It's Summertime!

Yesterday my daughter came to sit with my son so I could use her car to go get some groceries. We've been limited to what I can carry on my back while pushing him in his chair since the van is broke down...again.

Since it's summertime here in Oklahoma and many days have heat advisories issued, so I have to wait until late in the evening before we go. So I was very appreciative of a vehicle with air conditioning to run my errands.

As I was driving along, the afternoon sun was bearing down and the little air conditioner was doing all it could to keep the car cooled off. I noticed as I drove, when I would pass under shaded areas there was an immediate relief as the shade provided a shield from the weight of the overbearing heat. I remembered there was a scripture that talked about the Lord being our shade.

When I got home, I looked it up and found it in two different place. Psalm 121:5 says the Lord is your shade on your right hand. It's also found in Isaiah 25:4 which says For You have been a defense for the helpless, a defense for the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shade from the heat.

We've all had days where it feels like life is bearing down on us and it's going to suffocate us. We can feel overcome by caregiving on some days, but quite honestly, sometimes it's the other parts of life that are the proverbial straw that breaks the camels back. Caregiving is a blessing, but other life events like marriages, births and even deaths can begin the suffocating squeeze.

I began to meditate on how the Lord provides that shade for us. Sometimes it's just enough of a break to let us breathe Him in. It can be an immediate relief emotionally and even physically. Not only does He provide us a refuge from the storm, but He is a relief from the heat.

Today I'm going to meditate on how He is my relief - from heat, storms, emotional upheaval, and anything else that winds up on my plate. I'm going to picture Him hovering over me to provide the break I need like a huge shade tree hovers over an area. I'm going to crawl up in His lap and think of it as a hammock providing a place of shelter from the storms and pressure of life; and I will once again rest in Him. Will you join me?

No More Bulls!

This train of thought started yesterday morning. I was bathing and dressing my son to get him up for the day and I could hear some birds in the backyard. They were chirping away as if nothing was wrong. I started thinking about what Jesus said in Matthew 7:25-27. He basically said He provides for birds and you don't see them out there worrying about where their next meal is coming from.

I smiled as I continued to listen to their constant, cheerful chirping; and I encouraged myself in the fact that they were not worried about at thing - nothing at all. As long as they are still singing, He must still be providing.

So this morning I looked for birds in the Bible using Biblegateway and somehow I ended up in Psalm 50. Asaph is credited as writing this psalm and in verse 7 he begins with more of a prophetic word to God's people. He starts out explaining that He accepts the sacrifices people are bringing to Him. He said, I have no complaint. But in verse 9, He says I want no more bulls from your barns; I want no more goats from your pens.

Then God explains that all the birds are His! And all the cattle are His! He said if He was hungry - He wouldn't tell us! And then the next couple of verses got me. After explaining what He didn't want - God states what He does want. Here is what He desires from us:


  • true thanks
  • fulfill our vows to Him
  • trust Him in times of trouble
I read that two or three times; but I got stuck on verse 15 which says in the NLT Trust Me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory. To be quite honest, I'm not sure God and my definition of I will rescue you is the same, but I totally get the other part. I do know He doesn't always take us out of the trouble - but He most certainly rescues our soul. He pulls us close to Him and keeps our souls safe during trouble.

What did stick out to me was that when I trust Him in trouble and He walks with me through it, and keeps me in peace - He gets glory. Sometimes as a caregiver I've had thoughts about and wondered how in the world I could bring Him glory from here. He has gently unfolded the answer over the years. He gets glory when we stand in faith. He gets glory when the world crumbles around us and we still point to Him as our source for everything. He gets glory when we continue to stand in faith no matter what we see. When my soul (mind, will and emotions) are tucked away in Him and He rescues me from falling apart from dealing with this world's system - It glorifies Him.

Today I will be thinking about how He has sustained me through the caregiving years. My meditations will be on how He has provided for us each step of the way (It's an amazing story - really!), on how He comforts like no other, and on how His watchful eye never misses a thing on the journey. I'll think about how it glorifies Him when I continue to trust Him through the storm and furnace. And once again - I'll rest in Him...and smile. Will you join me?

Taming a Hippopotamus

The account of creation in the final chapters of Job are among my favorite scriptures. To hear the account of creation from God's point of view is nothing less than powerful. All of a sudden, Job and his friends are silent as God begins to describe His handiwork in words they could understand. And as He gives us intimate details of His creation, that only the creator could know - I am awed once again by His power and wisdom.

This morning as I was reading the questions God was asking Job, I turned them around to statements of action. These are some restatements of the way God handled creation in my own words:

  • He calculated and measured earth's dimensions
  • He set boundaries for the waters of the earth and told them they could "go no further"
  • He commanded the morning to appear
  • He knows where light comes from...and where darkness goes when light appears
  • He knows where the seas "come from"
  • He ensures the proper sequence of the seasons
  • He placed the constellations - and they are still there 
  • He shouts to the clouds and makes it rain
  • He knows when the wild animals give birth
It is just so powerful  to hear the first-hand account of creation and its continuation from the One who instigated it all! I've read this passage numerous times and it reminds me of how huge and wise God really is, and how frail I really am. Yet He beckons me to come into fellowship with Him. He measured the waters of the earth out and put them right where He wanted them - and then told them to stay put. He spoke and light burst forth from somewhere - only He knows its origin. He set the earth on its axis at just the right angle, at just the right distance from the sun to sustain life. 

While I was in awe of all His mighty work and letting my imagination run wild with pictures of how glorious creation must have been, He shifts and asks Job to look at the hippopotamus. My mind is like what? It's such a funny animal. No one really wants a hippopotamus for a pet - it's not all cute-n-cuddly; it's massive and bulky. But God speaks of His creation rather fondly.

God says the hippopotamus is mighty and then He adds I made the hippopotamus just as I made you. (Job 40:15) He describes a powerful, muscular animal - that eats grass like an ox, or a cow. This massive beast doesn't tear animals limb from limb for sustenance - it eats grass. Yet nothing messes with a hippopotamus - He says Only its creator can threaten it. It lies down where it wants - it eats when and where it wants - it's not afraid of water - you can't catch it off guard and no one has tamed a hippopotamus! (Job 40:24) Sounds like one of our most ignored animal friends is well loved by the Creator. 

If God can care for a hippopotamus - and knows it in such intimate detail, how much more does He care for us and know what our days look like? Psalm 139 tells us He is acquainted with all our ways. He knows exactly what the caregiver's day looks like. He knows the struggles and triumphs, the emotions and lack of them, the tiredness and energy - all the minute by minute ebbs and flows that are associated with caregiving. He knows how much we trust, or don't trust Him. He is aware of our patience - or lack thereof! 

And in all this - He stands with heart and hands outstretched longing for us to come to Him and rest. I'm thinking if the hippopotamus can trust God for sustenance and care - so can I! If He knows all the actions of a hippopotamus, how much more does He know the ins and outs of our days? 

Today I will think about how intimately God knows me. I'll think about how He can see right into my heart and sense my deepest emotions - and I'm okay with that and so is He. I'll think about how He does not discard me when I get frustrated. He patiently waits for me. My meditations will be on how much effort He takes to communicate to me how much He loves me, how much He cares. I'll make today a deep breath day - and I will rest in him. Will you join me?

Forever is a Long Time

After yesterday's devotion, I continued to think about things about God that do not change. He is constant, ever-abiding and is not affected by the winds of life or our circumstances. I started making a list of some of the things I thought of and came up with quite a few things off the top of my head.

My list included His love, His mercy, His righteousness, His provision for us, the truth, salvation, His power, the power of Christ's sacrifice, His Word and His callings. This is just a very topical list of things that simply don't ever change.

Throughout the day I meditated on these and a few others on the list I had compiled.  Then I decided to look up the word forever just to see what I found. I used Bible Gateway and searched just the NASB and came up with these little nuggets:

The Lord will reign forever -Ex. 15:18
The Lord abides forever  - Ps. 9:18; Ps 102:12
The Lord is King forever - Ps. 10:16; Ps. 29:10
In His right hand are pleasures forever - Ps. 16:11
The Counsel of the Lord stands forever - Ps. 33:11
The blameless have a forever inheritance - Ps 37:27
His godly ones are preserved forever - Ps. 37:28
He sets us in His presence forever - Ps. 41:12
His throne and scepter are forever - Ps. 45:6
He is God forever - Ps. 48:14
He rules by His might forever - Ps. 66:7
He established the earth so it will not totter forever - Ps. 104:5
He has ordained His covenant forever - Ps. 111;19
His righteousness endures forever - Ps. 112:9
He surrounds His people forever - Ps. 125:2
The word of God stands forever - Isaiah 40:8
His righteousness will be forever - Isaiah 51:6-8
He lives forever and has an everlasting dominion - Daniel 4:34; Daniel 6:26
His kingdom and reign is forever - Luke 1:33
The Holy Spirit is with us forever - John 14:16
He saves forever and intercedes forever - Heb. 7:25
He is the same forever! - Heb. 13:8

These are just a few I decided to highlight and used only one translation. Honestly, it gets a bit redundant as if God is trying to drive home the point that He does not change. His compassion, mercy and watchful care over us never changes. He is diligent about being present in our lives. His provision, salvation, word, promises, and righteousness will stand the test of time. Not one thing about Him changes due to any circumstances we face or any status of our lives that changes. There are no stipulations on His forevers. Not one of them was followed with an if or an as long as....They simply stand.

When I started thinking about all He has done and how enduring His work in our lives is - I got a little bit excited. He is faithful - forever. Faithful to empower us, indwell us and even carry us through the next trial. Life never gets too hard for Him. I need that stability in my life, how about you?

Today I am going to continue to meditate on His faithfulness. My thoughts will be on how He is not changed by life's circumstances. I'll think about how He still wants to be with us - no matter what life has thrown our way; and about how long forever really is. Because He loves me -forever. I will think about His steadfastness and faithfulness - and I'll relax and smile as I choose to rest in Him for one more day. Will you join me?

But First I'll Have Coffee

For quite some time now I've said I have attention deficit problems. I'm a very high strung, energetic, gotta-keep-going type of person. So much so that more than one doctor wants to medicate me to help me "settle down." I kindly refuse as I don't think I need to be like everyone else. There's nothing wrong with having loads of energy in my opinion. However, it does come with some areas that have to be dealt with or they get out of hand. One of these is dealing with distractions, partly because everything can be a distraction.

A friend and I were talking about distractions over the weekend and so my thoughts have been on this topic this week. As an individual, everything is distracting. I can go in the kitchen for something specific but make coffee because that sounds good and then totally forget why I went in there to begin with. On my way to the bathroom I can stop to fold laundry, check the mail or do any number of other things that grab my attention along the way. And cleaning house is a nightmare because I start in one place and end up doing 12 other things.

Caregiving can be its own distraction from life. It commands and deserves the bulk of our time. There's nothing wrong with that at all, it's just a fact that it is time consuming. For many of us who are full-time caregivers we have to do double everything. For those who are part-time caregivers, it still takes large portions of time. We have to be creative in how we get other things done sometimes because a chunk of our day is spent tending to other's needs. That's not a problem - this is when we look the most like Him!

The challenge is in keeping our eyes focused on God and His kingdom in the midst of caregiving. For me, at first it was really hard to even think about the Kingdom of God and how it related to life after caregiving. So much appeared to be less applicable than it was BC (before caregiving). But this is not true. Everything in the Kingdom of God that was true and pertinent BC is just as applicable as a caregiver. Actually, that is what brings me peace many days. That's realizing that His kingdom did not change one iota when my life situation was rearranged. Everything He promised me BC was and is still mine after. His love did not weaken and His purpose for me did not change. I've had some adapting to do - but not one of His promises have changed - caregiving did not distract God and it should not distract me.

Proverbs 4: 25-27 says this: Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil. (NLT) It can be so difficult to focus while taking care of another whole person. We can quickly be overcome by daily tasks that quite frankly have to be completed.

Over the last few weeks, I've purposefully been taking time to refocus on Him and the Word. No matter how cluttered and crazy my world has been, I've taken a few minutes each day to refocus on Him; and it's made a huge difference. I'd like to encourage you today to take just 5 minutes to slow down, put aside everything in your mind, let your task list wait and meditate on His love or anything else that didn't change when you became a caregiver.

Today I'm going to turn my thoughts to all the things that did not change with my situation. His love. His patience. His longing for me. The hope of salvation. The truth that He is my righteousness. I'll be meditating on these types of things today - as a matter of fact I might just start a list of the things that did not change. And then - I'll rest in His unchanging love. Will you turn off the distractions for a day and join me?

All I Have

This morning as I picked up my Bible, I noticed my notepad and pen were holding a place in Exodus 34. That's where I'd left off last time I used this particular Bible. One of my favorite verses (I have lots of them) is in this chapter.

Verse 14 in the New Living Translation says You must worship no other gods, but only the Lord, for He is a God who is passionate about His relationship to you. I remember when I first discovered this scripture, I meditated on it for weeks and then held it close to my heart. It was so refreshing to see God in that light - as someone who is passionately chasing after us and longing for a close relationship. He still is that God, no matter what life may have thrown our way.

I continued reading and got stuck in verse 20. The last part says No one is allowed to appear before Me without a gift. I kind of stumbled on that scripture as I feel like I don't really have a gift to offer Him. I mean seriously, what could I possibly have to present to the King of all Kings and Lord of all Lords?

My mind went through a list of what I could offer. Money? Time? Anything I give Him has to be abstract since I can't physically offer Him an offering. Micah must have had similar questions when he penned:

Should we bow before God with offerings of yearling calves?
Should we offer Him thousands of rams and tens of thousands of rivers of oil?
Would that please the Lord?
Should we sacrifice our firstborn children to pay for the sins of our souls?
Would that make Him glad?

But then he answers his own questions with this:

No, O people, the Lord already told you what is good
and this is what He requires:
to do what is right
to love mercy
to walk humbly with our God.
Micah 6:7-8

I sit here empty handed feeling like I don't have anything to bring to God. I can't even do the normal religious stuff like teach a Sunday School class or lead a song service for Him. But is that really the types of things He wants? I think ultimately, He just wants our hearts. Whether we are a caregiver, a CEO, a daycare worker, teacher, or a fast food server He still wants the same thing from us. whether we are a millionaire, a pauper or somewhere in between He still wants the same thing from us. He wants our hearts. So when I think I don't have anything to offer Him - I actually have exactly what He wants: my whole heart dedicated to relationship with Him. I can do that from any position in life.

Today I will meditate on how He persistently and relentlessly pursues our hearts. I'll think about ways I can give Him more of my heart - maybe even pray He sheds some light on areas where I've held back from Him because I didn't feel I had anything to offer. I'll turn my thoughts to what it looks like to fully surrender everything to Him once again. Today I will give up myself to Him once again and I will rest in Him and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Still Seeking

Over the weekend, I heard a phrase in a song, "You are perfect in all of Your ways." I knew it was a scripture but couldn't remember where it was located.  This morning I looked it up and it is in Deuteronomy 32 at the beginning of the Song of Moses.

I read the whole chapter a time or two and went back to meditate on the phrase for a bit. I closed my eyes and thought about how perfect God is and how right and just every decision He makes is. When I opened my eyes, they fell on a scripture on the opposite page - I had marked it sometime ago. It is in chapter 30, verse 4.

Though you are at the ends of the earth, the Lord your God will go and find you and bring you back again. 

I thought about that for awhile and read it in context. Moses is encouraging the Children of Israel to return to the Lord. He is calling them to come back to Him with their whole heart and seek Him fully. But this verse to me is God reaching for them. He continues to seek a relationship with His people no matter what their situation is. Just because we became caregivers doesn't mean He has abandoned His pursuit of relationship. Actually, He is still seeking.

Exodus 34:14 in the New Living Translation reminds us that God is a God who is passionate about His relationship with us. He is always seeking for our heart because He actually wants to be with us. He longs for us to have two-way conversation, not just us asking for things in what we call prayer. He longs to have an intimate connection with us.

I'll be the first to admit I've had trouble in this arena particularly since my son's accident. I felt like God had abandoned me. Even though I needed His touch even more, it became difficult for me to seek Him. But He was still seeking me. He is relentless in His pursuit of our hearts. He doesn't stop desiring to be with us when life gets difficult or ugly. He doesn't walk away wringing His hands like many of our friends have done. When they are not really sure what to do with us or our situation, He is still waiting on us to come to Him. To be accepted. To be cared for. To be loved. Being with us - is His very heartbeat. And so He waits.....and seeks....

These scriptures were recorded by Moses who was leading the Children of Israel through the wilderness. They were argumentative, faithless, complaining and just plain ugly sometimes. Yet God continues to communicate His love for them and His desire to be with them. He feels the same way about us - whether life is beautiful or not, whether we have it all together or not, whether we feel faithful or faithless, whether we are waiting on Him or not - He is waiting on us, longing for us to come to Him.

Today I am going to turn my thoughts to how much He wants to be with me - no matter what life looks like. I will stop all the crazy thoughts in my head today and focus on being with Him. I'll pour out my heart before Him and wait for Him to pour His heart into mine. My meditations will be on his love and pursuit of me. I'll think about how He waits for me to come to Him. And I will wait on Him today. Will you join me?

Who knew that was there?

Over the years I've come to enjoy the Psalms and find myself reading there a lot. I'm not sure why they are so intriguing to me, but I seem to enjoy them more and more. This morning I found myself in Psalm 77 which is one of my go-to passages, but this morning I saw something totally new.

I'm reading along and stopping at key scriptures I've learned to rely on, and I hit verse 16. It's like I've never read it before. Maybe I stop too many times at verse 11 which I run to frequently, but verses 16-20 just stood out to me this morning.

In verse 16, the Psalmist, who happens to be Asaph, describes how the Red Sea felt as Moses and the Children of Israel approached on their exodus from Egypt. The scripture says the Red Sea trembled and quaked to its very depths. I love nature and its response to God, and I know in Psalm 19 it speaks of how nature's voice is constantly declaring God's glory. But I never thought about how the Red Sea trembled once it was in God's line of sight. One look and the huge sea began to roll back and make way for His people.

If you read on down to verse 19, you'll find what really grabbed my heart this morning. It says Your road led through the sea, Your pathway through the mighty waters -- a pathway no one knew was there. Moses had just led the Children of Israel out of Egypt and the first thing that happens is they run smack dab into the Red Sea and Pharaoh's armies are closing in on them from behind. It was not a good place to be in - if you look at it from their point of view. But God had a different point of view.

He did not look at the Red Sea and think, "Oh no!" He looked at the Red Sea, man's road block, and saw a path no one knew was there. He just led His people on through like a flock of sheep.

As caregivers, we can run up on lots of road blocks and from our point of view many times we can feel boxed in. But God has a different point of view. He does not see us boxed in. Even if we are overwhelmed and retreat to the caregiver's cave and try to hide - He sees it differently. We may feel we are shivering and reeling from life's battering, but He sees the opportunity to tuck us in tightly to His heart and hold us close. He always has a path to the other side. It may be hidden under a sea, but it's there. All we have to do is follow His direction instead of our own.

Our lives can be so hectic - even on the calmer days. I used to get all bent out of shape when something didn't go as planned. (Okay so sometimes I still do....) But I'm finding that there are these hidden pathways that can lead to something brand new. That's what God does - He makes a way - no, He sees and makes a way where there doesn't appear to be one. His pathway is already there - we just have to discover it.

Today I will turn my thoughts to how God has hidden pathways I just don't see yet. I'll rest in Him and trust Him to lead me through life's obstacles even when I can't see. My meditations will be on His provision, His power and His pathways, and I will pursue them instead of my own. Will you join me?

Nothing Changes - And That's a Good Thing!

There have been several major changes in my life over the last week or so. Some were small changes while others were large; some I've chosen and others have been forced on me.

It's been everything from taking Chris to races with me instead of hiring a sitter, to more responsibilities at work to my biological father passing away. At the same time, I've been making some personal changes as well. I've been de-cluttering my house, started actually working on a couple of my projects (and making progress!!), and changing up my schedule a bit so I can give myself a break - sort of. That's a lot for a Type A! :-)

This morning, I was sipping my coffee and thinking about how the landscape of my life has been changing and how I'm trying to be more comfortable with it. But then I started thinking about the things that don't change. The second I became a caregiver, my whole life changed drastically. But some things literally can't change - and those are the important things.

My status in the Kingdom of God doesn't change one iota. I am forever a child of the King. No matter what I do, don't do, or what life wants to throw at me that cannot and will not be changed. His love is never ending, never changing and cannot be destroyed by any power on earth, above or below. The truth is going to stand for all eternity as the truth. It will not be altered by time, or eternity. His word will not change to accommodate my situation - it will not fade or waver in the storms of life.
He will always be with me. He does not say enough! and pack it all up and take it home. Nothing I can do will make Him deny me; He cannot deny Himself 2 Timothy 2:13. 

So in the topsy-turvey life of caregiving where one day you have an aide - and one day you don't; one month you get supplies - and the next you don't; one minute you have a friend the next you're all alone, it's good to know that there is a solid foundation to build your life on that will not falter, will not change and will not decay over time.

Today I will be meditating on the one Constant in my life - my God. I will turn my thoughts to how He is my foundation and I'll build everything in life on Him and I'll be careful not to switch that process around backwards. I will keep my mind on how His love and care for me never changes - just like my love and care for my son doesn't change. I'll focus on these immoveables in my life: His love, care and presence. And I will rest in Him while I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

No Day Off

Today is a holiday, and for the US it's a wonderful day of celebration. Most of the real world has the day off. There won't be any financial transactions, no mail delivered and most places are closed for the day. But there are no days off  for the caregiver. If you are fortunate enough to have an aide, they will probably have the day off too. And they should have the opportunity to relax and spend time with family and friends. But our day doesn't change much - there are no days off.

When we get up and around this morning, it's highly likely it will look pretty much like any other day. That's not a complaint - it's a statement of fact. As I was thinking about the holiday this morning and trying to decide if I wanted to attempt anything outside our box, I thought of one particular scripture.

Isaiah 40:28 says this: Have you never heard or understood? Don't you know that the Lord is the Everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or weary. Not only does He never get tired, Psalm 121:4 says He who watches over Israel never tires nor sleeps. Basically, God never gets a "day off"!

At the same time, He is constantly pouring His strength out to us - those of us who are weary will gain new strength. If you read further in Isaiah 40, it says He offers strength to the weak and He gives power to those who are worn out. (NLT) Some days, I wake up worn out. (Maybe it's just me!)

So while the world enjoys a day off today (and rightly so) I'm going to be running to Him for strength.

Today I will turn all my thoughts and affections toward Him. I will rest in Him and allow Him to pour His strength and power into me. My thoughts will be on how He carries me and He doesn't get tired of it. I'll turn my heart to thanksgiving for His ever abiding presence, His patience and His gentle touch in a rough-around-the-edges kind of life. And I will purposefully thank Him today for never giving up on me, for always being present and for giving me strength for one more day. Will you join me?

So Far So Good

Yesterday I lost a family member and somehow I think grieving losses like that are maybe not "more difficult" as a caregiver, but more complicated. If that makes sense.

Many caregivers, myself included, live with what is called a living grief. That basically means we grieve the loss of our loved one - but they didn't die. They are here - but they are not here. It's a grief that doesn't allow for any closure and it's ongoing. Then when you add any more grief on top of that - it's a very heavy load to carry. Fortunately, I know the Lord and I can take all my cares to Him and drop them off! (I know, that's not KJV!)

This morning I was sitting, drinking coffee and staring at the wall as it was all sinking in. I thought about not doing a devotion - I needed on myself. lol. I opened up an email and saw this scripture which was exactly what I needed to hear today. It's 1 Samuel 7:12. Samuel has just become judge in Israel and the Children of Israel had just torn down all the idols and returned to the Lord with a whole heart.

The Philistines approached and were hoping for a quick slaughter. But God had other ideas. Now Samuel was a judge and a prophet, but he did not know natural warfare. He could not lead the charge. God knew this - but I believe He saw the hearts of the people turning wholly to Him, and He applauded. Only to the Philistines it sounded like thunder and they got all confused. In the confusion, God and the Israelites wiped them out that day!

Then comes verse 12. Samuel sets up a large stone and named it "Ebenezer" which means stone of help. And then he said, up to this point - God has helped us. That just clicked with me this morning. Up to this point in my life, God has been my help. And as I face another day of caregiving and a season of grieving - He will still be my help.

My loose translation of that is so far - so good!  God has been my help, He is my help and He will continue being my help. Now that I can hold on to for today as I turn my heart wholly to Him and do the real work - resting in Him.

Today I will remind myself of God's ever abiding presence. I will acknowledge His help throughout my journey and use it to remind myself that He's still here for the rest of the journey as well. So far God has helped me - and He has no other intentions just because my world got rocked again. My thoughts will be on how I can rest in Him and how I can let Him be my help, my source, my everything. And just like all the other days - I'll trust Him. I'll wait for Him. I'll rest in Him. Will you join me?

Where do thoughts come from?

I'll be the first to admit I overthink. Everything. All the time. My friend tells me I have a "google mind." Meaning when she starts a question I already have a list of topics in my head and it could go any direction from there.

The down side can be that in any given situation, whether real or not, my imagination can create the most bizarre scenarios. Once I realized I was an overthinker, I was able to curb it a bit. But given any situation, circumstance, or possibility my mind can run off with it in several directions and come up with a variety of options - real or not.

I remember reading about over thinkers and since then, I've been able to at least talk myself out of some of the crazy things that go through my head. But sometimes I wonder where all those thoughts come from. Do you?

In Psalms 19, David prays May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to You, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. (NLT) The old KJV used "meditations" instead of thoughts. But whether we want to call it meditating or plain ole thinking - where do they all come from? And why did David say the meditations (thoughts) of my heart? He didn't say the meditations of my mind. I found that interesting. So where do our thoughts come from, our heart or our mind?

Something else I found interesting in this verse this morning is that David is combining his words and thoughts, his mouth and heart. Jesus told us that our words come from our heart - not just our mind. From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. So what is your heart saying today?

As caregivers, we didn't get any exemptions here. But as for me - I know my heart and thoughts can be all over the place on any given day at any given second. Actually, my thoughts have run through all the activities I have to do today about five times already. With all that racing - and all the emotions we have to manage on a daily basis - how do we find any peace?

Once I see my mind has taken off and is carrying me away, I can stop. Take a deep breath. Refocus and proceed. It just takes a second to regather my thoughts - throw out the ones that don't match what God said; and get them all on the right track. Many days I have to do this over and over and over again. I don't know where thoughts come from. But I do know that anything can trigger a deluge of them. But I don't have to let my mind run off on those rabbit trails. Even in the midst of the cares of caregiving, I can keep my mind on God and His purposes. Even when it doesn't make sense.

Today I will make it my number one priority to keep my meditations on Him. While I am going throughout my daily tasks, I will purposefully turn my thoughts to His word and make it my priority. When my head wants to run away with what-ifs, I will reign it back in with His word. Today I will let His word reign in my heart. Will you join me?

Within Reach

I did a skit one time where I played the song "You're all I Need." I was lip syncing the words as I sang about God being all I wanted, but I kept filling my hands will all sorts of stuff. I was picking up a laptop, a video controller, books, cell phone, etc. while trying to reach out to Him as I sang. The point was that I was filling my hands with so many things and they were so full I could never quite reach out to Him - even though that's what my heart wanted.

As caregivers, our hands are full of so many things - and they are not just extras we choose (who has time for that, right?), it's stuff that has to be done. Every day is filled with tasks and chores that can't be ignored or put off until tomorrow and we can feel like our hands, minds, hearts and bodies are full all the time.

And while I'm all about carving out some quiet time for me and God - there are some days that just doesn't happen. Of course, my initial response is to condemn myself. I can overload myself with guilt quickly too with thoughts like:

If I was just more organized...
Why didn't I plan this earlier...
If  I was better at meal planning...
I need to keep up with housework better...
If I was just more disciplined...

If I am not careful, I can rail myself to death, and still be behind in my daily chores. I'm sure that's just me, right? The never ending, ever repeating chores of caregiving are enough to keep any one person busy all day - every day. Add to that so many who also have jobs, whether they work from home like I do or go out to work - it's easy to get on overload with very necessary things. We don't intentionally pick up things and fill our hands. It's all needed.

In my skit, I was picking up a lot of extras, and my hands were so full I couldn't juggle them to reach out for God, as much as I wanted to. But now I see that He is big enough to bypass the caregiver's full hands. He is always within reach.

He is so close to the caregiver that the tiniest whisper from our hearts brings Him running to our side. He really does hear us from our hearts. When we don't have the words to cry out, or don't know what or how to ask for - He still understands. James 4:8 says that as we draw near to Him - He comes closer to us. He understands the intent of our heart - and when we seek Him - He lets us find Him. (Jeremiah 29:14)

Today my thoughts will be on the nearness of God. As I go through today's chores and responsibilities, I will acknowledge, even if it's only silently, that His presence is right here with me. I'll meditate on how He hears the silent cries of my heart just as loudly as when I boldly cry out to Him. My thoughts will be about how He is always within reach. And once again I will rest in Him, will you join me?

Who are you?

I've been doing some studying and gathering notes for a project I'm working on. Last week, I shared a bit about it in a post. I'm looking at David and how he dealt with the enemies he faced. In my studies, I've gotten stuck in 1 Samuel 17 with the story of how David faced Goliath.

David just couldn't stand to see the enemy come out and ridicule, pester and abuse the people of God. The NLT says David asked, "Who is this pagan Philistine anyway, that he is allowed to defy the armies of the living God?" I wonder if David was just in shock that no one stood up to Goliath before he got there.

David's brother asked a question of David when he heard that his little brother was asking what one would get for slaying the giant. His question was what are you doing around here anyway? He tried to put David in his place by degrading him and reminding him that he was just a shepherd. But the truth is that David's shepherd heart was coming out to protect the people of God just like it rared up to protect the sheep in his pasture.

David is going to tell Saul a little later on that when a bear and a lion came to take sheep, he would chase them down and take his sheep back and then beat the perpetrator to death! That same righteous indignation was rising up as he is hearing Goliath rail on God's sheep.

When David went out to meet Goliath, the giant asks, Am I just a dog that you come at me with a stick?  And when Goliath moved closer to attack, David ran to meet him. With one single stone and a sling the giant fell. Now it's Saul's turn to ask the questions, Whose son is this? 

The sequence of questions could look sort of like this:

  • David to the soldiers - who is this ungodly pagan?
  • David's brothers to him - who are you to be here?
  • David to Goliath - who are you to rail against God?
  • Goliath to David - who are you to come at me with a stick?
  • Saul to David - whose son are you? or who are you?
The most important part, I think, is that David knew who he was - and he knew who God was. He told Goliath, God will conquer you - and I will kill you. I like the way he said that! David is counting on God to take what he has in his hand, a stone, and put His force behind it so the giant falls to the ground. Once God has knocked the giant out and down - he knows he will cut off his head with the giant's own sword.

I think what gets me here is that God will do the conquering. I'll just follow up! Sometimes as a caregiver every day can feel like facing a giant. To say the caregiver's "plate is full" is quite the understatement. But I don't have to conquer it - I can wait and let God conquer the giants that loom over me - and then I can take them out! 

Today I'm going to wait on Him to take out the giants I am facing. I'm going to acknowledge that I have no strength in myself and that God's strength in me is more than enough to carry me through. And when someone asks or looks at me as if to ask, who are you?  I can answer with I am the child of the most high God Who fights my foes for me - and brings them to the ground so I can conquer them. I will wait for Him to conquer the giants in my land today - and then I won't nurse them back to health. I will wait on Him today to bring down anything and everything that rises up to tell me I am not good enough, and God is not strong enough. I will rejoice that He has arrived to live with me! (Zephaniah 3:17 NLT) and I can rest in His love. Will you join me?

Hide N Seek

This morning during my devotions, I came across this scripture:  Those who know Your name trust in You, for You, O Lord, have never abandoned anyone who searches for You. (Psalm 8:10 NLT)

Immediately, I thought of Jeremiah 29:13 that tells us if we seek Him we will  find Him. I always told my youth groups that God doesn't play hide-n-seek well. He waits for us to seek Him and then He reveals Himself to us.

As a caregiver, I have felt sometimes like God was hiding from me; and at other times like He had completely abandoned me. My heart tells me it's not so - but it's how I have felt at times nonetheless.

It comes down to what I am going to choose to believe. Will I follow my hollow emotions that tell me He has abandoned me forever? If  I do, I may be found in company with the psalmist who said, Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will He never again show me favor? Is His unfailing love gone forever? Have His promises permanently failed? Has God forgotten to be kind? Has He slammed the door on His compassion? (Psalm 77:7-9 NLT)

I have to wonder if all caregivers have had this series of questions run through their mind at one time or another. I know I cycle back around to them from time to time. But like the psalmist, I wind up with the thoughts in verse 11 I recall all You have done, O Lord; I remember Your wonderful deeds of long ago. I will choose to agree with this verse and renew my seeking heart in Him.

I cannot deny that He has walked this difficult road with me. I cannot deny He has provided all along the way. I cannot deny I have seen His hand at work. And I cannot deny I've seen Him reveal His heart in mine.

For me, the key is looking for it; or seeking it. I have been so angry with God at times that I didn't want to look for Him or His works. I really didn't care. But He patiently waits for me to work through my rash emotions and crazy thoughts. And once I do - He's right there waiting for me to find Him - waiting to reveal Himself to me once again.

My goal becomes the same as it was BC (before caregiving) - to remain in a state of seeking Him. If we look for Him - we will find Him. It's about wanting to see Him in our day-to-day lives. It's easy to withdraw to the caregiver's cave and exclude God and everyone else too. But whether we have retreated to the all-familiar cave or have ventured out for awhile, if we choose to look for Him - He will be there. Right where we left Him.

Today I'm going to think about how He is so patient with me. He never throws up His hands and says, "I'm done." He waits for me - just like He wants me to wait on Him. My thoughts will be on how He continues to walk this road with me and how He has comforted me in the dark night of the soul. I will purposefully and consciously look for Him in my life today. Will you join me?

Abraham's Faith

So this morning I'm reading through Romans 4 about Abraham and his faith. In the 20th verse, it says his faith never wavered. Let me explain first thing - I'm no Abraham. I am honest and open about the fact my faith has wavered; and the first to admit I've totally lost it a few times along the way.

It makes it difficult to face challenges in life when we are indirectly (and sometimes directly) taught that circumstances occur because we don't have faith. Faith-ers have this distorted view that says if you believe hard enough and are good enough at it nothing bad will ever happen to you or your family. That just simply doesn't bear out in scriptures, as we've discussed here before.

If faith prevents difficult situations there's be no faith building stories like David and Goliath, Moses and the Red Sea, Joseph in prison, Paul and Silas in Prison or Jesus on the cross. That's just to name a few. It was in  the struggle we see their faith, not the fact that they believed to avoid it.

We hold on to the stories in scripture where we see God prevail. David took Goliath down! Joseph wasn't always in prison and did see his dreams come to pass. Moses crossed that Red Sea, Paul and Silas got out of prison and Jesus rose from the grave!! But each of them had to walk through the difficulty to get to the end. Even Job held on to faith in dire circumstances and even though God restored everything to him - he never got his first kids back. He suffered loss and clung to faith.

So as I am reading about Abraham's faith in Romans 4, all these stories are going through my head. The act of faith is not avoidance - it's the circumcision of the heart. Abraham believed God before the covenant of circumcision. Verse 11 says the circumcision was a sign of his faith. It didn't cause him to have faith, but was an outward demonstration of the covenant of faith.

In verse 20 where it talks about Abraham never wavering in his faith it says instead of wavering, his faith grew stronger. I know my faith has been totally redefined, especially since I got into this caregiving gig through great tragedy. I'll tell you I lost it altogether a time or two. But I always come back around.

While I cannot honestly say that I have not wavered in my faith during the trials of life, I can say I have seen my faith grow. Even though it's been totally redefined and may not look like I thought it would. I can say my faith in God (not just what He can do) is continuing to grow. If you'll take a close look - it's likely your faith is being strengthened too. Maybe it just looks like determination that says to God - I won't let go of You! even when we don't understand. Maybe it looks like running to Him to find answers that remain fuzzy. Maybe faith looks like tears streaming down your face asking Him why one more time. No matter how it looks - if you are still at his feet - you have faith.

Romans 4:20 says Abraham's faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God.

So if you are still standing, even on wobbly knees. If you are still trusting, even with shaky heart. If you are still praying, even silently because words are gone. If you are still wondering and quietly seeking Him even if you didn't want to sometimes. Your faith is bringing glory to God; and I believe He is pleased.

Today my thoughts will be on how He finds pleasure when I pursue Him - no matter what life looks like from here. I'll turn my thoughts to the fact that He's still right here - and He has me in His heart - and I can't escape. My meditations will be on the fact that I don't have to work to please Him - He's happy with my faith, my trust and the fact that I am bound to run to Him. And I will trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

What did you say?

Over the weekend I took a couple of hours to go through my big box of writing stuff. I've collected quite a few things over the years and have tons of unfinished projects. My goal was to get it all organized and get started on something...anything! I can now proudly say I have all my projects gathered together and somewhat organized, and I have 2-3 I am ready to dive into and get done. But among all my scattered notes, ideas and thoughts I found a study I had done that I didn't even remember doing.

It seems I've gone through the Psalms and looked at how the psalmists dealt with the voice of the enemy. I've started collecting my thoughts around this idea and the project is underway.

I've thought quite a bit about this the last couple of days and just last night it hit me - the enemy doesn't have a voice if we don't give him one. If we look at Psalm 3, David speaks of what the enemy is saying about him. Specifically - God will never rescue him!" (v. 2 NLT)

But David wasn't sitting around the campfire collaborating with a physical enemy. He was trying to stay one step ahead of them. He did not literally hear the enemy say those words. It's what he felt. Maybe it's just me, but those darn voices in my head can lead me way off track some days. No one is telling me I'm crazy, I can't do it, I'm going to fail, etc. It's my perception of what everyone thinks.

My enemy wants me to think that God is not going to rescue me either. He would like for me to give up hope, sit back on my laurels and stop trying to believe. He wants to sap our hope, trust and faith because he knows if we don't continue in our faith he'll have us backed into a corner incapacitated. The voice of the enemy has not changed over the years - it's still feeding us the same thing it was handing out to David all those years ago.

What I found interesting was David's response. He simply declared what God had done:

You O Lord, are a shield around me,
My glory and the lifter of my head.
I cried out - and He answered me...
I lay down and slept - I woke up in safety
for the Lord was watching over me.

And then he made his faith statement: I am not afraid of ten thousand enemies who surround me on every side.  Following that with a prayer: Arise, O Lord! Rescue me, my God! Then he finishes off the psalm with another declaration and a prayer:  Victory comes from You, O Lord.May Your blessings rest on Your people.

David silenced the enemy's voice in his head through prayer and declaration. He stated what He knew about God - even though he was seeing no direct action from Him. In the midst of the battle on the field and in the mind David says - You O Lord are a shield around me - the glory and lifter of my head! 

For the caregiver thoughts and emotions are ever eroding away at our faith. The day-to-day can be a constant struggle to keep our heads above water and not be swept underneath the tide. Even though we are not fighting a physical enemy specifically, the mental struggle can be incapacitating at times. The multitude of what-ifs and whys can wipe us out - and they can come often.

Today in the midst of the struggle I will declare with David: You O Lord are my shield - You are my glory and lifter of my head! My thoughts will be on how my choice to be a caregiver pleases Him. On how as I let love be the driving force behind why I am a caregiver - I look like Him. I do not resemble the enemy like he would like me to think! I will remind myself that the enemy's words are always lies - and God's word is always truth. I choose to embrace the truth today with my heart and mind and declare: He is my shield! He will protect my soul! He is with me like a mighty warrior! He will lift my head.   Will you join me?


The Macedonian Call

In Acts 16, Paul has a dream in which a man is pleading for him to come to Macedonia. In verse 10, Paul says he could only assume "God was calling us to preach the Good News there." (NLT) And they left immediately for the journey.

Once they got to Macedonia, there was good; and there was bad. They met Lydia - a true blessing. And then they met a deomon-possessed fortune teller who taunted them. When she came to know the Lord, her masters knew the loss of revenue they would suffer and caused a huge uprising against Paul and Silas and they were wrongly accused and tossed in a jail cell.

Of course, God worked even that out for good as when they praised Him from that dark, prison cell, He loved it so much He joined in with them! The earth began to respond when earth's praise met heaven's joy and everything started shaking and they were set free and many people were saved.

In light of the good that came out of that - it's interesting what Paul said about their Macedonian trip.  In 2 Corinthians 7:5, Paul says this: When we arrived in Macedonia there was no rest for us. Outside there was conflict from every direction, and inside there was fear.

What? THE Apostle Paul said that? When so much good was going on and so many were coming to know the Lord? Yes. Even though we have no record of his emotional journey to Macedonia, he reveals his fears to his readers later on. I'd have to say that in many ways as a caregiver, I feel conflict on every side and fear inside. A lot.

The next verse in 2 Corinthians 7 though says this: But God, who encourages those who are discouraged, encouraged us by the arrival of Titus. We need more Tituses. Most of us in a caregiving position are not going to be blessed with a Titus, a fellow believer, who will come and encourage us today. But God is faithful and He's creative too - He will find a way to bring encouragement.

For me today, it was in finding the lyrics to a song I wrote back in 1988. Here are the lyrics:

Macedonia
When I fail at life's little problems
You are there.
When I feel like I failed the test,
You still care.
No matter how low I feel I go,
You're still there.

All the problems all the cares of Life
Don't change the truth 
You're still there.
Nothing depletes Your strength and power
For nothing can change your love
You still care.

Even in the darkest night
There's nothing to compare
For it's all broken up...by Your light.
The strongest night can't take away the truth
You're still there.
(C) November 29,1988 J Olinger

I have no idea what I might have been going through at the time. But now I know that there were many dark days in between then and today. I had not yet faced the darkest night of my soul. But two phrases stuck out to me last night when I came across this yellowed paper. One - nothing depletes Your strength and power and the other one - the strongest night can't take away the truth.

I have rolled those over and over in my mind since I found this sheet of paper. I have to say, it's stood the test of time. He is still strong and on the throne - my situation did not dictate His removal! And no matter how dark the nights may have been - His truth still stands. My situation has no bearing on the truth - His truth is still the truth.

Today I am going to meditate on these two phrases. And I'm going to rejoice in the fact that even if I live in Macedonia, (fears within/conflict without) His truth, strength and power are not only unaffected by it - but He continuously perfects them in me. I'll think about how His strength is made perfect, mature, and complete in my weaknesses. And I'll smile, because I feel so very weak - and I'll yield all of that to Him to work with today - will you join me?

Onward! (Wherever that may be!)

One foot in front of the other. How many times have I used that phrase to explain to people how I "do it"? Something just kicks in and you do what you have to do; and you just keep on doing it. I guess it is moving forward - or going "onward," but it can feel like we are going around in circles. Continuously. Never ending.

It can feel like everyday is the same as the day before with the exact same chores to do. You know the drill. There's bathing, transferring, dressing, feeding, transferring again, laundry, and ton of little chores to do that make the bigger ones easier. Eventually, even the little surprises become part of the routine. You know those things all too well too. There's case managers who forget to order supplies, or can't get the order right....ever, aides that don't show up the day you finally decided to go do something, or nurses trying to cram all her visits in during the last week of the month. Those are just a few of the things that I can think of off the top of my head. It sometimes feels (to me) like we face the giant every day.

David only faced one Goliath, Daniel only visited the lion's den once, it can feel like we face Goliaths and lion's dens every day sometimes. These are just a couple favorite Bible stories we like to share, stories where God made a victor out of a common person. There are other stories demonstrating God's sustaining power too. For instance, Noah only built one ark, but it took him years. Job was only sick one time, but it wasn't just a one day thing; and he never got his kids back. Gideon and Joshua faced battle after battle - there was never just one battle and it was over. Even David spent years running from Saul's spear until he finally became king. And of course there's Joseph who was betrayed by his brothers and spent years in slavery and prison before he ever saw the throne God promised. But all these faithful men walked onward in their faith no matter what they faced. We can too.

We can continue to move forward in our faith even though every day presents obstacles before us. Whether it is the one-time looming giant or sticking with the building of an ark, we can press on into Him. I'm not saying it's always (or ever) easy, but if these guys can hold to the faith in the situations they faced on a daily basis, we can too. Even if we don't see an end in sight. Just like God was there for them in whatever it was they faced, He's here for us too. And that's why we can continue to push onward.

It can be difficult since we can't see how our story ends yet. News flash: they couldn't either. We can read their whole stories in the matter of a few minutes and forget that they walked it out over years. But they held on to faith in Him. All those years in a dark dungeon didn't stop  Joseph from believing. As a matter of fact when he was dying - he told them they were to take his bones with him when they left Egypt. He never gave up hope - even in death.

Today my goal will be to stay focused on Him rather than my situation. My meditations will be on His ever abiding presence that does not leave my faith stranded. I can always trust in Him to keep my soul. I will turn my thoughts to how He continues to walk this walk with me - I don't go onward (wherever that may lead) without Him. We are inseparable. So today I will think about how inseparable God and I are - will you join me?

When I Cannot See

It's been a series of events lately that has left me silent. As caregivers, I know you understand those times when everything piles up on you. As if caregiving itself was not enough. I take it all personally too - like we really don't matter.

I know it's a misread message, on one hand, but things like not being able to get my son's Jevity, aides quitting and not being replaced and then my van breaking leaving us stranded, eventually got to me. It seems like every situation screams you are not important!

Caregivers live lives that are different from every one else, we don't need anything to make us stand out from the crowd any more than what's normal for us. But as it all piled up over the last week or so I became recluse. And of course, the problem with that is that those thoughts running around in my head become more numerous, crazier and out of control.

I went from trying to figure out how to get out and buy groceries on foot along with pushing my son's chair to what am I going to do when I get older? How will I find a way to fix the van goes on to how will I pay for my funeral? and What will happen to Chris once I'm gone. That's just the top layer - the questions run crazy around in my head until I literally just can't see. Nothing makes any sense and I feel like I'm drowning in the sea of life. (Maybe it's just me.)

So my response is to find a scripture to hang onto but I've gone blind and deaf in that arena too. Until one particular one comes to mind. It's in Psalm 77. Basically about verse 10 the author starts wondering if God has forsaken them and if He has turned off His mercy spout in their lives. But then in verse 11 we find what we (I) need to do when I cannot see.... look back at what He's done.

So to get out of the funk, I started thinking about all the things God has done even though I'm blind to His doings today. I thought of how He's provided all along the way on this caregiving journey, how He has performed some wonderful healings in my family, how He has never left me alone - no matter how I feel. I've said it before - but He doesn't leave when life gets ugly.

Taking a few minutes to re-ground myself in Him has made all the difference, mostly in my attitude! If you are having trouble "seeing" today - hindsight is 20/20 - look back at what you know He's done in your life before today. It also helps me to speak it out loud. When I say what I know He's done out loud - it's like I'm reminding myself and it doesn't take too long to break into praise and thanksgiving. What a way to break off the chains trying to drag me under today.

Today I'm not going to think about what is going on right here, right now. I'm going to continue to thank Him for things He's done in my life before. My thoughts and meditations will be on Him - not my situation. How about you? Will you join me?

Which Way do I Go?

Although this picture doesn't do it justice, sunsets in Oklahoma are gorgeous. I rarely get to catch one and when I do it can be breathtakingly beautiful.

As I was reading this morning, I came across a scripture that seems very simple, but has packed a lot of punch with me over the years. It's Psalm 104:19. The NLT reads: You made the moon to mark the seasons and the sun that knows when to set. It might not seem like much insight, but it has a lot more than we might think.

Over the last few weeks things have been a whirlwind with me. Several things are happening all at once in the many arenas of life: family, work, relationships, physical challenges, finances, etc. And of course, this is all on top of caregiving which is its own world inside a world. Suffice it to say my life, head and emotions have been spinning and I really didn't even know where to start reading this morning.

I opened to Psalm 104 looking for a scripture I'd read in a blog last night and found what I was looking for. I love this psalm as it speaks of the greatness of God and the power of creation. The whole chapter is good, but verse 19 is what caught my attention. To me - it says the sun never forgets to set. It never comes up in the morning and says Which way do I go from here? 

Scientifically, of course we know the sun doesn't come up or go down but that the earth spins to give us that effect. So to me this says - the earth is still spinning on its axis and it remains in the perfect rotational spin to keep all of His creation in balance. What He set into place all those years ago - is still in place. The earth doesn't get off its axis, plants haven't stopped growing, and the birds are still singing. When He does something - He does it right....once.

All of a sudden as I turned my thoughts to the wonder of His creation and His powerful display, my problems began to shrink. In verse 34 of this same chapter, the psalmist finishes by whispering a prayer: may He be pleased with all these thoughts about Him. How do I know he whispered? I don't, but after stopping to recognize such magnificent glory and power it's very likely he did - I know my soul began to whisper and silently worshiped in awe of His splendor and wisdom.

Today I will think about the effort He put into creation, and how He put that same effort into making me. My meditations will be on the glory of his creation and how He watches over it - and me. I will rejoice in His splendor and be silent at His power. I will trust that He made me, and He watches over me. I will rest in that truth and trust this powerful creator for one more day. Will you join me?

Did you find it?

Did you find it? I did. What were we looking for? Grace to help in time of need. Can you tell I'm still in Hebrews 4? This chapter has really grabbed my attention this week and I've pretty much camped there.

The last verse of this power packed chapter in Hebrews tells us to Come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There  we will receive mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it. (NLT) When we need it? That is probably all the time for the caregiver. This verse starts out with an understood subject, "you." It's understood to be saying "You Come..." and when we come look at what we get!

While I am a caregiver, and on any given day I may need to go to the throne for grace at any given time, this is an open invitation to every believer to take action, get before His throne and obtain His mercy and grace. I don't know about you, but personally I need extra measures of both to make it through some days. And honestly, today I'm just tired. Maybe weary offers a better description. It can seem like we are pushing ourselves all the time with no place to let up and eventually, we get tired. Or at some point - we just stay tired. That's where I am anyway - it may just be me.

There's so much to keep up with. Caregiving is not for the faint of heart! lol. Taking care of another person's needs (all of them) is tiring. And not only does it take its toll on our bodies, we can become emotionally strung out too. It's a tired that runs through your entire being. When I am like this - I just want to sit, drink coffee, stare at the wall; and think. Seriously.  But instead, I will boldly (because it takes courage) get up and take my burdens to the throne room of God. We were invited, after all; and He has an open door policy - we can come anytime we want.

I'm going to take my tired body, weary mind and exhausted soul before Him this morning and I'll lay it all out at His feet. And in exchange, He will fill me back up with His mercy and grace. And I'll make it one more day.

Today I will meditate on how His grace carries me. I will turn my thoughts off my weariness and consider His grace, mercy and truth. I'll trust Him for the strength to make it today. And I will leave all my cares at His feet - and let Him care for me. He is our caregiver, you know. I'll trust in that truth today. Will you join me?

Working the Rest

Sometimes I think it would be nice if caregivers could be exempt from dealing with the rest of life. But most likely, if we were then I'd be pouting because we were missing out on everything else.

Do you find you are more easily overcome with life in general? It's not like we don't have enough on our plates to begin with. Caregiving alone is a full plate and can be complicated by what seem to be little things like supplies not coming in, aides not showing up or blenders breaking.

Even in the midst of the craziness of caregiving, life still goes on around us. Loved ones pass away, close neighbors fall ill, friends and family seem far away, bills need to be paid and on and on it goes. If we are not careful it's easy to get caught up and carried away in life's whirlwind. So now that I told you what's going on in my life let me tell you what I reminded myself this morning.

Hebrews 4:1 says this: God's promise of entering His place of rest still stands. There is a place of rest in Him and I'm finding it's an art to learn how to get there. It's a lot of work to rest. Who has time? As caregivers there may not be a lot of time in our day to literally stop and rest - but we can remain at rest in Him, if we are willing to work to get there.

On down in verse 3 of this chapter the writer says this place of rest has been ready since He made the world. Life doesn't have to suck us under it's rolling current; but when it does - we can find rest in Him. It's not a new thing to need  to find rest in Him. I think of the old Christian hymn written in 1857 that lets us know those who have gone on before have needed to seek out His rest too. The third verse of What a Friend we have in Jesus goes this way:

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge,
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He'll take and shield you;
you will find a solace there.

We are not the only ones who have needed to seek out this place of rest in Him! And you know what? We won't be the last. His rest existed since He made the world, still exists and will continue to exist. Somehow just that every-abiding refuge He prepared for us brings me comfort. 

Today, I will relax. I will seek out that refuge and let my soul rest in Him, even though my body will be busy. I will purposefully acknowledge and trust Him as my refuge and I will rest in Him. My thoughts will be on how He prepared this rest for us - all we have to do is come to Him. And I will put all my thoughts and efforts into resting in Him today. Will you join me?

The Right Kind of Changes

There's no doubt the wilderness changes you, and caregiving can be it's own special kind of wilderness experience. Social interactions change, getting out changes, friendship statuses change, work can be different; just about every aspect of life can be different after we become a caregiver. For some, the changes may be less dramatic, but for others they are enormous. In my particular situation virtually everything changed. How we deal with these changes is a good indicator of our character.

Actually, how we deal with the wilderness reveals unique aspects of our character. The wilderness changes you. I was reading in Hebrews over the weekend and spent quite a bit of time in chapter 4, but this morning I backed up a bit because I wanted to see why the writer started talking about entering into God's rest.

Just before the author's discourse on God's rest he was talking about the children of Israel and how they failed to enter God's rest. Their choices in the wilderness were what separated them from His rest. My loose interpretation is: these same people who loaded up their stuff, spoiled the Egyptians and followed Moses out of slavery to freedom - lost it in the wilderness. They stopped believing God's promise, disobeyed Him and missed the opportunity to enter His rest as a result.

The wilderness isn't an easy place to be. And if you want to look at it one way - Moses was the caregiver for a million rebellious people. How'd you like to tote that around for awhile? They were willing to go with him when they packed up and left the cruelty of Egypt. What were they expecting? Of course they ran smack dab into the Red Sea - God stepped in. And then they ran out of fresh water - God stepped in. And even though they saw God's hand over and over again - they chose to rebel and complain. They were so hardened they missed the opportunity of enjoying His rest. The wilderness changes you.

As we walk through the wilderness of life - we will make choices; we will make changes. One of the first cries of my heart when my son became injured was that I would draw closer to God, not pull away and not become bitter. My desire has been to let life's crucible squeeze out a sweet fragrance and that my life would be lived in a state of worship.

I have not always accomplished this. I have fought, and fit, and spit and cussed many times. I've argued, faltered, given up and been angry more times than I can mention. But in the end - I cling to Him rather than fighting against Him. The wilderness experience forces us to make deep and lasting decisions about our faith and our relationship with God.

Today, I will seek to enter His rest. I'll reflect on the ways the wilderness has changed me - the good and the bad. I'll rejoice in the good and give Him the bad and ask Him for grace. My thoughts will be on His ever-abiding presence and how He hasn't left me in the dry wilderness even when I became a hot mess. I'll embrace His grace today and be thankful for the changes He's brought about in my life, even in the wilderness. Will you join me?

In the Midst of the Storm

This morning during my devotions this poem just came to me. As caregivers, it can feel like we live in a storm; one that never goes away. My heart is set - I will trust Him no matter what a day brings. Here's the poem I got this morning - I hope it speaks to someone today.


Through the Storm
Lord I want to know You
In the midst of the storm
To see You walk on water
And tell my heart "peace, be still"

Let me....
Feel You, hear You, touch You
As life rocks along
I trust You have me 
In the center of Your will

Carry me above
The deceit of wind and waves
May I hear You above the roar
To be with You is all I crave

May I not be distracted
By the crashing tide
For I'm tucked in tight
Held close by Your side

Though the storm keeps raging
May my soul keep seeking
And may I listen carefully
To hear You speaking

Peace be still...
I'll be still...
and Know You are God

(c) May 21, 2016 J. Olinger

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