Showing posts with label normal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label normal. Show all posts

Like "Normal" but With a Little Twist

 

Chris looking out across Lake Hefner

Yesterday was so pretty out that I decided to take the afternoon off and head to the shores of Lake Hefner. It was great to get some fresh air and a little Vitamin D therapy! But I also needed to go to the store. Since I don't have an aide - I am the aide - I've just ordered deliveries but not gone to the store. Navigating the apps has become a huge frustration and I rarely find what I need. Or better yet (sarcasm alert) - I make an order because I need this ONE item - and it's the only item the store doesn't have. What a waste. lol So, I decided to go to the store with Chris for the first time in a LONG time!

I was so excited that we were going to do something that looked more like "normal!" But by the stares and gawks I observed as we shopped - I realized we are far from normal. It's quite interesting actually. I push Chris in front and pull the grocery cart behind me making my way through the aisles of the store like an awkward train. I've gotten quite good at it actually. lol.

But there's more! lol - I have to load all the bags into the van - and load Chris too! Then I realized I was going to have to figure out a way to unload it all when we got home. Hmm. Do I take the groceries in first? Or do I take Chris in first? Do I put the groceries away first? Or do I lay exhausted Chris down first? I had to chuckle (It's okay to laugh!) as I thought how not normal this was. Only caregivers can understand these kinds of normal challenges we face. Nothing is simple, is it? We were doing "normal" stuff - but with a twist!

I'm so glad that God understands the caregiver's normal - because it's way different than everyone else's normal. It's even different for each caregiver. Yet time after time God empowers us and strengthens us to get 'er done whatever that looks like for each of us. I'm so glad God doesn't have a special caregiver box to put us in. He loves us just like we are and whatever shape we are in no matter what normal  is for each of us.

Today, I will be thankful that God walks this weird road with me. He didn't wait for things to get "normal" - He interacts in my world just because He wants to. And today - I will let Him! I will lean in a little closer to His heart today and listen for it to beat for me.... will you lean in and listen for His heart beating for you today?

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When Normal is Not Normal

 This morning I was reading through the psalms called the Song of Ascents. These psalms include Psalm 120 through Psalm 134. As I understand them, they were sung as the journey to Zion or Jerusalem was made. They most likely sang them happily as they were excited about returning to the temple and the gathering of the people.

Psalm 133 talks about dwelling together as brethren. David penned that it was pleasant and good to be together. I am sure for the church crowd the next couple of weeks will be like that. As the coronavirus winds down and things return to some sort of normal, people are excitedly returning to their church services.

For the last few months, churches scrambled to have Sunday School, Bible Study, small groups, and services online. I had a slight sense of disappointment when it all started. Why? Because I'd been shut off for so long and none of this was available. But once they needed it - it became the new norm. Now that they won't need it again - things look likely to return back to their normal - and the normal for many caregivers - isolated again.

That normal hasn't worked for many caregivers for a long time, and now it may be the new normal once again. I feel for caregivers who cannot get out. Maybe we should start a Caregiver's Church - all virtual of course. At least we would be isolated together!

Social isolation is a real concern and many caregivers, elderly individuals, and those who are very ill suffer from it every day. That's the norm for too many people. And lately, I've seen more people who are alone even though married, or living in the same house with others. It's sad that we are not more together. However, I can say this - we are not alone. You are not alone. Even though we do not have the luxury of gathering with the brethren in unity and enjoying the pleasantness that provides, God is with us.

As we adjust back to a normal that is still not normal, may we remember that we aren't alone - and we've never been alone. Jesus said He would not ever leave us. He is with us always. My prayer today is for the caregivers and those they care for who are forced into living an isolated life. May we all recall that God is everpresent. He sees. He knows. He cares. (I wonder if He would do a virtual meeting! lol - you know I'm kidding!)

Today, I will keep my focus on the One who never leaves us. My meditations will be on His ever-abiding presence. He won't walk away - He won't abandon us to go back to "normal." I'll be thankful that He is always as near as our breath. I'll take a deep breath now and then to remind myself. I thank Him for being near. Will you join me?

The Invisible Woman

Me and Chris standing at Sutton Wilderness
Several things have occurred lately that remind me of the social isolation so many caregivers experience. Even in a crowd, many times we are alone. Even when people do talk to us on outings (if we can even get out!) they can't connect with us beyond the obvious. They only see us as a person behind the chair. I've done a few other blogs about being more than a caregiver and life behind the chair. But as we've been able to get out more frequently, it's come to light again - that invisible feeling. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just the invisible woman. lol

It's not easy to do normal things others take for granted. Things we really want to do - but just are not feasible. Take going to church for example. Often, there's no fellowship - no one knows how to reach out because we stand out as so different. It's not their fault - they really don't know that they can still ask you out for coffee or lunch. Personally, I find myself in situations wondering why in the world I'm even trying. What's the point? Seriously. It's not worth the "social interaction" if you are just ignored. I'm pretty sure that doesn't count for "interaction."

These are the types of thoughts I've had this week as I am rolling a lot around in my mind. My son has been ill most of the week with health care professionals in and out - that's after the ER visit we had between services last Sunday. It's just a serious reaction to the antibiotic - but he's finally kicked it or so it seems. But these things make me think more deeply.

I want to get him out more - but I need to focus on what is good for him as well as good for me. In nature - I'm not invisible. Somehow I connect and marvel at the vast goodness, creativity, and immaculate care of God. I look at the precise detail He gave to little things like a pansy - Carefully drawing lines and accenting various parts with complimentary colors. Does He not care this much for us - even when we feel invisible?

I'm sorry if you feel invisible today. I hope you don't - it's not fun. But if you do - take a look at Psalm 139 (I spend a lot of time in this psalm!). I love the last part of verse 3 - He is acquainted with all my ways not just my deeds. He knows more than what I do - caregiving - and sees inside to the whole person who is pursuing Him. He has no box for me to fit in. He longs for fellowship and communion with us. That didn't change one little bit when caregiving happened. We are not invisible to Him - He sees. He knows. He cares.

Today, I will rejoice because He sees me right where I am - in all this emotional mess. I'll be thankful He didn't run away and He doesn't ignore me. He still bids me to "come" to Him and find rest. I suppose that indicates I still have to work to enter His rest! But I'm thankful that the invitation to the invisible woman still stands!

What is normal anyway?

One of the difficult things for caregivers (or at least for me) is the emptiness and sense of loss we can deal with on a daily basis. For me, when I look at all the cool things other runners get to do and how they travel and participate in some of the most creative or scenic races - while I sit here in flat Oklahoma and don't get to play....it can get discouraging. Seeing all the things I don't get to do can wear on me and I can battle lots of negative emotions. 

But when I came across Psalm 119:5-6 this morning it helped me refocus. It says this:

Oh that my actions would consistently reflect Your principles!
Then I will not be disgraced when I compare my life with Your commands.

Why am I comparing myself with others? What if I compared myself with the word? Can we find ourselves in these ancient pages? I think so.

I have shared before that as we lay down our lives day after day for our loved ones - we look like Him. I'm reminded of the scripture no greater love....and we demonstrate that daily. Maybe you can see yourself in David - daily facing Goliaths that stand in your way. Or perhaps you identify with Daniel - and feel your faith is tested in a den of lions. We might identify with any one of our Bible heroes. Maybe we demonstrate how patient God is with us by working patiently with our loved ones. 

Maybe as caregivers we are tenacious like Benaiah. He was one of David's Mighty Men. He chased a lion into a snowy pit, fought him and killed him. He stood up against all odds - weaponless against a lion, and killed him while trying to keep his footing in the snow.(2 Sam. 23:20) This could go so many directions - but it boils down to finding ourselves in those pages. I believe we can.

As caregivers we really can't compare our lives to what most would call normal, because we have our own normal. We rarely see ourselves in the entertainment world - no one talks about us. They really don't know what to do with us and our individual situations can elicit emotions in them that they don't know how to process. So we don't see a caregiver's class - we are politely ignored by society. We cannot compare ourselves to that. But we can measure our lives and our hearts by the word. Isn't that the true standard anyway?

Today I am going to shift my focus to what is happening in the word instead of what is happening in the world. I'll make God's attributes my meditations and set my mind on whatsoever things are honest just, pure, lovely and good report. I'll think about what I look like to Him rather than what I think I look like to everybody else. And I will curl up in His lap - let Him hold me - and I will rest in Him for one more day.Will you join me?



When the journey gets Long

The hospital is a familiar place for many caregivers. We lived there for over 4 months after my son's accident. And then there are times when it seems like we make so many trips they should offer us rewards like frequent flyer miles or something. (smile) Feeding tubes fall out, O2 levels drop below 90, falls or any number of things specific to an individual's care can send you running right back up there. Initially we had tons of friends coming to sit with us. But when the journey got longer they seemed to start disappearing quickly.

After the hospital stay we were in two nursing homes and a couple of rehab facilities before we were able to settle in at home. Even though our lives were still changing and evolving everyone seemed to make the assumption that we were home, so everything was okay. They thought things were returning to normal. But in reality we were just trying to find a new normal. And of course, caregiving is a whole different world.

Friends seemed to disappear even though a few are still in contact. Becoming a caregiver can be difficult on friends. It's like they think it changes you. And in some ways it definitely does over time just like life itself. But just because you became a caregiver doesn't mean the core of you changed. You still have the same sense of humor (necessary for caregiving!), like your coffee the same way and still enjoy doing some of the same things - if there is time.

Having friends who walk away can feel like betrayal. And that's what we find in Micah 7. The prophet is describing a very rough time and a time of betrayal by even family members, which happens a lot too. In many cases it's just that people no longer know what to do with us. Our journey as we step into a caregiving role becomes longer and more difficult than they can handle. And in many cases they don't know what to say, how to help or how to make it better so they do and say nothing. It feels like betrayal.

We make a lot of jokes about Job's friends in his Biblical account. And even though they got pretty rough with him later on - early in his journey they were prime examples of true friends. When they heard he was ill and was going through a horrible time - they came and sat. They had no words; but they sat with him in silent mourning for 7 days. What a picture of true heart-felt compassion for a friend. There wasn't anything they could do to make it better but they were present for his journey.

I have friends who are present on this journey of caregiving. But I've also had some for whom the journey got too long, too difficult and they walked away. During those times when the feelings of betrayal seem to saturate our souls, we can say what Micah did in chapter 7 verse 7: But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me. 

When our friends can't hear us - God can. When our friends are not present for our journey - God is. When we face days all alone - God is with us and can hear us. He hears our weeping in the night hours when friends and family are not around. He hears and He can endure the journey.

Today I will meditate on the truth that God has not bailed ship. He is still walking on this caregiving journey with me. It hasn't gotten too long or too difficult for Him. I will rejoice in the truth that He ain't going nowhere! He will remain on this journey with me. I will turn my thoughts to His ever abiding, patient presence in my life today. Will you join me?


Rest? Who Needs Rest?

When I first brought my son home I soon realized that a good night's sleep was a thing of the past. It was like having an infant again where even if they sleep well, you wake up with every little sound they make. I finally adjusted and relaxed a bit until now I do get some sleep.

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm pretty high strung and very active inside and out. I hate to sleep - I know I need it but it seems like such a waste of time. Do you know what all I could get done in that 6 hours? Yes, 6 hours, that's what I try to give myself because I just can't stand to sleep away one-third of the day.


Actually, sleep and rest are two different things and as I have battled my own medical conditions of late (perhaps brought on by lack of sleep? *smile*) I have learned the importance of sleeping and resting. Sleep is the way we rest our bodies so they remain strong and fight off disease. But rest is an inside thing. Maybe that's why Jesus said in Matthew 11:29 that He would give us rest for our souls.  Our mind, will and emotions need to find that place of rest more than our bodies do. If our minds are going too fast or our emotions run high there is no good sleep anyway. Our mind and emotions can rob our bodies of necessary rest.

God understands the caregiver's need for rest; and He is gentle with us. There are days when we think we cannot move one more step. And then have to take our loved one to urgent care or the ER. We step up and do what needs to be done knowing that when we do get back home it's going to be a long night. We can go without sleep, and many of us do much of the time; but He can give us rest for our souls.

There is a place in Him where our souls can be comforted on the most difficult of days. Hebrews 4:9 tells us that there remains a Sabbath rest for His people. Even though the caregiver's life is far from normal to others and it can be very hectic - there is a rest we can walk in. Remember Matthew 11:29? Jesus prefaced that by saying Come to me. Even though the church tends to ignore the caregiver, Jesus does not shun us because we look different and live differently than others. He reaches into our chaotic, painful world and gently says, "Come to me and I will give you rest."

Today I will make a conscious effort to come to Him. My meditation will be on the truth that He loves me and cares for me. I will turn my thoughts to working at resting in Him. Will you join me?

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...