Showing posts with label difficulties. Show all posts
Showing posts with label difficulties. Show all posts

Short Days

 

my mom and aunt polly

Are the days getting shorter? They must be because I keep running out of time and energy before I'm done! Can you relate? When Chris came home from the hospital a couple of weeks ago, he had to have IV antibiotics three times a day for 10 days. Man, did that stretch my scheduling and organizing abilities! lol But we got it done and yesterday, the nurse removed the med line. I was so relieved! (I'm sure he was too!)

I didn't realize how much hooking up an IV and removing it three times a day would take out of me. Sounds a little bit silly to those who don't understand, right? As caregivers, our days (and nights) are already packed full of tasks and responsibilities. Adding one more might not seem like much, but it is when you are already on overload. (I know you understand!)

Most nights I go to bed feeling like I failed because there is still so much left to do. I've had to change the way I talk to myself though. Instead of beating myself up, I started saying- You maybe didn't finish this or that - but today you did do this, this, that, and something else. It seems to help me give myself a break to look at all I did do for the day rather than rolling all the things I left undone.

I'm pretty sure the days are not getting shorter, I'm just trying to cram more stuff in them. lol. For caregivers, it means facing each day with courage and bravery; short days and the long ones too! :-) It doesn't take bravery or courage to lay on the couch and wallow in self-pity all day, right? Who has time for that anyway! We don't need to be brave when everything is going good and easy. Caregivers must get up every morning (if they got any sleep at all) and face the day with bravery. The good thing is that we are not facing it alone. We have His strength to help us and hold us up.

David said in Psalm27:14 -Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart. We can be courageous because we are not facing the long or short days alone. He is in our today - all day long. And He is in our night - all night long until the next day breaks through the dawn.

Today, I will take courage knowing He is facing the day with me. I'm not walking through the next 24 hours alone. He is walking through the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years with me. He won't let me go - so I can choose to go bravely into the known or the unknown because He is upholding me! I'll trust Him for the seen and the unseen that may come at me today - will you join me?



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I Will declarations book cover


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Emotional Roller Coaster Rides

 

Chris giving me "the look"

This morning, I was talking to a friend about emotional health. We were rolling lots of thoughts and strategies around. The topic came up because during my Facebook live devotions (video below), I mentioned I wasn't bragging, but I can go from the apex of wonderful to the valley of despair in as fast las two seconds. I think all caregivers may have those moments. We talk a lot about how difficult caregiving can be logistically and physically. But we often forget how often we deal with emotional roller coasters.

In a given day, hour, or minute even, we can swing from elation to weeping, from crying to joy. Back and forth it goes all day some days. If we are lucky, we land somewhere on solid ground in between. Over the years, I've learned some personal strategies that have started to help me balance emotions out more quickly so that I don't end up in the valley of weeping all day long.

Managing my day as much as possible helps me keep some of the in check. Identifying the boom before the big drop helps me be more proactive. If I can sense the emotional drop coming on, I can change up what I am doing - go for a walk, read a book, watch a movie, sit down for a cup of tea - anything to change up my mood so I don't crash usually helps. I may play the piano or put on some 70s music and dance around the house. I look funny - but I feel better! lol Do you have some strategies you can share?

This all brings to mind the verse in Hosea 2. In verse 15, God says He will turn the Valley of Achor into a door of hope. Achor can be translated as pain, but the NLT translates it as trouble. Either way - no matter what we are going through, God will open a door of hope. If we can work through our emotional adventures (that's a more positive term, right?), we'll see hope open up on the other side. We may need to wipe away a few tears and tilt our head one way or the other - but eventually we will be able to see and experience hope. God will not leave us alone in our pain or stress. He comes to us and stays with us - as long as we need Him. 

Today, I declare that I need Him! I have no doubt that I cannot do this caregiving thing on my own and my intense need for help drives me right to His heart. What do we find there, but His heart beating for us. I'll remind myself that He meets us in our moment of need - that moment we know we need Him above all. He holds us. He sings over us. He comforts us. He helps us. He provides for us - on every level from our finances, to health, to emotional support. He is here for us. Say it out loud with me - God is here for me today! I will trust Him for today - will you join me in this pursuit?

My facebook devotions this morning:





                                                                                                                                           



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Invisible

 


Do you ever feel invisible as a caregiver? Pain is invisible. Grief is invisible. Our tears are usually invisible to others too. I guess about the only time I don't feel as invisible is when I go to the store - then I feel like we stick out like a sore thumb. I push Chris in front and pull a cart behind like a slow-moving train through the store. Can't miss that now, can we? lol

Sometimes, people can't and don't want to imagine our pain. Maybe they can't fathom our living grief. Maybe for some, seeing us reminds them of their own pain or grief they don't know how to deal with. Since I am the aide now, I take Chris with me everywhere - even to my doctor's appointments. They "accommodate" him - but they do not speak to him - or ask about him in any way. Does that strike you as strange? Maybe it feels odd since my whole life is wrapped up in taking care of him. Idk.

But every once in a while, someone breaks from this silent norm and steps out of all our comfort zones. Two times this week (maybe just because we are out more now!) people have actually spoken to him. That should not be a huge occurrence, but it is. On Chris' birthday which went largely forgotten (or ignored), I took him to Braum's for ice cream as a birthday treat. An elderly lady started walking toward us. She walked up and pointed to Chris and said - "I can tell you are someone special." When I told her he was indeed and it was his birthday - she broke out singing "Happy Birthday." Thank God for this angel!

Yesterday, as we got in the elevator to leave the heart hospital, an elderly man spoke to Chris - "Hello, young man how are you?" he said. I awkwardly explained that Chris is non-verbal but he hears and understands well. The man made no more attempts at talking to him. But at least he said hi!

As invisible as I feel - I wonder if Chris, in his silence feels even more invisible. Someone in a caregiver's group this week said an injury or a condition doesn't prevent the heart from feeling love. As caregivers, our pain is deep. Our grief is numbing. But we still feel both ends of the emotional spectrum from rejection to love. 

We are not invisible to God. He sees us through and through. He feels our breath and senses every emotion, knows every thought, and perceives the depth of every single pain we sense. Sometimes, it feels so huge I can't even fathom that, but I'm thankful that He can see that deeply into emotions and feelings I don't even have words for.

Today, I will remind myself that we are not invisible to God. My thoughts will be on how He intentionally looks our way and how He purposefully touches those deep parts of our hearts. I'll be thankful that He draws near when I feel most broken. He soothes. He comforts. He heals hurts no one will ever know we have. Will you join me in thanking Him for that today?


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31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover


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All In a Day's Work

 Caregivers are an amazing breed. That's been my experience anyway, with all the caregivers I've been privileged to meet. Daily tasks are quite difficult for most - no matter what level of caregiver you feel you are. Even long-distance caregiving has it's set of difficulties. Making choices for another person just isn't easy. Some days are so difficult just trying to decide whether Chris (my son with a TBI) would prefer to sit in his wheelchair, the recliner, or the rocker - can be so hard to decide.

For the most part, we just take those difficulties in stride. It's all in a day's work, isn't it? Then there are days like my Tuesday this week. You know those days - something gets chunked in the way to change up our already complex navigations. For me, this week, it was a major asthma attack. On top of that, I actually had plans for Tuesday night. I was supposed to teach a Bible Study class at the church we've started attending. Being type A - having made a plan I couldn't possibly fulfill is even more frustrating. But when urgent care came to the house and couldn't do a thing - the ER was the next logical step. But it's all in a day's work.

We loaded up and headed to the ER and were there until late evening. He's okay of course and they did let me bring him home even though they wanted to keep him overnight because of low oxygen levels. But it sure put a kink in things. How do we handle this sort of thing? It's emotional, it's frustrating, it's crippling - for me anyway. Maybe it's just me - but I am just now trying to make any plans at all. This is the reason I haven't for so long. They can get interrupted so easily and my fear is others will think I am unreliable - etc. (Type A - remember!)

But with it all - no matter what comes in a day we learn over time - as we stay sensitive to Him - to just let it go. I don't have to manage anyone else's emotions - mine are quite enough! lol. I can take all those emotions to Him and pour out my heart before Him (I was ready. I was excited!!!) and He understands. He knew beforehand. Didn't He?  It's okay to lay it all out before Him just like you see it - and let Him share with you how He sees it. How He sees you.

Today, I will purposefully give my emotions to Him. I'll ask Him how HE views me - not the church, not my friends, not my family - what does He see when He looks at my heart? I'll be content that He knows what a "day's work" is for me - how hard I try to keep it all together on every level - and I'll give it to Him one more time as I trust Him for one more day - because He is enough. Will you join me?

Abraham's Faith

So this morning I'm reading through Romans 4 about Abraham and his faith. In the 20th verse, it says his faith never wavered. Let me explain first thing - I'm no Abraham. I am honest and open about the fact my faith has wavered; and the first to admit I've totally lost it a few times along the way.

It makes it difficult to face challenges in life when we are indirectly (and sometimes directly) taught that circumstances occur because we don't have faith. Faith-ers have this distorted view that says if you believe hard enough and are good enough at it nothing bad will ever happen to you or your family. That just simply doesn't bear out in scriptures, as we've discussed here before.

If faith prevents difficult situations there's be no faith building stories like David and Goliath, Moses and the Red Sea, Joseph in prison, Paul and Silas in Prison or Jesus on the cross. That's just to name a few. It was in  the struggle we see their faith, not the fact that they believed to avoid it.

We hold on to the stories in scripture where we see God prevail. David took Goliath down! Joseph wasn't always in prison and did see his dreams come to pass. Moses crossed that Red Sea, Paul and Silas got out of prison and Jesus rose from the grave!! But each of them had to walk through the difficulty to get to the end. Even Job held on to faith in dire circumstances and even though God restored everything to him - he never got his first kids back. He suffered loss and clung to faith.

So as I am reading about Abraham's faith in Romans 4, all these stories are going through my head. The act of faith is not avoidance - it's the circumcision of the heart. Abraham believed God before the covenant of circumcision. Verse 11 says the circumcision was a sign of his faith. It didn't cause him to have faith, but was an outward demonstration of the covenant of faith.

In verse 20 where it talks about Abraham never wavering in his faith it says instead of wavering, his faith grew stronger. I know my faith has been totally redefined, especially since I got into this caregiving gig through great tragedy. I'll tell you I lost it altogether a time or two. But I always come back around.

While I cannot honestly say that I have not wavered in my faith during the trials of life, I can say I have seen my faith grow. Even though it's been totally redefined and may not look like I thought it would. I can say my faith in God (not just what He can do) is continuing to grow. If you'll take a close look - it's likely your faith is being strengthened too. Maybe it just looks like determination that says to God - I won't let go of You! even when we don't understand. Maybe it looks like running to Him to find answers that remain fuzzy. Maybe faith looks like tears streaming down your face asking Him why one more time. No matter how it looks - if you are still at his feet - you have faith.

Romans 4:20 says Abraham's faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God.

So if you are still standing, even on wobbly knees. If you are still trusting, even with shaky heart. If you are still praying, even silently because words are gone. If you are still wondering and quietly seeking Him even if you didn't want to sometimes. Your faith is bringing glory to God; and I believe He is pleased.

Today my thoughts will be on how He finds pleasure when I pursue Him - no matter what life looks like from here. I'll turn my thoughts to the fact that He's still right here - and He has me in His heart - and I can't escape. My meditations will be on the fact that I don't have to work to please Him - He's happy with my faith, my trust and the fact that I am bound to run to Him. And I will trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Philippians 4:13

If you've been exposed to church circles for any amount of time perhaps you've heard this scripture thrown around a lot. We see it on facebook posts and on various sites. WE tend to use it to talk ourselves through to victory - and its application is broad. I am not sure we understand it in context though.

 A quick look at the preceding verses lets us see some of the apostle Paul's heart. He states in these verses that he had learned to be content  in whatever circumstances he found himself in. Although he gives very little detail, he says that whether he had plenty or had little it was enough. He also says that he was content whether his stomach was empty or full... and that these extremes were manageable because Christ in him gave him strength to face each situation.

 The context of Phil. 4:13 is not just taking a dive off the positive side of things and trying to make every thing into a facade of ease. But rather it is saying that there's no room to stress; if things get tough it's His strength that will carry us through - and it will pass! And when things are going well - it's still His strength that will carry us through. And this too shall pass!

So no matter what we are facing today - both good and bad, He can effectively carry us through. Our struggle then is to learn how to rely on Him, not in the difficult times - that's when we call on Him most, but learning how to rely on Him in the good times as well.  Rely on Him today - no matter what you are facing easy or difficult! Don't for get Him on the good days!!

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...