Showing posts with label poem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poem. Show all posts

My Polite Journal

This morning I took some time to pour my heart out in my journal. My heart has been heavy for some time now. There are many things going on - but I'll spare you the details. (You're welcome!) If you haven't tried journaling, it can be a good strategy for stress relief. It's a safe place to let it all hang out! I had stopped for a while but this year I have picked it back up. Let me just say that I put more than my woes in my journal. I usually end with a prayer - or I write what God is showing me, what I am learning - and all those deep philosophical questions that rarely have answers. It's a polite catch-all for my sundry, sometimes crazy thoughts.

As I finished up the entry this morning, I ended with a couple of statements which became the first two lines of this poem:

Lord, hold me and hide me
Let me know You are beside me
As life's turbulent tides
Roll over and over me - 
Comfort me - pull me close
and help me see
There's more to life than the pain I feel
There's more to life than what
seems so real
Whisper to my soul that You won't abandon
But that You'll swoop me up
Out of the depths of this emotional canyon 
Remind me  can trust You even though
I am battle-worn
Let me know You've still got me
even though I'm bloody and torn
For in You I find my soul's true healing balm
Remind me I am not alone even though 
I look up and everyone's gone
You are there to speak and bring calm
Restore my joy, Restore my peace,
Restore my song
Help me remember You are with me and
You are for me all along

After I finished writing that I glanced at my open Bible and read from Psalm 119. Verse 132 says, Look upon me and be merciful to me, as Your custom is toward those who love Your name. He is always merciful, always faithful, always graceful toward us who continue to come back to Him because we love His name. 

Today, I will remember He alone has the healing balm for life. I'll meditate on His mercy that is new every morning and is rich toward us who love His name. I'll tie my heart to His - and listen to His beat over mine.. as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Hard to Breathe

Some days it's all a caregiver can do to just keep breathing. I tease a lot about trying to remember to breathe and keeping that a top priority. But sometimes it really does feel like the life is being sucked out of you. Of course, there are many blessings that go with caregiving, but some days they are harder to find than others. No matter what our caregiving story - it's filled with difficulties. I try to keep a positive attitude but that's a fight at times.

This morning, in an attempt to protect my sanity I decided to start trying to journal again. I am glad I did as I hadn't made an entry since June. (I used to write in my journal everyday BC.) I found this poem I had penned. I hope you get a little something out of it.

Who am I to catch the King's gaze?
To know...
    He sees
   He Knows
   He hears
The deepest sighs from the place where no words live
The part of me that carries it all... with nothing left to give.

The part of me where no human wants to go
The Place that makes me - me
The part of me that no one sees
   No one knows
   Where no one goes

And He touches it
He makes me whole
A place where He is enough
His is the only voice I hear calling in my ear
"Peace be still."

   He sees
   He knows
   He hears
   He touches me
That part of me no soul wants to see
The place too deep for tears...
         but He catches them all...
                  before they fall

The part of me that knows - He is enough for me

His sight goes beyond the facade I live behind
 He sees
   my fears
   my heart
And He says...I am enough for Him - and He is enough for me

I can rest in this intimate place
Covered by His grace
Lifted by His gaze
Engulfed in His embrace

To others I am shut-in and shut out
But I landed in His arms
and that's enough for me.



Thank you for coming on this journey with me as I discover He is enough for me - and I am enough for Him. I continue to trust Him for one more day and pray you'll join me.


If He leads: paypal.me/dovesfireministries



I Will Care for You

My mom and aunt

I will care for you
When your strength is gone
And you can’t do it on your own
When you aren’t sure what to do
Or don’t remember how to…
I will care for you.

When reality passes away
Like it’s the end of a day
Your mind’s in the clouds
But you know everyone in a crowd
Your memory starts to fail
And your body is oh so frial..
I will care for you.

You misunderstand the simplest stuff
Don’t know if you’re hungry or had enough
When you don’t know the time or the day
I’ll take your worry away
And I’ll care for you.

I’ll assure you of my love
Hug you and tell you  - you’re safe with me.
I will care for you.

I’ll help you dress
And all the unspoken rest
Showing you dignity even in my pain
Tears in my eyes as I watch you fade
I will care for you.

When you can’t talk – I’ll be your voice
If you don’t know – I’ll make the choice
I’ll listen to your stories again and again
Because soon they will be silent…

Although we’ve gotten here by life’s chance
I’ll be your lead in this long slow dance
It wasn’t what we expected
Didn’t see it coming at all
We’ll do the best we can –
Just take my hand

I will care for you.




(c) J Olinger 2018

He Never Gives Up

I've always been open and honest about my feelings and how I have dealt with caregiving. I usually at least try to clean it up a bit before I spill it out on the page for the world to see though. Maybe a "thank you" is in order! (Just kidding - lighten up!)

It seems I've found a way to deal with caregiving at least a little more gracefully than when I started the journey. There are daily struggles, as you all know, and numerous battles along the way. Caregiving isn't for the faint in heart. We give up our dreams, our goals, our jobs, other relationships, and our lives to serve the one we love. On one hand, it's the obvious choice and it seems easy; and on the other hand it's the most difficult job in the world.

One of my biggest struggles personally was giving up ministry. I had goals and dreams and passions that seemed to fall by the wayside as I stepped into the role of caregiving. Over time, I've seen God stir some of those up and even though they look nothing like I thought - He's still doing just what He said. (Imagine that!)

As I was praying about some of these things the other day, I started getting the words to a poem. I figured out that all along - He hadn't given up on me. Not even for a second. I just want to share the poem with you here. It's a bit long (yes, I am long-winded once I get going! lol) but I hope you'll get a little something out of it. And together we can trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

He Never Gave Up 


He never gave up on me.
He could see what I couldn’t see
When my way became dark and dreary
My body and soul became so weary…
He didn’t give up on me
He could still see
Everything He had put in me.

The difficult path didn’t blind Him
He knew that one day
I’d be at my wit’s end
And still find my way….

I stumbled, fought, and cussed -
He never walked away in disgust
He patiently waited ‘til I figured it out
He knew the cave would get cozy
And that I’d eventually come back out and about

He knew….

I’d be driven to Him in passionate pursuit
But when I turned around I’d found-
I’d never been beyond His reach
In fact, love had kept us bound
Tho I’d tripped, fallen and stumbled around
I found myself bleeding, lying on the ground
Then even my blood cried out to Him
And here I am now – thought all was lost – but I’ve been found.
He never gave up
He never let up
Waiting for me
I was still called
I was still chosen
I was still beloved and free
Because his grace never gave up on me.








© J Olinger March 5, 2017

In the Midst of the Storm

This morning during my devotions this poem just came to me. As caregivers, it can feel like we live in a storm; one that never goes away. My heart is set - I will trust Him no matter what a day brings. Here's the poem I got this morning - I hope it speaks to someone today.


Through the Storm
Lord I want to know You
In the midst of the storm
To see You walk on water
And tell my heart "peace, be still"

Let me....
Feel You, hear You, touch You
As life rocks along
I trust You have me 
In the center of Your will

Carry me above
The deceit of wind and waves
May I hear You above the roar
To be with You is all I crave

May I not be distracted
By the crashing tide
For I'm tucked in tight
Held close by Your side

Though the storm keeps raging
May my soul keep seeking
And may I listen carefully
To hear You speaking

Peace be still...
I'll be still...
and Know You are God

(c) May 21, 2016 J. Olinger

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...