Not Okay

One thing I enjoy about reading the psalms is the open transparency of the writers. They just lay it all out there - no matter what it is they are thinking or feeling. They have lots of questions for God and they are not afraid to ask them.

I was raised in a time that forbid us to ask our questions. We were supposed to just muddle ahead no matter what we thought. Questions were taboo - especially if the preacher didn't have an answer to thinks that didn't make sense. Well you know what? Life just doesn't always make sense, does it?

I am sure it didn't make sense to Moses to bring the children of Israel out of Egypt and run smack dab into the Red Sea! I'm sure it didn't make sense to Joseph to have dreams given by God in his youth only to end up as a slave for all those years. Things do not always make sense to us because we cannot see past our present circumstances.

I was reading in Psalm 34 this morning about God's deliverance. The psalmist says many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers them out of them all.  My honest thought was, "He has not delivered me." You know? I kept thinking when Chris first had his wreck that God was going to come riding through on His white horse and whisk us away in a sea of healing and restoration. Well, obviously that isn't going to happen. I wonder if Joseph ever wondered about God's deliverance all those years. He couldn't have written a better script himself, huh?

So then, I had to turn to Psalm 77. Asaph is the psalmist this time and he's sharing his not okays with the reader. He goes so far to say, I'm so distressed even to pray! He is mourning his past and feels like God has rejected. In verse 7, Asaph says, Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will He never be kind to me? ...Have His promises permanently failed? The faith-ers don't like those questions. Because they have no answers to them. But they are real and they are heartfelt.

But down in verse 11 Asaph gives himself the answer. He says even if I'm not seeing God move now - even if I'm not seeing Him bring the deliverance I wanted - I will recall all you have done. So, even if we cannot see God working right here, right now. We can encourage ourselves with those things we have seen Him do in the past.

Today, I will make a list of the ways He has delivered me in the past. I'll thank Him for those known healings. For those times He has provided direction, wisdom, and guidance through the Holy Spirit. I'll meditate on the things I have seen Him do before today - before I became "not okay." These will be my meditation and I will remind myself of all His mighty works. Then, I'll rest in Him and trust Him with just today. Will you join me?