Showing posts with label caregiver fog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label caregiver fog. Show all posts

The Supposed To's

Aunt Polly and me riding in the car

 Do you ever feel haunted by "supposed to" thoughts? I'm pretty sure none of us grew up thinking we'd be spending our years as a caregiver, even though most of us thought at least at some point that we'd provide some level of care for our parents as they aged.  But here we are, taking care of our loved ones. It may not have been our dream, but it is our reality today.

Our parents were supposed to grow old, retire, and do all the fun things they put on hold while they were raising their kids, right? Our kids were supposed to go to college, get jobs, and build lives and families of their own. But things don't always work out like they are supposed to, do they?

I think that dealing with some of the things that were supposed to happen according to what we all deem as "normal" is one of the hardest parts of caregiving. Thinking along those lines can bring on depression quickly. If I don't nip it in the bud, it can escalate until I am in an emotional pit that is difficult to get out of. Shifting my focus to reality doesn't really help, LoL. If you know what I mean. If I don't protect my mind and soul, I can wind up in a caregiver's fog that begins the slow drag into despair.

But protecting the mind and soul is a hard thing. Here's an analogy. When I was in Tae Kwon Do, we were taught to keep our hands up while sparring. That's how we were able to protect ourselves from the blows that would be thrown. But as a caregiver, our hands are full. We can't do much more than carry what's in our hands; forget about blocking anything! That's how many of our days feel - we already have our hands full of caregiving tasks, yet we must block negative thoughts, emotions, and even things people say to us.

So here we are in a funk, with our hands full of responsibilities that simply cannot be put on hold. The supposed to's are running through our heads, and we have too much in our hands to block them. Just about the time we think we are done - His grace swoops in and covers us, protects us and carries us. It's happened over and over - just about the time I think I cannot handle one more tiny thing, He blows my mind and sustains me. God is so amazing.

So, today, instead of letting the supposed to's have room in my head - I'm going to give them to Him. I'll shift my focus to what He can do from what I cannot do. I will trust Him for one more day. If you don't have a better option, will you join me?


                                                                                                                                           


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Grace for Today

ronella and chris hugging each other

I don't want to brag, but I can go from I'm okay, I've got this to the depths of emotional despair on a dime. Is that just me? The day is rocking along. I'm in control. I've got it, getting things done. And then Bam! Out of seemingly nowhere a thought, a photo, a song, a memory, a whatever else - snaps my emotions in two. I'm wiping tears from my eyes, thankful for the memory, but wondering why.

I have a feeling it is very common among caregivers. Even though our journeys tend to be widely different, they often lead us along similar emotional paths. We are good one minute and not - the next. 

That's why I love His grace so much. In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul was whining. Don't tell them I said so, but apostles seem to be a whiney lot. (LOL - lighten up!) He did not like what he was going through. As a matter of fact, he admitted to asking God three times to remove it from him. God did not. 

Paul begged God to remove his "thorn in the flesh" - his discomfort, his emotional pain, his bondage. While Paul didn't get the answer he wanted, he did get an answer. God explained, My grace is sufficient. What a loaded statement! Right? 

If I'm honest, there are some days (not too many of them really) that I just don't like caregiving. I would enjoy the freedom of heading out for a hike or just the ability to jump and run to the store if I need to. I've forgotten what it's like to call a friend and see if they wanna grab a cup of coffee or a quick meal. Most days - I'm good with it. I've adjusted. I don't "need" all that. But every once in a while normal raises its head and longs to be a part of my day. Those days, I need a bit more grace. I'm more prone to tears and battle depression a bit more on those types of days. Do you? Maybe it's just me.

No matter what a day piles on our (already full) plates, God's grace is enough to match it. I imagine it a bit like an old cowboy poker game. Someone raises the bid - the stakes of the game. Everyone has the choice of folding - or staying in the game. But instead of us making the choice - when life raises the ante - God says - I see that and I'll raise you two more. No matter what kind of hand we are given on any given day - His grace covers the stakes. I like that. There's a bit of comfort in that - knowing that the stakes can't be raised so high that He folds or gives up. He just keeps covering it all with His grace.

Today, I will make His grace my meditation. Hebrews 4:16 in the New Living Translation says when we come boldly to His throne of mercy - we find grace to help in time of need. I'm going to lean in to Him a bit more today and let (that's a BIG action word) - His grace cover and carry me. Will you join me?

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31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover


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