Showing posts with label despair. Show all posts
Showing posts with label despair. Show all posts

I Can Work with That

In many instances, caregivers can feel out of touch or out of sync with the "real" world simply because most of our lives are lived in a cave. We can tend to be on either side of the spectrum. One, we are trapped there; or two, we feel safer in our caregiver's cave even though we are alone. Personally, there have been periods of time when I didn't have the capability to get out and there have been times I've preferred being tucked away in mu cave. But God's word does not know any boundaries whether they exist only in our mind, or if they are an invisible barrier we put up ourselves.

God can reach all the way into the depths of despair. He can see past the walls we build to keep ourselves in, and others out. His love can reach all the way into our life-mangled hearts.

In Colossians 1:5-6, Paul is speaking to the Christian believers when he says that the Word of God bears fruit from the time we first hear it. And guess what! His word does not stop bearing fruit in us when we become a caregiver. It is constantly bearing fruit and is displayed in our lives as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, ,goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Galations 5:22-23)

Once we allow His word to gain entrance into our hearts, it is always at work in us no matter what our circumstances are. He never says, "This is too much for me to handle" or "I can't work with that." Instead He draws near to those with a broken heart and says, "I can work with that." It's simply up to us to yield to the Word's work in our lives.

Today I will yield my heart to the work of the Word in me. I will embrace the changes His ever abiding presence brings to my heart and life. My meditations will be on allowing God in my space so that He can continue to work to bring forth fruit in my heart and life. Will you join me?


Mercy's Filter

I don't know many caregivers who wouldn't pay for a good night's sleep. Personally, it's not too bad for me overall but for short periods of time I may have to get up during the night. Early on I secured a mattress that helps prevent bed sores which means I don't have to turn my son every 2 hours. It really helps when we can get chunks of sleep like 4-6 hours at least. But then there are still those nights usually several in a row when I am disrupted throughout the night. Usually on top of just having to get up during the night there are other issues occurring like illness or discomfort to address.

David says in Psalm 119:148-149:  My eyes are awake through the night watches, that I may meditate on Your word. Hear my voice according to Your lovingkindness... I must say that when I am up during the "night watches" it's not always so I can meditate on the Word. In fact, it's never so I can meditate on His Word. You really don't want to know the kinds of things I think or say when my sleep is disrupted. But I can promise that my prayers are not always pure at 3 in the morning. I'm usually concerned for my son and so my prayers may sound more like yelling at God things like, "Where are You now?" or "Can You even hear me?" I have crazy thoughts like  can you see me? Have You even noticed my situation? Do You have any answers? Is there any hope?

...just bein' honest.

But the psalmist also prayed for the Lord to hear me according to Your lovingkindness or mercy. I pray that God hears my cries for help through His mercy and not from my desperation. Perhaps He filters my earnest anguished thoughts through mercy's filter. I really believe He does. When we are at our most desperate point - He looks at us through mercy not disdain. He sees we are desperate - He knows we need Him. And He extends His mercy every time.

The last portion of verse 149 reads this way: revive me according to Your justice. David is asking God to hear me and revive me. This is my prayer today.

Today I will meditate on how He extends His mercy even to me! I'll think about how He filters my cries through His mercy and revives me by breathing His life into my being. Will you join me?

The Womb of Seclusion

Psalm 139 has been a long time favorite. As a child I read it and marveled; and then I read it to my children and marveled even more. How could this God be so "intimately acquainted" with all my ways? How could He know me inside and out? Even more amazing, how could He know everything about me, all my quirks included and still love me? This is what I get out of Psalm 139 - that He really does know me inside and out - but continues to love me no matter what He saw before the world began, what He has seen while I have walked through time - or what He sees about my future here in time and with Him. I guess what gets me most is that He looks at my life in its entirety - and He doesn't look away. He never says it's too ugly, too messed up or too anything for Him.

In verse 12, I read this: but even in darkness, I cannot hide from You. To You the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and night are both alike to You. (NLT) I like that because to me it says that the things that can hinder my vision, do not block His. When it looks dark to me - it's not dark to Him. If things look blurry to me - they do not appear blurry to Him. When I am stumbling around trying to reconnect with faith, find my way in the dark or just trying to figure out a way to not give up in the pain -- He sees quite well. The darkness is not dark to Him!

He can see past my pain, confusion, hurt and despair - and right into the womb of my heart to the things He is birthing inside. God has not left our hearts unattended for even one moment. Just like when we were being formed in the womb of our natural mothers - and He watched me be formed in utter seclusion (v. 15) - He is watching the things He birthed in our hearts be formed in the utter seclusion  of the life of a caregiver. Even though there are times when we can feel we do not live like the rest of the world; and that we live a very secluded lifestyle - He is watching His purposes form inside of us in the midst of the seclusion.

Today I will meditate on what He has planted inside of me. And if I am not sure what that is - I'll ask Him to show me. I'll ask Him to show me how Christ is being formed in me - (Galatians 4:19) Will you join me?

What About the Cave?

This morning I was reading through some of Psalm 18 and how David had triumphed over his enemies. To be quite honest, I wasn't feeling it. So I thought to myself No, I need to read the one he wrote in the cave. So I turned over to Psalm 57. It's the one David wrote while he was hiding in the cave while Saul was pursuing him.

 He starts the Psalm out with a prayer asking for God's mercy and then a declaration immediately following. The soon-to-be king cries out to God and says Have mercy on me O God, have mercy on me! He had to be in anguish. Here God had told him he was to be king, and he could battle Saul and rightfully take the position according to the culture of the day. But he (rightly) chose not to lift his hand against Saul...to run instead. And now, he's in the cave...waiting...

 But immediately following his anguished prayer for God's mercy he makes his personal declaration: I look to You for protection. I will hide beneath the shadow of Your Wings until this violent storm is past.

 Here David is, hiding in a cave; waiting on the promise of God to come to fulfillment. He's waiting on a dream to manifest...but with one breath he's crying out for the mercy of God and with the next declaring He will wait on Him! Do you ever feel that way? I do. One minute I am standing at the door of the cave, praying and asking for His help; and the next I am cowered down in the back of the cave just hiding out. In just a matter of a few seconds I can go to fully trusting...to shaking...and back. I'm thinking it's just part of the journey.

David goes ahead and declares God's faithfulness, and His promises. So wherever you are in "the cave" today, whether you are cowering in the back just trying to make another day or standing in the door boldly, declare His words, declare His promises...and then declare the I wills of David:

I will waken the dawn with my song
I will thank you Lord
I will sing your praises
 

Why Are You In Despair My Soul?

These are the words of a psalmist perhaps he was simply asking himself why he kept finding himself a the point of despair. He asked it several times in two psalms. I don't dare ask myself this question as I could probably take a few minutes to go down my personal list of why I am depressed items! It can be so easy to slip under the load we are carrying. Then it is difficult to climb out to see daylight in our emotions again!

Te psalmist asked himself why are you in despair my soul - then he gave himself the solution - hope in God. The solution has not changed through the years. When we feel we cannot go on one more minute in our situation - our hope is in God. Emotions may be frazzled, strength wasted away, tiredness has set in - and it's only 8 AM....but our hope remains in the God of hope.

He will strengthen us for the journey - and He has not called us to walk it alone. It may feel like a very lonely journey...as people are sparse. But when our brothers, sisters, friends and acquaintances remain at a distance - God will take us up.

Today remind yourself of His unfailing love, and His sustaining strength. Let Him be the help of your countenance (Psalm 42:11) no matter what you face. We understand that the caregiver is not exempt from the regular trials of life just because we have the responsibility of caring for another. We simply have caregiving plus  all the regular trials that come with life. You know - money, bills, food, clothing, doing laundry...and the list goes on. We have exactly the same stuff to do as everyone else and then we have to completely take care of another person too...It's not an easy walk any way you look at it...but we do not have to walk it in despair. We can walk it in His hands...as our souls wait for Him and hope in Him the despair will fade away.

Remember that He cares for that eternal part of us - the part that doesn't die. That's how deep His protection for us runs. And even if our flesh fails...He is the hope of our heart- of our spirit man. And of that He will not let go!

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...