Showing posts with label waiting on God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label waiting on God. Show all posts

The Unexpected

Chris watching tv in the hospital

Well, we ended up spending this last week in the hospital. As caregivers, we can be forced to deal with the unexpected a lot, right? No matter how organized we are, how detailed we get, or how carefully we plan - we just never know what a day will bring. Sometimes we trust Him as we fly by the seat of our pants and hold on to the proverbial last strand of the rope. Then things settle back down and we begin to see how He orchestrated everything for our good. But it's not always easy to see it when we are in it.

Afterward, we see how He sustained us, helped us, and even carried us. That's the beauty of hindsight, right? I don't know how long you've been on your caregiving journey, but I'm working on 14 years now. I must say as I look over this last decade and a half, I see God's sustaining power. Through the times I felt like I couldn't make it - to the times when I thought I had made it - but soon fell apart at His feet once again - He's been there all along. 

He never tells us to "get it together" before we come to Him. Instead, He gives us an open invitation to bring our hearts, minds, emotions, and brokenness to Him time after time. He even waits for us to come to Him. Isaiah 30:18 says The Lord waits to be gracious to YOU! He's there for the expected and the unexpected. He never says that He didn't see something coming, can't deal with it, or doesn't know what to do with our situations or us. He just waits until we realize we need His grace to make it one more day.

Today, I'm going to run to Him - since He's waiting for me and all. (smile) I will remind myself that He's closer than a breath away whether I feel it or not. He is longing to pour out His grace to us, in us, and through us. I'm guessing the amount of grace He can lavish on us is proportionate to our need for Him. Today, I need Him a whole lot! How about you? I'm starting to think that the best place to be is in that place of awareness when we realize our great need for Him to work in our lives. That place where we wait for Him and there is no other option. Today, I know I need Him and I'm waiting on Him - will you join me?


                                                                                                                                           



If you enjoy these devotionals, I have others! I've expanded my bookstore on Amazon. My devotionals are available in Kindle or print format. The new Bible study guides are now available on Kindle and in print! Check out my growing bookstore: My Bookshelf

I also recently opened my own bookstore. I'm presently filling it up with my books - check out the ones I have available in eBook format. You can download them and read them on your phone! Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore.




Losing Wait


 Navigating through caregiving is never easy no matter what the circumstances. I always thought that long-distance caregiving was "easier" than full-time in the home caregiving. But over the last three years, as I cared for my son at home and my aunt in a facility until she passed, I found out it's just a hard job no matter what. There is always nothing simple about taking care of another person and making decisions on their behalf. 

As we work through the process, we learn that there is a lot of waiting. Waiting on doctor's orders to get supplies. Waiting on authorizations for medical procedures. Waiting on paperwork to get aids in to help. And that is just the beginning of a long, long, list. It can feel like we are always waiting on someone to do their job or to work on our behalf.

Waiting can be perplexing and it can feel like we can't do anything to help. In some instances, we can call or email the right person to help things move along faster. Other times, there is just nothing to do but wait. That's hard on most of us as we are used to being in charge. For those of us with Type A personalities, it's pure torture! We like to get things done. 

When we fall into overwhelm mode and it seems there is no one listening to us or working on our behalf, there is a wait that is good. Many times, I've prayed and reminded God that He is my husband. (Isaiah 54:5) Then, I wait on HIM to act on my behalf. And even though whatever natural things I am waiting on may not be taken care of right away, I am never disappointed when I wait on Him.

Today, I will take all those situations where I am waiting on a person for something - and I'll roll them all into one and hand them to Him. Then, I will wait on Him to act on my behalf. I'll spend my "waiting energy" looking to Him for He is my help. People offer some help - but they can't keep or sustain my soul. I may just write all the things I'm waiting on in a journal and leave them there. I will trust Him to provide, to sustain me, to keep me today. Will you join me as we wait on Him? 

The Unexpected


Life is filled with the unexpected. No one knows this more than a caregiver, right? We literally never know what a day may bring. Our loved one may become ill, have a fall, or any number of things. Of course, the unexpected isn’t always negative either. Someone may send a gift that brightens your day. Or a stranger speaks kindly to you and your loved one. You just never know.

The Bible has lots of unexpected things too. One thing I was reading about this morning was the birth of Jesus. When Simeon saw baby Jesus, he began to proclaim and prophesy. This phrase in Luke 2:32 stood out to me today: A light to bring revelation to the Gentiles. The Gentiles? We were in God’s plan all along even though the Jews found it so surprising. Remember Isaiah 60? We know the first verse well and used to sing it back in the ‘70s when we thought it was cool to just sing the Word.

The first part says Arise, shine; for your light has come! And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you! But then if you go on down to verse three it says the Gentiles will come to that light. Well, what are they doing there? Lol. They were unexpected.

Remember Hannah’s prayer for a child? In 1 Samuel she prayed earnestly for God to relieve her of her being barren so she could have a child. He did and Hannah had Samuel. She gave him back to the Lord and he began to serve in the temple. The first thing God did with Samuel was upset the religious system of the day. No one expected that one!

God is always full of surprises for His people. Sometimes, He’s been telling us about it all along. Other times we don’t have a clue. His answers to our prayers may not look like what we expected. Hannah wanted a baby, God sent a prophet. The Jews wanted a Messiah, and God sent a baby. God is not backward – He just works differently than what we can think or imagine.

Today, I’m going to expect the unexpected. I’ll take a look around to see what prayers God has answered and I didn’t know it because I expected one thing but got another. I’ll trust that He is always at work for me and in me. My meditations will be on how to expect the unexpected from Him – and how to accept it with grace. I’ll turn my thoughts to all the prayers He has answered before and trust that He has heard my heart today as well. And I’ll wait for His answer – His way. Will you join me?

There's Waiting - Then There's Waiting


This word “wait” is an interesting term. It has two meanings. On one hand, it can mean to wait until something happens. It happens when something is supposed to occur – and you have to be patient as you wait for it to happen. We wait on someone to show up at an event. We may wait for a movie to start. I wait for my coffee to make each morning. 😊

The other way to use the word, “wait” is to serve. We like to tip a good waiter when they serve us well at a restaurant. The doorman waits on us as he serves us by taking our coats. The valet serves us by parking our car.

So when we say we are waiting on God which one are we talking about? These crazy thoughts started as I was reading in Isaiah 49 this morning. I had actually started in Psalm 31 as I’m working on a new devotional to come out soon. My meditations were on not being ashamed to trust God. A series of short searches and I landed in Isaiah 49:23. The very last part of that verse in the New American Standard Bible says this: they shall not be ashamed who wait on Me.

That’s when I started thinking a lot about the two kinds of waiting. We may find ourselves waiting on God to do something. But while we are waiting on that – we can be waiting on Him. Serving Him.

When I first became a caregiver, I thought my days of serving Him were over because I couldn’t serve like I had in the past. That of course was basically inside the walls of religion. It took a while to learn that I serve Him in many ways. Firstly, by taking care of my son. Then, I started taking care of my aunt too. As I serve these two fragile individuals – I am taking care of the least of these. And I am doing His service on this earth.

Serving Him isn’t complicated. It’s not about being on a platform or headlining an event. It’s about humbly doing whatever is set before us each day. And doing it for Him. Colossians 3: 23-24 says this: And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord Christ. (NASB)

Today, I will take time to meditate on how I serve God by serving those who I take care of. I’ll think of how that care comes from a place of love and how God cares for us because He loves us too. My thoughts will be on how my actions – each and every one of them – are an act of service to God. Today I will serve Him by serving them – will you join me?

When I Take the Time

B&W of Bible, study notes and coffee
Never underestimate the power of quietness. Let me explain. To say my hands are full today is quite the understatement. My hands, pockets, purse, house and heart are full to the brim today. But I love it. I am enjoying taking care of my mom and I'm overcome with a special kind of compassion. That kind of caught me off guard. Double-time caregiving is not for the faint of heart, though, just sayin'! (smiles) It's barely even noon (I know - running late... ), and I'm on a second pot of coffee and need a nap.

What amazes me is when I take the time to just focus on Him for just a few minutes, how He makes it all better. It's funny though, I literally have to "take" the time - it's not handed to me on a silver platter. I have to take that time to find rest in Him. My hands are busy and my heart is full, but when I take a few seconds to acknowledge His presence, to wait for Him, to allow Him to give me rest, He never fails or disappoints.

The prophet Isaiah, in chapter 30, verse 15 called out to the people and told them the secret - in returning and rest you will be saved. Sadly, they would not listen. David, in Psalm 46:10 said, stop striving, and know I am God. The fact that this is in first person lets us know God was talking through David - and admonishing the listener and today the reader to just stop. Be still. Cease striving. And acknowledge that He is God. And you know what?

When I take the time to be still, to return to Him, to rest in Him - He meets me there every.single.time. It's almost like He anticipates my arrival, like He can't wait to see me. It's like He is excited to pick me up - trade my pathetic little strength for His might - and fill me back up until I run out again. Then He waits... for me to take time to come and let Him touch me again.

He is faithful. When we come to Him - He's ready to pour into us. When we realize our strength is gone, He's ready to give us His... while we wait on Him.

Today, I'm going to remind myself that His strength is enough and His grace is sufficient to carry me through. My meditations will be on just knowing He is still God and there is literally nothing that can change that in any way. My efforts will be on waiting for Him and resting in Him and in trading my piddly strength for His might. Will you join me?

Still Seeking

Over the weekend, I heard a phrase in a song, "You are perfect in all of Your ways." I knew it was a scripture but couldn't remember where it was located.  This morning I looked it up and it is in Deuteronomy 32 at the beginning of the Song of Moses.

I read the whole chapter a time or two and went back to meditate on the phrase for a bit. I closed my eyes and thought about how perfect God is and how right and just every decision He makes is. When I opened my eyes, they fell on a scripture on the opposite page - I had marked it sometime ago. It is in chapter 30, verse 4.

Though you are at the ends of the earth, the Lord your God will go and find you and bring you back again. 

I thought about that for awhile and read it in context. Moses is encouraging the Children of Israel to return to the Lord. He is calling them to come back to Him with their whole heart and seek Him fully. But this verse to me is God reaching for them. He continues to seek a relationship with His people no matter what their situation is. Just because we became caregivers doesn't mean He has abandoned His pursuit of relationship. Actually, He is still seeking.

Exodus 34:14 in the New Living Translation reminds us that God is a God who is passionate about His relationship with us. He is always seeking for our heart because He actually wants to be with us. He longs for us to have two-way conversation, not just us asking for things in what we call prayer. He longs to have an intimate connection with us.

I'll be the first to admit I've had trouble in this arena particularly since my son's accident. I felt like God had abandoned me. Even though I needed His touch even more, it became difficult for me to seek Him. But He was still seeking me. He is relentless in His pursuit of our hearts. He doesn't stop desiring to be with us when life gets difficult or ugly. He doesn't walk away wringing His hands like many of our friends have done. When they are not really sure what to do with us or our situation, He is still waiting on us to come to Him. To be accepted. To be cared for. To be loved. Being with us - is His very heartbeat. And so He waits.....and seeks....

These scriptures were recorded by Moses who was leading the Children of Israel through the wilderness. They were argumentative, faithless, complaining and just plain ugly sometimes. Yet God continues to communicate His love for them and His desire to be with them. He feels the same way about us - whether life is beautiful or not, whether we have it all together or not, whether we feel faithful or faithless, whether we are waiting on Him or not - He is waiting on us, longing for us to come to Him.

Today I am going to turn my thoughts to how much He wants to be with me - no matter what life looks like. I will stop all the crazy thoughts in my head today and focus on being with Him. I'll pour out my heart before Him and wait for Him to pour His heart into mine. My meditations will be on his love and pursuit of me. I'll think about how He waits for me to come to Him. And I will wait on Him today. Will you join me?

Hide N Seek

This morning during my devotions, I came across this scripture:  Those who know Your name trust in You, for You, O Lord, have never abandoned anyone who searches for You. (Psalm 8:10 NLT)

Immediately, I thought of Jeremiah 29:13 that tells us if we seek Him we will  find Him. I always told my youth groups that God doesn't play hide-n-seek well. He waits for us to seek Him and then He reveals Himself to us.

As a caregiver, I have felt sometimes like God was hiding from me; and at other times like He had completely abandoned me. My heart tells me it's not so - but it's how I have felt at times nonetheless.

It comes down to what I am going to choose to believe. Will I follow my hollow emotions that tell me He has abandoned me forever? If  I do, I may be found in company with the psalmist who said, Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will He never again show me favor? Is His unfailing love gone forever? Have His promises permanently failed? Has God forgotten to be kind? Has He slammed the door on His compassion? (Psalm 77:7-9 NLT)

I have to wonder if all caregivers have had this series of questions run through their mind at one time or another. I know I cycle back around to them from time to time. But like the psalmist, I wind up with the thoughts in verse 11 I recall all You have done, O Lord; I remember Your wonderful deeds of long ago. I will choose to agree with this verse and renew my seeking heart in Him.

I cannot deny that He has walked this difficult road with me. I cannot deny He has provided all along the way. I cannot deny I have seen His hand at work. And I cannot deny I've seen Him reveal His heart in mine.

For me, the key is looking for it; or seeking it. I have been so angry with God at times that I didn't want to look for Him or His works. I really didn't care. But He patiently waits for me to work through my rash emotions and crazy thoughts. And once I do - He's right there waiting for me to find Him - waiting to reveal Himself to me once again.

My goal becomes the same as it was BC (before caregiving) - to remain in a state of seeking Him. If we look for Him - we will find Him. It's about wanting to see Him in our day-to-day lives. It's easy to withdraw to the caregiver's cave and exclude God and everyone else too. But whether we have retreated to the all-familiar cave or have ventured out for awhile, if we choose to look for Him - He will be there. Right where we left Him.

Today I'm going to think about how He is so patient with me. He never throws up His hands and says, "I'm done." He waits for me - just like He wants me to wait on Him. My thoughts will be on how He continues to walk this road with me and how He has comforted me in the dark night of the soul. I will purposefully and consciously look for Him in my life today. Will you join me?

Safe Keeping

As usual, my mind kicked into high gear as soon as my alarm went off this  morning. I've got so much to do! On one hand, that's a good thing because I don't tend to push the snooze as many times when my mind starts running through today's to-do list before I get one eye open. On the other hand it's very tiring.

I will freely admit I am an over-thinker. I either have hundreds of questions to ask before a statement is finished, or I've worked through 101 scenarios in my mind of what could occur, knowing most likely none of them will!

I do the same thing with caregiving and daily life. As I'm going through my list of gotta do's today, and some get-to-do's too, I realize there really is a lot more than just caregiving on my plate. As I mentioned earlier this week, the aide quit so I've not had any help in the daily chore arena for about 2 weeks - and there's no aide in site.

I never thought of myself as a juggler, just not that coordinated; but lately I'm wondering if I should try again! lol. As caregivers we juggle a lot - our daily caregiving tasks, household chores, finances, and maybe when we are lucky some sort of social interactions. Add to that the fact that many of us hold down full or part time jobs or go to school and we can be a hot mess at any time. What's a caregiver to do?

So while my mind was running through the health coaching session I have scheduled for this afternoon, the work I need to get done for my job, how I'm going to try to relax and just enjoy my grand kids today while they are here, whether or not I should go to taekwondo tonight and rescheduling my late payment I got an email about today, I had this novel idea. How about I just give it all to Him?

Of course my mind went to 2 Peter 5:7 - Casting all your care on Him for He cares for you. Actually, I'm learning that this is the easy part. I can give it all to Him for safe keeping. He will guard my soul, he will provide in the area of finances, and He will give me peace in the midst of my day. So what's the problem?  I keep going back to pick up what I've given Him for safe keeping - like I'm there to pick up a scheduled delivery!

It's one thing to give it all to Him and quite another to leave it with Him. I can give it to Him - but will I trust him with it? 

Today I will seriously put my efforts into learning to leave my cares with Him for safe keeping. I will meditate on 2 Peter 5:7 and figure out how to give Him my worries and concerns. My thoughts will be on trusting Him for another day - and letting Him establish His peace in my heart while I wait for Him. I'm trusting Him with one more day - will you join me?

Busy, Busy, Busy

There are so many areas caregivers can struggle with. We can experience bouts with fear, discouragement, depression, frustration, weariness, loss and deal with what I've learned is a living grief. We may feel helpless, hopeless or alone. And for me I went through a period of time when my faith was totally redefined.

On any given day we may have to work through any combination of emotions. And all of this is on top of what we have to do physically. I think it's safe to say we are busy - inside and out. For me, my emotions can be churning around inside like a roller coaster while on the outside I'm working my full time job, doing laundry, prepping meals, or helping my son with some type of therapy. I'm out of breath just thinking about it!

How do we slow down? How do caregivers find some sort of peace - inside or out? Is there even time for that? It's easy for someone on the outside to tell us we need to take a break. But rarely do they also offer to do anything to help us get that break. I actually contacted a house cleaning company to see how much it would cost to get some help. It was so expensive I'd have had to take on another job to pay for it!

So here I am again with my thoughts running a hundred to nothing. And once again I have to recognize that He knows my anxious thoughts. (Psalm 139:23) And I remind myself of 1 Peter 1:7 which tells me to give Him all my worries. I like the Amplified version which says: casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully]. 

So today as I struggle just trying to figure out how to live this busy life, once again I will stop. Take a breath. And give it all to Him. Honestly He is the only One who can make something out of this mess. Isaiah 61: 3 tells me that He is able to give beauty for ashes, and joy for mourning, and praise in place of despair. So once again, I wait.

Today I will purposefully wait on Him. I will un-busy myself enough to breathe and acknowledge His presence in my life and home. My thoughts will be on the peace He provides and I will wait for Him to bring beauty for ashes. I will trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Do We Have What it Takes?

The question do we have what it takes can seem kind of shallow and unnecessary to ask caregivers, right? We've already figured out how to roll up our sleeves, dig in and get it done. We have developed our own skill set some of which were part of our makeup before becoming caregivers; but we have also honed many skills as we have gone along.

We learned to advocate, picked up on the right keywords to get things done, learned medical vernacular, figured out how to get the "right numbers" when we really need something done and opened our homes to total strangers to accept help. (nurses, doctors, aides, etc)

While we are still the same person we were before caregiving - we have also evolved. We learned how to get up in someone's face. I recall when my son was still in the hospital and I discovered his catheter had had absolutely zero output all day - he was in horrible shape. They couldn't send anyone in because the nurse was at lunch. Madea's words ran through my mind  you only have to go crazy up in here one time.

Now I am a very composed and gathered person for the most part as I was in ministry for many years and you learn how to keep your composure at all costs. But I purposefully chose to go out in the hall and lose it. And I did it up good! Since I had been there for over 3 months and never made a scene nurses came from everywhere to see what was up with mama. They took care of my son's needs right then. I share that to say - as caregivers - we learn to do what we need to to get the right things done.

We know what we have to do and we are willing to do whatever is needed to ensure our loved one is well taken care of. But do we have what it takes to wait? I have to say many times I do not. This morning during my daily devotions I came across (okay so my Bible fell open to) Psalm119:114 and it leaped out at me. It says this

You are my hiding place and my shield
I wait for Your Word...

When my mind is swirling with all that I have to get done today and everyday, can I slow down and just wait for Him? Sometimes I need to just chill out and wait for His grace, wait for His hope, wait for His strength to flood my being. It's so easy for us as caregivers to get pulled out and taut to where we have zero relief. When I find myself in this position it just makes it that much harder to wait for Him and to hear Him when He speaks.

Today I will take many deep breaths as I refocus on waiting for Him. I will turn off all the noise in my head and purposefully rest in Him. My thoughts will be on His peace, His love, His abundance, His grace and His mercy as I shift my focus from myself and back to Him one more time. Today...I wait. Will you join me?  

When We Wake Up Tired

Some mornings I just wake up tired. Perhaps it's because I overdid it yesterday, or maybe it's because I'm looking ahead at what I have to do today. Either way there are these mornings when I feel like I am scraping myself off the bed to get about the day.

I've heard people say that it is so nice you can stay home. I try not to laugh too loudly. I think they have no idea what that actually looks like. Just today I have the nurse coming at 10 for her monthly visit, then I have to get my son fed, changed and loaded to go to therapy by 1:30. That takes the whole afternoon (not at all a complaint - just a fact!), then I'll have to get him back home and fed and in bed for a short rest before we start our evening schedule and then hopefully at some point back to bed late tonight. AND somewhere in all that I have clients who are waiting on work and of course they all need it right now!  whew! No wonder I was tired when I woke up this morning.

It is very hard for me, and many caregivers, to admit to being tired. If we acknowledge its presence, we might succumb to it; and we really don't have time for that!

This morning I did my usual morning routine (after scraping myself up at 6:30 which is late for me!). It goes like this: prepare Chris' meds and bolus, start the coffee pot, change Chris and get him comfortable, bolus him and then grab a fresh cup and head for the recliner for my devotions. all the while the day before me is running through my mind: call the apartment office at 9 - the air still isn't working, have Chris bathed and up by about 9:30, the nurse will be here at 10 or 10:30 (she wasn't sure), after she leaves he has to be fed and dry by 12:15 to load in the van and head to OKC......And then I start running through the clients who want work TODAY! I've been up for an hour - and I really wish I could go back to bed!

But as caregivers we really don't have that option. We will push through the day functioning as well as possible and hope nothing falls apart! There's no time to stop, rest, recover or put broken things back together.

As I am rehearsing and organizing my day in my head (yes - I'm a type A - it is ALL  rehearsed and scheduled!) for a brief moment I allow myself to think I'm really tired.  And immediately I think of the familiar passage in Isaiah 40. It's as if God showed me a snapshot of that page in my Bible. almost like He was asking me the question:

Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired, 
and vigorous young men stumble badly
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

I let out a huge sigh as I found it comforting somehow that God acknowledged my weariness. It's not like He doesn't know. So today while I am scurrying about getting done as much as I can - and letting go of the rest (we are only human you know!) I will on purpose - wait for Him. I'll trust Him for strength today and smile because He never gets tired. He's always there to lift me up and strengthen me.

Today I will purposefully acknowledge that I need His strength and I will let Him carry me. My meditation will be on waiting on Him instead of relying on myself. I will wait for Him. I will rest in Him. And I will make it! Will you join me?

Caregiver's University

As caregivers we are able to get in there and get things done. It sort of comes with the territory. No matter what our basic personality is, in just a short time of caregiving is good schooling on this topic. We learn rather quickly that in many cases, advocating for our loved one means rolling up our sleeves and getting 'er done.

Too bad there's not a Caregivers University where we can go to learn the skills needed. We could get a diploma once we learned it all and of course passed our internship where we learned all the ropes using a hands-on approach. Of course I am speaking tongue-in-cheek as it would be impossible for someone to teach us what we've learned.

Of course there is no such school and we are not going to get a diploma for our learning. But we do a lot of learning about a lot of things once we become a caregiver, including things about ourselves. Even though I'm pretty high strung and hyper most of the time I let a lot of things slide as a person. I wouldn't get in there and fight for stuff - I'd just take the wrong and walk away in most instances. Early on in the caregiving journey I learned that this approach was not going to work, People do not just do their jobs - they want to do as little as possible and still get paid. That can lead to some frustration for us. Until we learn how to fight.

During the four months we stayed in the hospital after my son's initial head injury, I learned that something Madea said was true. She said you only have to go crazy up in here one time. And I did that. It was premeditated I will admit. And I purposefully went out into the hall to throw my fit to get everyone's attention. I threw a good fit too and they came running! They took care of a very serious situation with my son that was having to wait until they were done with break. Suddenly every RN up there knew how to take out an infected, clogged catheter.

But as tough as we become or learn to be there is still an underlying humility, or there should be. Let's face it, there are parts of our job that others are not willing to do. We don't go around talking about those midnight messes we have to clean up and things like that. How can you not be humble when you are meeting the very basic personal needs of another person. Things others won't think of stooping to do? Humility comes with the package too, just like tenacity. They work together to make us stronger, better individuals.

James 4:6 says that God gives grace to the humble. When I was in the church scene sometimes we were indirectly taught that we could take a scripture and wave it around in God's face long enough to get Him to do what we wanted. It wasn't on purpose but we were sort of taught to be full of pride and come to God like I did in the hallway at that hospital in Shreveport. Screaming and yelling and telling them all what-for! But God acts on true humility.

In the next verses it says if we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. We don't have to act up to get His attention, we already have it. Micah 6:8 says that all God requires is for us to walk humbly  with Him. True humility has us walking alongside Him, but never out in front. Never with our fists raised in the air (although I have thrown a few fits with God too....they didn't work.) but with humility.

It takes true strength to lose ourselves enough to be humble with Him. Humility is not weakness, although it is often mistaken for it. Humility says I yield to You and Your work in my life. We become the sheep, and let Him be the Shepherd. That can be difficult for caregivers, especially since we are so used to getting things done. 

Today I will slow down and walk humbly with Him. Not out front, not lagging behind; but alongside Him so I can be with Him on this journey. My meditation will be in Psalm 100 - I will think about how I am one of His people and a sheep in His pasture. I willingly submit my will to His today and let Him shepherd me. I will ask Him questions - and then wait for His answers. Will you join me? 


Who's Waiting on Who?

Caregivers often wake up tired, do you ever do that? It seems that if we are in bed for any length of time we should wake up refreshed and ready to go. 

We deal with so many different areas and are pulled in numerous directions everyday that it's easy to get and stay tired. Just because we became a caregiver doesn't mean that we stopped being everything else. Besides caregivers we are often also: grandparents, teachers, parents, sisters, children, siblings, athletes, homemakers, writers, and the list could go on. To be a caregiver we didn't have to stop being in all these other roles because as we learned real quick - life does go on.


Besides all the tasks associated with a normal life, we have caregiving chores too. And to be totally honest sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I stay tired too! (smile) I get tired of dealing with politics and health care stuff. 

...tired of dealing with social workers
...tired of dealing with aides that don't want to work
...tired of dealing with paperwork 
(the same paperwork over and over and over)
...tired of dealing with the system 
...tired of dealing with doctors who don't call back

I'm sure we each have our own items to add and our own lists. Sometimes it's not the actual caregiving that wears us out - it's all the stuff we have to put up with to do it. 

This morning I got up thankful that God does not get tired. I love the passage in Isaiah 40 that says this:
Have you never heard or understood?
Don't you know that the Lord is the everlasting God,
the creator of all the earth?
He never grows faint or weary.
No one can measure the depths of His understanding.
He gives power to those who are tired and worn out
He offers strength to the weak. (NLT)

That's just what I needed to hear this morning. He does not get tired. That means He doesn't get tired or weary of me getting tired and weary. He doesn't roll His eyes when I start whining again, or pouting. He just waits for me to come back around. He's not tired of me - He's not tired of my situation, He's not tired of me being tired. He gives me power when I an tired and worn out!


Today my meditation will be on His never ending strength and the fact that He waits for me to wait on Him so He can pour it into me. My thoughts will be on how He is the everlasting God  who does not get tired but gives strength and power to me. I will admit my weakness, and focus on His strength. Will you join me?


What a Wait!

I've never been very good at awaiting no matter what the situation. From doctor's offices to DMVs to standing in line at WalMart - I just don't do well. It may be that my mind is going a hundred miles an hour, or it could be that I finally have time to think of all the things I could be doing instead. Whatever it is about my makeup waiting just doesn't fit me well.

We've talked a lot in our devotions about waiting on God and maybe I have seen just a tiny bit of improvement since I've become a caregiver. We have some great examples of men and women of faith who waited on God patiently; and some who waited not-so-patiently too. Abraham and Sarah waited for years for God to fulfill His promise; and Joseph waited many years for his dream to come true. When we read the scriptures we can cover several chapters in a matter of minutes and it can be easy to forget that years passed between one chapter and the next.

Last night I was reading in Daniel. I love his story and how he remained faithful to the Lord even though he was in a tough physical situation. We can read this entire book in just a few minutes but we are talking 70 years from the first chapter to the last. That's a lifetime of waiting.

In chapter 9 of Daniel, we find him looking back over the prophecies that were given by Jeremiah. Daniel had most likely read and reread these prophecies during his captivity and he recalled that God promised it would only last 70 years; and it had been 70 years. That's a long time to keep the faith and to continue to trust God through daily adversity. As caregivers, our journeys are not always super smooth or pleasant but most of us have not been in our situation for 70 years.

So Daniel realizes that the 70 years are complete according to the Word of the Lord and he sets himself in prayer. Toward the end of the ninth chapter, he prays this:

Our God listen to the prayer of Your servant,
and to his supplications
For Your sake, O Lord 
Let Your face shine on Your desolate sanctuary.
O my God, 
Incline Your ear and hear!
Open Your eyes and see our desolations...

Caregiving can be a lonely place and sometimes, like Daniel, we just need God to hear and to see us. Our challenge is remaining faithful during the trials of day-to-day living. It can be difficult to be patient. And while there are some pleasant days - each day can be filled with hard work that leaves us exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally at the end of the day.

Today as we take care of our loved one, let us meditate on simply remaining faithful in our walk with God and meditating on the truth that He has not left us to walk it alone. 

This will be my meditation today - will you join me?

Waiting with Integrity

Caregivers have unusual enemies. I say that because our circumstances in life offer different perspectives of the battle. We have unique concerns that others perhaps can't even understand. Day-to-day decisions can become very complicated for the caregiver and simple tasks like making meals or figuring out how to go buy groceries can be huge tasks. It can be a huge undertaking to complete the things most people don't even have to give a second thought to. For me I either have to figure out how to do things like buy groceries or supplies inside a very limited time frame while an aide is here or make ride arrangements 24 hours in advance. It's not a simple thing to just go buy a bag of groceries. And what if I'm about out of eggs and the aide doesn't show up? Let's get real with it - what if I'm out of toilet paper and today's the day I gotta get to the store; and the aide doesn't show up?

While others are worrying about their jobs, which coffee to buy at Starbucks or which movie to go see on the weekend, the caregiver is trying to survive another day. Our enemies can be discouragement, exhaustion, or fighting to keep our chin up and remain positive from day to day. In Psalm 25, the psalmist asks the Lord to not let my enemies win. For caregivers our prayer might be, Lord don't let caregiving take me under! Don't let it define me; You define who I am. It's very easy to lose yourself in caring for another person so much that you can't find yourself anymore. That can be the biggest enemy of all.

In verse 16 of Psalm 25, David says I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged, bring me out of my distresses. That's getting up close and personal. To ask God for help, we have to be honest with Him. It's not that He can't just reach down and rescue us no matter what we are going through - but true deliverance comes through honest and earnest prayer. How will we know what He has brought us out of if we don't identify it? How will we know what we are fighting if it's not identifiable? Personally, I can get sucked into this huge pit of depression which can be debilitating. I can barely take care of daily caregiving chores. Over time, I've recognized the patterns and learned strategies to preempt a long bout with depression. By identifying it and being honest about it I can avoid the deep, dark pit. It's okay to be specific with our prayers - and it's okay to admit to God how we really feel. (It's not like He didn't already know!)

Verses 20 and 21 say this:
Guard my soul and deliver me;
Do not let me be ashamed 
For I take refuge in You.
Let integrity and uprightness preserve me
For I wait for You.

God is able to guard our souls - that is a lot deeper than just taking care of our flesh. He protects the part of us that truly feels the pain of caregiving. He can keep our being safe - even if our body is broken. It takes integrity to be honest with ourselves and with God. To truly wait on Him means I admit I need some help here! The caregiver can wear themselves out trying to rely on themselves - but there comes a time when we know it's not our strength we are running on. When we wait on Him He will guard us and keep us hidden in Him.

Today my meditation will be on how He guards my soul. I will yield to His peace and His strength and allow Him to carry me - mind, will and emotions - through this day. My thoughts will be on how He preserves me in trouble.  And I will speak honestly with Him about how I really feel - so He can heal my heart and soul. Will you join me?

There it is again!

There are many scriptures that talk about waiting on God. It seems to be a favorite theme that runs throughout the psalms. Psalm 62 is just one of the many times there is mention of waiting on Him. Actually, the first verse of this psalm begins with a declaration of My soul waits in silence for God only. Not only is the psalmist, David saying his soul is waiting for God, but he is doing so in silence. Now I don't know about you, but it can be a rare thing for my soul  to be silent. My mouth may not be making a sound but my head and heart are going a hundred miles an hour (on a slow day!).

As a caregiver it can feel like we are always in "waiting mode." Even getting up in the morning means waiting to see what the day will hold. How will our loved one respond to care today? Will the aide show up today? Will supplies arrive on time? Am I going to be able to go grab some groceries or will something preempt it? And that's all the thoughts that start running after hitting the snooze the first time. But no matter how hectic the day starts out we have to learn to wait on God alone. We have to learn to trust Him in every situation.

Psalm 62:5 says My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. Even though he started the psalm with this thought it's like he needs to remind himself to wait - in silence. Then it seems like he is reminding himself of who God is to him:

My rock
My salvation
My stronghold
My glory
My strength
My refuge

I will trust Him at all times.

I can truly pour out my heart before Him because He is a safe place. He knows what we are going through and understands each intricate detail of our crazy lives. But He never condemns or judges us. He even understands the thousands of thoughts that run through our heads in just a few seconds. And you know what? It doesn't scare Him off! 

Our task is to quiet our souls before Him. This can be a true act of worship as we learn to become quiet before God and wait on Him. 

Today I will work on quieting my soul before my God. I will meditate on trusting Him more fully. I will work on surrendering my mind, will and emotions to Him as an act of worship. Will you join me?


What are you Waiting for?

Yesterday my mind kept going back to a very familiar passage in Isaiah 40. As a runner, I wish this scripture could be more literal. (smile) Verse 31 says They that wait on the Lord will renew their strength, they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary. (NASB)

We are all waiting on God for something. Perhaps we are waiting to have peace over a situation, wisdom for a decision, answers to our questions or hope to arise in our hearts. Waiting is the hard part once we've put it out there before God. Maybe it's because we don't know when the answer will come, or how He's going to answer us. But we can be assured, that He will answer - even if we miss it when it comes.

In the natural, we do get tired; and we do become weary. It's just part of the caregiving package. There are nights with little or no sleep, big decisions that have to be made concerning someone else's health and comfort, and endless chores that have to be done when taking care of another whole person. We can get tired just thinking about the things that have to be done before noon! Weariness is no fun, and it's often not easy to crawl out of, especially without help. I would define being tired as needing to rest; it's where getting a quick nap or sitting down for a bit helps you regain some strength and energy. But weariness is a tougher critter to beat. It's when you are tired and busted body, soul and even spirit. It's bound to happen at some point when you are a caregiver.

Over the last few years, I've learned to adjust the load of caregiving so that I don't wear  out as easily. And over time we can adjust to what many call the "new normal" of caregiving. Our crazy daily routines become easier to bear as we make the necessary adjustments. It's no different than any other situation in that in time we learn coping skills and strategies to make days run more smoothly. (Of course that's not counting the surprises that have to be dealt with.)

It gets easier the sooner we learn to wait on the One who does not get tired (v.28) for our strength. Most of the time - we know very well we cannot carry the load on our own. We have to wait on Him - the only One Who can help us with it. The One who does not get tired will help us keep from becoming weary as we wait for His strength, comfort and hope. When we wait for Him or "hope in Him" as some versions interpret "waiting on Him;" then we learn to trust Him more. He gives us the strength to take one more step and make it one more day.

Today I will meditate on trusting Him more fully. I'll turn my thoughts to resting in Him and waiting for Him. And I will think about the hope, comfort and strength He gives me. I'll concentrate on accepting His hope for today; and I'll let Him carry me through it. Will you join me?

Do We Look Like Him?

If we really take time to think about it, caregivers look a lot like Him. I know, we will all modestly say, "Oh,no we are far from that." But this week in our devotions I want to look at some ways that we do look like Him. (That is the point of Christianity isn't it?) Now I'm not saying we are perfect, or that we have it all together because that is probably not going to ever happen in a caregiver's world. But day after day we continue to care for our loved one(s) without giving up. If we take a serious look, we'll find that we do indeed have Christ-like qualities.

In the New Living Translation, Romans 2:4 is translated this way: Don't you realize how kind, tolerant and patient God is with you? God patiently waits for His children to come to Him. We patiently care for our loved one day after day - whether we see any change or have any hope that the situation will change or not. All of that is irrelevant to providing care.

Have you ever heard someone referred to as having "the patience of Job"? He was very patient during his time of tribulation. Once again we see a man face great adversity and patiently wait for God to act. If I am honest, I am usually more patient with the one I am caring for than I am with God. Job uttered these words that "faith-ers" like to ignore: Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad? So in all this, Job said nothing wrong. (Job 2:10 NLT) In our world "God is good" is way overused especially when things are going great. When the bank account is full, bills are paid, health is stable, then we are happy, happy, happy; and God is good. But is He not still good when things are going downhill? If He is the God we proclaim Him to be - He is God and He is Good - no matter how our circumstances change. And for the caregiver our circumstances can change in a split second.

The fact that we are still clinging to Him in the midst of the trial is proof that we have patience. To run to Him in the storm proves we are still patiently waiting on Him. And day after day as we patiently care for our loved ones whether we observe positive changes or not - we show patience. Today I will meditate on how patient God is with me and how He patiently waits for me to bring my life to Him. Will you join me?


Patience's Equivalence

This morning during my devotional time I came across this scripture in Proverbs 16:32. It says this: It is better to be patient than powerful; it is better to have self-control than to conquer a city. My thoughts stayed there for quite some time as I thought about how it is better to be patient than to have power. I thought about just patience itself and how in my caregiving role I feel like I am continually waiting on God; daily needing Him to act on my behalf. After several minutes of thinking about how important patience is to the caregiver I came to the conclusion that patience and waiting on God are equivalent. Honestly, I do not think I am a very patient person, yet caregiving requires it of me. But I never thought about being patient, to me it was more about not being able to change the situation and accepting it then doing the best I can with it each day. Right now I am thinking that this comes out to equal patience! lol

My mind immediately went to James 1:4. In the old KJV that I memorized in my youth it says this: but let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. The NASB uses the word "endurance" rather than patience. I was thinking that if patience and waiting on God are equivalents, then the first part of this verse in James could read: so let waiting on God have its perfect work...which means for caregivers that we simply wait some more. But  in the waiting we will become complete in Him.

Today my meditation will be on how I can keep my soul quiet before Him as I wait on Him; thus allowing Him to work His work in and through me as I function as a caregiver for His child.

You Want Me to Wait Quietly?

Back in my real ministry days I did a lot of teaching on waiting on God. As a worship leader I learned that I needed those quiet times to develop intimacy with Him. This morning I was looking at Psalm 62 which starts out with I wait quietly before God, for my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.(Pslam 62:1,2 NLT) In verses 5 and 6, David repeats almost the same thing except he says,  I wait quietly before God for my hope is in Him. I took some time to meditate on this.

Life sometimes throws us a curve and many times, for me it can seem that it disrupted what I was doing! My head can get very busy and move so fast through so many thoughts that sometimes I wonder if I have lost the capacity to be quiet before Him. But David seemed to be in a life or death situation as he penned this particular psalm and he made it a point to quiet himself before the One who could give hope and salvation.

Today, I purpose to quiet myself before the God of my salvation, my hope, fortress and strength. I will purposefully stop the chaos of my day to meditate on His goodness - this means that I cannot let my situation be overwhelming to me or the focus of my thoughts. If my situation has all of my thoughts and energy then I can lose hope, and strength can fail. So I will turn my thoughts back to Him today and allow Him to give me hope no matter how bleak the situation may seem.

Will you join me today in quietly waiting for Him?

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...