When Normal is Not Normal

 This morning I was reading through the psalms called the Song of Ascents. These psalms include Psalm 120 through Psalm 134. As I understand them, they were sung as the journey to Zion or Jerusalem was made. They most likely sang them happily as they were excited about returning to the temple and the gathering of the people.

Psalm 133 talks about dwelling together as brethren. David penned that it was pleasant and good to be together. I am sure for the church crowd the next couple of weeks will be like that. As the coronavirus winds down and things return to some sort of normal, people are excitedly returning to their church services.

For the last few months, churches scrambled to have Sunday School, Bible Study, small groups, and services online. I had a slight sense of disappointment when it all started. Why? Because I'd been shut off for so long and none of this was available. But once they needed it - it became the new norm. Now that they won't need it again - things look likely to return back to their normal - and the normal for many caregivers - isolated again.

That normal hasn't worked for many caregivers for a long time, and now it may be the new normal once again. I feel for caregivers who cannot get out. Maybe we should start a Caregiver's Church - all virtual of course. At least we would be isolated together!

Social isolation is a real concern and many caregivers, elderly individuals, and those who are very ill suffer from it every day. That's the norm for too many people. And lately, I've seen more people who are alone even though married, or living in the same house with others. It's sad that we are not more together. However, I can say this - we are not alone. You are not alone. Even though we do not have the luxury of gathering with the brethren in unity and enjoying the pleasantness that provides, God is with us.

As we adjust back to a normal that is still not normal, may we remember that we aren't alone - and we've never been alone. Jesus said He would not ever leave us. He is with us always. My prayer today is for the caregivers and those they care for who are forced into living an isolated life. May we all recall that God is everpresent. He sees. He knows. He cares. (I wonder if He would do a virtual meeting! lol - you know I'm kidding!)

Today, I will keep my focus on the One who never leaves us. My meditations will be on His ever-abiding presence. He won't walk away - He won't abandon us to go back to "normal." I'll be thankful that He is always as near as our breath. I'll take a deep breath now and then to remind myself. I thank Him for being near. Will you join me?

The Anchor Holds

This morning as I was meditating on Isaiah 26:3, I thought of an old song. It's called The Anchor Holds. One line says, though the ship is battered. Sometimes it can feel like life is a battering ram that keeps coming back to crush us over and over. Thankfully, this is not an everyday thing for most of us, but for some caregivers, it can feel that way.

As caregivers, we can just get tired. You know what I mean? It takes a lot to do everything for a day for two adults.  Dressing, bathing, feeding, entertaining all take energy, especially when it comes to another whole person no matter what their age or size. It can be exhausting.

I was preparing for my live devotions this morning and found my thoughts going around and around Isaiah 26:3. You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You. Because He trusts in You. Underneath all the busy-ness of our minds and bodies there remains a peace we can count on. Even though our minds can chase a lot of thoughts in a day - we always reel it in and bring it back to Him. And that is where we find perfect peace. No matter how stormy it gets - we find our peace in Him. That's been an anchor that has held me securely all my life - and the last 12 years of caregiving too.

I was focusing on verse three, but when I looked it up to actually lay eyes on it, I grabbed the next verse too. Verse four says Trust in the Lord forever, for in Yah, the Lord, is everlasting strength. I'm so glad He is not selfish and shares His strength with us, aren't you?

Today, I will keep trusting Him - it's not the day to give up! My crazy, hurried thoughts I will turn into prayers to the God who sees, to God - who cares. I'll keep bringing my mind back to Him no matter how hectic the day becomes because I trust Him. And I will trust Him - for one more day. Will you join me?

The Simplest Things

Yesterday, while I was on my walk around the neighborhood, I saw a field of wildflowers. Their simple beauty caught my attention and I stopped to take a few pictures of them. It was a little spot of beauty in the midst of my troubled thoughts. I enjoyed them.

Sometimes, it's the simplest things that bring us joy, isn't it? Maybe we get to see a grandchild, hug a kid, or talk on the phone with a friend. And sometimes, it's just a little lonely but beautiful flower that says, all is well. It was a gentle flower swaying in the light breeze, but for a moment it lightened my heavy load and gave my eyes something beautiful to see. It directed my mind to something of beauty instead of the thoughts running through.

Think about the shortest, simplest verse in the Bible. Jesus wept. These two words are simple, but they stand out, don't they. In that moment we see that Jesus, the Son of God, was indeed human. He feels. He cries. Even though that is a simple statement, we know that He gets us. He understands our grief, our worries, our hurts. Psalm 78:39 says He remembered they are but flesh. He knows our frailty and how difficult it can be to trust Him in the storm. He gets us.

That's a lot to draw out of such a simple verse, isn't it? The caregiver's life is anything but simple - it's always complex. And just about the time you think things are settling down something will happen to remind you that it's not a passive lifestyle. God's love and care are simple - yet complex enough to meet us right where we are.

Today, I will think about the simple things - like the truth that God loves us right where we are and how we are. My meditation will be on how He understands my heart and knows all those things I do not have the words to express. I'll be thankful that He sees, He loves, and He reaches into our messes to bring us His peace and comfort; because He gets us. I'll thank Him for that - will you join me?

Attitude of Gratitude

In Oklahoma, things are starting to make a move back toward something that vaguely resembles normal. For caregivers, it may not look much different than our "norm" anyway. But it does seem to cause a sense of uneasiness. Things are normal - but they are not. People are getting back out - but it's not the same yet. Churches are opening their doors but some are not. It's an interesting time to be alive with equally interesting things to observe, isn't it?

While things seem to be getting some better in a few ways, it still feels disruptive. Who do we trust for information, if anyone? How do we know it's safe or not safe for ourselves or our loved ones. The continued uncertainty can lead to these and many more questions that don't have simple, easy answers.

As thoughts were racing through my head this morning, I struggled to get a grip on them and tried to slow them down. I read a few verses here and there and then settled in Psalm 100. Enter His gates with thanksgiving in your heart and His courts with praise...I thought about that for a while and then started to think about things I could be thankful for today.

I know I have shelter, food, and clothing for today. My kids and grandkids are here and in good health. I thanked Him for a beautiful morning for a walk and for the strength and breath to do it. From there, it began to blossom outwards as other things I could be thankful for ran through my mind. It really did help my outlook and my attitude even though I know I have a long day ahead.

Today, take a moment or two, or three to thank Him. Start with your breath and beating heart and work out from there. It helps shape your day and your attitude about everything. There is always something to be thankful for - always. Start with the truth that He didn't abandon us in time. He walks through time with us - we are never alone. My meditations today will focus on finding things to thank Him for. Will you join me?

The Calm in the Storm

I live in Oklahoma so storms are nothing new to me. Even today we have a high risk for severe storms. We just watch the weather a lot. lol. I know that if I'm going to get Chris out for his 20 minutes of vitamin D therapy I'll have to do it while the sun is shining and before the storms roll in.

As a child, I had a horrible fear of storms. I think it comes from when I was about 10 our neighbor's house was struck by lightning. I remember watching out the window from our couch in the living room while the firefighters worked to extinguish it. When I was a teen a house on our block had the same thing happen. I ran outside and watched as their house burned to the ground. In both instances, the people were fine. But I think it made me fear storms a bit.

As an adult, I've worked past all those fears. I am cautious, but not afraid during storms. Yesterday I was reading in Mark 4 where the disciples got in a boat to "go to the other side" with Jesus. In the middle of the water, a storm arose and they were frightened. They woke Jesus up and told Him they were all dying and asked if He even cared. Jesus said, "Peace, be still." And then asked them why they had such little faith. Jesus not only calmed the storm - He was the calm in the storm.

He had no fear even though it was raging all around their boat. Sometimes I wish the storms of life were that easy to tame, don't you? Every day of caregiving can be stormy weather no matter how well we've adjusted to our new norm. But just when we are sure we are going to die, Jesus speaks peace. Doesn't He?

Some days it's easier to find that peace - other days it seems to elude me. But He is always in the boat. He doesn't get out and go back to shore, He doesn't abandon when the waves start rocking our boats around. He is patient and gently commands peace. I appreciate that. You see, no matter how frazzled I am, no matter how antsy or anxious I become - He can calm the storms of my heart with a simple word. Sometimes, His presence is all it takes.

Today, I will meditate on the peace Jesus gives me. Even though my soul feels storm-tossed, I will focus on the underlying peace and the sense of security I have because I know He's in the boat with me. My prayer will be to experience His peace today - for me and for you.

Non Essential

This pandemic hasn't been easy on anyone no matter where you stand on the issue. It's difficult for those on the front lines, without a doubt. It's hard for those who are working, those out of work and those hanging in between in uncertainty. At first, I was a bit amused that so many were having to learn about the social isolation many of us as caregivers are accustomed to. the world responded and it was nice to have access for a brief time to so many Bible studies, teachings, and classes all online. We could finally be a part, right?

But then it seemed to me as if we got pushed further to the back if that was possible. I have to admit I was a little offended but got over it quickly. We've been isolated for years and many of the churches haven't offered an online presence until they needed it. I admit I felt slighted a bit. I translated that as we were not worth the effort. I'm sure no one meant it that way at all - but that's how I interpreted it. And then when we did meet the talk was all about how fast they could get back to their "normal" with no regard for those of us who won't be able to transition back. I felt discarded.

Then, I'm trying to buy common supplies. You know the stuff we need every single month and will continue to need forever once the pandemic has run its course. I needed adult wipes and gloves and they were nowhere to be found. Oh yeah, I'm non-essential. Now I am not minimizing the need of those on the front lines - I do understand that. But I literally cannot find gloves or order them online. This deepened the sense that I am disposable and unimportant in the scheme of things.

My emotions were collapsing and I was being sucked down into the vacuum of despair as if I no longer existed. I struggled with thoughts like I am not important and no one cares. Loneliness swept over my soul until I could not breathe or feel anymore. I honestly hope you don't understand.

Then I thought about David when he came back to Ziklag. He was in that sort of despair. He was battle-worn (can we relate?), he was tired (relate?), then he suffers the loss of his wives and children who have been taken captive, the town has been burned to the ground and to add to his despair - his fellow soldiers blame him for the whole thing. He had to suffer that deep lonely feeling we understand too well.

But David didn't wallow in it like I do. (insert smile) After the men wept until they could weep no more (NLT), it says he encouraged himself in the Lord. Then he prayed. I wonder how he encouraged himself. Did he sing a psalm he wrote? Did he think back to the ways God had blessed him in the past? I wish I had more details. But I know where I can start.

First, I will find something to be grateful for and I'll thank God for as many things tangible and intangible that I can think of. I'll start with grace, His love, and salvation and build out from there. While I already feel better, I will continue to build on that foundation. Then, I will praise God because my lowly circumstances do not change Him one iota. Not one thing shifted in His kingdom when the bottom fell out of my world. I'll put my focus on the things about God that do not change. That will be my praise and my meditation today. Will you join me?

Not Okay

One thing I enjoy about reading the psalms is the open transparency of the writers. They just lay it all out there - no matter what it is they are thinking or feeling. They have lots of questions for God and they are not afraid to ask them.

I was raised in a time that forbid us to ask our questions. We were supposed to just muddle ahead no matter what we thought. Questions were taboo - especially if the preacher didn't have an answer to thinks that didn't make sense. Well you know what? Life just doesn't always make sense, does it?

I am sure it didn't make sense to Moses to bring the children of Israel out of Egypt and run smack dab into the Red Sea! I'm sure it didn't make sense to Joseph to have dreams given by God in his youth only to end up as a slave for all those years. Things do not always make sense to us because we cannot see past our present circumstances.

I was reading in Psalm 34 this morning about God's deliverance. The psalmist says many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers them out of them all.  My honest thought was, "He has not delivered me." You know? I kept thinking when Chris first had his wreck that God was going to come riding through on His white horse and whisk us away in a sea of healing and restoration. Well, obviously that isn't going to happen. I wonder if Joseph ever wondered about God's deliverance all those years. He couldn't have written a better script himself, huh?

So then, I had to turn to Psalm 77. Asaph is the psalmist this time and he's sharing his not okays with the reader. He goes so far to say, I'm so distressed even to pray! He is mourning his past and feels like God has rejected. In verse 7, Asaph says, Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will He never be kind to me? ...Have His promises permanently failed? The faith-ers don't like those questions. Because they have no answers to them. But they are real and they are heartfelt.

But down in verse 11 Asaph gives himself the answer. He says even if I'm not seeing God move now - even if I'm not seeing Him bring the deliverance I wanted - I will recall all you have done. So, even if we cannot see God working right here, right now. We can encourage ourselves with those things we have seen Him do in the past.

Today, I will make a list of the ways He has delivered me in the past. I'll thank Him for those known healings. For those times He has provided direction, wisdom, and guidance through the Holy Spirit. I'll meditate on the things I have seen Him do before today - before I became "not okay." These will be my meditation and I will remind myself of all His mighty works. Then, I'll rest in Him and trust Him with just today. Will you join me?