Promise, Purpose, and the Passage

 Most of us have specific scriptures that we hold onto. My mom's was Isaiah 26:3 that says God will keep those in perfect peace, as we keep our minds on Him. Psalm 57:1 has been an anchor for my soul since 1986 when I ill, and the doctors couldn't find anything wrong. It speaks of trusting Him and remaining under His shelter until calamities have passed. One I've come to cling to in my caregiving journey is Isaiah 43, that promises the flood won't overflow us, and the fire we walk through won't devour us. Even when we are holding on to God with every ounce of strength we have - there's this in-between part. it happens between the promise and fulfillment. There's a period of time that becomes more about the journey.

God sent Moses to get the children of Israel out of Egypt. But as soon as they ran into difficulty at the Red Sea, they started talking about dying. They lost sight of where they were going, and the Who - had brought them out of Egypt with a mighty display of power. Basically, between the promise and the purpose, God used the passage to teach them about Him. They basically sat in the wilderness for 40 years while He told them who He was. During that time, they had to choose to hang onto the promise while they were making the passage.

David was crowned king, but there was quite a bit of time and lots of struggles before the crown was ever placed on his head. He learned to trust God in the passage while waiting on the fulfilled promise. Joseph had a promise, too, even though it may not have seemed like it while he sat in the dark prison cell all those years. But Joseph didn't let go of God's purpose while he was waiting on the promise to come to pass.

Caregiving can feel like the passage some days, most days. I know God said He'd be with me in my "no matter what," but this "no matter what" is really big, dark, and consuming. But our circumstances don't dictate a change in His promise. Whether we feel like we are walking around in circles in the wilderness, sitting life out in a dark prison cell, or waiting for God to crown us with His promises - the purpose is to find out who He really is. God showed Israel His power first and His character second. We can learn both no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in.

Today, I purpose to know God's character - what He likes, and what He doesn't. I want to know who He is, not just what He can do. I'll be content in this passage as I know it will lead me to His promise. And I'll be thankful that He doesn't abandon me in the process; He just continues to reveal His purpose and promise in me and for me. I believe I can trust Him for one more day. Care to join me?

                                                                                                                                          

Cave Appeal

 Many caregivers can feel like they live in a cave. When I first started on this caregiving journey, I felt like I'd been violently sucked out of the life I was accustomed to and into a dark, lonely cave. As a very sociable person, this was one of the hardest things for me to work through early on. The other biggie was trying to find a schedule. I'm over-analytical and function well in an organized schedule, but one was not to be found. Lol. 

After years of teaching school, working in the church, and lots of other social doings and goings, I found myself very alone. It felt like everyone had disappeared. In retrospect, they did. But I also found that I retreated to the back of the cave for soul safety. I had a lot to deal with and to work out. Life had changed abruptly, and it never returned to the "norm."

During the shutdown, our cave dweller lives became the norm for much of the world. But as they ease back to their "normal" activities, I am finding I'm stuck in the cave again. The problem is the world has somewhat lost its understanding of caregiving cave dwellers. It's easy to feel stuck. What do we do when we feel stuck in caregiving? Retreat further back in our respective caves. (Maybe it's just me.)

What appeal does the cave have? It's generally quiet, no one will disturb us in our crazy thoughts. We can close our eyes and run around in our own thoughts day in and day out with no interruption. (This is not a good thing!) No one expects anything from us. Even our well-established relationships have changed, and no one makes those draws from our wisdom and expertise, assuming we have any to share, right? And it's simpler. We don't have to please anyone, pay anyone, or explain anything to anyone. 

In the back of the cave is often where we learn how to trust God more. It's in those dark, quiet places in our lives that we force ourselves to look for a shimmer of light. When our emotions have run out, we are more eager to reach for His helping hand. We look for a source of comfort for our souls, and God is the only one near enough to reach us. And reach us He does! 

No cave is so deep that He cannot find us. There isn't a thick enough darkness to inhibit God from seeing us. He isn't afraid of our tears, fears, or crazy thoughts. He will come to us in the deepest, darkest cave and bring His peace, comfort, and joy. He's with us, and He's not afraid to be there with us - no matter how deep we crawled back into the quiet darkness. He may wipe away our tears. He may just hold us. He may just sit in silence. But He's there.

Today, I'll remind myself that God is in this "space" with me - no matter where I find myself. I'll take a deep breath and embrace the truth that He is still dedicated to the journey, and He's not going to leave me when it gets rough. I will choose to trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

                                                                                                                                                           

Between a Rock and a Hard Spot

 

Who can count the times they've found themselves between the proverbial rock and hard spot? Faith has a way of getting us squeezed between the two. We know God is God. We know He hears our prayers and that He has extended His grace, mercy, compassion, and love to us. But it doesn't always feel that way. For me, it's very frustrating when I know what God can do, but don't see Him doing anything. At least, that's how it feels. 

Frustrations soon get me tied up in an emotional knot until I'm unable to think clearly anymore. As mad as I am at God's perceived silence, I still continue to talk to Him and pray. That frustrates me more - but I can't think of a better place to run, even if it seems like He's turned a deaf ear. My emotions say He is far away - but faith says He's right here in the storm with me. Oh, the caregiver journey. It's got so many twists and turns, cliffs, and rocks it's easy to find ourselves stuck emotionally between a rock and a hard spot. What to do?

This is where I am today. But now, I know what to do. When we find ourselves between the Rock and a hard spot - run toward the rock!

In Psalm 77, Asaph found himself there too. I'm so glad that I was able to find my feelings laid out in the scripture - it justifies my pain somehow. Asaph uses a few phrases that religion forbids, like:

Will God reject forever?

Will He ever show His favor again?

Has His grace disappeared?

Is His word to all generations done away?

Has God forgotten to be compassionate?

Is He withholding His mercy?

The funny thing is we know the truthful answers to these questions. But the feelings are so real and raw. Asaph goes on to say that even if he can't see God working right now, then he will remind himself of the things God has done in the past. There are some specific times I saw God at work on our behalf. I can rejoice in those victories - even if I feel defeated right now. I'll run from the hard place - to the Rock. David said in Psalm 18, God (Adonai) is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my Rock in whom I find shelter, my shield, the power that saves me, my stronghold. I call on Adonai, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. I'm gonna guess that includes the enemies of doubt, fear, frustration, and confusion.

Today, I will run to the Rock instead of the hard place. I'll follow Asaph's example and remind myself of all the things I KNOW God has done for me over the years. I'll explore that long list of His interventions in life's hardships, and I will rejoice that He is still my rock - even when I don't deserve Him. And I will trust Him to save me from the enemies in my mind as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

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Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle. My devotional 31 Days in Psalm 31 is all about seeking God from the cave! Check it out!

Always On Call

 I was reading a post on caregiver "self-care" this morning. It mentioned how we are always on call. I started thinking about that and realizing my lack of breaks of late. The lack of a break and midnight runs to the ER just don't mix. Hence, I've been out of pocket the last few days due to running behind.  Whether we are full-time caregivers or long-distance caregivers, we are always on. It's so easy for our lives to become imbalanced, and midnight runs to the hospital don't help. Lol.

No matter what our caregiving situation is, we don't get real time off. Our phones must remain on for those just-in-case moments. It can be tiring and wearing, especially on our emotions. I was praying about that this morning. Okay, so I was whining about it to God. Lol. But He listened anyway.

I realized God is always on call too. He designed it all that way. I love that He is always there, always in our here, always listening to our hearts and seeing our silent tears. Whether we are up at night monitoring temperatures and oxygen levels or find ourselves sitting all night in the ER with our loved ones, He is there. He is attentive, even to the things we cannot use words to express. And I am thankful.

We are never gonna start praying only to be greeted with an "I'm sorry, I'm out of the office until..." message. We won't get a busy signal (remember those? lol) or an answering machine. We won't even reach someone who doesn't speak our language. Actually, God knows our caregiver language quite well. He knows what our silence is saying. He hears the deepest cries of our hearts - the ones we don't even understand fully. He hears the words and emotions behind every tear - even the ones that don't escape our eyes to run down our cheeks. He even gets all the feelings that thrust out the deepest sighs. And He still doesn't take a moment off from watching over us and caring for us.

Today, I will remind my tired self that He's still got me. My thoughts will be on how somehow He continues to give me strength even after I'm sure mine ran out long ago. I'll focus on His soul-sustaining power, and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                           

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Is It All Broke?

 

Do you ever have those times when you feel like everything is broken? Maybe it starts with an essential appliance, like the air conditioner or a dryer. Or, for some, it's a less-than-perfect primary vehicle. Other times, it can feel like it's the whole "system" that's broken and leaving caregivers stranded. Sometimes, it's our emotions that seem to be broken beyond repair. And on occasion - it can seem like everything has spiraled down to being broken all at one time. Beyond frustrating, right?

What are we supposed to do with all those crazy thoughts? How do we handle negative emotions that stem from stuff that's just not right? Let's see. We can file complaints that get lost or ignored, even ADA complaints. Talking to supervisors is useless. It can seem like no one wants to work anymore, they just want to get a check without expending much, if any, effort. We are left stranded in every sense of the word. Does God have a cubby hole for all that? Lol.

He does, in fact. I Peter 5:9 reminds us to cast all our cares on Him. Why - so He can care for us. But we often stop reading there after finding a bit of relief. The next verse starts with "be sober, be vigilant." Why? The enemy of our souls, of our faith, of our emotional and mental health - is roaming around just looking for someone to attack, and he hopes to devour our faith. Verse 9 says to resist him and be steadfast in our faith. Sounds complicated, right? It's not.

It's as simple as seeing all the crazy broken stuff and systems around us - and oftentimes being broken ourselves - but saying, even if - (fill in the blank!), I will continue to trust God. Sure, caregivers become weary, it's a package deal. And for far too many of us - there are no breaks. That's when we remind ourselves that God is faithful. He hasn't "taken a break" since He rested after creation. Lol.

Isaiah 40:28 reminds us that our God never grows weary or tired. (Does He not see our broken systems? Cause that wears me out!) As a matter of fact, verse 29 says that He gives power to the weak, and He increases strength for those who have no "might" left to draw from. No matter how broken our world, our hearts, or our emotions seem - He still has us. God is not broken and never will be. That lets me know that He is there for me to lean on when I feel the weakest, the most alone, the totally lost, and the saddest state of broken I've known.

Today, I will lean in to God a little closer and declare my trust in Him again. I'll place the broken pieces of my heart in His hands and let Him bring the healing that I need. I'll trust the One who formed me to put it all back in the right place at the right time. My declaration will be that I still trust Him. My meditation will be on His faithfulness. Will you join me?

                                                                                                                                                           

The Right Answer

 When you first start out on your caregiving journey, there are tons (like millions) of questions. I had absolutely zero background in even basic nursing and caregiving. I knew some first aid and CPR since my mom was a nurse. Hearing her talk about her job and working with patients at least gave me a sense of what to do and not do during emergencies and certain situations. But caregiving? I knew nothing. I had tons of questions. 

As I began to walk out the days, I found some answers. I also found out that the answers given in institutions of care, like nursing homes and hospitals, weren't always right or practical. It took a lot of stumbling and what I call playing guess-and-check to get answers to many of my questions. But guess what! I still have tons of questions.

Every time Chris has an asthma attack or gets sick, I start looking for answers. What did I do wrong? What can I change to make things better? How can I change up our routine to help him? Lots of questions about those kinds of day-to-days. My earlier questions involved his specific care, today's involve nutrition, range of motion, and things I can do to continue fostering improvements. Sometimes, I get answers. Other times I really have to dig for them. Often, I don't get an answer at all. Many days it can feel like I am still dancing around wildly and blindly, hoping it will all come together in the end. I can feel like that a lot.

In my personal devotion time this morning, I found an interesting verse. I went through Micah, 1 Kings, and Psalms to get there, Lol. But I ended up in Proverbs 16. The first verse in the NLT (1995) says this: We can gather our thoughts, but the Lord gives the right answer. That gave me a moment to pause, and I read it over and over again. I'm pretty good at gathering my thoughts - I have millions of them every second, it seems. :-) But if I want the right answer, I'm going to have to sit at His feet.

In this chapter of Proverbs, Solomon goes on to discuss how God examines our motives. Then the wise king offers more words of wisdom. He says in verse 3 to commit your (caregiving) work to the Lord, and then your plans will succeed. So, here in the first few verses, we learn that God has the right answer and He has the key(s) to success. Solomon didn't exclude caregivers. He didn't say everybody who commits their work to the Lord will succeed except for... Our circumstances may exclude us from many things - but the promises of God are not among them! We can trust Him for the right answers and success, even in our caregiving attempts.

Today, I will shift my focus to the King of kings. I will make my plans, I have lots of plans and thoughts. But then, I will look to God for the final answers. I'll shoot all my questions to Him and wait to see what He says and the direction He provides. I'll remind myself that I am assured of His direction, care, and provision - no matter what today looks like. And I will trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

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Check out my bookstores. I have eBook devotionals, Bible study guides, poetry, and more in my Dove's Fire Ministries bookstore. My Amazon bookshelf has a couple of those in print or on Kindle.

All the Gory Details

 You know I love the psalms, and this morning I found myself reading and rereading Psalm 37. There is a lot to hold onto in these few verses, but my mind got stuck on this one little phrase. Verse 23 says the steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives. (NLT, 1995) My first thought was how precious that God is that involved in our lives that He walks with us through each day observing all we say and do. He is that ever-abiding presence who sees the tears and joys as they unfold every day. But then, I was like, wait. I'm a caregiver. Does God really involve Himself with all the gory details of the caregiver?

It can get pretty weird around here. We never know what a day may bring. But it always brings some things like feeding, transferring, bathing, dressing, and yes - changing the unmentionables. God sees all that? And still sticks around? The stuff we do every day for our loved ones is what scares most people away! But there stands God. Watching, caring, strengthening, and helping us through all the gory details of our day. 

He sees our tear-stained pillowcases and knows exactly how many pieces are hearts are broken into, day after day. Nothing misses His attention, and He even leans over closer to hear the words our tears can't say. He really is that close. But there's more - this verse says He delights in the details of our lives. Really? He is here for us and observes all those things our closest loved ones and friends try to avoid. God's not skeered of the things we need to do to care for our loved ones. He sees every motion, every movement, every intention and still hangs around, waiting for the perfect opportunities to dump His grace and mercy on us. He's invested in us - and can't part from our hearts. And get this - He doesn't want to. He doesn't need a break from the intensity others cannot handle or don't want to experience. 

Today, I will rejoice that God has not and will no abandon me in the mess. I'll be grateful that He wants to hang out with me as a caregiver. He doesn't need a big show  - real life is the platform that He will use to demonstrate His grace and mercy. I'm just a player taking part in His huge orchestration! My thoughts will be on His nearness today, as I trust Him to cover and carry me one more day. Will you join me?