One of the things I deal with as a caregiver is being alone. This becomes emotionally complicated by so many weird little details. For instance, I almost had a date this weekend! (For real.) But they canceled because they got too busy. I was a little bit relieved, to be honest. But I'd already gone to the expense and effort of hiring a sitter. I'll probably take myself out! lol
But it left me feeling emotionally drained and alone. I took it a lot harder than I thought. Feelings of aloneness swept over me and I thought about how even my old friends don't want to hang out with me. You see, time is my love language. So the fact that my friend "didn't have time" spoke volumes to me about how unimportant I was in the scheme of things.
As I sorted through my emotions, a familiar scripture came to mind. It's in Psalm 139. David says You watched me form in the womb. But It was like I could see God watching over a baby forming in the womb. I watched you as you formed in the womb. He watched us form. He knew the second the tissue gained a heartbeat. He knows when we took our first breath as we fought to be - and He will see our last breath when we escape this world to be with Him forever. That's intimacy.
All of a sudden, I had a reprieve from the loneliness that had engulfed me just a few minutes before. I knew that a God who watches us so intently as we form in the womb was not going to abandon me to the aloneness of caregiving. His choice is to walk with us through time and He's not looking for an opt-out button to escape!
Today, I will remind myself that He is right here. He won't leave - because He doesn't want to - He wants to be present with me in the midst of it all. I'll rejoice because I know He desires to be near - and isn't going to abandon me for busy-ness. I'll meditate on His faithfulness today. Will you join me?