Longing for Morning

I'm still on my journey through the psalms or Songs of Ascents. Today, I'm gleaning from Psalm 130. Honestly, I think I love all the psalms - they are open, raw, and honest. This one starts that way too. The psalmist says, Out of the depths I have cried to You, O Lord. Lord, hear my voice! That sounds a bit like yesterday when we were looking at the dark night of the soul and some of the long nights caregivers often endure.

One thing I like about many of the psalms is that after the prayer, after the complaint and all the crying out - there is a declaration. This psalm is no different. In verse 5,  the Psalmist says, I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I do hope. My loose interpretation is this: I may be calling out to Him for help in a time of desperation, but I still know His word is my hope and I will declare that I am waiting on Him alone.

In the next verse, he goes on to say - My soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning - I'm pretty sure, I've spent a lot of caregiving nights watching for the morning. It can be intense waiting for the light of day. Many of us have driven all night, or been up all night with a sick and leaned into that morning light. It can be a long, hard wait - but always worth it. Now, if I can bring that kind of intense waiting over to my soul and long for Him just as eagerly.

Today, I will declare that my soul waits for Him, and for Him alone. I will turn every ounce of my being toward Him and stretch out my faith to touch Him today. As I wait for Him, I will declare that He is my help, my sustenance, and my hope. And I will hope in Him today as I long for morning in my soul. Will you join me?

Scared of the Moon?

I've never been scared of the moon, have you? This question came to mind as I was reading Psalm 121. Verses 5 and say this The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade at your right hand. the sun shall not strike you by day nor the moon by night. Of course my thoughts ran away with it and I had lots of scenarios run through my mind.

Seriously, I get that He is our shade from the sun. It can be scalding hot especially at full day. But the moon? Really? But as my thoughts wandered around, I thought about how long some nights have been. While midnight doesn't have the heat of the day - it can be the dark night of the soul. The darkness at night can chip away at our peace and our sanity. This is especially true when things are not going smoothly or we are going through an even more difficult time.

Just like God protects our souls from the heat of the noonday sun, He protects our hearts from the thick darkness of the night. It's usually between 2 and 4 when I start to cave. It's dark, I've been up most, if not all, of the night, usually, Chris is sick or uncomfortable. My faith starts to wane and questions multiply. Do You care, God? Do You see this? Can You hear me? Where are Your promises now?

Nor the moon by night. He is so patient as we vent during those times and He doesn't ever cast us aside. He waits. Then with morning light usually comes peace and answers so we can move on. He never even reminds us of all those things we say when the moon is out. He is patient and kind when we are frustrated and heartbroken.

Today, I will meditate on His patience, and I will thank Him. My thoughts will be how He continues to sustain and protect my soul even when I am a mess. I'll remind myself that He remains the same through the heat of the day and the dark of the night. I really can trust Him to keep my soul! I will rest in that thought today - will you join me?

When Normal is Not Normal

 This morning I was reading through the psalms called the Song of Ascents. These psalms include Psalm 120 through Psalm 134. As I understand them, they were sung as the journey to Zion or Jerusalem was made. They most likely sang them happily as they were excited about returning to the temple and the gathering of the people.

Psalm 133 talks about dwelling together as brethren. David penned that it was pleasant and good to be together. I am sure for the church crowd the next couple of weeks will be like that. As the coronavirus winds down and things return to some sort of normal, people are excitedly returning to their church services.

For the last few months, churches scrambled to have Sunday School, Bible Study, small groups, and services online. I had a slight sense of disappointment when it all started. Why? Because I'd been shut off for so long and none of this was available. But once they needed it - it became the new norm. Now that they won't need it again - things look likely to return back to their normal - and the normal for many caregivers - isolated again.

That normal hasn't worked for many caregivers for a long time, and now it may be the new normal once again. I feel for caregivers who cannot get out. Maybe we should start a Caregiver's Church - all virtual of course. At least we would be isolated together!

Social isolation is a real concern and many caregivers, elderly individuals, and those who are very ill suffer from it every day. That's the norm for too many people. And lately, I've seen more people who are alone even though married, or living in the same house with others. It's sad that we are not more together. However, I can say this - we are not alone. You are not alone. Even though we do not have the luxury of gathering with the brethren in unity and enjoying the pleasantness that provides, God is with us.

As we adjust back to a normal that is still not normal, may we remember that we aren't alone - and we've never been alone. Jesus said He would not ever leave us. He is with us always. My prayer today is for the caregivers and those they care for who are forced into living an isolated life. May we all recall that God is everpresent. He sees. He knows. He cares. (I wonder if He would do a virtual meeting! lol - you know I'm kidding!)

Today, I will keep my focus on the One who never leaves us. My meditations will be on His ever-abiding presence. He won't walk away - He won't abandon us to go back to "normal." I'll be thankful that He is always as near as our breath. I'll take a deep breath now and then to remind myself. I thank Him for being near. Will you join me?

The Anchor Holds

This morning as I was meditating on Isaiah 26:3, I thought of an old song. It's called The Anchor Holds. One line says, though the ship is battered. Sometimes it can feel like life is a battering ram that keeps coming back to crush us over and over. Thankfully, this is not an everyday thing for most of us, but for some caregivers, it can feel that way.

As caregivers, we can just get tired. You know what I mean? It takes a lot to do everything for a day for two adults.  Dressing, bathing, feeding, entertaining all take energy, especially when it comes to another whole person no matter what their age or size. It can be exhausting.

I was preparing for my live devotions this morning and found my thoughts going around and around Isaiah 26:3. You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You. Because He trusts in You. Underneath all the busy-ness of our minds and bodies there remains a peace we can count on. Even though our minds can chase a lot of thoughts in a day - we always reel it in and bring it back to Him. And that is where we find perfect peace. No matter how stormy it gets - we find our peace in Him. That's been an anchor that has held me securely all my life - and the last 12 years of caregiving too.

I was focusing on verse three, but when I looked it up to actually lay eyes on it, I grabbed the next verse too. Verse four says Trust in the Lord forever, for in Yah, the Lord, is everlasting strength. I'm so glad He is not selfish and shares His strength with us, aren't you?

Today, I will keep trusting Him - it's not the day to give up! My crazy, hurried thoughts I will turn into prayers to the God who sees, to God - who cares. I'll keep bringing my mind back to Him no matter how hectic the day becomes because I trust Him. And I will trust Him - for one more day. Will you join me?

The Simplest Things

Yesterday, while I was on my walk around the neighborhood, I saw a field of wildflowers. Their simple beauty caught my attention and I stopped to take a few pictures of them. It was a little spot of beauty in the midst of my troubled thoughts. I enjoyed them.

Sometimes, it's the simplest things that bring us joy, isn't it? Maybe we get to see a grandchild, hug a kid, or talk on the phone with a friend. And sometimes, it's just a little lonely but beautiful flower that says, all is well. It was a gentle flower swaying in the light breeze, but for a moment it lightened my heavy load and gave my eyes something beautiful to see. It directed my mind to something of beauty instead of the thoughts running through.

Think about the shortest, simplest verse in the Bible. Jesus wept. These two words are simple, but they stand out, don't they. In that moment we see that Jesus, the Son of God, was indeed human. He feels. He cries. Even though that is a simple statement, we know that He gets us. He understands our grief, our worries, our hurts. Psalm 78:39 says He remembered they are but flesh. He knows our frailty and how difficult it can be to trust Him in the storm. He gets us.

That's a lot to draw out of such a simple verse, isn't it? The caregiver's life is anything but simple - it's always complex. And just about the time you think things are settling down something will happen to remind you that it's not a passive lifestyle. God's love and care are simple - yet complex enough to meet us right where we are.

Today, I will think about the simple things - like the truth that God loves us right where we are and how we are. My meditation will be on how He understands my heart and knows all those things I do not have the words to express. I'll be thankful that He sees, He loves, and He reaches into our messes to bring us His peace and comfort; because He gets us. I'll thank Him for that - will you join me?

Attitude of Gratitude

In Oklahoma, things are starting to make a move back toward something that vaguely resembles normal. For caregivers, it may not look much different than our "norm" anyway. But it does seem to cause a sense of uneasiness. Things are normal - but they are not. People are getting back out - but it's not the same yet. Churches are opening their doors but some are not. It's an interesting time to be alive with equally interesting things to observe, isn't it?

While things seem to be getting some better in a few ways, it still feels disruptive. Who do we trust for information, if anyone? How do we know it's safe or not safe for ourselves or our loved ones. The continued uncertainty can lead to these and many more questions that don't have simple, easy answers.

As thoughts were racing through my head this morning, I struggled to get a grip on them and tried to slow them down. I read a few verses here and there and then settled in Psalm 100. Enter His gates with thanksgiving in your heart and His courts with praise...I thought about that for a while and then started to think about things I could be thankful for today.

I know I have shelter, food, and clothing for today. My kids and grandkids are here and in good health. I thanked Him for a beautiful morning for a walk and for the strength and breath to do it. From there, it began to blossom outwards as other things I could be thankful for ran through my mind. It really did help my outlook and my attitude even though I know I have a long day ahead.

Today, take a moment or two, or three to thank Him. Start with your breath and beating heart and work out from there. It helps shape your day and your attitude about everything. There is always something to be thankful for - always. Start with the truth that He didn't abandon us in time. He walks through time with us - we are never alone. My meditations today will focus on finding things to thank Him for. Will you join me?

The Calm in the Storm

I live in Oklahoma so storms are nothing new to me. Even today we have a high risk for severe storms. We just watch the weather a lot. lol. I know that if I'm going to get Chris out for his 20 minutes of vitamin D therapy I'll have to do it while the sun is shining and before the storms roll in.

As a child, I had a horrible fear of storms. I think it comes from when I was about 10 our neighbor's house was struck by lightning. I remember watching out the window from our couch in the living room while the firefighters worked to extinguish it. When I was a teen a house on our block had the same thing happen. I ran outside and watched as their house burned to the ground. In both instances, the people were fine. But I think it made me fear storms a bit.

As an adult, I've worked past all those fears. I am cautious, but not afraid during storms. Yesterday I was reading in Mark 4 where the disciples got in a boat to "go to the other side" with Jesus. In the middle of the water, a storm arose and they were frightened. They woke Jesus up and told Him they were all dying and asked if He even cared. Jesus said, "Peace, be still." And then asked them why they had such little faith. Jesus not only calmed the storm - He was the calm in the storm.

He had no fear even though it was raging all around their boat. Sometimes I wish the storms of life were that easy to tame, don't you? Every day of caregiving can be stormy weather no matter how well we've adjusted to our new norm. But just when we are sure we are going to die, Jesus speaks peace. Doesn't He?

Some days it's easier to find that peace - other days it seems to elude me. But He is always in the boat. He doesn't get out and go back to shore, He doesn't abandon when the waves start rocking our boats around. He is patient and gently commands peace. I appreciate that. You see, no matter how frazzled I am, no matter how antsy or anxious I become - He can calm the storms of my heart with a simple word. Sometimes, His presence is all it takes.

Today, I will meditate on the peace Jesus gives me. Even though my soul feels storm-tossed, I will focus on the underlying peace and the sense of security I have because I know He's in the boat with me. My prayer will be to experience His peace today - for me and for you.