Fighting the Downward Spiral

For caregivers, emotions can run on edge. Oh, eventually we adjust to the hectic life and can hold it together through all the basic stuff. We really don't have much of a choice so we get used to aides not showing up, not getting enough supplies, and advocating for our loved one on a daily basis. The daily chores become routine as do all the things we have to get done to care for another person. For some of us that basically means you do everything twice because they need total care. We adjust, figure out we are still alive, and we even learn to laugh again. And then something happens.

We get used to the craziness and then a vehicle breaks down, the hot water heater malfunctions or we get sick. It really doesn't take too much because we run on overload. For me personally it can mean the emotions go toward that downward spiral. Even though there are some strategies that I've learned to use to help prevent me from bottoming out - it is a difficult fight and each step "back up" takes every bit of energy that can be mustered.

In times like these I think of David and of one scripture in particular: David encouraged himself in the Lord. (1 Samuel 30:6) And like the caregiver, he had to -- no one else was around! David had been anointed king but had instead faced a multitude of troubles. He had a lot on his plate at this time since his own had rejected him, he was running from Saul, had joined in with "the enemy" (Philistines), and they didn't trust him to fight with them. THEN the Amalekites came in and tore up Ziklag and took all the women and children. David was just a little bit upset. Like the overloaded caregiver, he already had enough on his plate. But he stopped the downward spiral and encouraged himself in the Lord. 

If my sources are correct, David wrote Psalm 16 while facing the struggle at Ziklag. He starts out with a prayer for God to preserve him  and then declares that he will trust the Lord. I'd say that's a great place to start each day. He says things like:

You are my portion

I will bless the Lord

I have set the Lord always before me

I will not be moved (because He is at my right hand)

It sounds to me like David knew how to reach down, up or around and find his source and supply in God. I think two things that stick out to me today as I fight the strong pull of the downward spiral are in verses 9 and 10. In verse 9 David says My flesh will rest in hope.  I really like that! And in the next verse he says You will not leave my soul in Sheol. I'm going to take that to mean for me that God will not leave my soul in turmoil and anguish. To encourage himself, David looked toward God first and then reminded himself of the role God played in his life. Verses 7-8 line that out pretty well. Here David says:

I will bless the Lord

I will set Him before me

I will not be moved

Then in verse 9 he says therefore my heart is glad and my  glory rejoices - and  I will rest in hope.

Today I will meditate on who God is to me and I will rest in hope. I will set my mind on the truth that He is with me and He has not and will not abandon my soul (mind, will, emotions). I will try to see myself in His hand; in His heart today. I will also be reading this psalm over and over today. Will you join me?

After all That?

We are finally at the end of Psalm 119! I've said before that I really enjoy this psalm I'd encourage you to take the time to read it again and again. David's heart is revealed in this psalm. We see him on the mountain rejoicing to broken and deep sorrow. But overall it reveals  a heart that is seeking the ways of God.

I find the final verse of this chapter very interesting. After all the seeking and longing after God the last verse says: I have gone astray like a lost sheep. What is that? All of this talk of praising God, longing after His ways and His word and you go astray? It was just a few verses ago in v. 165 that he said Great peace have those who love Your law and nothing shall offend them. How can I love the word, be offence-less and then go astray? It happens.

Thankfully, David didn't leave it hanging like that - his next phrase (or perhaps prayer) is Seek Your Servant. After penning 176 verses about how he is seeking God, he is asking God to seek him. I like that! When we are seeking God with all of our hearts - looking into His word for guidance and direction; and we accept His strength for the journey - all we need is a glance from Him. What peace it brings just to know he is looking our way. We are not politely ignored!

It's so easy to get lost in the shuffle even when we are seeking Him. Sometimes I need Him  to find me!

Today I will meditate on the truth that He is seeking me with more intensity than I am seeking Him! I'll consider how much He values me that He would come looking for me on those days I just don't have the strength to try. I'll enjoy His embrace today...will you join me?

Breath of Life

You can probably tell by now (assuming you're still reading) that I like Psalm 119. It's the longest chapter in the Bible but it is so rich. Today we'll look at verses 153 to 160. David starts out with a plea for the Lord to consider his affliction. Ever felt that way? There are times we can feel very loved and watched over and the next thing you know we feel like He's packed up, moved away and left us to ourselves. (or maybe that's just me!) David must have felt some of those emotions to ask God to consider him once again.

Something that seems to stand out in these few verses is David's request to be revived once again. It's noticeable throughout the entire chapter but three times in this passage he asked for the lord to revive him.

revive me according to Your Word (v. 154)

revive me according to Your judgments (v. 156)

revive me according to Your mercy (v. 159)

It makes me think that David didn't care what means God used to do it -- he just needed to be revived! Boy, can the caregiver relate to that on some days.Our cry can easily become "give me life!". There are days when the Word seems to be beamed down from heaven straight into our hearts; and days it feels like we couldn't hear God speak if He used an audible voice. But no matter what it feels like on any given day, the word is life. (John 6:63) When we give our attention to seeking Him and His word, it brings life to our soul whether we see it, feel it or not. It goes directly into our hearts and feeds our faith - even when our flesh feels like we are in a major disconnect. 

Caregivers tend to be survivors - we can't help it, really. It becomes our very nature over time if it wasn't before we began the caregiving journey. But sometimes we have to admit we cannot do it ourselves. One thing I've heard myself say is that caregiving has shown me how strong I am; but it has equally revealed my weaknesses. We must learn to trust in Him - more than we trust ourselves.We have to become more dependent on Him and trust Him to breathe His life into us through His word.

Today I will meditate on His word and think about how it breathes life into my spirit. I'll pray for His strength to make the next part of the journey no matter what it brings; and I will rely on His strength instead of my own. Will you join me?

Mercy's Filter

I don't know many caregivers who wouldn't pay for a good night's sleep. Personally, it's not too bad for me overall but for short periods of time I may have to get up during the night. Early on I secured a mattress that helps prevent bed sores which means I don't have to turn my son every 2 hours. It really helps when we can get chunks of sleep like 4-6 hours at least. But then there are still those nights usually several in a row when I am disrupted throughout the night. Usually on top of just having to get up during the night there are other issues occurring like illness or discomfort to address.

David says in Psalm 119:148-149:  My eyes are awake through the night watches, that I may meditate on Your word. Hear my voice according to Your lovingkindness... I must say that when I am up during the "night watches" it's not always so I can meditate on the Word. In fact, it's never so I can meditate on His Word. You really don't want to know the kinds of things I think or say when my sleep is disrupted. But I can promise that my prayers are not always pure at 3 in the morning. I'm usually concerned for my son and so my prayers may sound more like yelling at God things like, "Where are You now?" or "Can You even hear me?" I have crazy thoughts like  can you see me? Have You even noticed my situation? Do You have any answers? Is there any hope?

...just bein' honest.

But the psalmist also prayed for the Lord to hear me according to Your lovingkindness or mercy. I pray that God hears my cries for help through His mercy and not from my desperation. Perhaps He filters my earnest anguished thoughts through mercy's filter. I really believe He does. When we are at our most desperate point - He looks at us through mercy not disdain. He sees we are desperate - He knows we need Him. And He extends His mercy every time.

The last portion of verse 149 reads this way: revive me according to Your justice. David is asking God to hear me and revive me. This is my prayer today.

Today I will meditate on how He extends His mercy even to me! I'll think about how He filters my cries through His mercy and revives me by breathing His life into my being. Will you join me?

You're an Original!

No two people are exactly alike. Even identical twins who look alike can be very different in their thought processes and ways they deal with life. No two caregivers are alike and no two situations are alike. We are all originals - worth saving.

In Psalm 119:94 the psalmist states: I am Yours, save me! Our flesh is just dirt and it's not what God is interested in saving. We are a spirit being and God saves the real us - that part of us that is not going to die. There is only one  of us - only one spirit being that makes us - us. We are an original through and through and God sees us as worth saving. He went to extremes to make sure we had a way to get back to Him.

I think there is a lot in this desperate plea for salvation. The two verses prior state this: Unless Your law had been my delight, I would then have perished in my affliction. I will never forget Your precepts for by them You have given me life. It would be very easy for caregiving to consume us and for many it does mean losing our own lives to care for another. But even in our affliction - His law, His word can be our delight. We must admit that sometimes we hold on to it with just a little thread of strength! But it sustains us even in our affliction. His word gives us life and light to make it through each day.

As life continues to shape us into the individuals we are, we must continue to hold on to His word. It's too easy to give up and become bitter and hard. But when life gets hard we must cling to His word with even more diligence and allow it to shape us until we look like Him. This is our comfort in our affliction that we can still look like Him - His word still works in us and for us. We do not have to perish in any affliction - we may have to endure it! But His word is able to sustain us and give us life.

Today my meditation will be on the truth that He gives me life. His word gives me the strength to breathe. I'll turn my heart and mind to accepting His help for the journey instead of trying to make it on my own. Will you join me?

Walking it Out

It can be the day-to-day grind that is so difficult for the caregiver. Even though each day can bring it's own set of "surprises" and circumstances, the caregiver's life just goes on. There is often no relief or end in sight. If we are honest, no matter how positive we choose to be and how hard we remain focused, there are times when it seems overwhelming. Our situation can be constant and unchanging. Some have hope of a "better" day while others quite frankly, do not. Joni Eareckson Tada says that disability is just so daily. It's the same for the caregiver - there isn't always a break. It's not as much about learning how to "take a break" in the middle of the journey - as it is learning how to walk it out.

What I mean by walking it out is how we handle the day-to-day grind. How do we respond when pressure rises in an already pressure-filled situation? (I won't tell how horrible my responses are if you won't! - or maybe I'm the only one who explodes now and then!) Sometimes it can seem like we are dealing with thousands of issues on a daily basis - and others forget that there is actually so much more to our lives than just caregiving - even though it consumes our lives.

We have children, grandchildren, aging parents, our own health issues, financial decisions, friends, and perhaps tons of other responsibilities too. How we walk it out says a lot about us and our character.

In Psalm 119:74 says this: Those who fear You will be glad when they see me because I have hoped in Your word. This is how I want caregiving to appear in my life - when others see my walk - they find joy and hope because they see that I have hoped in His word. I don't want them to see the frustration, agitation or craziness I can portray. I hope they can look past all that and see that in the middle of the storm I am clinging to Him, that I find hope in Him.

It seems life is really about learning to trust Him no matter what comes. One hymn said it this way: He is all my hope and peace. I must agree. And even on the crazy days - He is a constant source of peace and hope.

Today I will meditate on the truth that He is my peace - He is my hope. I will turn my thoughts to His peace and put my hope in  Him. "Put" is a verb - an action word. I will focus on actively placing my hope in Him - for He is my hope and peace.

On Our Own?

Life can bring with it many afflictions - sometimes life just hurts. And it doesn't need any help from unexpected tragedies or sickness - it's just painful. It is really up to us how we choose to respond to pain life deals out. And don't you hate it when someone tells you it's a character building  experience? What experience is not a character builder? In each circumstance we face we are staring down a choice - how are we going to handle this?

Are we going to fall apart? Run crying to a friend? Give up and quit? Shut down our emotions? You may list anything else here that is your MO (Mode of Operation)! I'm not saying that these are right - or wrong - just typical responses when we don't know how to deal with situations. But no matter what - eventually we have to work through it and live. Caregivers are no different. We don't get a separate instruction manual than the rest of the world! Our choices are the same as everyone else's and our decisions just as individual as the next guy.

In Psalm 119:50 the psalmist states: This is my comfort in my affliction: for Your word has given me life.  I clung to this scripture years back as the very fact that His word still "quickens" me, still speaks to me, still brings healing, hope and peace even in my affliction - is a very comforting thing. Wouldn't it be awful if when we faced trials His word shut down and waited for us to come around? Thankfully it's not that way! His word is alive, the writer of Hebrews said.

Verse 52 says basically that the psalmist comforted himself by remembering God's word. Ever been there before? Caregiving can be a lonely place and we can live in social isolation. There may not be anyone nearby to help lift your hands and your heart during those dark nights of the soul that are unavoidable. But when we are on our own - we still have His word and we can comfort ourselves.

As a matter of fact, verse 55 gives us another clue to how rough it was for the psalmist. He states I remember Your name in the night. It's those dark, lonely times that can get us isn't it? That's when we feel  the most alone - but when we are "on our own" is when we have to dig down and let His word comfort us. That's right - we actually have to be willing and yielded to His word to receive His comfort.

Today I will meditate on being yielded to His word. I will turn my thoughts to Him and put my heart in His hands. I will let His word bring me comfort, peace direction and correction today. (Correction? who said anything about that?!)  Will you join me?

No Disclaimers for Caregivers in the Bible!

Did you ever read a scripture and wonder if it could really apply to caregivers? When I first started the caregiving journey I thought for certain that there were some scriptures that would no longer be applicable to life. But as my emotions settled down and I adjusted to my new "normal" I found that there is not one disclaimer for us in the Bible.

This weekend I was reading Psalm 119 - one of my all time favorites. I was surprised at how many times David speaks of the word reviving his soul. In verse 25, he says:  my soul clings to the dust, revive me according to Your word. Who knows what the psalmist was going through to feel like his soul (mind, will and emotions) were having to be scraped up from the earth just to go on! I've had a few days like that - just like every other caregiver. I guess where I found comfort in this scripture was realizing that the word is not void because I'm in a caregiving situation. There's no disclaimer that says His word can revive my soul unless I'm a caregiver - or unless anything.

His word still gives power; it still gives life. And we still have the responsibility of hiding it in our heart - where the word can do it's best work. I like the preceding scripture too - v. 24 states: Your testimonies also are my delight and my counselors. Oh how I need His word to bring life and delight back to my weary soul! I also find comfort in knowing that His word can offer wisdom for dealing with different situations. But once I again, I have to tune my ear to hear Him and my heart to truly listen.

He did not offer a disclaimer which nullifies the power of His word in the life of a caregiver; and we are not exempt from following Him, listening to Him, hiding His word in our heart, etc.

Today I will meditate on the power of His word in my "messed up" life. I'll set my mind and heart on pursuing Him and listening to His heart in mine. I won't "check out" today - will you join me?

There was a Crooked Man

Do you ever wonder why life can't be easier? Why can't things go smoother? Life can get so hectic - and do so suddenly with no warning at all. I'm sure you've had those days. You know - things are rocking along pretty good and Bam! Out of nowhere it's helter-skelter. Now it's anything but smooth sailing. And since the caregiver lives on the edge - it really doesn't take much, does it?

What do you do when life makes a sudden change? How do you handle it when the day is going along smoothly and the aide doesn't show, you realize you're out of wipes (that's serious y'all!) or you didn't get the right formula? Usually, the aide shows up fine as long as you don't plan anything, right? But decide you're going to run to the store for some necessities like coffee or toilet paper and she won't show up - guaranteed. We really do have to just laugh about it (later though because when it happens it's usually traumatic!).

Usually, things do have a way of working themselves out. It may take some crazy, frantic phone calls, or some huge schedule juggling to get through some days; but we do live. And we do get toilet paper again! lol Even though it may seem to the caregiver that there are more hectic days than gentle ones - it does even out.

These were some of my thoughts earlier this morning as I was preparing for the day. This can be a difficult task as things can change on a dime. Presently, the aide comes whenever she feels like it and leaves when she thinks she's done. Oh, and she brings her lunch from Church's Chicken and sits at my table to enjoy it! Sounds silly, doesn't it? It happened yesterday for real. I just shake my head in disbelief - We really can't make some of these things up!

So what's a caregiver to do with all the craziness a day may bring? Scriptures promise us that there is a "place of rest" for God's people (Hebrews 4:9). For the caregiver, it can seem far away. But it's there. In my meditations this morning I thought of Isaiah 40:4 -He makes the crooked places straight and the rough places smooth. You know, Isaiah was right (of course). It all evens out in the end.

At the end of a hectic, crazy, long day - we will still be able to rest in Him. He is still there for us, He is still carrying us and it all smooths out eventually.

Today I will meditate on the peace of God. I'll set my mind and heart on letting His peace guard and keep my heart and mind. I will purposefully shift my focus to the peace and rest He offers and I'll accept a full serving today. Will you join me?

Not What it Looks Like

Sometimes the life of a caregiver can seem very barren. We can suffer from loneliness and social isolation even in this technologically "connected" world. Personally, I can go an entire day without holding a conversation with a real person even though I have plenty of interactions online. Online is certainly better than nothing but it does not replace actually hearing someone's voice, seeing their facial expressions or sharing laughter. It can seem very barren sometimes like we don't exist even in the world in which we live.

Isaiah 54 says Sing O barren, you who have not borne! Break froth into singing and cry aloud, you who have not labored with child! For more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married woman, says the Lord. God is able to take what looks and feels empty and make it full. He has sort of specialized in the field.

Think about two women: Sarah and Mary. Sarah was considered too old to be fruitful and Mary was in a way too young to be fruitful. God took these two extreme "barren" situations and made them fruitful. And He did it way beyond both of their imaginations. What looked fruitless to man God touched and made fruitful.

Even though our lives may look unfruitful and we can feel barren, God is behind the scenes doing something. We may not know what He is up to - but He's always doing something. Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 4 to keep our eyes on the things we cannot see - instead of the "lack" we can see.  Paul also reminds us in Ephesians 3:20 that God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we can imagine. (I have a pretty good imagination too!)

Today instead of concentrating on the lack, or the barrenness that can accompany a caregiver, I will meditate on what I can't see.  I will look harder and find what God is doing behind the scenes. I will think about what He is doing in me instead of around me. Are you up for the challenge?

Shielded from What?

In Genesis 15, God told Abraham, "I am your shield." Why would Abraham need a shield  and why would God need to announce it? It was a little rough going for Abraham at the time, so you have to wonder what he thought about this Divine declaration. It certainly didn't mean that the father of our faith was going to be exempt from adversity. The preceding chapters indicate that Abraham had been going through a tough time.

In chapter 12 he faced a severe famine and had to relocate. After he relocated, he must have experienced fear thinking that the king was going to kill him off to take his wife. Moving (chapter 13) always brings change and that's never comfortable. Then also in chapter 13 his men fought with Lot's men so intensely that they had to part ways. Lot, his nephew was then kidnapped in chapter 14 and Abraham led a small scale war to go get him back! Times were not easy when God said, I am your shield.

Actually, the fact that he even needed to be shielded at all lets us know that life was turbulent. It certainly didn't exempt him from adversity. In the next couple of chapters Sarah and Hagar are going to have a huge fight and Abraham is going to witness the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.

Once again scriptures demonstrate that faith does not indicate the absence of adversity or in this case, adversities. But it does show us that even in the midst of trials and tribulations God protects us. While He doesn't protect us from the trouble itself - He does protect our souls. He shields the part of us that matters most - the living part. He keeps our souls from damage during life's deepest, darkest moments. And although we are not spared from the trials themselves, we can rest in  those times knowing that He has us in His hands no matter what life throws at us.

Our soul's salvation - our spiritual well being cannot be damaged by the things life hurls at us. In Ephesians 6, Paul tells us above all - take up the shield of faith.  Faith is trusting that God has our back even in the worst of times.

Today I will meditate on the truth that He has me in the palm of His hand and I'll choose to see myself in His heart where my soul is safe from harm. Will  you join me?

Trying to See Past Today

One of the difficulties I've had as a caregiver is trying to plan the "future." It's just so uncertain - everyday is uncertain. You just never know what is going to unfold, what's going to work, break or who is or isn't going to show up. It's tough enough getting through each day one step at a time without giving consideration to the future too. In my devotions this morning I sort of stumbled across a scripture that helped me see just a little bit past today.

In 2 Corinthians 4 Paul explains that we have the treasure of Christ in this "earthen vessel," or our bodies. What's interesting to me is that after sharing this wonderful bit of information with us he goes on to discuss how much trouble we can face in this clay pot. Caregivers can relate to these situations I think - we are:

hard pressed - but not crushed

perplexed - but not in despair

persecuted - but not forsaken

struck down but not destroyed

Even though we can go through this wide range of emotions - our lives didn't stop when we became caregivers. We are still living lives that are full of Christ. He did not leave us (like some of our "friends") when the going got tough, or the picture got ugly. This is why we "don't lose heart" as Paul goes on to say in verse 16. Perhaps we are in a tight spot - life has dealt us a blow - but we can focus on what we are not: crushed, in despair, hopeless, forsaken or destroyed!

We can chose to look at the parts of the picture that are more enduring, more pleasant. You know what? We did not stop being like Christ when we laid down our lives to care for another. Actually, we started looking a whole lot more like Him.

Think about it. Even though we may feel frustrated, discouraged or tired - we've become more like Him. Don't believe me? The caregiver's life may not look like everyone else's - but we do start to look more like Him. Caregiving requires patience - beyond what I could have ever  dreamed! We are dedicated to the journey and we do what we do because of a deep love. That looks just like Him!

I was leaning over my son's bed one day, telling him I loved him. I realized it was my love for him that kept me on this journey with him. And then it dawned on me - it was the same love that held Christ to the cross. Just like Christ willingly gave up his life for us and love held Him to the cross - our love holds us in the caregiving role. You look a lot more like Him than you thought, huh?

Today I will chose to look past what I see in my life - and I will see Him. My meditation will be of His great love for me - and His dedication to see Himself in me - no matter what life throws my way. Will you join me?

Hangin' Out at His House

Psalm 27 has been a long time favorite of mine and as I was reading it recently there were a few things that really stuck out to me. Verse 5 really rings true for me today: In the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion.  I really like that for two reasons - the first one is that the psalmist says "in the time of trouble." This indicates that he experienced times of difficulty in his own life. It doesn't say "since God got me out of trouble" or "helped me avoid trouble," it says IN the time of trouble. There's not always a quick escape!

The second thing that sticks out to me is that during troublesome times- He hides me at His house. I really like that. He does not cast me aside or treat me like I am unworthy or meaningless - but He puts me up in His own house when I am experiencing trouble.

David indicates that he works hard to stay in God's house. His desire was to be in the Lord's presence and dwelling constantly with Him so that he could enjoy the beauty of the Lord. And God accommodates.

Verse 1 stands out to me right now too - the fact that HE  is the strength of my life.I do not have to be afraid of the situation or the circumstances and I do not have to give in beneath the load. (although I do have those days, don't you?) He will carry me and strengthen me for the journey and all it may pose along the way. He will not abandon me when the going gets tough - He'll stand beside me, give me His strength and help me make it through today. That's all we need to do anyway - is take it one day at a time.

Today I will meditate on the truth that He is my strength - I don't have to conjure up my own; and that He lets me stay in His house - free of charge - until the storms of life pass by.

Never Disqualified

I've run a few races where certain actions can disqualify you. For instance, if you are not lined up at the start line when the gun goes off - you are disqualified. One race course in OKC goes through an affluent neighborhood and if you step on the grass you get disqualified. Sometimes it can feel like we got disqualified from living our lives when we became a caregiver. For me and many others lives not only changed drastically - they changed completely. It can take years to feel like you are "living" again.

Thankfully when it comes to God and His presence caregivers are not counted out!

This morning I was reading in Psalm 24 and verse three is taken right out of Psalm 15. It says:

Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord?

Or who may stand in His Holy Place?

The psalmist answers his own question in verse 4:He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to an idol.

We do not get cast away because we are caregivers even if our life doesn't quite look like others.We have the same criteria as everyone else who is living and breathing on this earth: clean hands, pure heart and no idols. Even though we live on uneven ground it seems we are all the same before God. He doesn't give us a break because we are caregivers, nor does He remove His requirements for caregivers. We still have to keep our hearts pure and our hands clean. We cannot have any idols in our lives but must live lives dedicated solely to Him.

It can feel like the church DQs us - because we don't fit in their box. It can seem like life DQs us since we live much differently than most. But God does not DQ us - we have the same access to His presence as everyone else. He welcomes us to come to Him, and to rest in Him.

Today I will meditate on the truth that I am welcome in His presence - even with all my "baggage"! I'll yield my thoughts to His acceptance of me and the fact that He chooses to be with me right here in this mess!

The Tenacity to Trust

Today's Bible heroes are Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego; or as we usually refer to them the three Hebrew children. They faced great adversity even at a very young age. They were first of all taken as captives and slaves into a foreign land where they were treated anyway but kindly. Of all the slaves these three and Daniel along with many others were taken to be trained as servants for the king. They were removed from their families, mutilated, lost life as they knew it and were kept as prisoners in a foreign, pagan land. But I love their faith and tenacity - two things the caregiver needs to survive the day!

In Daniel 3, the king had set up a golden idol and everyone was instructed to bow when they heard the music playing. The 3 refused to do so pledging their allegiance to God alone. The edict stated they would be thrown into a burning furnace if they did not bow to the idol set up by the king. When they did not bow the king was angry and when he questioned them they made this faith-filled statement:

O Nebuchadnezzar,we do not need to defend ourselves before you.

If we are thrown into the blazing furnace,

then God whom we serve is able to save us.

He will rescue us from your power, your majesty.

But even if He doesn't, 

your majesty can be sure we will never serve your gods

or worship the gold statue you have set up. (Daniel 3:16-18)

What I really like about this story is that they were not looking for a way out. They were not waiting for God to ride in on a white horse to save them from harm. They said He is able to save us; but even if He doesn't we are not going to bow. 

The caregiving journey has no designated length and for many there is really no end in sight. It would be wonderful if God chose to come in and bring immediate healing and restoration - no one's going to turn that down! No one's is questioning His ability to do so. But in our hearts, we must have the faith, trust and tenacity to say whether He saves us or not we will still serve Him.

Today I will meditate on how awesome God is; and how my situation does not diminish His power. I will set my heart on Him and continue to trust Him in the situation knowing that whether it changes or not - He is my God and I will serve no other.

Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus

Another favorite Bible hero of mine is Job. I know he didn't lead an army, build a boat or slay a giant, but he intrigues me nonetheless. I cannot fathom the sense of loss that he went through. First of all losing all his children in a day would be too much to bear. But he also lost his crops, livestock, and ways to provide for his family. Then ultimately he even lost his health. My mind just really cannot wrap around all of that.

One of the things that stands out in this story isn't really about him at all - it's about his friends. Even though they were not perfect, when they heard of his hardship - they came. And they sat. For seven days they felt his pain and grief so strongly that they sat in silence with nothing to say. As a caregiver I can say that those friends that just sit during the time of trouble are priceless...and few.

But what gets me about Job is actually his level of trust. I think that's why he's my hero. In Job 13:15 he stated that even if God killed him - he would still trust. I have to honestly say I have never made that statement. I've been angry with God for "taking away" my son - I always work my way back around to trusting Him but I have not found that single spot where I can just recklessly abandon to Him and freely say that I trust Him no matter what. But Job did; and I admire that.

While that level of trust does not just appear overnight, I do think we can work toward it at the bare minimum. I commit to leaning more on Him each day and learning more about Him and His ways in order to trust Him more fully.

Today I will meditate on trusting Him fully. I will think about how He does have my best interest at heart - even if I don't feel like it; or when I do not like the circumstances. And I will make a conscious effort to simply trust Him today. Will you join me?

Who's to Blame?

I've been thinking about some of my favorite Bible stories the last few days and on Hebrews 11 where we see so many of our heroes of the faith listed. None of them would have been heroes at all had they not faced and overcome some sort of adversity. This week, we'll be taking a look at a few of them. Today, we'll start with Joseph.

The story of Joseph is found in Genesis. His brothers were jealous of him because of their father's favoritism. They also didn't like the fact that he had so many dreams which didn't always seem to be too favorable to them. So they sold him as a slave and told Daddy he died. Talk about sibling rivalry! He spent years and years as a slave in a foreign nation and then was thrown into prison on false charges. But he maintained his faith. He continued to believe and trust in God.

Joseph didn't have a neighborhood church to attend to help him keep his morale and faith intact. Actually, he was in some pretty dark circumstances. There's so much to the story but let's just concentrate on his brothers' betrayal.

God blessed Joseph and He even blessed Pharaoh because of Joseph. After many years Joseph became Pharaoh's right hand man and was a very powerful ruler - Just like his dreams had prophesied. Finally, his brothers came to him because of a horrible famine in the region and Joseph had been given wisdom by God and had a stock pile enough to take care of everyone for the duration. His brothers bowed down before him to request food to live - just like the dreams had prophesied.

Joseph had no bitterness toward his brothers - and personally, I wouldn't have blamed him it he had! He had to have forgiven them to handle the situation as he did. Now, he did have a little fun with them and messed with their heads since they did not recognize him, but there was no animosity in his heart that we can tell.

In Genesis 50 after Jacob, their father had died, the brothers were terrified that Joseph would harm them or try to get them back for the things they did. That's called a guilty conscious, and it made them miserable. They concocted this huge story to try and protect themselves. But Joseph told his brothers that what they had meant for evil - God had used for good.(Genesis 50:20) And he vowed once again to take care of all of them and their families.

The point is that Joseph did not blame anyone, he did not whine and he did not try to get restitution - he let the past go. Sometimes there are people to blame for us being in a caregiving situation. But we must choose to forgive; we must choose not to blame. It will not change the situation and it will only lead our own hearts into bitterness. Like Joseph, we must trust God from where we have found ourselves.

Today I will trust that God has my heart no matter how difficult the walk. I will not blame anyone - but trust Him where I am. I will meditate on His goodness and not let bitterness have even a second to take root in my heart. I will be thankful for His goodness and faithfulness even in the cave. Will you join me?

Feeling Left Out

Because our lives are so different from the main stream, it is easy for us to feel left out. Watching others go on vacation, make a coffee run or just meet up with friends can make us feel like we're sitting on the couch while the rest of the world is enjoying itself. Social isolation is real for the caregiver as people in general just don't know quite what to do with us. "Church" presents its own set of problems in this arena.

Many of us can't attend church services or have so many obstacles to get there it's not feasible. The good thing is that we are part of the universal body of Christ. Just because we are separated from a physical church building on the corner, does not separate us from the body. We are no less a part of the true body of Christ than others. We may just need to broaden our ideas about what and who the body really is.

The body of Christ reaches beyond the church downtown, it's time inclusive. That means that we are part of the body with Paul as well as the 12 disciples. We could even say that spiritually speaking the body covers much more than just the New Testament believers. Think for a minute of the "Hall of Faith" from Hebrews 11. We have some pretty impressive family members including Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Gideon, David and Isaiah. We are not excluded from the true body of believers - we are a part.

Perhaps you say that you are just the little toe - but that little toe is important to the whole. If your little toe was removed you'd have to learn to walk again as it balances the whole body. There are small parts but no one plays a small role in the body.

Sometimes I think that caregivers and their loved ones are a test for today's church. There have been times that I felt totally ignored and like I could no longer relate to the church world today. We do not fit in the church's box so they really aren't sure what to do with us. Some churches thankfully, think outside the box and reach out with love and compassion.

The Lord looks at us in the spirit. We are a huge part - he sees us inside-out and is far more concerned about the parts of us that cannot be easily seen. He watches over our soul and sees our true heart rather than our position in the world today. He sees us as we really are. When the "world" is stripped off - what do we look like?

Today I will meditate on the fact that I am a part of the body of Christ and without me it's not complete. I'll think of God's inclusive love, compassion and acceptance just like I am - undone - but whole. I choose to rest in His acceptance today. Will you join me?

Resident Strength

One of the areas caregivers must deal with on a regular basis is tiredness. Even in the "best" situation possible, caregiving is a strain and makes you tired. One scripture I run to frequently is found in Isaiah 40:28 which says that the Lord never  gets tired or weary. You know, it is way beyond me to even be able to imagine never getting tired. But God has "resident strength" or a strength that abides at all times. He never throws in the towel because He can't go on one more step.

When I finished my first marathon I really thought at times I could not go on one more step. But I kept going and completed it. The finish was far from pretty - but it was done. God does not get "done." He just keeps going and going and never runs out of steam. He's never too tired to carry us.

Keep that picture of His unending strength in your mind as we look at Ephesians 3:16 which says:

that He would grant you,

according to His riches in glory

to be strengthened with power

through His spirit in the inner man..

Not only does God never get tired or weary - His spirit lives inside of me. That means that He is a constant source of strength for my weary soul. When I think I cannot make one more step, He can carry me in His strength. His strength is unending, inexhaustible and -- it's inside of me.  

Today I will meditate on the power of His might - the constancy of His strength. Then I will think about how this untiring powerhouse lives inside of me to give me strength. Will you join me?

Digging Deeper

In yesterday's blog we talked about "let." It's a little word, with a huge impact. Today we'll look at the very next verse in Colossians 3. Verse 16 says to Let the word of Christ dwell within you....Once again, the word "let" is synonymous with allow.

Paul is urging the young Christian church to allow God's word to put down deep roots into their hearts. He's talking about a lot more than just a simple surface relationship - Allow His word to indwell you. It's easy for circumstances to crowd out our entire belief system if we do not guard our hearts carefully, When my son was injured in an automobile accident - the happenings that followed for months shook my faith to its core. That's totally natural; but I was faced with a choice. Am I going to continue to trust God?

Situations will have impacts on us, but it's up to us what we choose to hold on to. In my own personal struggle there were times when my greatest frustration was the fact that I couldn't give up. I wanted to - but He is so alive in me that I could not walk away and say I never knew Him. I did  know Him - I just didn't understand what He allowed to happen, or why He allowed it to happen. That's a perfectly normal response.

As the journey continued I discovered that I really had no other hope but Him. I had nowhere else to run for strength, hope and peace. That brings me back to my choice to let His word thrive in me. I want to move everything out of the way that might hinder His word from taking up residence in my heart. Jeremiah 31:33 states that He will write His law in our hearts. I suggest that from there it's up to us to allow (or let) it to take root and push out all doubts, fear and unbelief so that we can hold on to His truth.

Today I purpose to allow His word to take root in my heart. I want to rest in Him to the extent that nothing else but Him matters. I'll allow His word into my heart and life to make changes so that I can trust Him more. Will you join me?

Follow Peace

The caregiver's life can feel anything but peaceful. There are just so many things that have to be done for your loved one every day. For me, my son is not capable of doing anything for himself. That means that I am responsible for doing everything from getting him bathed, dressed, up in the chair, to making sure he is fed. That's all just the start of the day. One way to gain an understanding of what the caregiver does is to think about all those basic things you do each day -eating, bathing, dressing, brushing your teeth, washing your face, going for a walk, etc. But because you are doing for another - you are doubling all of those efforts. That coupled with having to fight with insurance companies, various health providers and aids, can all lead to very not-so-peaceful days.

My Uncle Calvin had a saying that he always used when someone was facing any type of decision or situation - follow peace. Sounds simple, but in real life applications it can be confusing and difficult at best! There's a little three letter word in Colossians 3:15 that might help out a little bit. It says: Let  the peace of  Christ rule in your hearts....

"Let" might not sound like too much - but it is powerful because it's a choice. As caregivers there comes a time when we have to relax control (not an easy task) and let God's peace hold us. It is a conscious decision that we must make. We have a choice - but we must choose to allow His peace to rule. Our other options include being totally stressed out, worried and overly concerned about our overwhelming circumstances. Even though our given circumstances may not undergo even a small amount of change when we yield to His peace - they do become more manageable and less of a burden.

Today I am determined to let go and let God! I'll yield my troubled heart to His peace that passes my understanding. Our circumstances should not be our god; He is our God and today I will meditate on His immense peace and yield my heart to be overwhelmed by His care. Will you join me?

Can we just be Honest?

There are some topics that caregivers are not going to discuss with others - not even other caregivers. Our emotions can be too raw too much of the time and there's no place where the pain or grief totally stops. Many days we just suck it up and continue to care for our loved one and give no regard to our own emotions and feelings. Sometimes this is how we actually survive the difficult role we must play for another. We can get very absorbed into their care and forget about our own pain and suffering. But then there are times when it can all come crashing in on us; emotions and thoughts run through our hearts and minds like crazy. What do we do with the rushing river?

As I was reading Psalms 15 this morning one phrase really stuck out to me.

O Lord, who may abide in Your tent?

Who may dwell in Your holy hill?

He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness

And speaks truth in his heart.

Psalm 15:1,2

No matter how good or how bad our day is going or how crazy our emotions might be today - we can always speak the truth in our hearts. It's actually very important to be honest about our feelings and the things we may be dealing with. God already knows - and when we pray - we have no need to shroud the truth. By simply being honest with him about our fears, doubts, mistakes and pain - we have free entry to His presence. And that is where we are refreshed and gain the strength to face one more day of caregiving.

Why would we try to conceal the truth of what we hold in our hearts? Are we afraid He will be disappointed in us? Perhaps we feel that He will reject us if He saw it all. But He already sees it all - and loves us anyway. He has the power to walk with us in the furnace so that we are not consumed by the fire. He carries us over the stormy waters so that we are not overcome by its waves. He is the only thing that is stable in our lives - let us run to Him with all of our questions and concerns.

Today I will meditate on His ever abiding presence and rejoice that I can literally tell Him everything. He will think no less of me because I do! I'll rejoice in His acceptance today - and turn to Him in my pain and grief. Will you join me?

I'm a Refugee!

Last night as I was laying in bed reading trying to find sleep, I came across Psalm 16. I know it's been there all along, but last night several of the verses really spoke to me and my situation. I'll spend this week sharing devotions from this particular Psalm.

The first verse grabbed my attention right away. David starts out with Preserve me O God. In my mind, "preserve" translates to "save." I hear David's heartfelt cry for God to help him. I don't have to tell other caregivers how many days have begun with a similar prayer; and how many days have ended with the same prayer. It's not even that we need to be saved from our situation, but we desire our souls to be preserved in the heat of the furnace. One of my prayers throughout this whole ordeal has been for God to help me keep my faith strong. I've prayed that I would not let these trials make me bitter - but help me emerge stronger in Him. That's what I think of when I pray "preserve me O God."

The second part of the verse is a totally different type of statement. David goes on to say, for I take refuge in You. Even though he continues his thought - Lord I need you to preserve me - because I continue relying on you as my refuge. In my mind it is an intentional statement of faith. What I mean is that it surpasses time. In trying to understand how strongly David was relying on the Lord for preservation of faith and life I think it is correct to read into it a little bit more. And if not - this is my wordier version - You have always been my refuge - You are my refuge today and will always be my refuge - I run to no other - I look for no other!

Today I will meditate on God's power to save - His power to preserve our souls through faith even in the fiery trials of caregiving. And I will declare that He is my refuge; I will purposefully look to Him for strength, direction, wisdom and peace. Will you join me?

Wisdom, Peace and Coffee

Caregiviving can mean some very long nights; sometimes it seems like they won't ever end! That's how I felt this morning as I went in my son's room after a long night of listening to him cough. It's not that parents aren't used to it - it's just that you can get so tired, so weary. I had already started his breathing treatment just a little after 5, made my coffee and was getting his bolus together. While trying to decide what medicine to try to see if it would make him feel better, and trying to decide if we need to make yet another trip to the ER, I heard myself utter this simple prayer: Lord, today I really need wisdom...and your peace...and my coffee of course!

It's difficult when you are making choices that affect another person's life and well being and sometimes it weighs on you heavily. Not only can He give His wisdom and offer our hearts His peace - He can make sure the coffee doesn't run out! (lol)

This has been a long year with lots and lots of struggles so far. Sometimes I just get tired - no weary and at times it's so difficult to keep your head up. I keep reminding myself that Isaiah tells us that God never gets weary. (Isaiah 40:28) I'm so glad that He does not get tired of walking this through with me. Sometimes I feel the weariness of others too. Weary days mean high coffee days for me! So I just tagged that on to the end of my simple prayer today.

Proverbs 2:6 tells me that God gives wisdom. So does James 1 for that matter. It's something He has a large supply of and He's not selfish. Today I pray that we have His wisdom for making it through today. He is the God of Peace (Romans 15:33) and I really need Him to fill me up to the rim of my coffee-cup heart with His peace today!

Now may the God of hope fill you 

with all joy and peace in believing,

so that you will abound in hope

by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans15:13)

Today my meditation will be on pursuing Him as the God of MY peace and asking Him to supply the wisdom needed to make one more day. Will you join me?

Who Cares?

It can be easy for caregivers to think that no one cares. But in most instances, we know people do - they just do not know how to express it or show it. I remember when my son was first injured and how many caring people came through the SICU to see him. After 3 weeks we moved to an isolation room on a regular floor and still there were quite a few visitors that came through. As the hospital stay alone turned into a 4 month journey I knew that visitors would continue to taper off. I didn't take it personal; it's just the way it is. Sometimes this can feel like people do not care. But that's not really true it's just that they do not know what to do with the situation over the long haul.

Very few people have what it takes to continue walking an extended journey with you. But that does not mean that their intentions are bad. Folks just don't know what to do when the battle continues on. A lot of people are very good at being there for someone who is in "fix it up" mode; but have no clue what to do past the initial shock and trauma. They get to return to their normal lives while you are left to try and figure out how to get used to your new "normal" which is anything but normal. In most cases everything has changed including the friends you had. And it can be easy to slip into thinking that no one cares. Most people really do care - they just don't know what to do about it...so they ignore you.

2 Peter 5:7 tells us to cast all your care on Him, for He cares for you. I look at this last phrase "He cares for you" in two different ways. On one hand we can think of it as He cares for us - or is concerned about our needs, pains, and wants. He cares what goes on in our lives and offers us peace and comfort. The other way to look at it is that He does the caring for us - so we don't have to. For me, either one of these can be very comforting!

Have you ever had times that you felt like He didn't care? Honestly, I have. When life gets hectic and feels out of control it can be easy to wonder where He went and if He really cared why all of "this" (whatever your "this" is) ever had to happen in the first place. But remember all our favorite stories in the Bible - it is likely that they are our favorites because of how the person overcame adversity not escaped it altogether. We gain courage when we think about how David killed Goliath, Daniel was rescued from the lion's den, or Moses took the Children of Israel across the Red Sea. He was with them caring for them in their trouble.

Today I will meditate on the truth that God is with me and that He is going to do all the caring today! I'll think about how He cares for me by providing for my every need, comforts me and watches over my soul. Will you join me in letting Him care for us today?

When There's No End in Sight

Most of the crises in life have an end. Something happens, we work through it; we live through it and move on. I've received notes from individuals who were even in a caregiver's role for a short time due to an accident or illness. But for many caregivers there is not necessarily any end in sight. For some of us the rest of our lives looks like this...whatever "this" is to you. That can be a difficult thing to swallow.

This morning I was thinking about Isaiah 43 and how the Lord promised that we would face the fire and the flood; and that He'd be with us through them. But even these scriptures indicate we'll get through  them at some point. But for some that either looks impossible or very far away at best. What do you do when there's no end in sight? How do you cope when there is no promise that this trial will be over soon? You hold on.

Eternity will come; but it can be difficult to set our gaze on eternity when our pain is so in our face. Can eternity help us get through today? Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that He put eternity in our hearts. We are already in eternity - but we anxiously await for the day our "faith becomes sight" as it was so eloquently put in the hymn It is Well With my Soul. And we must remember that the writer of this treasured hymn wrote it in a moment of extreme soulful pain. He had lost his family in a tragedy - not something that can be erased even though you move on.

Eternity reminds us that we have this treasure in an earthen vessel.(2 Corinthians 4:7) And that this earthen vessel which houses the Holy Spirit of the living God is not exempt from affliction, persecution, or distress. The Apostle Paul explained to the Roman church that God can work everything out for our good when we trust Him - that does not mean that pain goes away or our trial ends speedily - but that there will be good come from it. Sometimes it's the changes in ourselves. We learn to trust Him more and that has value in eternity.

In the latter part of 2 Corinthians 4:7 Paul says that we have the treasure of Christ in this clay pot - so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves. No one understands better how powerless we are than the caregiver. But today I will rest in the truth that He is inside of me carrying me (and sometimes dragging me ) along. I will gain strength by acknowledging that He is my strength and that He has put His eternal Spirit inside of me to walk with me through the fire and the flood. And He does not get weary like I do.

My meditation today will be on how my body houses an eternal God. I'll think about how He lives in me and gives me strength even when there is no end in sight. I'll let Him work His works in me today - He did not change His goals when I became a caregiver or when tragedy struck. He is with me - through the fire - through the flood. And I will allow Him to carry me today - will you join me?

Doing Our Part

When I started with the theme about being still this week I really didn't know it was so much work (see yesterday's post!). But as I went through the different scriptures I realized there is a lot resting on our shoulders to be still. Exodus 14:14 is one I have heard all my life and it says: The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent. (NASB) The context is Moses and the Children of Israel standing on the edge of the Red Sea with Pharaoh's army pressing in from behind. In verse 13, Moses tells them that they are going to see the Lord's salvation and God's going to take care of the oppressor. Verse 14 then goes on to say He will fight for them. However, they have to do their part as well - keep silent.

I let my mind form the picture of what is happening here as if I was standing there listening to Moses. I have an army of people who really do not like me and I do not know if they want to take me back into slavery or just kill me. Then in front of me is  a raging river that is impassable. And Moses wants me to keep silent? He instructs me to wait on the Lord and let Him do all the work? Doesn't Moses know I'm a caregiver and I know how to get things done? I'm used to doing it all myself!

As caregivers we have learned to adjust to just about any situation that presents itself. We are one of the most adaptable people around and we tend to have to fight in just about every arena just to survive. We have to argue with health care workers to just simply do their job, delivery people who can't seem to do what they said, the system to get proper supplies, and the list goes on and on and on. But He wants us to keep silent or be still? Only if we want Him to fight for us!

Now I understand that there are things we cannot let go and it can be a fight to get things done. We cannot give up in that arena. God's not going to call FedEx or DHS for us. There are things we have to take care of and I'm not talking about sitting down and just seeing what He can get done in the natural realm today. I'm talking about settling our souls down and getting our minds and hearts to a place of stillness so that His peace can overtake us and He can fight the battles of life for us. 1 Peter 5:7 says for us to cast all of our anxiety on Him, because He cares for us. That's what I'm talking about - I think you'll find when you let Him carry you spiritually, the natural will be much easier to deal with.

Today I'm going to meditate on being still, and keeping silent. My goal is to not complain (tall order I know!) about where I am in life. I'll give every anxiety over to Him as He enables me to handle everything that life chooses to throw. I'll do my part of finding my rest and peace in Him - will you join me?

Being Still is Hard Work

Last week I thought a lot about God's presence and how it is always with us so we are never really alone. That led my thinking to Psalm 46:10 which says Be still and know that I am God. This was the theme for yesterday's broadcast Actions Required. On one hand being still before our wonderful God seems like it would be a very simple thing. But it's not really about just getting quiet, which can be very difficult for the caregiver to begin with. That little conjunction "and" indicates to me that further action is required. Be still and know He is God.

Being still goes beyond finding a quiet place to read and study, or simply stilling our souls to meditate on Him, although that is part of it. Finding time may be a more difficult task in that the caregiver's day can be filled with activity. In many cases we hit the floor running long before dawn and don't stop until late at night. We live a hectic life even if we are mostly contained in our homes. But it is very important to take time to quiet ourselves down and simply acknowledge His lordship in our lives. Not only must we be still we must also know He is God.

When we take the time to purposefully quiet ourselves before Him, we are acknowledging Him as the most important thing in our lives (no matter how hectic they may be). We may say for the moment:  Lord, there is nothing more important in this moment than to acknowledge you are my God. This is the beginning of learning to rest in Him and trust Him for our strength. I love those moments when I can put all of the crazy parts of life on hold and just sit with Him awhile. Not only can purposefully taking this posture before God help make your day better - it can improve the rest of your life!

Today I will meditate on laying aside all the "crazy parts" of life and acknowledging His lordship in my life. I will concentrate on how I am fully His and there is really nothing else that matters. As I acknowledge that He is my God, I will trust Him for one more day - and purposefully lay my heart at His feet in worship. Will you join me?

Making a Move

I don't know anyone who really likes to move. Maybe you do, but I really don't like it at all. But when we do have to move from one location to another don't we take all of our possessions with us? We may discard a few items that we have learned we can live without - but as a general rule the basic concept of moving is taking all of our stuff from point A to point B.

In John 14:23, Jesus said If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him and We will come to him and make Our abode with him. When we make a move we take all our stuff and so does God. We did not get just a little piece of God - when He moves in He brings it all! Paul says that we have the great treasure of Christ in this earthen vessel.

Earlier in John 14, Jesus said that He would give us the Spirit of Truth and that He would be in us. Not just walking alongside, which is good - He lives in us. He is a part of us and we are a part of Him. I love verse 20 of that chapter that says In that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me and I in you. Talk about a package deal!

As caregivers it can seem that life has shortchanged us so to speak. But God does not do that. When He comes to make His abode in a person He brings all of Himself and does not hold anything back. Our theme this week has been about how He is with us and in us. Today I will meditate on how He brings all of Himself when He moves in. I'll consider how He lives in me and I live in Him. I want to think about how He does not hold anything back and has absolutely no reservation to giving me all of Himself. I'm going to let that overwhelm me today! He trusts me enough to give me everything.

This will be my meditation today - will you join me?

Where did He Go?

I'm taking comfort today from the fact that God is not only with me - but He cannot leave me. If we are honest, as caregivers we do experience those times that we feel like He has abandoned us altogether. But today I have been thinking about the fact that it is literally impossible for Him to leave us. After all, where would He go? We can at least understand the basic concept of His omnipresence with our finite minds. This means that He is literally everywhere so that leaves nowhere for Him to go. He really cannot leave us so there are no truer words spoken than Hebrews 13:5b - I will never leave or forsake you.

But these words go back way before the author of Hebrews reiterated them. They were spoken to Moses in Deuteronomy 31. And then God reminded Joshua in the first chapter that He would not leave. Today this means a lot to me. On one hand I can understand that God cannot leave me - it's an impossibility. On the other His words to his children in Deuteronomy, Joshua and Hebrews to me mean that even if He could He would not leave! He's committed to us for the long haul.

Today my meditation will be not so much on the fact that He is with me - as the truth that He chooses to be with me. There is a stark difference between someone who is just committed to being with you and sticks it out because of that commitment and one who chooses to be with you for good no matter what might come.

This day I will recall to mind God's unchangeable presence that is walking with me through this storm and continues to abide with me. Today I'm going to rest in Him and enjoy His presence. Will you join me?

God don't live at Church

Despite how we may feel at times, we are never alone. One thing that I realized this weekend was how the traditional "church" can make a caregiver feel when they cannot attend meetings. On our end, it can be discouraging because the fellowship is really valuable. But it's important for us (at least for me) to remember that God don't live at church.

Yesterday morning one of the groups that I had joined on facebook had a post for everyone to share what they learned at church. Well, I cannot go to church - and the church certainly does not come to me! That got me to thinking and I set up an account with blog talk radio and did the first broadcast yesterday called God don't live at church. Honestly, once I got started I really encouraged myself. You can hear it if you want:  Coffee with Caregivers

As I was sharing, it really hit me how this enormous, powerful and creative God lives right here inside of me. I was in awe. I read Isaiah 40 and how the prophet describes how God holds all the water in the world in the palm of His hand. That's an amazing chapter. But I also really like God's own account of creation that is in Job 38 and 39. They can simply leave you speechless. But so can the fact that we have all of God inside this human vessel. That we are His choice of habitation. And at the same time He is literally everywhere - and has nowhere to go! He's inside us period! And that's to be the theme of this week's devotions.

My first scripture selection is Ephesians 3:16 - that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man so that Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith. Gain strength today by acknowledging that His Spirit is inside you. And you don't have a separate Holy Spirit since you can't "go to church," nor do you have less of Him due to the circumstances. The fact that we are caregivers have no influence whatsoever on the package deal we get with the Holy Spirit. We have all of Him inside our being.

Actually, if you are hurting you are mentioned specifically in scripture. The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18); He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). Now that's some good stuff right there!

Today I will meditate on the fact that God is near me, with me, and His Spirit is inside me. I will carry on today in the strength I gain from Him making me His home. Will you join me?

Out of Obscurity

Most of the caregiver's world can be lived in obscurity. Many times our ability to get out is limited by the level of mobility of the one we care for, or the availability of those who relieve us. For most of us, much of our time is spent living in the quietness of our homes and we are obscured from the rest of the world who does not understand us or know what to do with us. (smile- it's okay and we aren't contagious!)

I started thinking about this during my morning devotions. When I picked up my Bible this morning it was opened to 1 Samuel. I started reading about Samuel who happens to be one of my favorite OT prophets. God told him to go anoint one of Jesse's sons as the next king to replace Saul who had been rejected. Jesse didn't even bother to bring David out. Samuel looked at each of Jesse's other sons and knew they were not the one to be anointed as king and finally he asked Jesse if there were any more sons. Jesse said, "well there's the youngest who is out keeping the sheep." They summoned David from his obscure post and Samuel said - yup, that's the one! And right there the ruddy young man was anointed as king. Then he went back to keeping the sheep.

What I really found interesting is that in this same chapter just  a few verses down, King Saul is found being tormented by evil spirits. When they start looking for a psalmist that can minister God's peace here comes David again; out of obscurity. So two times in this chapter (sadly we have no way of knowing how much time had lapsed) he is called out of his obscurity where he was alone and minding his own business. Once to be anointed as the next king and second to play his harp for the king that he is to replace.

It seems that David remained very unassuming during this time period. He kept himself humble before God and man. I mean what are the chances that the same kid the prophet sought out to anoint is then sought out to play the harp for the king he is to replace? Of course Saul has no clue and loved David at first. But we know that eventually he became jealous and the road to the throne for David became a rocky one - even though he was anointed for it.

My encouragement this morning is found in this passage. Our roads as caregivers are anything but smooth no matter what types of circumstances surround. But that does not mean we are any "less" anointed or appointed for what God had in mind to start with. Even though the road may be bumpy and uncomfortable, what God says still stands. He never promised it would be easy getting to where He called us to be - He only assures us that what He has said about us is always in tact. He never changes His mind.

Today I will meditate on the things God says about me. Psalm 139:17 says how precious are Your thoughts toward me O Lord! How vast is the sum of them. No matter how obscure our lives have become we are not hidden from His sight. I will meditate on the truth that He has not forgotten me, and He still has His eye on me. I will rest in that truth today - will you join me?

Can I do that?

Every day for the caregiver is not unpleasant, but it is tough. We have our moments when things are bright. For me it is when my son seems to connect and shares a spontaneous smile, or does something new that he had not been able to do before. There are days that go by with no great incidents - I like those days. So even though it is a stressful position to be in doesn't mean it's always heavy to bear. There are small moments of relief here and there that help keep us moving on.

Caregivers are unique people in that they are taking care of the needs of others, usually before their own. As a caregiver we can be sort of a refuge by providing a safe place for our loved ones to rest, recuperate, recover or just live. Actually, we go to great lengths to try and make them as comfortable as possible in the present situation. We don't want them to suffer any more than is absolutely necessary - and any is too much at all. Our homes are a haven where we provide protection and provisions. We are tougher than nails- we have to be! We don't take nothing off a nobody! Seriously, caregivers don't have time for a lot of foolishness and sometimes people think we are harsh or uncaring but the opposite is true. We are just trying to protect our own. But who's going to protect us?

Psalm 34:8 says O taste and see that the Lord is good; how blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him! Two things I want to point out. One is that we are blessed when we take refuge in Him. He has provided a safe place for us. He knows when we sob ourselves to sleep at night. He sees us when the load does become heavy to bear and when we feel like our loved ones have fallen through the system's cracks; or we feel overlooked by church and society. He knows and offers us a safe place.

The second point is that the responsibility of action lies on us. We are blessed when we take refuge in Him. We must run to Him and to the safety of His arms. He will not pull us away from our worries if we choose to embrace them...He patiently waits for us to take action. We have to seek Him and His refuge and strength. It's sort of like having a huge meal prepared and set before you - but no one can eat it for you! He cannot take refuge for you- it's a choice and action that is in your power.

Today I will meditate on taking refuge in Him. I will choose to embrace Him and the strength, peace and comfort that He provides rather than the worries and problems that are present. I will purposefully and actively take refuge in Him today. Will you join me?

You Can't Order that Online!

In many cases the caregiver is not able to get out of the house much, or at least not very easily. Because of this, over the last few years I've learned you can order almost anything online. I order toilet paper, cleaning supplies, clothes, household goods, furniture, electronic devices, books, music, movies, medical supplies and that's just all I can think of off the top of my head. I even order frozen foods! There are some places that ship fresh fruit - but so far I haven't found it to be cost effective. But I've also learned that there are a few things that simply cannot be ordered online. Things like milk and butter, hair cuts, manicures, massages and dog grooming just cannot be ordered online!

I have found that in most instances caregivers are very frugal and creative; they have this knack for problem solving and figuring out how to get the impossible done. Whether we ask for help, order it online or find some other way to get it done - nearly everything is possible. But perhaps the most crucial need of the caregiver cannot be ordered online, or fulfilled by anyone else. We have to be able to encourage ourselves. As we face a barrage of decisions and situations each day we can either succumb to the pressure and allow ourselves to be depressed - or we can encourage ourselves in the Lord.

David found himself in a very sticky situation in 1 Samuel 30. He and his men came back to Ziklag to find it ransacked and their wives and children taken captive. Everyone blamed him and were talking of killing him; and he was greatly distressed (v.6). But as he stood there with nothing - it says David encouraged himself in the Lord. There are times when the caregiver has to make the choice to be crushed or encouraged; and sometimes (most times) we have to do it ourselves. Even if someone brings an encouraging message we must choose to embrace it - or stay underneath the load.

Today I am going to choose to take my courage and strength from the Holy Spirit. No matter what types of difficulties I may face today I will not let them take me under and suck me into the "caregiver's fog." I think of all the times throughout the Psalms when David used the phrase "I will" or "My soul will" and I really think he was making a conscious choice to trust, worship, praise, etc. Today I will do this same thing- My choice is to trust Him for this one more day and lean on Him for strength to make it through. I will meditate on His greatness and I will be encouraged in Him today - will you join me?

Ishmael? - That's a good name!

Growing up in the Western church I always heard about Ishmael in a negative light. He was "Abraham's mistake." It's not Ishmael's fault he was born! I've met a few people named Ishmael over the years and wondered why anyone would choose the name of a "banished vagabond" as a name for their child. Even though I understand the prophecies the Lord gave Hagar about Ishmael, I see it a little differently today.

As I awakened to start my crazy day at 5 AM like I do every day of the week, I was already tired. It's difficult to start out the day tired, but caregivers understand that things just have to be done, tired or not. My early morning thoughts were about Hagar at the well and how she was elated that God could see her and her unborn son. So I opened up my Bible to Genesis 16 and scanned through the chapter.

Hagar ended up in this position because of an injustice. Her master was Abraham and his wife, Sarah. Hagar was given to Abraham for the purpose of bearing a child to begin with. That was the goal. This was due to Sarah's impatience while waiting on the promised of God. We know two women in one house are not going to get along. Verse 4 says that Hagar looked down on Sarah because she had conceived but I have a suspicion that Sarah might have had a little jealousy herself. Anyway the two parted ways under not-so-pleasant circumstances.

Pregnant Hagar is driven away after being "treated harshly." Could it get any worse for her? Here's where it gets good. Verse 7 says now the angel of the Lord found her  by a spring of water in the wilderness. If he found her, he was looking for her! The angle sent her back (never quite understood that) but before he did, he told her to name the child Ishmael - God hears. Then in verse 13, Hagar realized that God saw her there at the well. She said, You are the God who sees.

There are three points that brought me comfort this weary morning. One was that God found Hagar - He was seeking her out. The second thing is that God hears - even though there was no mention of prayer. And the third thing is that God sees. He has found me! He hears the deepest unspoken cries of my heart! And He sees exactly where I am!

Today I will meditate on the truth that He does know me, He sees me and He hears me. Call me Ishmael!

He Led them Where?

When tragedy struck and my world was shaken I had to find a way to figure out what was going on. I have to admit my faith (or what I thought had been faith) was shaken as well. There were times I was angry with God and didn't understand how He could let awful things happen. I began to read His word with new eyes. It didn't take long to realize that the Bible is full of stories about hurting people and our heroes are our heroes because of the things they faced - not the things they avoided.

This morning I found this scripture as I was reading Isaiah. In chapter 48 verse 21 it says They did not thirst when He led them through the deserts. I'm thinking there are several key points here the first being that they didn't thirst even in the desert. He provided all along the way and this is something I can attest to. I've always seen God provide and never questioned it at all, but when my son was injured in an accident and my world turned upside down I sat in a hospital with him for 4 months, then in nursing homes with him for another year before getting to bring him home. During all that time of being "unemployed" I saw God provide and lead me into learning how to make a living in new, creative ways. I can honestly say I have had my needs met and God has provided so that I have not thirsted in the desert.

The second thing that stuck out to me in this verse this morning is He led them...He did what? They didn't stumble on the desert because of their own ignorance or bad choices? He led them through the deserts. He did not lead them around, over, under or take them on a pathway so that they could avoid it altogether - He led them right through it. My flesh cries out Why didn't He take them another way?  But my heart says  absolutely the perfect plan.  It's in those dry times that we actually get to know Him better. Sometimes His silence drives us to search for Him desperately. He took them right through the driest, most barren place - on purpose!

And the last thing that stands out to me today is that "deserts" is plural - more than one! It was not just one desert and then they were done - it was deserts! For the caregiver the crisis is not a one time event - but continues day after day. There are bad days - and there are better days; but every day has its own set of challenges - plural! And He is there to lead us right on through all of them.

Today as I face several real challenges I will meditate on a few things. Firstly, that He has led me to this place and He will lead me through it. Secondly, I'll meditate on the truth that He did not drop me in the middle of a desert - He walks through it with me - holding my hand. (And sometimes carrying me along the way!) And thirdly, I'll meditate on the fact that I do not lack - He is my provider and He has given me His living water to quench my thirst. No matter how "hot" life gets, or how difficult the situation becomes I know that He has protected my soul for eternity and I do not have to thirst for Him. That's the spiritual side - the natural side is that I will trust Him to continue providing natural needs as well as spiritual.

Will you join me?

With or Without Words

When Jesus came to Gethsemane, His first response was to pray. Then in Mark 14:33 these words stuck out to me this morning: and He began to be very distressed and troubled. How could that be? Jesus told the disciples repeatedly to not be troubled, yet we read here that He is in deep distress. Did He contradict Himself? Of course not!

He told the disciples that were with Him that He was deeply grieved to the point of death. And then He began to pray. There are a couple more things that stick out to me here. One thing is that He told those close to Him how He felt. As caregivers, we do not tend to do that very much. For the most part, we are the ones carrying the load and in many cases we are walking it alone. Sometimes there may not be anyone close enough to tell that you're having a difficult time, are depressed or overburdened. Other times, we just cannot admit our weakness as we don't want others to think we cannot carry the load - we have to be strong for those we are caring for, right?

How could Jesus make Himself that vulnerable? Because He was going to go past them. He simply told them how He felt crushed underneath the burden He was soon to bear to Calvary - and then went past his "friends" and straight to the Father with His prayers. And you know what? He prayed that the pain would pass...He asked the Father to remove it. How many times has that been the cry of the caregiver? But we are in good company. Jesus did not have His burden removed. He submitted to the master plan of the Father and endured the cross on our behalf.

When He came back to the disciples, He found them asleep. He asked them if they could not pray with Him for just one hour...wouldn't it be great to find someone willing to pray with the caregiver for an hour? I think of the few times when friends have taken the time for even a quick prayer with (or for) me and how much it meant. I have a couple of friends that are very good about that actually. They ask me some hard questions to find out how I am really doing. When I tell them my concern of the day - they say, "is it okay to pray about that right now?" Of course! It means so much for someone to take that time to call or to say that quick prayer...maybe we should start a "prayergivers" network for caregivers! lol

Jesus then tells the disciples that He really does understand for the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. And then you know what? He went right back to praying! I'm so thankful for this reminder today. It doesn't matter how sleepy everyone around us might be - we can continue to go to Him in prayer. And what about those days that we just don't have it? Caregivers understand that there are those days when your body, soul and spirit are just too tired to go on. But we do it anyway - there are certain things that just have to be done regardless of how we feel; or if we no longer feel. But in those moments of despair remember that first of all - we are in good company! And He can hear our heart's cry - with or without words.

Today I will meditate on the nearness of God. I'm thankful that Jesus does not snub me for my despair or distress - He understands and holds me closer. I'll meditate on this closeness today and pray from my heart for strength to make one more day of the journey.

Joy and Obedience - It's not what you Think!

This week I am meditating and praying Psalm 51:12 and Romans 15:13 and asking God to restore joy. This morning I stayed in Psalm 51 and looked at what follows David's request for the Lord to restore his joy. He prays for joy then says, and make me willing to obey You. Isn't that an odd combination? Lord, restore my joy and make me willing to obey You? Are the two interconnected in some way? When did David not obey the Lord? In this case, the Psalm was written after his affair with Bathsheba and his disobedience did end up stealing his joy. Not only did he desire for the Lord to restore his pre-sin joy - he also needed the Holy Spirit's assistance in being willing to obey God rather than the lusts of the flesh.

For the caregiver, our situation may or may not be connected directly to any sin. Personally, I had nothing to do with my son's injury or the irresponsibility which caused it. But as caregivers, we are still responsible for our daily actions and we need to be willing to obey the Lord. However, my view on obedience has definitely changed. Before the transition that caregiving brought in my life obedience looked more like going to church, leading "worship," teaching Sunday School or going on the mission field. What does obedience  look like from the cave of caregiving?

At first glance I thought maybe I could just discard the last portion of this scripture since it really didn't seem to pertain to my situation. (That would be convenient, wouldn't it?) But after some contemplation and meditating on it a little bit I realized that it may actually be more difficult to obey Him from here. I no longer have such a churchy picture of what that looks like - and I must rely on my own heart - and on His heart in mine.

The scripture in Hebrews 10:16 pertaining to the new covenant comes to mind: I will put my laws in their hearts so they will understand them, and I will write them on their minds so they will obey them. This is our new covenant which was promised to Jeremiah. (Chapter 31) It's in our hearts to be pleasing to Him and to obey His nature. It's not really difficult at all - and it really has nothing at all to do with the "church" as we see it today. It's more about what David was talking about in Psalm 51 - my version would read: Let me not succumb to my own thoughts or desires - but let me crucify my flesh even in this cave and be more like You.

Today my meditation will be on yielding my heart to Him - rather than the feelings and emotions that go along with caregiving. I will think about how He made it easy for me - by placing His law in my heart and granting me understanding. I'll rest in Him and consider how to make my emotions chase after Him instead of chasing after a quick fix, or a feel-good moment. Will you join me?

Permission to Enjoy

I was visiting on the phone with a friend yesterday and we were comparing notes from our stress filled lives. Don't think we were having a pity party, we were not. We were actually talking about various strategies we could use to help us cope with the stress that life has presented us. Our conversation was more along the line of finding the best way to deal and keep our attitudes in good shape without being overcome by things like depression. We finally decided that we needed our joy restored - even in the midst of the storms we are facing.

We all know how demanding and strenuous the life of a caregiver can be; and sometimes it can simply be overwhelming. No matter what type of event caused us to become caregivers, it was likely traumatic. For me it was a phone call announcing the automobile accident my adult son was involved in. Even though it's been over 5 years, it can seem disrespectful to enjoy life, or even to laugh. But lately I have given myself permission to laugh, permission to "go on" and enjoy life as much as is possible.

My friend and I prayed that our joy would be restored and that we would be able to enjoy life even in its discomforts. Two scriptures came to my mind almost immediately. I thought of Psalm 51:12 in which David prayed that the Lord would restore the joy of salvation. But my mind also went to Romans 15:13 in which Paul prays this for the Roman Christians: Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.(NASB)

The funny thing is that these are scriptures I prayed over my son for several years until I saw God restore him to Himself. And now my soul is crying out for my soul to see its joy restored - in Him. One conclusion my friend and I came to is that God keeps our soul. No matter what happens as life plays out before us - nothing can harm our soul. Because of  this - I can rejoice in the power of His salvation!

No matter what we may be facing today our soul is secure in Him. My meditation this week will be on being hidden in Him and allowing Him to restore my joy. I will give myself permission to laugh and live again. Today my prayer will be that He will fill me with all joy and peace in believing -- will you join me?