever have a morning like that?  Some days are like this where it feels like there are so many things that have  to be done now, or needed to be done yesterday. In reality, they are no different than all the same things that I did yesterday and will need to be done tomorrow. :-) Some mornings I wake up in what I call the caregiver's fog; other mornings, like today, I wake up on this hamster wheel realizing all it takes to make it through a day. I'm tired, and I've not even started. Haha, I'm sure I'm the only one, right!? ...

Working the Rest

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Sometimes I think it would be nice if caregivers could be exempt from dealing with the rest of life.  But most likely, if we were then I'd be pouting because we were missing out on everything else. Do you find you are more easily overcome with life in general? It's not like we don't have enough on our plates to begin with. Caregiving alone is a full plate and can be complicated by what seem to be little things like supplies not coming in, aides not showing up or blenders breaking. Even in the midst of the craziness of caregiving, life still goes on around us. Loved ones pass away, close neighbors fall ill, friends and family seem far away, bills need to be paid and on and on it goes. If we are not careful it's easy to get caught up and carried away in life's whirlwind. So now that I told you what's going on in my life let me tell you what I reminded myself this morning. Hebrews 4:1 says this: God's promise of entering His place of rest still stands. ...

Busy, Busy, Busy

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There are so many areas caregivers can struggle with. We can experience bouts with fear, discouragement, depression, frustration, weariness, loss and deal with what I've learned is a living grief. We may feel helpless, hopeless or alone. And for me I went through a period of time when my faith was totally redefined. On any given day we may have to work through any combination of emotions. And all of this is on top of what we have to do physically. I think it's safe to say we are busy - inside and out.  For me, my emotions can be churning around inside like a roller coaster while on the outside I'm working my full time job, doing laundry, prepping meals, or helping my son with some type of therapy. I'm out of breath just thinking about it! How do we slow down? How do caregivers find some sort of peace - inside or out? Is there even time for that? It's easy for someone on the outside to tell us we need to take a break. But rarely do they also offer to do anythin...

Rest? Who Needs Rest?

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When I first brought my son home I soon realized that a good night's sleep was a thing of the past. It was like having an infant again where even if they sleep well, you wake up with every little sound they make. I finally adjusted and relaxed a bit until now I do get some sleep. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm pretty high strung and very active inside and out. I hate to sleep - I know I need it but it seems like such a waste of time. Do you know what all I could get done in that 6 hours? Yes, 6 hours, that's what I try to give myself because I just can't stand to sleep away one-third of the day. Actually, sleep and rest are two different things and as I have battled my own medical conditions of late (perhaps brought on by lack of sleep? *smile*) I have learned the importance of sleeping and resting. Sleep is the way we rest our bodies so they remain strong and fight off disease. But rest  is an inside thing. Maybe that's why Jesus said in Matthew 11:29 t...

There is a River

Sometimes it bothers me when I hear complaints about it being Monday. It seems to me that on many levels the caregiver's days are all the same. There's not much relief on the weekends and our chores remain the same for the most part with maybe some small changes. I don't think that a day is necessarily bad or good just because of its position in the week. Even in our crazy not-so-normal lives our attitude can go a long way in making a day "good" or "bad." We cannot always change anything about our circumstances and we cannot always find ways to lighten the load - but we can always change our attitude and make the best out of what we have. We all have days that are better than others but some days seem to bring a lot more of a struggle. What are we supposed to do on those days? Typically my thoughts run to the scriptures when I am overwhelmed, and particularly the psalms. Sometimes what seems like the simplest phrase can bring healing and restoration. T...

Without Complaint?

1 Peter 2:23 tells us that when Jesus suffered He did so without "uttering threats." I take it that He didn't yell back at His accusers or tormentors. He didn't tell them what He could do to them; and He suffered in silence. I can honestly say that I have not  done that! I've said some pretty harsh things through this furnace and particularly during those really long nights. The load can become so heavy for caregivers that we speak from our pain or frustration. Many times, we don't really  mean what we say - but in many cases, they are things that should never be uttered. Jesus, our example, did not speak out of turn, out of pain, and offered no complaint. He simply entrusted Himself to Him who judges righteously.  Caregivers deal with constant pain and grief in many cases. If we follow the example our leader gave us - we are constantly presenting our pain and our situation to our Father. And we must let Him judge. Those who are on the outside of the Caregiv...

There was a Crooked Man

Do you ever wonder why life can't be easier? Why can't things go smoother? Life can get so hectic - and do so suddenly with no warning at all. I'm sure you've had those days. You know - things are rocking along pretty good and Bam! Out of nowhere it's helter-skelter. Now it's anything but smooth sailing. And since the caregiver lives on the edge - it really doesn't take much, does it? What do you do when life makes a sudden change? How do you handle it when the day is going along smoothly and the aide doesn't show, you realize you're out of wipes (that's serious y'all!) or you didn't get the right formula? Usually, the aide shows up fine as long as you don't plan anything, right? But decide you're going to run to the store for some necessities like coffee or toilet paper and she won't show up - guaranteed. We really do have to just laugh about it (later though because when it happens it's usually traumatic!). Usually, ...

Will You Carry Me?

God is so awesome! Yet sometimes it feels as though He has moved a long way away. Mentally, and in my heart, I know He hasn't; but it can feel like He is not working in the present. He is though. This is one aspect of faith that we forget about in our materialistic culture - it's not about getting stuff - it's about believing He's there and cares whether we can see Him, feel Him, sense Him or not. Yesterday, I was looking for a scripture that would remind me how awesome His is, how majestic He is and how present He is. I found this one in Deuteronomy. It's at the very end of Moses' blessing over the people before he died. This little phrase toward the end of his blessing caught my eye - verse 27 says: The eternal  God is your refuge, and His everlasting arms are under you. (NLT) I stopped and thought about that simple phrase a lot. He is my refuge - but He is an eternal being so that means He has been my refuge, is being my refuge and will continue to be my r...

Run and Not Grow Weary

As a runner I view this commonly used scripture differently. I have run just enough miles (only about 500 this year so far) to know that there are certain spots that weariness can set in an stop you if you let it. Well, as a caregiver this morning I became weary and this scripture came to mind. But as I thought about how weary I was and what it means to wait on the Lord so that He could renew my strength my mind went to the preceding verses so I decided to look it up and read it once again. The verses just before this most quoted one talk about young people growing weary and tired; of vigourous young men falling terribly. That's in verse 30. And back up one more verse to Isaiah 40:29 and it says that He  gives strength to the weary. and that He increases power to him who lacks might. When we were younger we thought we were invincible. We drove fast and took all sorts of crazy chances because "bad" things were not going to happen to us. And maybe sometimes we still t...

What's Rest?

For years I have taught about entering into His rest. I've said that striving to enter His rest is the only work we should be doing.Lately it seems that this topic keeps coming back up. But for those of us who live in a world without natural rest - how are we supposed to enter His rest? For the caregiver there is barely time to turn around. Many of us live with a constant soul pain because the internal pains associated with the level of loss just do not cease. Plus there are the day to day struggles that just plain caregiving brings. How are we supposed to enter His rest from here? I love Hebrews 4 on this topic. And specifically, verse 7 sticks out in my mind today. It says that He fixed a day - today. He was pleading for His children to enter into His rest on that fixed today way back in Exodus 17; and then repeated the "today"in Psalm 95. And now it's another today here in Hebrews4. He fixed today so that it is always the today we are looking for. so today ...

Rest for the Soul

We have no need to rehearse any or all of the reasons that caregivers become tired. After months of cargiving there can be a weariness that sets in. It's more than the body simply being tired - it's a soul tired. That covers the mind, will and emotions. Sometimes we can be too tired to feel, too tired to think and we just go on functioning because we're breathing basically. There seems to be no where to take a breath or a break; and the daily duties certainly won't wait for us to stop for any amount of time. What do you do when you get soul tired ? The answer, of course, is to Come to Him. Jesus offered strength for the soul when we come to Him. In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus offers this rest. He bids us who are weary  and those who are heavy laden (burdened) to come to Him for rest.Then He goes on to speak of how gentle and humble He is. Somehow there is comfort in trusting in His gentleness and humility. And from His gentle and humble state He offers us rest for our so...

Faith-filled Tears

Many times as caregivers, we walk around in a painful numbness. Are you familiar with it? It's like everything hurts until we go numb on the inside, but it still hurts. (You really won't be able to understand that unless you've walked it!) Of course, stopping for a day is not an option for many so we continue putting one foot in front of the other, continuing through the tasks that each day demands. That's not a complaint - just the way it is. So what do you do when the situation is overbearing? When you are overwhelmed with the day? I think Psalm 61 can help out a little. I found myself singing it to my son last night. The psalmist says Hear my cry O God; give heed to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy. There really is faith in crying out to Him. Last night the part that really stood out in my mind was the c...

Sleep is Overrated!

I am certain that sleep is overrated! I have always wondered why God made our bodies to need a certain amount of sleep every night. It seems like such a waste of time. Didn't He know how much I could get done if I did not have to lay down for that minimum of 6 hours a night?  I was thinking about this last night as my son was waking me up every hour on the hour until about 3 this morning. All the things I needed to accomplish today were running through my mind as I was griping about having to give in to the tiredness. I even thought, why did You make us have to sleep? You never sleep ?  ....but He did rest ...from all His works!  So here it is 3 am and caregiving is stealing my sleep that I didn't really want in the first place and now my mind is racing. He does not ever sleep. He does not grow tired.... but I do! As I lay there frustrated and trying to decide if I should just get up and stop fighting it; asking all these questions - I was pretty sure I was not di...

Healing Rest

Early in the mornings I go in and feed my son through his peg tube, change him and get him comfortable. Shortly after that he usually goes off into a deep sleep; a restful sleep. I checked on him just before starting to write this morning and he was out ! I thought, he's getting good, restful sleep...healing rest. I figure that when he is sleeping real good and letting his mind and body rest that he is healing. We know rest and healing are connected.  What does that mean to the caregiver? Because as a caregiver, we have pain every day. It never real goes away because we are dealing with a stressful, painful situation all the time; so it hurts all the time. We see our loved one not able to function fully on their own and to need help with simple, daily living skills. They are not who they were and in my case I grieve a lot over the loss of my son - even though he is still here. Yet he's not still here - not like he was. And as we walk out each day, each step along the way...

Where Did Everyone Go?

Psalm 139 is a greatly used psalm, but we mostly use it to tell our children how special they are to God. So special of course that they were wonderfully made, and how God was watching and supervising their growth in the womb. However, this psalm is for adults too! God did not abandon us when we got older did He? The Psalm begins with out intimately acquainted God is with our ways. Some days, honestly, that seems a little intrusive, don't you think? It can be scary to think that He knows our thoughts even before they are formed! He knows our thoughts, our words, our works and even our every movement! Now the point is of course, not that God is watching over us to whop us if we make a wrong move; it's more that He is so deeply concerned about us that He is constantly keeping a watch on our soul. In a time in our lives (as caregivers)when we can feel so very abandoned and alone...He is still watching. Maybe we do not understand where everyone went. When tragedy first stri...

Jesus Had Schedule Busters Too!

For the caregiver (as with anyone) there are certain things that must be taken care of each day. And there can be a rather lengthy list of more than just important items, many related to health issues, that must be carried out in any given day. And there are things from the other extreme that although they are not pertinent directly to our loved one's health they are important; you know, things like resting, or just watching a movie! How we react when our schedule gets busted tells us a lot about ourselves. The reactions can range from totally crazy and out there to a quiet, sullen response. A lot of this may depend on your particular personality type as well as your state of mind at the time! Jesus had a schedule buster too. In Mark 6 He had sent the disciples out to minister. Upon their return they reported all the things they had seen while they were out there. He then told them that it was time for them to go away and rest. (I wish He'd tell me that!) So they went away ...

What About the Dreams?

None of us were born caregivers. For many it was a traumatic experience of some sort that thrust us into it. Others a slow decline in a loved one gradually led us into caregiving. But we really do have a past. Each of us has experiences and lives that were lived hopefully to the fullest before we began to take care of another. We had plans, hopes and dreams of more things we wanted to do with our lives. Caregiving puts a hold on at least most of that - if not all. Where do the dreams go from here? This is something I find myself sorting through. I wanted to travel and see the world and be a missionary of sorts. I'd love to go to Africa and many other places. Teaching is my thing and I could see myself traveling the US and the world just loving people and caring...and sharing His love. But that's all gone for now. What does God do with all those aspirations we had before? Were they from Him? Were they only fabrications of our imagination? (an imagination that is of course Go...