The Supposed-To-Be's

So many things are supposed to be happening right now. It's the height of racing season and I'm supposed to be lining our races for myself and a few to push Chris in. It's Easter weekend and many families are supposed to be planning huge family gatherings, early Sunday morning church services, and Easter egg hunts.

But none of that is happening as the world is still on hold. For many of us caregivers, it doesn't really look all that much different. But the atmosphere is different. The world is a different place right now  - nothing is as it is supposed to be. 

I've kept my thoughts in Psalm 46 a lot this week. I'm meditated on verse 1 and I'm still chewing on it. It says God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. But then the next verse says this: Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and the mountains be carried into the heart of the sea....

While our earth may not have physically moved, it's certainly changed for many of us. There are new fears, new dreads, and just new ways to do old things. (like getting groceries, doctor appointments, etc.) But we don't have to live in that sense of fear or dread. Why not? Because God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. 

I remind myself that He has not changed. He has not given up or thrown in the towel. He hasn't thrown His hands up in despair wondering what to do next. That's why I continue to trust Him even in the midst of this man-made crisis. Even if the earth shifts off its axis - He can still be trusted.

Today, I'll remind myself that He is still on the throne - He's still in control. My meditations will be on His faithfulness to keep our souls no matter what our bodies go through. I'll turn my thoughts to His strength that He has shared with me... little ole me. I'll tell myself that He loves me still.. and today is not the day He has decided to change. And I'll rest right there in those thoughts. Will you join me?

The Giver & Receiver

I'm still walking through Psalm 46:1 in my morning devotions. Yesterday, we talked about how God is our refuge- we run to Him and hide in Him. But the psalmist goes on to say that He is our peace. I have a  lot of favorite scriptures about peace! But I want to focus on one in Psalm 29:11.

This verse says  The Lord will give strength to His people, the Lord will bless His people with peace. I love this verse! When we put it all together, He is our refuge - as long as we run to Him, as we talked about yesterday. We must run to Him and hide.

But now, He is also our strength. Again - we must run to Him and let Him be our strength rather than trying to do it all on our own. This scripture in Psalm 29 says He gives us strength - and He gives us peace. But it's up to us to accept it - hold it - submit to it - and walk in it. He can pour it on us all day long but we still won't have peace or strength if we don't yield our hearts and ways to Him.

Even though He pours His abundant peace on us - it can't take effect until we let it rule in our hearts. (Colossians 3:15) This makes it an actionable item, doesn't it? We have to take action to receive and walk in the peace He gives. He keeps giving peace. He keeps being a refuge. Now it's up to us to run to Him, receive from Him, and rest in that peace.

That's a tall chore for many of us - our brains are so busy and we are currently being inundated with so much information - we don't even know what's true or false anymore. But there's one thing for sure in these uncertain times - We can still walk in His peace. Remember that Paul told us we are not citizens of this world -our citizenship is in heaven. (Philippians 3:20) Our task is to live from there - instead of trying to fit in around here.

Today, I will trust Him with myself and my loved ones. I will choose to let His peace rule in my heart no matter what I see or hear. I'll trust Him over the craziness in this world. I'll lean in to Him a little closer and rest on Him more fully as I trust Him to get me and the ones I care for through one more day. Will you join me?

Better Get Running

It's funny (not haha) to watch the world adjust to living in a cave during this pandemic. As caregivers, most of us are used to it on some level or another. Sadly, we are used to being treated like we have the plague, at least in some circles. There is so much uncertainty and insecurity as well as lots of adjustments to make. It reminds me of when I first brought my son home to care for him. I was so afraid. Every time I needed to transfer him, I'd get sick to my stomach from fear I'd drop him or hurt him in some way. Of course, he's better and I've adjusted. We always do - but sometimes after dealing with much shock! lol. And the world will figure it out too. Eventually.

My go-to scripture in difficult times is PSalm 46:1. It says it all. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. I'm camping out in this verse this week and sharing it in live devotions on Facebook. This morning, I just looked at the very first phrase - God is our refuge. Now, the funny thing about a refuge is it's always standing. It's always there. However - it's up to us to run to it. It's up to us to take refuge in that safe place. We also have to stay there. God cannot provide refuge for us if we are running around outside it declaring He's our refuge. The key is to get inside and stay inside.

I encourage you to run to Him. Then, stay there. Trust Him in this crisis - just like we've been trusting Him all this time. Whether you know Him or not - He will welcome you into His heart with open arms.

Today, I will meditate on how He protects me during the storm. I'll purposefully run to Him and stay in His refuge. My thoughts will be on how He protects my whole being - my soul and my heart. I'll trust Him for today - will you join me?

Uncertain Times

On one hand, many caregiver's lives have not changed much over the last couple of weeks. We are used to being locked in. Caregivers often suffer from social isolation because we don't have much of a social life anyway, if any at all. Personally, I didn't anticipate having any problems with stay-at-home orders as they were broadcast. But the climate change surprised me.

Most of us as caregivers are used to advocating for our loved ones. But this feels different. It's more intentional, more constant, more personal. And it could have dire ramifications if we let up for just one second - or at least it feels that way to me. When times seem to be even more trying and each day is uncertain - never knowing what news will unfold - I have to go back.

When my son was first injured and my caregiving journey was beginning even though I wasn't aware of it at that point, I started grabbing for sanity. In that moment, I had to go back, back to what I knew. I found much of what I had learned from the church was only meant to keep their church alive - feed the mind and soul - but not the spirit. I was beyond devastated.

The last day or so, I've been thinking about some of those first things I learned after Chris' wreck. One thing was that the kingdom of God did not change when he got hit in the head with a truck. God didn't get off His throne or throw in the towel. He didn't throw His hands up and wonder what to do.

Today, this is what has comforted me. God's kingdom hasn't changed even though the face of our world has changed temporarily. We are still His children and His salvation is sure. What we have and who we are in the kingdom of God - is unmovable. He still loves us. He still gives us His peace. And He will strengthen our hearts. That's the scripture I've been meditating on. The old KJV says in Psalm 27:14 - Trust in the Lord and be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart.

Today, this will be my meditation - that I will continue to trust Him come what may. And I will be thankful that He knows those who trust in Him. When my thoughts go crazy - and they will - I will bring them back to the truth that I trust Him with this day - because He is still on the throne and He still has us. I will remind myself that His throne is immovable - my situation does not dethrone Him. With an immovable King and unshakable kingdom - I will trust Him with this day. Will you join me?

Adjust the Focus

Yesterday was a rather rough day. We are pretty much quarantined in light of the recent developments surrounding the Coronavirus. We’ll avoid crowds and the only place we might go would be the trails where there is not much chance of exposure. This meant that yesterday when I went to see my mom in a healthcare facility, I was turned away. It was so surreal, like something out of a movie. I totally understand, but it still stung for it to become so real.

It was also Chris’s 36^th birthday and I take his birthdays hard. He got one phone call and one card. How can he just be forgotten? He’s still here. It’s just an emotionally rough day. Add to that the declaring of a state of emergency across the country and it was just a heavy day. I didn’t even realize how bundled up my emotions were. Then, late last night Nicole C. Mullen popped up on Periscope. She was supposed to be traveling to a scheduled meeting, but it was canceled in light of the Coronavirus.

She just started singing. It was old school, praise choruses taken from scriptures. There was no music other than a simple beat. She was in her kitchen and just singing to the world. As I got lost in all those old church songs, I felt the burden begin to just lift off my shoulders and out of my heart. Then I began to cry – and it was one of those ugly cries. If you know me at all – you know I rarely cry. I just don’t.

I began to lift the depths of my pained heart to Him as she continued to sing. It was like one by one the burdens were being lifted off of me. My mom. My son. My aunt. My daddy. Work. Tiredness… need I go on? I know caregivers understand! We carry so much for other people we can so easily forget about ourselves. But He does not forget about us.

Just those few minutes of changing my focus from the multitude of things bothering me to praising Him just because He is – changed my perspective. Then this morning as I opened my Bible and just began to read, I found myself in Psalm 33. The first verse says Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous! For praise from the upright is beautiful. Well, I guess my ugly cry was beautiful. Lol. Praise did give way to freedom for sure.

I encourage you today in light of all that’s going on – take a minute to praise Him. If you can’t find a reason, look at Psalm 33. Start with verses 8 and 9 that say: Let all the earth fear the Lord, let all the inhabitance of the world stand in awe of Him. For He spoke and it was. He commanded and it stood fast. What a great place to start. Look at Him today.

Today, I’ll take my eyes off all that’s going on around me and I’ll fasten my gaze on Him. I’ll meditate on His greatness which does not diminish one iota with all the trouble and cares of the world. My thoughts will be on His grace. His mercy. His compassion toward us. Will you join me?

He Won’t Forget

My mom has a form of dementia. Right now, she does remember us, but she doesn’t remember life events. Many caregivers I meet are caring for parents with Alzheimer’s or dementia of some kind. It’s so hard on the emotions and heart because they still look like mom and dad, but they are not fully there. My mom has no memories of the ministry we did together for all those years. We traveled some and she’d speak at women’s meetings and I’d usually take my guitar and do some music. One year, we planned a whole women’s retreat. Our good friend Johnnie H. came and spoke, and I did all the music with our friend Linda P. Such good memories – but she doesn’t recall them at all.

Of course, my mom isn’t the one “suffering” so to speak. She’s chipper, friendly, and still loves everyone. She just doesn’t remember her life and all the people she impacted through her years of serving as a nurse and a minister. It’s sad for us – but she seems fine with it. She’s not troubled over it – because she really doesn’t know.

All of this was going through my mind this morning as I was reading in Isaiah 49. Verses 14 to 16 in the New American Standard translation read:

But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me,

And my Lord has forgotten me.”

Can a woman forget her nursing child?

And not have compassion on the son of her womb?

Surely, they may forget you,

Yet I will not forget you.

See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;

Your walls are continuously before me.

Our parents may forget – and it’s a horrible feeling. The person we knew who cared for us when we were children, those who raised us to be adults and parents of our own children, don’t even remember it. The comfort here is that even if they forget us – God won’t. This verse says: they may forget – but I will not forget you.

Caregiving is tough, no doubt. We can suffer from loneliness and social isolation. Our friends walk away because they don’t know what to do with us. The church doesn’t know what to do with us either and they turn their attention to the younger generation. It’s so easy to feel like we fell through the cracks and no one is coming in after us. We don’t feel worth it.

But we are to Him! God has His eye and His heart on us. This says he has tattooed us on the palm of His hand – it’s not possible for Him to forget us because we have become part of Him.

Today, my heart hurts because my mom doesn’t remember; but I’ll shift my focus to the One who cannot forget. My meditation will be on the steadfastness of His memory which has extended into these caregiving years. People seem to forget, church seems to forget, friends have forgotten it seems, but He knows right where I am and senses everything I feel right now. He’s that close – and He won’t move away. The world may forget us – but He doesn’t have the ability to forget us! And for that – I am thankful today.

The Corona Virus and Faith

No matter what you believe about the Corona Virus and the “pandemic” declared by WHO, it’s a concerning situation. While the virus itself doesn’t pose much threat to the general public, and recovery is expected, to those most vulnerable among us, it can be fatal. That puts a bit of stress on us as caregivers as we strive to take the necessary precautions to try and shield those we care for from exposure.

Where do we run in times like these? As a caregiver fear knocks at my heart’s door. I want to batten down the hatches, spray everyone with disinfectants and move further back in the caregiver’s cave. The social isolation of being quarantined isn’t scary – many of us have been living like that for years. I discussed this in another blog I maintain by stating, Welcome to My World.

We hold on to faith every day as caregivers. It takes faith most days for us to continue living and moving forward. But add something like this crazy virus on top and we have to dig down just a little deeper. I’ve watched Christians on social media platforms plea the blood and quote scriptures declaring it won’t come nigh their dwelling. But over the last few years of caregiving, I’ve learned that faith isn’t so much keeping horrible things at bay – instead, it’s what carries us through them.

One of my favorite scriptures comes to mind, and I’ve seen it quoted a lot lately. David talks about abiding in the shelter of God and how God is our refuge. We don’t need a refuge if there isn’t a storm. Some of the phrases I’m seeing pulled out of context in this psalm are:

He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler

And from pestilence,

It shall not come near you….

No evil shall befall you nor any plague come near your dwelling…

I love to claim these too. But there really is a catch. First off, we must admit there is a fowler’s snare, pestilence, plague, arrows flying, and destruction. It exists and we are not exempt as much as we’d like to think so. Now, don’t get me wrong, one thing I’ve learned as a caregiver is how He continues to watch over us and walk with us through things. Daniel didn’t get an exemption card – he faced the lion’s den. David faced Goliath. The three Hebrew children walked through that fire. Jesus faced the cross. There is no exemption – only deliverance.

Think for a second about the writer of this psalm. David ran for years from Saul. He hid in caves and ran for his life. His son, Absalom killed his brother Amnon. Then, later on, Absalom was killed. David lost two sons. He knew heartache. After his sin with Bathsheba, he lost a baby son. He knew God didn’t keep all bad things from happening. But here in this “protective” psalm, we try to quote like it’s an enchantment or incantation,  David stresses that God is our shelter – we don’t need shelter if nothing is happening to us. I don’t hide under an umbrella if there’s no rain. There is no running to the storm shelter if there isn’t a storm.

God does not promise a free ticket and exemption from problems. What He does promise is that He will never leave us. He does promise to be faithful. He promises to keep our souls in the midst of the storm. There is no promise that the storm won’t come – but rather the calm assurance that He’ll keep us in and through it.

I will take the necessary precautions to protect my son from the Coronavirus and the flu. I will pray that he nor anyone in this household gets it. But whether we face it or not – I will trust God to carry me through.

Today, I will focus on God’s faithfulness. My meditation will be on how He remains calm in the craziest times. I’ll turn my thoughts to the fact that whether we see uncertain days or not – He will remain with me. He will walk each day with me. And today, I’ll be grateful for His presence and His beyond-our-understanding peace in the midst of chaos and craziness. I’ll trust Him – for today, for tomorrow, and forever. Will you join me?