Showing posts with label alone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alone. Show all posts

No Room in the Inn

Chris' new look
 Do you ever just feel out of step with the rest of the world? I'm not really sure what everyone uses to measure "normal" but I think our caregiving lives don't fit the mold. :-) Most of the time, I'm good with it - I know we walk a very different walk. However, I also know that the baby boomer generation is busy taking care of our parents, so it's a bigger thing than most think. Honestly, I'm not sure about everyone else - but I am sure about me. And I feel out of step with pretty much the rest of the world.

When you are a caregiver:

  • Simple things are not simple.
  • Doable things are not doable.
  • Basic activities of life are more complicated.
I know you understand. In one way, the pandemic has been a huge help. It's so much easier to order groceries and household supplies now. I am thankful for that since just going to the store can be a huge deal. One cough from my son and the trip is off! lol (Yes, I'm a bit overprotective like that!)

With the holidays approaching, my sisters and I were discussing our family's Christmas get-together. One of my sisters has a single step going into her house so it's easy to get Chris' chair inside. My other sister has a series of steps. The last time I went out there, several of the guys grabbed Chris and his chair and toted him inside. It worked, even though my blood pressure went up! lol

It's obviously not feasible for everyone to build a ramp for their house, right? I've even found a few businesses that didn't have access for chairs. Like when we were ordering flowers for my aunt's funeral - the flower shop in a small rural town literally had no way for me to get Chris' chair inside. I stood outside and waited as others went in to arrange her flowers.

I wonder if this feeling is anything like what Mary and Joseph were feeling as they went from inn to inn finding nowhere to stay. Of course, their circumstances were a bit more demanding. :-) I can just stay home, they didn't have that option. How many places did they try before settling into the barn? It had to wear on their emotions - especially Mary's! She was going to give birth and had no place to rest.

One thing I'm thankful for is that God always welcomes me. His door is open for the caregiver - no ramp needed. I don't have to worry about not being able to "get in" to see Him. His ear is listening for our faintest cries for help. He is right here. Right now. I never have to wait outside for Him like I did at the flower shop. I can bring my son - chair and all - right into His presence where I can find grace to help in time of need.

Today, I will be thankful that He is ever-present - and that He doesn't always wait for me to get to Him - instead, He's right here. He never runs out of room, never denies access. I love Him for that. He hears the words I cannot form and sees the tears before they fall. He's that close - that accepting. So, when I don't feel quite "normal" today - I'll look to Him. Will you join me?

Overlooked

 


As caregivers, we have a lot in common. But it's impossible to evenly compare our situations. Among caregivers, circumstances can vary greatly and no two situations are the same, even though they may be somewhat similar. Some of us care for elderly parents, others for our children. You may provide care for a sibling, an aunt, or someone else you care for deeply. 

Some of our loved ones are total care, others can do a few things on their own. Some of us live in the home with our loved ones, others are long-distance caregivers. Any way you slice it, we are providing care for someone we value. 

One thing we may share though is feelings of being overlooked. It can be hard to find where we fit in our communities, our families, even our churches. Our lives look much different when compared to the rest of the world and we experience different levels of "normal" in our day-to-day. We adjust to the new normals of caregiving, though, don't we? But we can't really expect others to understand. Even if they get it in part - until caregiving is experienced, they won't truly understand. 

We can feel abandoned by life. We may feel discarded, or overlooked. You know that feeling you had as a child and everyone was choosing teams and you were standing there hoping you wouldn't be the last one called? Maybe that's just me! :-) The feelings of being overlooked by the masses can be similar. We are standing here - feeling invisible. Yet, we desperately need someone to say - I see you.

When God found Hagar, she said He was the God who sees. She felt acknowledged. Can I say today that I need God to see me? I need Him to hear me. And I know He does. When the world is not sure what to do with us - and they ignore us, walk past us, or treat us as if we are invisible... God says  I see you. I hear you. I feel you. I love you. We are not overlooked - passed by - ignored- by God.

Today, I will remind myself that He is present. My meditation will be on the truth that He sees, hears, feels me and wants to be with me right in the middle of my situation. Caregiving doesn't scare Him away! :-) Instead, He draws near. And when we feel most invisible, He comes even closer until our souls unite and almost look like one. He's that close. So I will acknowledge Him today - I won't treat HIM as though He is invisible, even though I cannot physically see Him. I will thank Him for choosing to walk this lonely journey with me - and for carrying me when I cannot take another step. Will you join me in His lap today?

Wineskin in the Smoke

Chris in the standing frame - alert!
I've been going through Psalm 119 while leading an online group devotion each morning. Today's reading included verse 83 which says I am shriveled like a wineskin in the smoke, exhausted with waiting, but I cling to Your principles and obey them. (NLT 1996) Now to be perfectly honest, I have no idea what a wineskin does in the smoke. But after asking google, I have determined that they shrivel up, dry out and become useless. That was pretty much my guess anyway.

Do you ever feel dried up and useless? I do sometimes. It seems there's not a lot of social interaction and during those long, drawn-out alone times, it can start to feel like we are separated from the normalcy of life. Because of the trauma which launched me into caregiving, oftentimes I feel like I have lived two lives, now and BC (before caregiving). They look very different. If I don't keep my mind on the word and the truth that God doesn't change even when life does, I can become depressed, upset, worried, and feel like I'm dried up and useless.

Isn't it interesting that this King of Israel, this highly feared and revered warrior - felt useless? I mean come on. He took out bears and lions bare-handedly. He killed Goliath for crying out loud! He ruled as king. Yet somehow he felt useless? Like a wineskin in the smoke.

Maybe it's not about us. Maybe it's a multi-generational attack of the enemy to try to devalue us. Perhaps it's a very well used (and effective) tool of the enemy used to distract us and slowly conquer us. Because, if David felt it, I feel that way sometimes, and a few others perhaps do too - it's not us.

And that's why the last part of this verse becomes more important.But I cling to Your principles and obey them. I believe we could easily substitute "Your word" for "Your principles." No matter how we feel, good or bad, we can cling to His word. It is His word that has revived me, rejuvenated me, comforted me, refilled me, and continues to keep me moving toward His heart. It's not about how we feel, it's about the constancy of His word through what we feel.

Today, I am going to ignore how I feel. I'm going to turn my thoughts to His word and away from my situation and feelings. My meditations will be on His faithfulness and how His word still works in my heart - no matter what I feel, or what situation I find myself in. Instead of thinking about me today - I'm going to keep my thoughts in his word, and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

What is "Normal" Anyway?

One thing common to caregivers is the feeling of alone-ness. For me, it's somewhat different than just feeling lonely. It's more intense, more enduring and the social isolation can chip away until it feels like there's nothing left. This morning I opened my Bible to see what I could find that might fix the draining feelings of being alone, My mind went first to Hebrews 13:5 where the writer is reminding the readers that God promised to never leave or forsake us. But since I always like to read verses in their context, I backed up a few verses and my attention focused on verse 3.

Verse 3 instructs the reader to remember the prisoners, as though in prison with them;  and the verse ends up telling them the "why" behind the instruction -  you yourselves also are in the body. It struck me as rather odd that the writer of Hebrews was having to remind the body of Christ that they were to visit the prisoners. I found it odd because they were in the midst of great growth as far as the body of Christ was concerned. We might call it a revival today. And yet right in the middle of huge church growth the believers are having to be reminded to visit those in prison.

Then he worked his way down to verse 5 where he has to remind them to keep themselves free from greed and the love of money. He tells them to be content with what they have because He will never leave or forsake us. Odd things to be reminding believers of in the midst of a move of God, don't you think?

I would think prisoners could understand some of the caregiver's feelings of being alone. They are often forgotten and feel isolated I'm sure. And there's not much you can do about feeling alone, is there? Even if we can go do something normal we are so different and can feel like we stick out like a sore thumb. Our lives are just different, and there's not much we can do about it. We can't expect others to understand our situation either. And so here we sit alone. Again. And Again.

At times it an feel like no one is willing to come into our worlds; and it's not always possible for us to go into theirs. But God is not scared of our situation, caregiving and caregivers do not make Him want to stay away. We make Him want to draw close. He is near the brokenhearted. He wants to bind up the brokenhearted not throw them away or ignore them. Get this: He comes to us. And then He won't leave!

Today I will meditate on His enduring presence in my life - even when I feel like I'm a mess. In my alone-ness, I will remind myself that my life is not too scary for Him - He chooses to walk this out with me. When I feel alone today - I will turn my thoughts to this scripture and remind myself that He has already taken up residence in me - and He is not going to leave. And once again, I will rest in Him. Will you join me?

Always on His Mind

It's easy to get lost in the shuffle of caregiving, isn't it? There are so many  tasks required to take care of someone else that we can forget to take care of ourselves. Aides, doctors, nurses and other professionals focus on our loved ones, and they should. But we can slowly slide back out of view and be nearly forgotten. It's easy to feel insignificant and small in the scheme of things.

There have been times since I became a caregiver that I would go days without talking to another person. Perhaps this is due to the age of technology. I might text with someone or "chat" via a social media outlet; but I've literally gone days without speaking to someone. Sometimes I miss the art of conversation. I want to hear someone laugh not just type "lol." We need to hear inflections in their voice and see facial expressions. When we don't, we can begin to feel so very alone and wonder if anyone cares, if anyone sees; or if anyone even thinks about us at all.

The good news is that we are always on His mind. As a matter of fact, God told Jeremiah that He knew him before he was formed in his mother's womb. In Jeremiah 1, the Lord spoke to the prophet and said Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. And before you were born I consecrated you. God knows us intimately even when people don't take the time to get to know us well. He is aware of our darkest, loneliest moments and we are on His mind. We are not forgotten. The truth is that we don't even know what people may be praying for us or thinking about us at any given time. But we can rest assured that God has us on His mind all the time.

David said it this way in Psalm 139 - How precious are Your thoughts about me, O God! They are innumerable! I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up in the morning You are still with me! (NLT) 

Today I am thankful that He is always with me and I am always on His mind. My meditation today will be of His ever-abiding presence and His continuous thoughts of me! I will rejoice today that He does not forget me or my situation - but I am always on His mind. Will you join me?

Contentment vs Peace

In Philippians, Paul said that he had learned to be content in whatever state he found himself in - whether that was in a state of abundance, or a state of lacking. Faithers tend to ignore this verse unless they are misquoting it to make a point. How does it interpret into our daily lives, especially for the caregiver? Are we supposed to be content with the fact that our loved one is hurting? Or should we be content that they can no longer care for themselves? What does it mean to be content?

First of all, Paul wasn't giving a command to be content. It was not meant as "instruction." He was making a statement about his own life and how he had found that he was content - or at peace with himself and God no matter what life threw his way. It seems in this part of this short book he is expressing gratitude to the Philippian church for once again having compassion on his needs and offering help. He said it nicely but in verse 10 he basically ( in my loose interpretation) says - you ignored me for awhile but found a way to help me once again. How easy it can be for the caregiver to feel ignored.

We do not fit into society's perfect mold and therefore the world around us goes on as we sit watching. Paul is like - you cared for me for awhile, didn't help me at all, and now you are once again offering help. He is grateful - not bitter. How easy it can be to become bitter at life if we are not careful. Contentment is not the enemy. We have to find a peace in God in order to deal with the dealings of daily life. We don't look or live like the rest of the world and they do not know what to do with us...we must find our contentment and our peace  in Him regardless of whether there is anyone around to help us or not.

I think this is what Paul is saying. He states that he had learned to just be content with what he had each day whether that was much or little. He said  I have found the secret of living in each situation... That's what can be such a struggle for the caregiver - learning to live in the situation.

This is my meditation for today - that I will live in Him - and in the situation I will find life no matter what struggles or difficulties may present themselves today. I'll live in Him today! Will you join me?

Where'd Y'all Go?

As caregivers we can spend a lot of time alone or with just our loved one. When they are non-verbal, it adds an extra dimension to the loneliness we can feel. Loneliness and depression can be major struggles not only for the caregiver, but for those who are going through life's trials that are continuing with no end in sight.

There are lots of scriptures on encouragement in the Bible; but I noticed that about 80 to 90 percent of them involved someone encouraging another person. I had to chuckle since that's sort of part of the problem for caregivers - there's no person around to offer us that encouragement. This can add to the feelings of aloneness and loneliness. So once again - it's up to us to do it! And that- we can!

First of all, it's important to realize that during those times when we become burdened beneath the load - it is not a lack of faith.If we take an honest look around - we run to Him and cling to Him more tightly when we feel that we cannot take another step. There is no lack of faith for the weary or battle worn soldier-it's inevitable that we will get tired, weary, and oftentimes even discouraged under the daily load of care that we bear. Clinging tightly to our God is not the lack of faith - it's a demonstration that we are still holding on. So don't beat yourself up for being tired, weary, or discouraged...it's part of the package.

In I Samuel 30:6 David found himself in a very tight spot. They had just sent him home from a battle he was really wanting to fight. He was fully capable, ready and willing but some of the men did not fully trust David yet; so the commander sent him home. As he and his men came into camp they found it ransacked and raided. Their wives were gone, their children were taken captive and the warriors were distraught. It says that they wept until there was no strength left to weep. (v.4) Now that's a picture for you - these battle hardened soldiers crying and crying. (I don't feel so bad now! lol)

To add to the discouragement- the other men started talking about stoning David and blaming him for their misfortune. He was in a very tight spot. Just like the caregiver, he found himself in a place with no one there to encourage him. So what did he do? The old KJV says he encouraged himself in the Lord. The NASB says that he strengthened himself in the Lord his God. And that may well be where we are today  - we must encourage ourselves.

Today I will encourage myself by meditating on the truth that God is walking in this living furnace with me - He has not abandoned me. I will meditate on the truth that He  strengthens me to walk this walk. I will also concentrate on clinging to Him today. Will you join me?

Keeping Faith

Think about all the things you have done before you found the time to read this short devotion. Personally, I have been up every two hours through the night to turn, change and check on my loved one. Then when I scraped myself off the sheets to get up a little bit ago I had to check his temperature, O2 levels and do a tube feeding. And now I am at the computer writing a devotion! And the day has barely started...do you relate?

Our daily lives are full of taking care of our loved ones, making plans and appointments for them, fighting with doctor's offices and waiting to see if aides will show up today or not! It can be crazy and it can all chip away at our emotions and our faith. Sometimes we can sort of numb up and suck it all up to make it through a day. And you know what - it's okay! Each of us has our own unique situation to deal with and we have to do it the best way we can...putting one foot in front of the other and moving ourselves forward through the next 24 hours.

Sometimes we tend to try to ignore our situation and keep walking. That's really not the way to deal with it...Look at this scripture about Abraham. Hebrews 4:19 says that Abraham without becoming weak in faith contemplated his own body. When I saw that this morning it really hit me - in a good way. Faith-ers teach that we ignore the situations we are in, our bodies, our pain, our circumstances - and that then we can walk it out in faith. But Abraham - our faith hero - looked the situation right in the face and continued in faith.

He knew his body and Sarah's body were too old to be able to fulfill God's promise - he even thought about it. But he remained in faith. As we walk through the caregiver's chores today just deal with today...keep putting one foot in front of the other. And continue in faith knowing that God is walking through this furnace with us. He did not send us into the trial alone - keep the faith - it will keep you!

Stir it Up!

One of the most discussed topics at online caregiver support groups is the loneliness. It seems to be a common thread that runs through the very core of the pain and heaviness that comes with the territory. And for many it comes because of the lack of ability to get out. For some it's possible to get out on occasion, but so difficult and challenging it's just not practical. So there is not too much contact with the outside world...and that means no church attendance either. This can be draining for the caregiver.

That means that Bible study, devotions and fellowship with God is even more necessary. Sure, there may not be a "Christian support group" (which can be the role the church plays for many) to encourage us in our walk, and even though it's not necessary for our spiritual growth, it would be nice! But once again it's left solely in our hands to stir ourselves up to seek the Lord. Honestly, it's an individual thing for everyone, not just the caregiver.

This scripture in Isaiah 64:7 about stirring oneself up is in the middle of a cry for help from the prophet Isaiah. He's really asking God to tear the heavens apart and come to His people, come rescue them and let His presence be known. Verse 4 says this from days of old they have not heard or perceived by ear, nor has the eye seen a God besides You, who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him. He goes on to talk about how God meets those who wait for Him and then he comes to verse 7 - where he says he hasn't seen anyone who would arouse himself to take hold of God.

There are two key things for our meditation today. One, that God acts on behalf of those who wait for Him; and two we can stir ourselves up to take hold of Him. There are no stipulations to these two actions - no unless you are in a difficult situation, and no but if's either. It's plain and simple, it's in our power even in our pain to take hold of Him and walk with Him.And as we wait for Him , He will show Himself strong on our behalf. Take time today to take hold of Him.

Truth Vs Fact

The story of Gideon in Judges 6 has always fascinated me. Here is Gideon determined to not let the enemy have his crops. The scene opens with him hiding from the Midianites and this angel appears and actually calls him a man of valor. Could he not see that Gideon was in hiding?

The fact was that Gideon was hiding from the enemy - the truth was that inside he was a mighty warrior. We've given him a bum rap all these years over the facts and forgot about the truth that God saw concerning Gideon.

The facts for a caregiver are that we feel very incapable at times, feel alone and many times very weak. But the truth about us is that we are able to face another day because of the strength God provides. The truth is that God is walking this journey with us and we are never really alone (no matter how deep that valley may feel!!!). And the truth is that we may look weak - but it takes more courage for us to get up each morning to face a new day doing what we do - than pretty much anyone just hitting a time clock.

So be encouraged today in your walk - it's not easy...ever. But know that you are one of the most courageous persons on earth because you are facing overwhelming circumstances with new strength one more day! Have a good day person of valor!

When We Feel Alone

The lack of socialization can really hit the caregiver hard. For some of us, there basically isn't any. Perhaps an occasional family outing or someone stopping by. But really, when it comes to our emotional health, family doesn't count! We need friends. But where do they come from when you cannot get out like others do to meet them? The times we are consumed with this alone-ness is when we must be reminded that He will not leave us but is always with us. The journey doesn't get too long for Him!

Scriptures are full of times He was with people. He showed Moses He was with him in the burning bush, and then told Joshua that he was going to be with him just like He was with Moses. psalm 46 says two or three times that the God of Jakob is with us.

Jesus told His followers that He would not leave them alone and Hebrews 13:5 quotes the promise He gave Moses and Joshua - He said He would never leave or forsake us. But sometimes when it's quiet I need to be reminded that He is with me...don't you?

So today be encouraged and lift up your head. You are important enough for Him to be with you today! And He has no where else to go! So take it to heart and let His presence be with you today!

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...