Onward! (Wherever that may be!)

One foot in front of the other. How many times have I used that phrase to explain to people how I "do it"? Something just kicks in and you do what you have to do; and you just keep on doing it. I guess it is moving forward - or going "onward," but it can feel like we are going around in circles. Continuously. Never ending.

It can feel like everyday is the same as the day before with the exact same chores to do. You know the drill. There's bathing, transferring, dressing, feeding, transferring again, laundry, and ton of little chores to do that make the bigger ones easier. Eventually, even the little surprises become part of the routine. You know those things all too well too. There's case managers who forget to order supplies, or can't get the order right....ever, aides that don't show up the day you finally decided to go do something, or nurses trying to cram all her visits in during the last week of the month. Those are just a few of the things that I can think of off the top of my head. It sometimes feels (to me) like we face the giant every day.

David only faced one Goliath, Daniel only visited the lion's den once, it can feel like we face Goliaths and lion's dens every day sometimes. These are just a couple favorite Bible stories we like to share, stories where God made a victor out of a common person. There are other stories demonstrating God's sustaining power too. For instance, Noah only built one ark, but it took him years. Job was only sick one time, but it wasn't just a one day thing; and he never got his kids back. Gideon and Joshua faced battle after battle - there was never just one battle and it was over. Even David spent years running from Saul's spear until he finally became king. And of course there's Joseph who was betrayed by his brothers and spent years in slavery and prison before he ever saw the throne God promised. But all these faithful men walked onward in their faith no matter what they faced. We can too.

We can continue to move forward in our faith even though every day presents obstacles before us. Whether it is the one-time looming giant or sticking with the building of an ark, we can press on into Him. I'm not saying it's always (or ever) easy, but if these guys can hold to the faith in the situations they faced on a daily basis, we can too. Even if we don't see an end in sight. Just like God was there for them in whatever it was they faced, He's here for us too. And that's why we can continue to push onward.

It can be difficult since we can't see how our story ends yet. News flash: they couldn't either. We can read their whole stories in the matter of a few minutes and forget that they walked it out over years. But they held on to faith in Him. All those years in a dark dungeon didn't stop  Joseph from believing. As a matter of fact when he was dying - he told them they were to take his bones with him when they left Egypt. He never gave up hope - even in death.

Today my goal will be to stay focused on Him rather than my situation. My meditations will be on His ever abiding presence that does not leave my faith stranded. I can always trust in Him to keep my soul. I will turn my thoughts to how He continues to walk this walk with me - I don't go onward (wherever that may lead) without Him. We are inseparable. So today I will think about how inseparable God and I are - will you join me?

When I Cannot See

It's been a series of events lately that has left me silent. As caregivers, I know you understand those times when everything piles up on you. As if caregiving itself was not enough. I take it all personally too - like we really don't matter.

I know it's a misread message, on one hand, but things like not being able to get my son's Jevity, aides quitting and not being replaced and then my van breaking leaving us stranded, eventually got to me. It seems like every situation screams you are not important!

Caregivers live lives that are different from every one else, we don't need anything to make us stand out from the crowd any more than what's normal for us. But as it all piled up over the last week or so I became recluse. And of course, the problem with that is that those thoughts running around in my head become more numerous, crazier and out of control.

I went from trying to figure out how to get out and buy groceries on foot along with pushing my son's chair to what am I going to do when I get older? How will I find a way to fix the van goes on to how will I pay for my funeral? and What will happen to Chris once I'm gone. That's just the top layer - the questions run crazy around in my head until I literally just can't see. Nothing makes any sense and I feel like I'm drowning in the sea of life. (Maybe it's just me.)

So my response is to find a scripture to hang onto but I've gone blind and deaf in that arena too. Until one particular one comes to mind. It's in Psalm 77. Basically about verse 10 the author starts wondering if God has forsaken them and if He has turned off His mercy spout in their lives. But then in verse 11 we find what we (I) need to do when I cannot see.... look back at what He's done.

So to get out of the funk, I started thinking about all the things God has done even though I'm blind to His doings today. I thought of how He's provided all along the way on this caregiving journey, how He has performed some wonderful healings in my family, how He has never left me alone - no matter how I feel. I've said it before - but He doesn't leave when life gets ugly.

Taking a few minutes to re-ground myself in Him has made all the difference, mostly in my attitude! If you are having trouble "seeing" today - hindsight is 20/20 - look back at what you know He's done in your life before today. It also helps me to speak it out loud. When I say what I know He's done out loud - it's like I'm reminding myself and it doesn't take too long to break into praise and thanksgiving. What a way to break off the chains trying to drag me under today.

Today I'm not going to think about what is going on right here, right now. I'm going to continue to thank Him for things He's done in my life before. My thoughts and meditations will be on Him - not my situation. How about you? Will you join me?

Which Way do I Go?

Although this picture doesn't do it justice, sunsets in Oklahoma are gorgeous. I rarely get to catch one and when I do it can be breathtakingly beautiful.

As I was reading this morning, I came across a scripture that seems very simple, but has packed a lot of punch with me over the years. It's Psalm 104:19. The NLT reads: You made the moon to mark the seasons and the sun that knows when to set. It might not seem like much insight, but it has a lot more than we might think.

Over the last few weeks things have been a whirlwind with me. Several things are happening all at once in the many arenas of life: family, work, relationships, physical challenges, finances, etc. And of course, this is all on top of caregiving which is its own world inside a world. Suffice it to say my life, head and emotions have been spinning and I really didn't even know where to start reading this morning.

I opened to Psalm 104 looking for a scripture I'd read in a blog last night and found what I was looking for. I love this psalm as it speaks of the greatness of God and the power of creation. The whole chapter is good, but verse 19 is what caught my attention. To me - it says the sun never forgets to set. It never comes up in the morning and says Which way do I go from here? 

Scientifically, of course we know the sun doesn't come up or go down but that the earth spins to give us that effect. So to me this says - the earth is still spinning on its axis and it remains in the perfect rotational spin to keep all of His creation in balance. What He set into place all those years ago - is still in place. The earth doesn't get off its axis, plants haven't stopped growing, and the birds are still singing. When He does something - He does it right....once.

All of a sudden as I turned my thoughts to the wonder of His creation and His powerful display, my problems began to shrink. In verse 34 of this same chapter, the psalmist finishes by whispering a prayer: may He be pleased with all these thoughts about Him. How do I know he whispered? I don't, but after stopping to recognize such magnificent glory and power it's very likely he did - I know my soul began to whisper and silently worshiped in awe of His splendor and wisdom.

Today I will think about the effort He put into creation, and how He put that same effort into making me. My meditations will be on the glory of his creation and how He watches over it - and me. I will rejoice in His splendor and be silent at His power. I will trust that He made me, and He watches over me. I will rest in that truth and trust this powerful creator for one more day. Will you join me?

Did you find it?

Did you find it? I did. What were we looking for? Grace to help in time of need. Can you tell I'm still in Hebrews 4? This chapter has really grabbed my attention this week and I've pretty much camped there.

The last verse of this power packed chapter in Hebrews tells us to Come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There  we will receive mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it. (NLT) When we need it? That is probably all the time for the caregiver. This verse starts out with an understood subject, "you." It's understood to be saying "You Come..." and when we come look at what we get!

While I am a caregiver, and on any given day I may need to go to the throne for grace at any given time, this is an open invitation to every believer to take action, get before His throne and obtain His mercy and grace. I don't know about you, but personally I need extra measures of both to make it through some days. And honestly, today I'm just tired. Maybe weary offers a better description. It can seem like we are pushing ourselves all the time with no place to let up and eventually, we get tired. Or at some point - we just stay tired. That's where I am anyway - it may just be me.

There's so much to keep up with. Caregiving is not for the faint of heart! lol. Taking care of another person's needs (all of them) is tiring. And not only does it take its toll on our bodies, we can become emotionally strung out too. It's a tired that runs through your entire being. When I am like this - I just want to sit, drink coffee, stare at the wall; and think. Seriously.  But instead, I will boldly (because it takes courage) get up and take my burdens to the throne room of God. We were invited, after all; and He has an open door policy - we can come anytime we want.

I'm going to take my tired body, weary mind and exhausted soul before Him this morning and I'll lay it all out at His feet. And in exchange, He will fill me back up with His mercy and grace. And I'll make it one more day.

Today I will meditate on how His grace carries me. I will turn my thoughts off my weariness and consider His grace, mercy and truth. I'll trust Him for the strength to make it today. And I will leave all my cares at His feet - and let Him care for me. He is our caregiver, you know. I'll trust in that truth today. Will you join me?

Working the Rest

Sometimes I think it would be nice if caregivers could be exempt from dealing with the rest of life. But most likely, if we were then I'd be pouting because we were missing out on everything else.

Do you find you are more easily overcome with life in general? It's not like we don't have enough on our plates to begin with. Caregiving alone is a full plate and can be complicated by what seem to be little things like supplies not coming in, aides not showing up or blenders breaking.

Even in the midst of the craziness of caregiving, life still goes on around us. Loved ones pass away, close neighbors fall ill, friends and family seem far away, bills need to be paid and on and on it goes. If we are not careful it's easy to get caught up and carried away in life's whirlwind. So now that I told you what's going on in my life let me tell you what I reminded myself this morning.

Hebrews 4:1 says this: God's promise of entering His place of rest still stands. There is a place of rest in Him and I'm finding it's an art to learn how to get there. It's a lot of work to rest. Who has time? As caregivers there may not be a lot of time in our day to literally stop and rest - but we can remain at rest in Him, if we are willing to work to get there.

On down in verse 3 of this chapter the writer says this place of rest has been ready since He made the world. Life doesn't have to suck us under it's rolling current; but when it does - we can find rest in Him. It's not a new thing to need  to find rest in Him. I think of the old Christian hymn written in 1857 that lets us know those who have gone on before have needed to seek out His rest too. The third verse of What a Friend we have in Jesus goes this way:

Are we weak and heavy laden,

cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior, still our refuge,

take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do your friends despise, forsake you?

Take it to the Lord in prayer!

In His arms He'll take and shield you;

you will find a solace there.

We are not the only ones who have needed to seek out this place of rest in Him! And you know what? We won't be the last. His rest existed since He made the world, still exists and will continue to exist. Somehow just that every-abiding refuge He prepared for us brings me comfort. 

Today, I will relax. I will seek out that refuge and let my soul rest in Him, even though my body will be busy. I will purposefully acknowledge and trust Him as my refuge and I will rest in Him. My thoughts will be on how He prepared this rest for us - all we have to do is come to Him. And I will put all my thoughts and efforts into resting in Him today. Will you join me?

The Right Kind of Changes

There's no doubt the wilderness changes you, and caregiving can be it's own special kind of wilderness experience. Social interactions change, getting out changes, friendship statuses change, work can be different; just about every aspect of life can be different after we become a caregiver. For some, the changes may be less dramatic, but for others they are enormous. In my particular situation virtually everything changed. How we deal with these changes is a good indicator of our character.

Actually, how we deal with the wilderness reveals unique aspects of our character. The wilderness changes you. I was reading in Hebrews over the weekend and spent quite a bit of time in chapter 4, but this morning I backed up a bit because I wanted to see why the writer started talking about entering into God's rest.

Just before the author's discourse on God's rest he was talking about the children of Israel and how they failed to enter God's rest. Their choices in the wilderness were what separated them from His rest. My loose interpretation is: these same people who loaded up their stuff, spoiled the Egyptians and followed Moses out of slavery to freedom - lost it in the wilderness. They stopped believing God's promise, disobeyed Him and missed the opportunity to enter His rest as a result.

The wilderness isn't an easy place to be. And if you want to look at it one way - Moses was the caregiver for a million rebellious people. How'd you like to tote that around for awhile? They were willing to go with him when they packed up and left the cruelty of Egypt. What were they expecting? Of course they ran smack dab into the Red Sea - God stepped in. And then they ran out of fresh water - God stepped in. And even though they saw God's hand over and over again - they chose to rebel and complain. They were so hardened they missed the opportunity of enjoying His rest. The wilderness changes you.

As we walk through the wilderness of life - we will make choices; we will make changes. One of the first cries of my heart when my son became injured was that I would draw closer to God, not pull away and not become bitter. My desire has been to let life's crucible squeeze out a sweet fragrance and that my life would be lived in a state of worship.

I have not always accomplished this. I have fought, and fit, and spit and cussed many times. I've argued, faltered, given up and been angry more times than I can mention. But in the end - I cling to Him rather than fighting against Him. The wilderness experience forces us to make deep and lasting decisions about our faith and our relationship with God.

Today, I will seek to enter His rest. I'll reflect on the ways the wilderness has changed me - the good and the bad. I'll rejoice in the good and give Him the bad and ask Him for grace. My thoughts will be on His ever-abiding presence and how He hasn't left me in the dry wilderness even when I became a hot mess. I'll embrace His grace today and be thankful for the changes He's brought about in my life, even in the wilderness. Will you join me?

In the Midst of the Storm

This morning during my devotions this poem just came to me. As caregivers, it can feel like we live in a storm; one that never goes away. My heart is set - I will trust Him no matter what a day brings. Here's the poem I got this morning - I hope it speaks to someone today.

Through the Storm

Lord I want to know You

In the midst of the storm

To see You walk on water

And tell my heart "peace, be still"

Let me....

Feel You, hear You, touch You

As life rocks along

I trust You have me 

In the center of Your will

Carry me above

The deceit of wind and waves

May I hear You above the roar

To be with You is all I crave

May I not be distracted

By the crashing tide

For I'm tucked in tight

Held close by Your side

Though the storm keeps raging

May my soul keep seeking

And may I listen carefully

To hear You speaking

Peace be still...

I'll be still...

and Know You are God

(c) May 21, 2016 J. Olinger