Overlooked

 

As caregivers, we have a lot in common. But it's impossible to evenly compare our situations. Among caregivers, circumstances can vary greatly and no two situations are the same, even though they may be somewhat similar. Some of us care for elderly parents, others for our children. You may provide care for a sibling, an aunt, or someone else you care for deeply. 

Some of our loved ones are total care, others can do a few things on their own. Some of us live in the home with our loved ones, others are long-distance caregivers. Any way you slice it, we are providing care for someone we value. 

One thing we may share though is feelings of being overlooked. It can be hard to find where we fit in our communities, our families, even our churches. Our lives look much different when compared to the rest of the world and we experience different levels of "normal" in our day-to-day. We adjust to the new normals of caregiving, though, don't we? But we can't really expect others to understand. Even if they get it in part - until caregiving is experienced, they won't truly understand. 

We can feel abandoned by life. We may feel discarded, or overlooked. You know that feeling you had as a child and everyone was choosing teams and you were standing there hoping you wouldn't be the last one called? Maybe that's just me! :-) The feelings of being overlooked by the masses can be similar. We are standing here - feeling invisible. Yet, we desperately need someone to say - I see you.

When God found Hagar, she said He was the God who sees. She felt acknowledged. Can I say today that I need God to see me? I need Him to hear me. And I know He does. When the world is not sure what to do with us - and they ignore us, walk past us, or treat us as if we are invisible... God says  I see you. I hear you. I feel you. I love you. We are not overlooked - passed by - ignored- by God.

Today, I will remind myself that He is present. My meditation will be on the truth that He sees, hears, feels me and wants to be with me right in the middle of my situation. Caregiving doesn't scare Him away! :-) Instead, He draws near. And when we feel most invisible, He comes even closer until our souls unite and almost look like one. He's that close. So I will acknowledge Him today - I won't treat HIM as though He is invisible, even though I cannot physically see Him. I will thank Him for choosing to walk this lonely journey with me - and for carrying me when I cannot take another step. Will you join me in His lap today?

In the Womb

 One of the things I deal with as a caregiver is being alone. This becomes emotionally complicated by so many weird little details. For instance, I almost had a date this weekend! (For real.) But they canceled because they got too busy. I was a little bit relieved, to be honest. But I'd already gone to the expense and effort of hiring a sitter. I'll probably take myself out! lol

But it left me feeling emotionally drained and alone. I took it a lot harder than I thought. Feelings of aloneness swept over me and I thought about how even my old friends don't want to hang out with me. You see, time is my love language. So the fact that my friend "didn't have time" spoke volumes to me about how unimportant I was in the scheme of things. 

As I sorted through my emotions, a familiar scripture came to mind. It's in Psalm 139. David says You watched me form in the womb. But It was like I could see God watching over a baby forming in the womb. I watched you as you formed in the womb. He watched us form. He knew the second the tissue gained a heartbeat. He knows when we took our first breath as we fought to be - and He will see our last breath when we escape this world to be with Him forever. That's intimacy.

All of a sudden, I had a reprieve from the loneliness that had engulfed me just a few minutes before. I knew that a God who watches us so intently as we form in the womb was not going to abandon me to the aloneness of caregiving. His choice is to walk with us through time and He's not looking for an opt-out button to escape!

Today, I will remind myself that He is right here. He won't leave - because He doesn't want to - He wants to be present with me in the midst of it all. I'll rejoice because I know He desires to be near - and isn't going to abandon me for busy-ness. I'll meditate on His faithfulness today. Will you join me?

All the Elements

 This morning in my devotions I found myself in Psalm 57. It's a passage very familiar to me and dear to my heart. When I was sick with a mystery illness back in 1986-7, I read this psalm over and over as I literally held onto it for dear life. It's got all the elements: prayer, praise, despair, faith, and declarations.

This particular psalm is written by David, the same David who ran toward Goliath and declared that God would deliver the giant into his hands that very day. But now, he's running from a mad man, Saul. David is hiding in a cave. That's a far cry from chasing down a giant, right?

He's open and honest about his distress. In verses four and six he says, 

• I am surrounded!
• My enemies have set a trap for me!
• I am weary.

Man, can I relate to that! Many times I feel surrounded by enemies like fear and doubt. It takes a lot of courage and strength to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. The cool thing about David though, is that he always brings in faith. In verses two, three, and seven he says:

• God will send help.
• My God will send His unfailing love and faithfulness.
• He will fulfill His purpose for me.
• My heart is confident in You!

It's kind of like his own little pep talk. Have you ever had one of those? :-) Mixed in these few verses, as was his custom - he takes time for praise. In two verses, five and 11, David praises God by saying, Be exalted O God above the heavens, May Your glory shine over all the earth. David was also a man of action and he said in the first couple of verses: I look to You for protection! And I cry out to God Most High.

I'm telling you, this psalm has it all! Since I've been meditating on declarations over the last few weeks, you know I have to pull those out of this psalm too. David makes four powerful declarations. Even though he is in distress, he is surrounded by his enemies, he's hiding in a cave for fear of his life. He still declares in the midst of his struggles:

• I will hide in the shadow of Your wings...
• I will awaken the dawn with my song...
• I will thank You O Lord...
• I will sing...

And that's where I'll leave you today. What are your declarations today? Can you look your "enemies" (doubt, fear, etc) in the face and declare - Today I will hide in Your shadow O Lord...all day long. Today, Lord I will sing to you, I will thank You, Lord. 

How Long?

Do you ever feel like you've reached the end of what you can do? It may stem from pure exhaustion, but it feels like it's a "that's it" moment. It feels like God doesn't hear. It feels like He has moved away. There are just those times of overwhelm. Or maybe it's just me. I do think that the psalmist was feeling these types of emotions when he penned Psalm 13.

It's not clear what type(s) of circumstances David was facing, but his emotions are clear. His soul is crying out for God to intervene. In the New Living Translation, Psalm 13 reads this way:

O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?

How long will you look the other way?

How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,

with sorrow in my heart every day?

How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!

Restore the light to my eyes, or I will die.

Don't let my enemies gloat, saying, "We have defeated him!"

Don't let them rejoice at my downfall.

But I will trust in your unfailing love,

I will rejoice because you have rescued me.

I will sing to the Lord because He has been good to me. 

I love the way that David emptied out his soul before God with transparency and his honest, raw, and real emotions. But he didn't leave it at that. He usually makes his declarations. He laid it all out there- and then said what he was going to do. In this psalm, he said he would trust, rejoice, and sing even though he was feeling down, forsaken, and on the brink of defeat. 

As I was thinking about this psalm and my own feelings were running crazy in my head, I started with David's declarations and then penned this poem.

But I will trust in Your unfailing love,

I will rejoice because You have rescued me.

I will sing of Your goodness...

Those are my declarations

I will sing from my cave

The pit will hear my heart cry out

to the God who hears.

I will rejoice in His goodness

and when the enemy surrounds,

I'll sing from behind the fears.

I will trust God in the pain

and when my heart is overwhelmed

I'll cling to Him through the tears.

For He is still my God

in the good and the bad

I know at my cry He comes near.

Today, I'll make these declarations once again. I will trust, I will rejoice, I will sing. I'm finding declarations to provide a powerful shift in my attitude. (And I need help with that!) Just saying them out loud helps me refocus on Him and His mercy and grace. Will you join me today in declaring our trust in Him once again?

We Are His!

 

Social isolation is real, for caregivers. Actually, most of us dealt with it LONG before the COVID pandemic. It was almost amusing, if it hadn't been so serious, to see people whining and crying about having to stay home and "miss" all the social interaction. I wrote a post welcoming them to our world. Many of us have lived a life of social isolation for years. Our "norm" just become more complicated during the pandemic. 

I guess the aloneness is what made this scripture stand out in my private devotions this morning. It's a familiar passage, and yes, I was reading it because yesterday was Thanksgiving, and giving thanks was on my mind. 

Psalm 100 is just five short verses and I really enjoy the New Living Translation, but any translation or paraphrase is good! Verse three is the one that stood out to me today. It says Acknowledge that He is God! He made us, and we are His. We are His people, the sheep of His pasture. I noticed, of course, that the caregiver is not excluded. It doesn't say "everyone but the caregiver is His." And it doesn't state, "Everyone is His people except caregivers." It also doesn't say, "He made everyone except caregivers." 

When I read passages like this, I often still wonder if I am really His. Does He see my day-to-day? Does He hear my whines, pleas, and whining? And still, He claims me? That almost moves me to tears - to know that He sees... He hears...He knows... and still says I am His!

I think, wow, I"m such a mess and I feel like I've literally got nothing together - yet He still claims me. Doesn't He see how ugly life can be? Doesn't He see my intense struggle over my own faith? Doesn't He know how often I waiver? The answer to all of these is yes. A yes that resounds with the truth that we are still His. As dysfunctional as we may feel - we are still His.

Part of me wants to argue. How could He still claim me? But then,  I look at my own son, my caregivee. He can do nothing on his own. He has no voice. His hands are contractured. And even recently professionals refuse to work with him because they think he's too far gone. But He is still mine. I love him - he is and will forever be my son.

Today, even though the ugly of life is staring me in the face, I will rejoice that He still calls me His own! I will thank Him that He can look past the circumstances to the real me inside and He still says, This one is mine. Even though I feel emotionally crippled. Although I am wrung out and falter in my faith every day, He doesn't throw me away. He calls me His own. That's a powerful thought right there... I'll meditate on it all day - will you join me in rejoicing that we are still His?

Dessert in the Desert

 I'm still in Isaiah 41 today! But today, I'm looking at verses 17 to 20. It's a rich passage for us caregivers. It talks about the poor and needy, and how they fail for thirst. But God promises to hear them and not forsake them. I feel poor sometimes. And as much as I hate it, I feel needy sometimes. But God is here. He hears the pain in our tears and feels the dispair in our fears.

He doesn't stop with helping us and hearing us though. Here are some of the things He says He will do for us:

• open rivers in desolate areas
• cause fountains to spring up in valleys
• make pools of water in the wilderness
• place springs in the dry land

As He carries out these magnificent feats, these barren places begin to sprout and bring forth vegetation. In my mind, I picture a desert becoming an oasis. It's like a feast for the eyes and soul in the middle of a barren, dry place. A dessert in the desert if you will.

It always amazes me how God can take those broken areas of our lives and bring forth fruit. Just about the time we feel like we are spent for sure, and have nothing left He brings forth a living spring. A pool of fresh water just arises in our deepest, driest times. When everything has dried up and gone away - even our tears - He provides a cool refreshing drink.

Sometimes I wonder if He can bring something beautiful out of something like caregiving. The answer is always, yes. It's His specialty, whether anyone else knows it or not - He's always in the business of bringing growth and life from something others may deem worthless and dead.

Today, I will focus on what I see Him doing in me. I'll look for that sweet spot - that dessert in the midst of my desert. He never fails. He never leaves. He will not abandon. Today, I will count on Him to be here - with me right where I am emotionally, physically, and in every other way. Will you join me?

Times 3

 

This morning in my personal devotion time, I found myself in Isaiah 41. The whole chapter spoke to me today. But I want to focus on something that God said three times. First off, the prophet Isaiah, speaking God's words to His people refers to the children of Abraham. To clarify - that's now us! (Galatians 3:29)

Between verses 10 and 14 three times, God said, I will help you. This stuck out to me today in particular because, well, I need help! As caregivers, we face a lot of emotions, situations, circumstances, and trials. We need help sometimes and it's not always there. But God took the time to tell His kids that He would help them!

He even added fear not in the mix each of the three times He told them (us) that He would help us. Life doesn't get put on hold when we become caregivers. There are still life events like weddings and funerals. Nothing else skips a beat just so our emotions can catch up, right?

As rewarding as caregiving can be for most of us - it's also tough. It can be heavy. Caring for another whole person can be emotionally draining and physically exhausting. It's easy to wake up one morning to find out that we are spent from the inside out. But.we.keep.going.

That's where I am today. I'm tucking myself away in my safe place (in Him). I'm going to let the world pass me by today as I tend to the day-to-days of caregiving and try to find a place to let the peace He gave reign in my heart.

But I was encouraged that God took the time to tell His kids He would help them. I didn't say, I'm here if you need me. Don't you hate when people tell you that? To me, it translates to - I'm keeping my distance but you can call.....How different would it be if someone walked up into your living room and said - Either give me something to do or I'll start somewhere.? Man, what a dream come true that would be! 

That's kind of what God is communicating here in chapter 41 of Isaiah. He's telling us - I'm here and I'm ready to help. I envision Him rolling up His sleeves... 

Today, I will rejoice in the truth that He never leaves. He never tells me I'm too complicated or life is too complex for Him. He never says He'll be back when things calm down a bit. He is here. And He is here to help. That's something I can grasp ahold of today. Will you join me?