Showing posts with label emotional journey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional journey. Show all posts

Grace for Today

ronella and chris hugging each other

I don't want to brag, but I can go from I'm okay, I've got this to the depths of emotional despair on a dime. Is that just me? The day is rocking along. I'm in control. I've got it, getting things done. And then Bam! Out of seemingly nowhere a thought, a photo, a song, a memory, a whatever else - snaps my emotions in two. I'm wiping tears from my eyes, thankful for the memory, but wondering why.

I have a feeling it is very common among caregivers. Even though our journeys tend to be widely different, they often lead us along similar emotional paths. We are good one minute and not - the next. 

That's why I love His grace so much. In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul was whining. Don't tell them I said so, but apostles seem to be a whiney lot. (LOL - lighten up!) He did not like what he was going through. As a matter of fact, he admitted to asking God three times to remove it from him. God did not. 

Paul begged God to remove his "thorn in the flesh" - his discomfort, his emotional pain, his bondage. While Paul didn't get the answer he wanted, he did get an answer. God explained, My grace is sufficient. What a loaded statement! Right? 

If I'm honest, there are some days (not too many of them really) that I just don't like caregiving. I would enjoy the freedom of heading out for a hike or just the ability to jump and run to the store if I need to. I've forgotten what it's like to call a friend and see if they wanna grab a cup of coffee or a quick meal. Most days - I'm good with it. I've adjusted. I don't "need" all that. But every once in a while normal raises its head and longs to be a part of my day. Those days, I need a bit more grace. I'm more prone to tears and battle depression a bit more on those types of days. Do you? Maybe it's just me.

No matter what a day piles on our (already full) plates, God's grace is enough to match it. I imagine it a bit like an old cowboy poker game. Someone raises the bid - the stakes of the game. Everyone has the choice of folding - or staying in the game. But instead of us making the choice - when life raises the ante - God says - I see that and I'll raise you two more. No matter what kind of hand we are given on any given day - His grace covers the stakes. I like that. There's a bit of comfort in that - knowing that the stakes can't be raised so high that He folds or gives up. He just keeps covering it all with His grace.

Today, I will make His grace my meditation. Hebrews 4:16 in the New Living Translation says when we come boldly to His throne of mercy - we find grace to help in time of need. I'm going to lean in to Him a bit more today and let (that's a BIG action word) - His grace cover and carry me. Will you join me?

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31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover


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Caregiver Extremes

Chris standing
I just want to admit up front that emotionally I can be all over the place. That's nothing new, really. But with the impending move, it seems to me like it's a little bit worse. In case I forgot to fill you in, we are moving! My daughter and SIL are buying a huge house so we can all move in. They are going to help me with Chris and I'll help them with kids and day-to-day stuff as well. We are all excited and I believe it's a good move.

As I anticipate change though, my thoughts and emotions go from extreme excitement to sheer terror. Eventually, I adjust and change is not usually as rough as I thought - but I'm all over the place until I adjust and settle in.

Extremes are not all that uncommon for caregivers, especially on some days. Maybe it's just me but I can be booking along having a great day and a memory or a photo or almost anything can spark raw emotions. Not to brag or anything, but I can go from chipper and happy to calm and weepy in under 10 seconds. I'm so glad that God understands this roller coaster ride and already knows if the next turn will bring an up moment or a down one. He's prepared to handle either one every single time. He doesn't condemn me for either extreme He just gathers up the broken pieces of my heart and glues it all back together with His love, compassion and care. He often steps right into the middle of either extreme and carefully does His mending. I'm guessing that's what keeps me running back to Him.

Today, as I pack and plan, I will be meditating on His careful watching care. My meditations will be on how He never takes His eyes off me. I'll think about how accepting He is of me and my emotional swings. He offers no condemnation or criticism - only care and concern for me. I'm going to stop and think about that for a while right now - and trust Him for just one more day - will you join me?

What did you say?

Over the weekend I took a couple of hours to go through my big box of writing stuff. I've collected quite a few things over the years and have tons of unfinished projects. My goal was to get it all organized and get started on something...anything! I can now proudly say I have all my projects gathered together and somewhat organized, and I have 2-3 I am ready to dive into and get done. But among all my scattered notes, ideas and thoughts I found a study I had done that I didn't even remember doing.

It seems I've gone through the Psalms and looked at how the psalmists dealt with the voice of the enemy. I've started collecting my thoughts around this idea and the project is underway.

I've thought quite a bit about this the last couple of days and just last night it hit me - the enemy doesn't have a voice if we don't give him one. If we look at Psalm 3, David speaks of what the enemy is saying about him. Specifically - God will never rescue him!" (v. 2 NLT)

But David wasn't sitting around the campfire collaborating with a physical enemy. He was trying to stay one step ahead of them. He did not literally hear the enemy say those words. It's what he felt. Maybe it's just me, but those darn voices in my head can lead me way off track some days. No one is telling me I'm crazy, I can't do it, I'm going to fail, etc. It's my perception of what everyone thinks.

My enemy wants me to think that God is not going to rescue me either. He would like for me to give up hope, sit back on my laurels and stop trying to believe. He wants to sap our hope, trust and faith because he knows if we don't continue in our faith he'll have us backed into a corner incapacitated. The voice of the enemy has not changed over the years - it's still feeding us the same thing it was handing out to David all those years ago.

What I found interesting was David's response. He simply declared what God had done:

You O Lord, are a shield around me,
My glory and the lifter of my head.
I cried out - and He answered me...
I lay down and slept - I woke up in safety
for the Lord was watching over me.

And then he made his faith statement: I am not afraid of ten thousand enemies who surround me on every side.  Following that with a prayer: Arise, O Lord! Rescue me, my God! Then he finishes off the psalm with another declaration and a prayer:  Victory comes from You, O Lord.May Your blessings rest on Your people.

David silenced the enemy's voice in his head through prayer and declaration. He stated what He knew about God - even though he was seeing no direct action from Him. In the midst of the battle on the field and in the mind David says - You O Lord are a shield around me - the glory and lifter of my head! 

For the caregiver thoughts and emotions are ever eroding away at our faith. The day-to-day can be a constant struggle to keep our heads above water and not be swept underneath the tide. Even though we are not fighting a physical enemy specifically, the mental struggle can be incapacitating at times. The multitude of what-ifs and whys can wipe us out - and they can come often.

Today in the midst of the struggle I will declare with David: You O Lord are my shield - You are my glory and lifter of my head! My thoughts will be on how my choice to be a caregiver pleases Him. On how as I let love be the driving force behind why I am a caregiver - I look like Him. I do not resemble the enemy like he would like me to think! I will remind myself that the enemy's words are always lies - and God's word is always truth. I choose to embrace the truth today with my heart and mind and declare: He is my shield! He will protect my soul! He is with me like a mighty warrior! He will lift my head.   Will you join me?


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