Immediately, I thought of Jeremiah 29:13 that tells us if we seek Him we will find Him. I always told my youth groups that God doesn't play hide-n-seek well. He waits for us to seek Him and then He reveals Himself to us.
As a caregiver, I have felt sometimes like God was hiding from me; and at other times like He had completely abandoned me. My heart tells me it's not so - but it's how I have felt at times nonetheless.
It comes down to what I am going to choose to believe. Will I follow my hollow emotions that tell me He has abandoned me forever? If I do, I may be found in company with the psalmist who said, Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will He never again show me favor? Is His unfailing love gone forever? Have His promises permanently failed? Has God forgotten to be kind? Has He slammed the door on His compassion? (Psalm 77:7-9 NLT)
I have to wonder if all caregivers have had this series of questions run through their mind at one time or another. I know I cycle back around to them from time to time. But like the psalmist, I wind up with the thoughts in verse 11 I recall all You have done, O Lord; I remember Your wonderful deeds of long ago. I will choose to agree with this verse and renew my seeking heart in Him.
I cannot deny that He has walked this difficult road with me. I cannot deny He has provided all along the way. I cannot deny I have seen His hand at work. And I cannot deny I've seen Him reveal His heart in mine.
For me, the key is looking for it; or seeking it. I have been so angry with God at times that I didn't want to look for Him or His works. I really didn't care. But He patiently waits for me to work through my rash emotions and crazy thoughts. And once I do - He's right there waiting for me to find Him - waiting to reveal Himself to me once again.
My goal becomes the same as it was BC (before caregiving) - to remain in a state of seeking Him. If we look for Him - we will find Him. It's about wanting to see Him in our day-to-day lives. It's easy to withdraw to the caregiver's cave and exclude God and everyone else too. But whether we have retreated to the all-familiar cave or have ventured out for awhile, if we choose to look for Him - He will be there. Right where we left Him.
Today I'm going to think about how He is so patient with me. He never throws up His hands and says, "I'm done." He waits for me - just like He wants me to wait on Him. My thoughts will be on how He continues to walk this road with me and how He has comforted me in the dark night of the soul. I will purposefully and consciously look for Him in my life today. Will you join me?