The Supposed To's

 Do you ever feel haunted by "supposed to" thoughts? I'm pretty sure none of us grew up thinking we'd be spending our years as a caregiver, even though most of us thought at least at some point that we'd provide some level of care for our parents as they aged.  But here we are, taking care of our loved ones. It may not have been our dream, but it is our reality today.

Our parents were supposed to grow old, retire, and do all the fun things they put on hold while they were raising their kids, right? Our kids were supposed to go to college, get jobs, and build lives and families of their own. But things don't always work out like they are supposed to, do they?

I think that dealing with some of the things that were supposed to happen according to what we all deem as "normal" is one of the hardest parts of caregiving. Thinking along those lines can bring on depression quickly. If I don't nip it in the bud, it can escalate until I am in an emotional pit that is difficult to get out of. Shifting my focus to reality doesn't really help, LoL. If you know what I mean. If I don't protect my mind and soul, I can wind up in a caregiver's fog that begins the slow drag into despair.

But protecting the mind and soul is a hard thing. Here's an analogy. When I was in Tae Kwon Do, we were taught to keep our hands up while sparring. That's how we were able to protect ourselves from the blows that would be thrown. But as a caregiver, our hands are full. We can't do much more than carry what's in our hands; forget about blocking anything! That's how many of our days feel - we already have our hands full of caregiving tasks, yet we must block negative thoughts, emotions, and even things people say to us.

So here we are in a funk, with our hands full of responsibilities that simply cannot be put on hold. The supposed to's are running through our heads, and we have too much in our hands to block them. Just about the time we think we are done - His grace swoops in and covers us, protects us and carries us. It's happened over and over - just about the time I think I cannot handle one more tiny thing, He blows my mind and sustains me. God is so amazing.

So, today, instead of letting the supposed to's have room in my head - I'm going to give them to Him. I'll shift my focus to what He can do from what I cannot do. I will trust Him for one more day. If you don't have a better option, will you join me?

                                                                                                                                           

Would You Like to Help Dove's Fire Ministries?

Maybe you've wondered about helping support all that goes on at DFM. One way is to shop my personal bookstore, which has devotionals, Bible study guides, and more that I have written. Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.

You can also donate via PayPal at paypal.me/dovesfireministries 

Or you can donate via CashApp: $JeanieOlinger

Or if you have Venmo my ID is:@Mary-Olinger-6

,

The Welcome Mat

Lately, I've been studying on prayer and meditating on the various passages. One thing I've noticed is that there are so many different types of prayers scattered throughout the Bible. They are not all made in distress. Some are purely giving thanks. They range in content based on the pray-er's unique situation. But this morning, I found myself reading Solomon's prayer as he completed the building of the temple. The prayer he offered as he dedicated the structure to God was beautiful. God immediately filled the temple with His glory, so He must have been pleased!

But there was this one little phrase that hung in my thoughts. The entire prayer is worth the read as it is a heartfelt display of King Solomon. So, take a minute to check out 2 Chronicles 6 because it'll give you a lot of food for thought!

Verse 29 is the one that caught my heart as I was reading this passage today. In the verses preceding this one, Solomon talks about all sorts of struggles, challenges, or situations that people might go through. He listed quite a few problems that were common in their day, including famine, pestilence, mildew, grasshoppers or locusts, enemies overtaking cities, and any sickness that might occur. Solomon was asking God to hear his people's requests, no matter what. This little phrase, though, in verse 29, when each one knows his own burden and his own grief. 

I guess it stood out because grief can be such a big part of the caregiving experience. It is different for everyone, and it can be felt in so many different ways. There is a grief that is so deep there are no words to describe it. But it's not like we can "bury" our loved ones and move on, such as when they die. Yet for many of us, we watch our parents or elderly loved ones fade away from us, slowly over time. That's a torturous grief. There is also a living grief, such as with my son. He is technically still here - still alive, but the son I knew doesn't exist anymore. The grief just continues day after day.

Christian circles don't really know what to do with it, yet I see Solomon welcoming grieving believers into the temple, and allowing them to lift their hands to God in prayer. We are welcome at the foot of the cross, at the foot of God's throne. He doesn't tell us we must leave our grief outside before coming to Him in prayer. Our whole being, body, soul, and spirit is welcome. As caregivers, we have a safe place in God. He won't condemn us or shake His head in disbelief because He doesn't understand. 

Solomon goes on to ask God to answer their prayers and says, You know the hearts of the sons of men. He then pleads for God to help those who are praying learn to fear God and walk in His ways. He didn't even pray for healing, for the grief to be removed, or for the problem to be relieved in any way. He just prayed that "we" would know God better. I know that in my grief, I've learned to trust God more, call on Him more frequently, and learned a new level of intimacy with Him that I've never known before.

Today, I will bring it all to Him once again, knowing that He wants my whole heart - not just the parts I perceive to be "good." I'll give Him my grief and let Him carry it and me. My meditation will be on how great God is and how thankful I am that His welcome mat includes all of me - all of you! Will you join me on God's welcome mat today as we lay our hearts out before Him?

                                                                                                                                           

Would You Like to Help Dove's Fire Ministries?

Maybe you've wondered about helping support all that goes on at DFM. One way is to shop my personal bookstore, which has devotionals, Bible study guides, and more that I have written. Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.

You can also donate via PayPal at paypal.me/dovesfireministries 

Or you can donate via CashApp: $JeanieOlinger

Or if you have Venmo my ID is:@Mary-Olinger-6

Earth Shattering

 This morning, my mind was racing with all sorts of stuff. We all live in a very hectic world. There's a lot going on, even if we weren't caregivers. Add caregiving responsibilities, choices, and tasks to this hectic lifestyle, and it's easy to become completely overwhelmed. Just taking care of another whole person is overwhelming most of the time, right?

As I realized my mind was racing so much around so many things I need to do and choices I need to make, I grabbed for a scripture. It's familiar, and we mention it a lot on this blog. Psalm 46:10 reminds us to be still and, at the same time for us to know He is God. Those two things helped me calm my heart and mind. I had to first be still. That takes a lot of work for me! Lol. I'm not sure I can fully acknowledge Him as God until I can get my mind out of hyperdrive, though. 

Once I thought of the scripture, I opened up my Bible to take another look at the entire psalm. The first verse is another anchor for my soul and has been for years. It covers so many things. 

• God is our refuge.
• God is my strength.
• God is present in trouble - He doesn't disappear when things get tough.

My heart and mind began to settle down as I reminded myself that God has me. He is in my "today." Right here and right now - God is present. 

Then, I began reading the next couple of verses. There are some real serious things mentioned here like the earth "being removed" - the mental image of that is massive! Mountains are being "carried" into the sea and wiped off the planet. That's dramatic, right? At least things are quite that bad yet.

But then I thought about our caregiving journeys. In many ways, it's been an earth-shattering experience for us. For many of us, our whole worlds were put on hold, shifted around, and don't even bear a resemblance to life BC. (Before caregiving.) Yet, even in the middle of it all, no matter how hectic, how hurtful, how traumatic, we can hold onto these three things.

• God is still our refuge.
• God is still our strength.
• God is still present in all our troubles.

Since God is still God - I can be still and acknowledge Him even in the middle of the frayed nerves, silent tears, and disrupted routines. He still has my heart in His. He still has my hand in His. I feel a gentle calm as I thank Him for still being here. I hope you do too.

                                                                                                                                           

Would You Like to Help Dove's Fire Ministries?

Maybe you've wondered about helping support all that goes on at DFM. One way is to shop my personal bookstore, which has devotionals, Bible study guides, and more that I have written. Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.

You can also donate via PayPal at paypal.me/dovesfireministries 

Or you can donate via CashApp: $JeanieOlinger

Or if you have Venmo my ID is:@Mary-Olinger-6

Before and Behind

 The last few weeks, I've been working on my morning routine. It's funny how as a caregiver, routine is everything and nothing all at the same time. Having a routine is usually a good thing for our loved ones - depending on the nature of the care they need. But inside that routine, we have to allow for flexibility. So, I took the early morning hours to do some changeups. That's when I get my devotions in, and I try to get my walk in too. That way, those days that get super busy super fast don't make me shuffle the things important to my own mental, physical, and spiritual health. 

In the shift, I've found that some things are going much smoother. Other things, not so much. Lol. So, I'm ahead - but I'm still behind at the same time. Man, that doesn't seem fair, does it? But alas, it's the caregiver's life! How in the world I can feel accomplished and defeated at the same time is beyond reason. Yet, that's right where I find myself day after day. The good news is that God has me covered whether I am way ahead or lagging behind.

In Psalm 139:5, the KJV says, thou hast beset me behind and before and laid thine hand upon me. Other translations say it differently. The NLT says, You go before me and follow me. No matter what translation we use, it's pretty clear that God is walking ahead of us and behind us. It reminds me of when we used to go hiking as a family. My husband at the time would walk out front, the kids were between us, and I followed up behind. We kept them between us so we could always be aware of where they were on the path. It ensured they wouldn't wander off or get lost. Since God has us enclosed behind and before - He is ensuring we don't wander off the path and get lost.

You know, as a caregiver, there are lots of things to get "lost" in. Our emotions can be all over the place. I can go from super highs to extreme lows in half a second. Sometimes less. Thoughts are another area where we can wander off easily. These areas present constant struggles for me. I can rest easy though, knowing that God has walked this day before me. He's prepared the path for me and covered it with His grace and mercy. He's also following behind me. I picture Him smoothing over everything I messed up as I came barrelling through the day. Lol. Either way - He's got me covered.

Today, I'll remind myself that God is before and behind me. He's in this moment with me right now, and that's where He'll stay, even though He's preparing the pathway before me and cleaning it up behind me. I can trust that He's got me covered thoroughly today. So, I can just rest in the truth that He's got it all taken care of. I'll remind myself to wait for Him and listen for Him in my today. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                           

Would You Like to Help Dove's Fire Ministries?

Maybe you've wondered about helping support all that goes on at DFM. One way is to shop my personal bookstore, which has devotionals, Bible study guides, and more that I have written. Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.

You can also donate via PayPal at paypal.me/dovesfireministries 

Or you can donate via CashApp: $JeanieOlinger

Or if you have Venmo my ID is:@Mary-Olinger-6

More Than a Glance

Each caregiving journey is unique. There are, of course, a few elements that are going to be similar, no matter what the specific dynamics are in each situation. One problem I've had to overcome is taking my son out in public. It seems that state parks and outdoor venues are more comfortable, and honestly, the people we encounter are friendlier and more likely to offer help if I need it. This last weekend at Red Rock Canyon, several people offered to take photos of us. That was such a kind gesture. 

But in the day-to-day setting, it's not always that "comfortable." People of all ages tend to stare. A lot. I get it when kids stare, I just wish parents would encourage them to ASK!! Instead, they often push them along. I don't know which is worse, being ignored, shunned, or avoided. I don't like to be uncomfortable, and I don't like making others feel uncomfortable, so we avoid going out a lot. 

I have one place I like to go, but the door is so difficult to navigate with my son's chair I just don't go. I feel like I am avoiding becoming a spectacle - I have enough on my plate. It can be interesting how people glance our way when we are in public. Some glances are filled with compassion - I can sense that. Others seem to be more like they want to get away - far away - in case something might get on them. Lol.

This is where my mind was this morning after I heard myself praying; I don't need just a glance today, God, I need Your intervention.

God doesn't just send a glance our way. Psalm 139:3 tells us that He is intimately acquainted with all our ways. He's not up in heaven tossing grace for the day down on us and just hoping we are going to catch some of it. He purposefully places grace in us for this hectic race we have found ourselves running. He intentionally refreshes His mercy for us each day. It's so much more than a glance our way now and then. He doesn't have to wonder what's going on in our lives, hearts, and minds. He's there. Protecting.Providing. Preserving. I like that.

Today, I'll remind myself that God didn't just glance my way. He walks right into my day and asks what I need. My thoughts will be on how He abundantly lavishes His mercy and grace on my life, heart, and mind. My job today is to accept and embrace His provision. I'll welcome Him into my little world today and let Him do His work while I remind myself to rest in Him. Will you join me?

_________________________________________________________

Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle.

The Unseen

 As caregivers, much of our day goes unseen. We may often get invites for various activities without anyone realizing what all it takes to get us there. For many of us, it's not as easy as just jumping in the car and heading out. Behind the scenes, there is a lot of planning that goes into the shortest, simplest trips, even to the grocery store. Over time, we can get our processes down so that it becomes a little easier - but others have no idea what all goes into it. 

The other day, I was trying to get home in time to tutor a student. They had already arrived by the time I got to my apartment. I felt so vulnerable as I unloaded my son from the van and took him inside. Like they were getting a minute view into my caregiving side. I felt so - uncovered. It was almost as uncomfortable as feeling naked in public. LOL - not quite, though. (blush)

So, it took a lot for me to start making a few reels around my caregiving tasks. It turns out that people respond well to it. I've not gotten any negative or derogatory remarks so far, at least. But it's really difficult to let people see some of the things I like to keep hidden as a caregiver. Of course, there are some things that will always be hidden, lol. Those unmentionables!! But it has turned out that it's kind of freeing to give people a window into the daily life of caregiving. (Now, if I could just get them to send stars, Lol!)

As I've worked through my own inhibitions, I realized that God gets a bird's eye view of every little detail. Nothing escapes His notice. He sees every move I make, every transfer, every meal prepped, every load of laundry, and every unmentionable. God is aware of my emotional roller coaster - nothing is missed. He knows when I am excited about new ideas, study guides, or videos. He also knows the nights I cry myself to sleep. He sees the unseen. God even sees all those emotions, tears, and feelings that no one could ever see. He gets me. He gets you. He gets us. And He sticks around anyway!

Isn't that the greatest fear for some of us? That if people really see our day, they will reject us? If they see us up to our elbows in all sorts of stuff, they may leave. Many have left already. So, we hide and try to act like our normal is normal. But we know it's not. And so does God.

Today, I will let Him see. (It's not really like I can keep Him from it anyway! Lol.) I'll open up my heart and pull back the curtains and know that He is looking at all of me. And I'll let it be "okay." I'll let Him touch that part of me that no one ever sees and some don't want to. Because as He sees - He heals. I'll just trust Him for today as I know He is watching over my whole being from the inside out. Will you join me?

_____________________________________________________________

Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle.

Streams in the Desert

 The other day, I was having a great conversation with a friend via Messenger. He's a young man who is hungry for the word, so he had lots of questions. We were talking about Elizabeth and Mary and how both of their pregnancies were miracles but in different ways. By now, you know I have a "Google mind," as one of my friends says it. You say a phrase, term, or thought, and she says my mind opens up about 20 tabs, ready to go whichever direction the conversation leads. Lol. It's true, I must admit.

I immediately thought of Hannah and how she prayed for a baby. God gave her a prophet, just like God gave Elizabeth the prophet John the Baptist. Then, I thought of Rachel praying for God to give her a baby, and she birthed Joseph, who would be instrumental in saving the nation. It started to seem to me that God has a wonderful way of turning a barren, dry, hurtful situation into new birth and life. He takes a barren womb and gives it life.

As I continued studying this concept, I thought of Isaiah 54, where God tells the barren woman to sing for her children will be many. I thought about scriptures that remind us that He makes streams in desert places. Caregiving can often feel like a deserted and dry place where suffering lives. But I looked at these women who God not only gave them life in the middle of their dry places - but blessed a nation from them. 

The principle, then, would be that God can make our dry places run with fresh, refreshing water. He can meet us at the point of our suffering, grief, and sorrow. And He not only meets us there, but He brings the sweetness of new life - even if it's just His breath awakening our hearts to His presence.

Today, I'll ask myself to reflect on any barren areas of my life that I haven't yet surrendered to Him. I will give Him my grief, sorrow, and sadness and ask Him to bring life to my soul. I'll shift my focus from my circumstances to His grace. That's where I'll rest as I wait for His streams to bring life. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                           

If you enjoy these devotionals, I have others! I've expanded my bookstore on Amazon. My devotionals are available in Kindle or print format. The new Bible study guides are now available on Kindle and in print! Check out my growing bookstore: 

I also recently opened my own bookstore. I'm presently filling it up with my books - check out the ones I have available in eBook format. You can download them and read them on your phone! Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.