Showing posts with label Job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Job. Show all posts

The Blessing

 


Ever have those days where it seems like one bad (or mostly bad) report follows another? Yesterday was one of those days for me. It wasn't super horrible stuff, but just not the best news either. I mulled it over in my mind and overthought all this new information. Because that's what I always do - until I turn to get God's answer. lol. I know, I'm weird. But my hyperactive analytical mind has to run information through all these formulas. You know what though, the answer is always to trust Him. 

As I was thinking about all this early in the morning, I thought about Job. He's one of my all-time favorite Bible characters. He stayed the course in some of life's stormiest seas. He navigated his life's boat right toward God no matter what presented itself. So I turned my Bible over to the first couple of chapters and read the account again. Job didn't even have time to process information on that day. One person after another came bearing bad news - it kept saying while he was still speaking...more bad news. On my absolute worst days it was never quite that overwhelming. 

To top it all off, since we've read the whole book of Job, we know there is more bad news coming, right? Job's response elicits the blessing. He first, allowed himself to mourn. He immediately tore his robe and shaved his head. (Job 1:20) In his culture, this was an outward sign of the deep distress of a soul. Then, he worshipped God. Why? Because God hadn't changed even with all the bad news, grief, and mourning - Job still trusted God.

James 5:11 says we count them blessed who endure. Think about that for a moment. Where do we draw inspiration from? Usually, it's from someone who's been through or who is going through. If I was trying to write devotions for caregivers without ever walking that road myself - who would read it? lol. We relate because we understand the inward struggles, the outward struggles, the mourning, and more that come with caregiving.

We look at Joseph, Daniel, Job, and all our Bible heroes with admiration for sticking with God during their struggles. We know the end of each of these stories and how God gets the glory and blessed each of them. We draw courage to face another day because we know just like them, we are not facing this day alone. We choose to trust Him for one more day - and we do it every.single.day.

Today, I will remind myself of these stories where God walked with these heroes through their trials. I'll remind myself that God didn't leave them stranded, that His grace was enough - even in the Old Testament to carry them through. I'll tell myself that He's going to carry me through today too - as I lean in to Him and trust Him more. Will you join me in trusting Him for one more day?


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31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover


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In His Hands

This morning, I was working on my latest devotional 31 Days in Psalm 31 which I hope to complete and have in my bookstore by the end of the month. There are so many things in this one psalm and I've read it so much my Bible falls open to it automatically now. lol. I was thinking about fear, grief, hurt, and the dark night of the soul. Caregiving can be an emotional roller coaster. Sure, there are those caregiver moments like when my son actually hugged me the other evening. Those moments erase a ton of pain. They make it all worth it. But they are not lasting and it's back to the day-to-day grind.

As I was working on the devotional, I took a look at Job again. His story intrigues me. He took all the overwhelming pain and turned it into worship. It wasn't about a congregational song on Sunday morning, he wasn't sitting out back playing his guitar, and no Kumbaya around the campfire either. He took his deepest grief and pain and he worshipped.  Like David in Psalm 31 said, my life is in Your hands - Job took the tragic moment and spent it on his knees acknowledging that God was still his God - and he gently, with tears, placed his life in God's hands and gave Him back total control. Such a precious worshipful moment.

I can't say I have reacted that way. Oh, I eventually get back to that position of worship. I always return. But usually, I throw a fit, cuss and scream a little and pout for a while first. I do always return to that position though. Worship is just that - we become the sacrifice. Our lives are like an Isaac placed on Abraham's altar. All of our promises, hopes, and dreams are there on life's altar. Even the broken promises, shattered dreams and lost hopes - they are all there. All being poured out before Him as a sacrifice. And you know what? He gets it. He understands. He accepts it. Even in our most broken state - He scoops us up and carries us through. But we must remain in His hands.

When we were kids we used to sing a song He's Got the Whole World in His Hands. All us church babies remember that one! Well, you know what - He still has the whole world in His hands. It's the ultimate act of worship to say with David - my life (all that I am, all that I've lost, all that I've gained, all my pains, hurts, griefs, caregiving struggles) are in Your hands. Then, we must leave it there - and trust Him with it - trust Him with our souls. Like Job, we lift up our hearts to Him and say, Blessed is Your name O Lord no matter what life brings today. It's all in His hands.

Today, I will meditate on letting every ounce of my being stay in His hands. I'll turn my thoughts to how I can trust Him enough to realize my life is in His hands, and it's alright. He can handle it. I'll let Him handle it today as I trust Him for just one more day. Will you join me?

I'm No Job

Let me just get this out there - I'm no Job!  I've been thinking about him a lot and how his response to trouble when it comes is very much NOT like mine. I whine a lot more than he does and honestly, praise doesn't come that easy. Oh, I finally get there - but I always seem to take the long way around.

When Job's trouble started he went straight to his knees; and when it got even more complicated He worshiped. I did not. He seemed so at peace with his life whether he could physically see God's blessings or was standing there stripped bare. Job said we need to take both good and bad from the hand of the Lord. And he said that when things were bad.

For a long time now I've noticed that people tend to say "God is good" only when things go their way. You know, they get a raise, their loved one escapes a horrific wreck, a kid graduates from college, or someone gets healed. Why is it we don't hear that when someone gets fired, a loved one is injured in a car crash or a kid drops out of college? lol I notice we only  say it when the world is on our side.

Here stands Job who was more than just a wealthy man. His "friend" Eliphaz describes Job in the first part of chapter 4 as one who encouraged many a troubled soul to trust in God and as one who supported the weak. Yet here he stands with empty hands and broken body still trusting God. Now sadly, I cannot say I've done that.

This weekend was a series of events that left me emotionally drained and fighting off a cloud of depression. I'll spare you the details because I assume as caregivers you've at least been there on occasion. For me it's  about the time some things seem to be coming together, my son makes improvements, work is constant and I am keeping up and this very abnormal life is chugging along decently, then some little cog gets stuck and I get stuck once again. I stomp around a bit, shake my fist at God for letting this happen to me and my family, and just get overall grumpy.

It seems the whole point of Job's test was to see if he would curse God to His face. But Job did not. He continued to trust, continued to praise, kept on worshiping, and did not waiver in his faith. I on the other hand, when I crash like I did this weekend, eventually come back around to trust and worship. Maybe my trip through emotional distress back to worship isn't taking quite as long as it used to, but I still crash and take that little journey. I can definitely say I am no Job. But I am getting there. Slowly.

Today, rather than condemning myself to die a thousand deaths (lol) I'm going to encourage myself to worship. I'll turn my focus to the things I've seen God do rather than what I think He's not doing. And even though it's not been my immediate response, I'll say with Job blessed be the name of the Lord. I'll remind myself that God is good period, no matter what happens in the day of a caregiver's life. I'll meditate on His goodness, His forgiveness, and His never-ending mercy toward me today. And for just one more day - I'll lay aside my emotions and worship Him for who He is - not for what I want. I'll trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Oh for Grace to Trust Him More

My thoughts are all over the place this morning and I'm trying to reel them back in and keep them balanced. I'm sure I'm the only one who ever has to do that, right?

Cargiving is not for the weak of heart, that's for sure! But today it's not having the heart to carry on - it's the battlefield of the mind that is the problem. In my heart, there's no question. The stamina is there and no choices need to be made at this point.

But my head has to deal with the day-to-day struggles of caregiving. There are so many things going on around me right now that just set me off the edge with tons of questions. Some are simple, like why? I wonder why this ever had to happen. Why my son was ripped away. Why my shattered heart can't heal. Why the grief doesn't go away. Why my life was boxed up and seemingly put on hold.

I've said before it's not the actual caregiving that is the difficult part, it's the heart issues, the living grief and the beating your emotions take on the journey. And that's where I am today. Sorry. But I've learned it is better to be brunt and honest about my emotions - it's the only way to "move on."

In my mind, I see myself like a little girl gathering up this bundle of problems and heading to the throne to see how God is going to fix it. I stand there with my arms full, tears running from my eyes and looking at God with no words left to say. It feels like my life is a big why followed by a huge question mark.

I can think of several scriptures but none bring comfort, none make it all better. Real and raw still exists. It never really goes away, I just deal with it better on some days than on others.Somehow I have to figure out how to put on my big girl panties and walk through one more day.

So, I turn my mind away from my pain and grief and to His word. I think about Joseph and how dejected and lost he must have felt sitting in the dark, dank dungeon for something he didn't do. He figured out how to trust. And I think of Job (I think I'll read Job this week). He lost everything but trust. He didn't even hope God would restore him, he just trusted God with his life. I want to be more like that, even on days when it doesn't come so easy, days like today.

And that is what I will do. I'll think about Job's words, two scriptures stand out. I first think of how he answered his wife when she said he should just give up and die. He answered her with this: Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity? I have to agree. I get so tired of people using the phrase "God is good." when everything goes there way - but I don't hear it at all when things are not going like they planned. He is good period. It's irrelevant whether things are going good or bad - God is good.

The second thing out of Job is his ultimate statement of trust: Though God slay me - yet will I trust Him. That's where I want to be too. I WANT to say that I trust Him on mornings like this when life is crushing me. The words to an old hymn come to mind:


Jesus, Jesus how I trust You
How I've proved You o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Oh for grace to trust him more...

Today I will meditate on these two scriptures out of Job. I'll pull out my guitar and sing through the verses to this song and let the words sink in. I know God's not trying to slay me...so I need to trust Him to carry me through these times when trust comes harder. I'll turn my meditations to thinking about the times I know He carried me, provided for me and my family and showered me with His great love. I will work on keeping my thoughts there today... and I will trust Him for one more day... will you join me?

Rambling Thoughts

Today is one of those days where I woke up and my thoughts were running away with me. Seriously, my thoughts are all over the place. When I first got up, something someone said yesterday started running around in my head and it went mentally viral from there.

I work for an SEO company - we work on websites. Its founder is a believer and a group of us meet online to pray for the company and all the employees. During that meeting yesterday, someone told me that God would restore these years to me. 

I know the guy meant well, but even as my heart can agree my head can't grasp that thought. My biggest question is How? I have become very familiar with the story of Job and everyone gets all excited at the end of the story about how God restored his fortunes (I had none of those before my story began! lol), and Job had 10 more kids! Yippee!!

I'm not overlooking or lessening the work God did in Job's heart and I understand the story had a good ending. But Job didn't get his first set of kids back either. That was a loss that could not be made up for. Let's be clear, I don't want any more kids - I'm too old for that!

When I think of "restoration," my mind goes to Joel and how he prophesied that God would restore all the cankerworm had destroyed. Caregiving can be like that worm that chips away at life one piece at a time. Can God put that back? Can He heal a living grief? Can He make restoration?

 I have to hold to God's word and know that He is able to restore in ways I don't even understand. And then....I just have to trust Him...for one more day. Then tomorrow, I'll trust Him for another. and so, in my crazy thoughts I come full circle back to the heart of the matter - trusting Him.

No matter how He chooses to restore, or what that looks like for each of us, it's all about finding that place of trust. Job said, even if God kills me, I will trust Him. So no matter what a day brings, or doesn't bring we have to keep our hearts in His and live in a continual state of waiting on Him.

Today I will picture my heart in His and do what I need to do to keep it there. My thoughts will be on trusting Him just for today, and I'll rest in that spot. I will give Him my concerns, my worries, my crazy thoughts and I will wait to see how He works on my behalf. I will trust Him for one more day - will you join me?




What's in A Name

Yesterday after I wrote the devotion, I couldn't shake Job from my mind. I kept thinking about the last few verses of the book and how quickly it smoothed his "life" over with what seems to be a he lived happily ever after.

God restored Job's health and wealth and he went on to have more children. I thought about that for awhile. Just because he had 10 more kids doesn't mean he didn't miss his first set of kids. These 10 didn't make up for the loss of his first children. He had still raised them and loved them and his memories of them were still in tact.

On my caregiving journey I have good days and bad days. I have pictures of my son BC (before crash). Some days when I see them, they tear at my heart. I remember how he was and see him as he is. Other days, I enjoy the memories we made and honestly wouldn't trade for having had the opportunity to make them. Most days I miss him too much to express with words. Even though it's different now - I still love him - he's my son. Adding another son - would not replace him or the spot he has in my heart.

It can be easy to look at the end of Job's story and think it all worked out perfectly, and on one hand it did. But the loss of his children was never erased. Our losses as caregivers don't just disappear when we have a good day. A lot is really up to our attitude and how we take on the new while carrying the old. Every day is an opportunity to be swept under by our emotions and the struggles we face; or to rise above them. Some days, I have to admit, I do well to keep just the tip of my nose out of the water to keep from drowning. Other days I adjust well.

So with Job still on my mind this morning, I got up and opened my Bible to chapter 42 one more time. Then I decided to look up the meanings of the names of his daughters. Jemima was Job's first daughter after his trial. It means beautiful as the day. His second daughter was named Kezia and it means fragrant as a perfume. And his third daughter was named Keren-happuch which means child of beauty. He could have named them anything - and these are the names he chose. I think it's significant.

The names of his daughters were all focused on beauty. Even though he must have grieved the loss of his other children, he focused on the beauty of these ladies. It seems to me that Job was looking at the beauty of the moment instead of the pain of the past. Job embraced the new and moved forward positively.

For me, the pain of the loss of the past can be haunting, but today I will try to let it go. I will think about the beauty of the moment instead. I will meditate on the works I see God doing in and around me today and not focus on the losses endured. My thoughts will be on His restoration and His protection of my soul, and I will rest in Him once again. Will you join me?

Only One Word

I've always been intrigued by the story of Job in the Bible. When I was younger I didn't really get it; but as life unfolded it made more sense. And even though I would never even try to compare my situation to the hardship Job endured, I feel like in a small way I can relate to some of Job's experience. I have been known to look at people with open mouth and a blank stare when they compare themselves to Job and all they have is something like a broken fingernail or a flat tire. Ever hear one of those stories? Their car broke down or something and they are claiming they understand Job. And I'm like, really?

I'd have to say a caregiver's life is not nearly on the scale of what Job went through but it does help bring some understanding. Sadly, I'll never be able to say I didn't "sin with my mouth" during my journey of faith, but I can say I've always come back around to trusting God. Maybe that's the important part....

Here's what I was thinking about Job this morning. I skimmed through some of the discourse between he and his friends and still find ignorance amazing. Poor Job. Here he was having lost literally everything and now his friends are grieving him more by telling him it's all his fault because he had to have sinned somehow. I will say on this caregiving journey I had feelings that God must be punishing me and that there was some way I had displeased Him or He would not have allowed it to happen. Of course, as I read through all our Bible heroes I realized we all face something.

So I don't know how long Job was bullied by his friends and kept denying he'd done something wrong, but what I noted is that when God spoke - He said not one word about it. He didn't tell them Job was cool and his friends were crazy. When He finally spoke up He asked them Where were you?  I love chapter 38 as God describes HIS account of creation and how He set the boundaries for the waters of the earth and told "their proud waves" they could only come so far! These last chapters of Job are powerful as God and Job interact with God asking the questions and Job having no answers.

Then at the very end of chapter 42 God instructs Job's friends to go offer a sacrifice and have Job pray for them. How humbling that must have been for them after all they put Job through. And verse 8 sums it all up- God says to the friends: My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer on your behalf. I will not treat you as you deserve, for you have not been right in what you said about me, as my servant Job was. (NLT)

All that talking they did and God told them they were wrong in what they said about Him, and Job was right. That's all Job got - just that little phrase. But it was one word from God! And it was enough. By looking at God's answer to Job and his friends, I have to think Job was so confident in his relationship with God that he never questioned it. He knew he was righteous no matter what life hurled at him.

Today I am going to meditate on how God's righteousness is enough to cover me during the trial. My thoughts will be on how my righteousness is in Christ and there is nothing in heaven or in earth that can remove it from me. And I'm going to confidently rest in Him today. Will you join me?

Our Most Basic Need

Philippians 4:19 is going to finish out our little journey through Philippians. My God will supply all your need according to His riches in glory. Those of us who grew up in church know we learned this one early on. It was also used by our parents when we didn't get or couldn't have something we wanted. As we learn to be content in Him and with Him as we talked about in yesterday's devotion, our list of needs begin to shrink. I think some of that comes with age too as we learn to distinguish the things that have true value. We all have the same basic needs like food, shelter and love; but beyond that our needs can vary greatly. 1 Timothy 6:6 reminds us that godliness with contentment is great gain.

I have to admit that during this caregiving journey I've had some very tight almost suffocating financial situations. Anxious thoughts try to take over my mind and infiltrate my life. But in those moments I stop and talk myself through it by saying things like I have food, shelter, electricity, and my cable is still on so I can work today. Once I realize I am not missing anything today I can function. It doesn't make any money drop out of the heavens but it allows me to get a grip on my emotions.

Since this caregiving journey started I have to say God has certainly provided all along the way. But I could say that about my whole life including BC (before caregiving). If any of us were asked today what our most pressing need was, what would we answer? We could have a lot of different responses based on our level of perceived needs. Our collaborative list might look something like this:


  • money
  • love
  • food
  • electric bill
  • cell phone bill
  • a friend
  • healing
  • newer vehicle
  • gas for our vehicle
We might present a list a mile long. Do you remember the scripture where God asked Solomon what he wanted and Solomon said wisdom? It was the most encapsulating answer anyone could give. It was like saying everything since wisdom is the key that unlocks all the doors! Well I think our answer to What do you need?  is just as encapsulating and all-inclusive. We simply need Him.

Solomon said in Proverbs 3:32b - He is intimate with the upright. I was reading that this morning and it had a reference to Job 29:4 where Job said the friendship of God was over my tent. These are two very different views of needing Him. Here Solomon is sitting in the king's palace with the world at his fingertips; and Job is sitting in a pile of ashes having literally lost everything. Yet they both speak of intimacy with God. I must conclude that this is our most basic need.

As angry as I've been with God about allowing all this journey to happen; and as upsetting as the caregiving journey has been at times  - I always come back to my knees. I have to admit my desperate need for Him. He is my every need. The rest is irrelevant. Paul said that he counted all things as loss  in comparison to knowing Christ.

Today I will meditate on the truth that God is my most basic need. I will turn my thoughts toward Him and seek His intimacy. I will purposefully be aware that He is on this caregiving journey with me. I will be content with that. Will you join me? 



The Thing I Fear Most

In Job's lament found in chapter three, he made a statement that faith-ers have used against him for years. He said: the thing I greatly feared has come upon me.(KJV) As a caregiver there can be many fears that we have to deal with. Our fears might lead to questions like:

  • What if I can't provide for my loved one?
  • What if I get sick and can't take care of him/her?
  • What happens to my loved one once I am gone?
These are all valid fears and are running around somewhere in the back of our minds most of the time. Because they are not imminently upon us we don't have to think about them too often; but they are still there. Another fear that I have had is that I would become bitter through the ordeal. It's been one of my most frequent concerns and the center of many prayers that the Lord would help me in my quest to prevent bitterness from setting in.

Caregiving can take a toll on you - but it's the rest of life (which we are not exempt from) that can take you down. We all have those times when we feel like everything is crashing in and we have to face our fears. How do we walk through this valley and keep a positive attitude? It's too easy to feel abandoned by other people, and life itself. We're just hanging here with a choice. How am I going to deal with this? Are we going to cave in and be angry and God and everybody? Or are we going to stand up, adjust our clothing and take life on one more time?

Isaiah 26:3 is a scripture that comes to mind in times like this. It says You will keep him in perfect peace - whose mind is stayed on You. To me, perfect means mature. When we keep our minds fixed on God instead of our situations He provides perfect peace or a mature peace; a peace that stands. My job is to refocus my thoughts on the Lord and keep them from gravitating toward my situation or life's events. 

Today I will shift my focus to God's word and allow it to be my meditation. I will purposefully turn my thoughts to the God I trust and keep them off the troubles of life. I'll think about how I trust Him to see me through and I will allow His perfect peace to invade my heart as I let go of frustration and fear. Will you join me?

Ever Changing But Always the Same

I enjoy reading the last few chapters of Job where God takes over the conversation. In chapters 38 to 41, God takes the time to describe creation from His point of view. There are many questions that God asks of Job during this passage and we all know He isn't looking for "information." He already knows the answer - He is measuring Job's response.

In Job 38:12, God asks Job if he's ever commanded the morning to appear and caused the dawn to arise in the east. Then in verse 19, God asks, where does the light come from and where does the darkness go?  Put this with Psalm 104:19 where it says the sun knows where to set; and you have a full day orchestrated by God.

The sun never "rises" and forgets which way to go. It is so designed and set in place by God. He started it in Genesis and nothing has been able to interrupt the process. Except for that one time on Joshua's behalf where God caused the sun to stand still. Day and night continue the way God set it up to work. No matter what our daytime hours bring - it doesn't stop for any reason good or bad. I actually have learned to hate the statement life goes on. I've heard that a lot and once my life changed to where I was living out tragedy day by day I found it offensive. I wanted to say, No, your life went on. Mine stopped.

But the truth is that even though in the midst of tragedy life seems to stop - it really does just keep moving. God didn't stop His eternal clock because I ran into a road block or a tough time. Time just continues to unfold a second at a time, a day at a time. The sun continues to rise and set.

I actually find it comforting that the sun isn't thrown off course just because I have a rough day; and it doesn't speed up or slow down based on my emotions. What God put in place stands, period. The fact that His system still works brings me comfort and peace. It means to me that everything He's promised is still in tact. His word still applies to the caregiver. His promises are still true - no matter what life brings.

If we want a picture of His renewed grace just watch a sunrise or a sunset, each one totally unique from the others. What a picture of constancy and creativity; ever changing but always the same. That's how God moves in our lives. He under-girds us with His patience and strength and yet explodes with mercy and grace to make another day.

Today I am going to watch the sun as it moves across the sky; and I'll meditate on God's constancy. I will turn my thoughts to His unbreakable love, mercy and grace. I will rejoice that my day does not orchestrate His - He orchestrates mine. Will you join me?

Committed to the Journey

The last few days we've been looking at three men of faith: Job, Noah, and Daniel. These are three of my Bible heroes along with many others. But these three men are mentioned together in Ezekiel 14. Twice, the Lord told Ezekiel that if Noah, Daniel and Job were in the land they would be delivered through righteousness. They couldn't "delver" anyone else, but they would be saved if the land was destroyed. I have spent much time pondering why He listed these three men.

What happened to Abraham, the friend of God? What about David, the man after God's own heart? Why not Moses, the one with whom God spoke face to face as a man speaks to his friend? What made Job, Noah and Daniel's stories so unique that God said these three men could deliver their own soul by their righteousness? Their situations were not similar, neither were their trials. Actually, all three faced difficult adversities of very different types. Like the caregiver has to do many times, they faced them alone.

Daniel stood by faith while he was a captive in a foreign land, Noah stood by faith in a wicked generation, and Job stood alone in the face of losing everything. No one could do it for them; and no one can carry your load for you either. Oh it's nice when someone comes to walk alongside you and it really helps to have friends or family along for the ride. But no one can do the caregiving for you. Like these three men of faith we must live what we know - we must live by faith whether we do it alone, or if others are with us on this journey.

We must be committed to the journey. The three men listed here in Ezekiel were committed to the journey of faith and they didn't let life's trials detour them. We as caregivers must be adamant about our journey of faith as well. I've found that it's not so much that I am keeping the faith; but rather it's faith that's keeping me. Our job as caregivers is a difficult one no matter what particulars we deal with each day. But we must keep putting one foot in front of the other, walking by faith. Sometimes we cannot see exactly where we are going and there certainly is no end in sight; but by faith we continue to seek God's direction for each day and simply walk it out like Job, Noah and Daniel. They did not let go - they continued to trust even in adversity.

I admire the tenacity of these three men; and I want to model it in my own life. They rocked their world because of their faith; and we can too.

Today I will meditate on what my faith means to me. I will turn my thoughts to how I can determine to trust Him more for each step I must take today. And I will thank Him that He is with me as I am committed to this journey of faith. Will you join me?

My Times are In His Hands

I can't even begin to imagine what Job went through. If you go back and read the first chapters of Job you'll see how he lost his children, his wealth and sustenance, his possessions and even his health. Sometimes I read Job when I think I can't handle anymore. Early on in my caregiving journey (and sometimes even now) I feel a great sense of loss. I had rid myself of my possessions and was headed to the mission field when my son was involved in the accident. When he was going to be released to "go home" I had nowhere to take him. Add that to losing who he was and I dealt with a heavy sense of loss for a long time.

I compensated for the losses I felt by buying anything I wanted. I'd see a movie, a book or a piece of furniture I liked and I'd buy it. It took me some time to realize I was making purchases and other allowances in my life to try and make up for the great loss I felt. I say that to say only on a very small scale can I begin to understand the enormity of loss Job had to feel. Even Job's friends didn't know what to say in the situation. When they heard of his tremendous trials they came and sat with Job. They sat in silence for seven days, because there really wasn't anything to say. I so appreciate my friends who have been present through this journey even though they may have been uncomfortable and didn't know what to say or do, don't you?

In Job 13:15, he declared, though God slays me - I will trust Him. I've heard it said that this was a lack of faith on Job's part. But I think that it was the ultimate statement of trust. Job was pretty much saying that no matter what the journey brought he was going to continue to trust the Lord.  Even though he was faced with huge losses Job clung to God. I can't say I've had that much tenacity in my situation. I've been angry and didn't care what role God wanted to play in my life. How could He let all this happen? I know nothing happens that doesn't cross His desk for approval first.

And yet gradually I worked my way back around to trusting Him for the journey. Eventually, I was able to say once again that no matter what life brought - it's better with Him than without Him. I found that He was patiently waiting. He wasn't angry, He didn't cast me away; but His gentle presence welcomed me freely. My times are in His hand declared the psalmist. (Psalm 31:15) I must rest in that truth and continue to trust Him.

Today I will meditate on trusting Him more fully. I will not worry about losses, I'll concentrate on His gentle presence in my life. I will rest in Him and trust that my times are in His hands and He's as committed to this journey as I am. Will you join me?

Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus

Another favorite Bible hero of mine is Job. I know he didn't lead an army, build a boat or slay a giant, but he intrigues me nonetheless. I cannot fathom the sense of loss that he went through. First of all losing all his children in a day would be too much to bear. But he also lost his crops, livestock, and ways to provide for his family. Then ultimately he even lost his health. My mind just really cannot wrap around all of that.

One of the things that stands out in this story isn't really about him at all - it's about his friends. Even though they were not perfect, when they heard of his hardship - they came. And they sat. For seven days they felt his pain and grief so strongly that they sat in silence with nothing to say. As a caregiver I can say that those friends that just sit during the time of trouble are priceless...and few.

But what gets me about Job is actually his level of trust. I think that's why he's my hero. In Job 13:15 he stated that even if God killed him - he would still trust. I have to honestly say I have never made that statement. I've been angry with God for "taking away" my son - I always work my way back around to trusting Him but I have not found that single spot where I can just recklessly abandon to Him and freely say that I trust Him no matter what. But Job did; and I admire that.

While that level of trust does not just appear overnight, I do think we can work toward it at the bare minimum. I commit to leaning more on Him each day and learning more about Him and His ways in order to trust Him more fully.

Today I will meditate on trusting Him fully. I will think about how He does have my best interest at heart - even if I don't feel like it; or when I do not like the circumstances. And I will make a conscious effort to simply trust Him today. Will you join me?

Do We Look Like Him?

If we really take time to think about it, caregivers look a lot like Him. I know, we will all modestly say, "Oh,no we are far from that." But this week in our devotions I want to look at some ways that we do look like Him. (That is the point of Christianity isn't it?) Now I'm not saying we are perfect, or that we have it all together because that is probably not going to ever happen in a caregiver's world. But day after day we continue to care for our loved one(s) without giving up. If we take a serious look, we'll find that we do indeed have Christ-like qualities.

In the New Living Translation, Romans 2:4 is translated this way: Don't you realize how kind, tolerant and patient God is with you? God patiently waits for His children to come to Him. We patiently care for our loved one day after day - whether we see any change or have any hope that the situation will change or not. All of that is irrelevant to providing care.

Have you ever heard someone referred to as having "the patience of Job"? He was very patient during his time of tribulation. Once again we see a man face great adversity and patiently wait for God to act. If I am honest, I am usually more patient with the one I am caring for than I am with God. Job uttered these words that "faith-ers" like to ignore: Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad? So in all this, Job said nothing wrong. (Job 2:10 NLT) In our world "God is good" is way overused especially when things are going great. When the bank account is full, bills are paid, health is stable, then we are happy, happy, happy; and God is good. But is He not still good when things are going downhill? If He is the God we proclaim Him to be - He is God and He is Good - no matter how our circumstances change. And for the caregiver our circumstances can change in a split second.

The fact that we are still clinging to Him in the midst of the trial is proof that we have patience. To run to Him in the storm proves we are still patiently waiting on Him. And day after day as we patiently care for our loved ones whether we observe positive changes or not - we show patience. Today I will meditate on how patient God is with me and how He patiently waits for me to bring my life to Him. Will you join me?


I Got Your Back!

This morning as I was reading about some of Paul's hardships in 2 Corinthians 6, I thought about the caregiver. He really nailed a few things on the head for us even though our hardships take very different courses. He talks some about having patience and working to exhaustion and  sleepless nights as well as our sincere love, purity and kindness all through the power of God. Verse 9 says we are close to death, but here we are still alive! Sound familiar? In verse 10 he talks about how our heart aches, but we still have joy and many spiritual riches to share. As I was reading this passage I thought about how much all of this seems to apply to our situations as well.

But something else caught my eye - verse 7 says this - God's power has been working in us. We have righteousness as a weapon, both to attack and to defend ourselves. I thought about that a lot and even matched it up with Job and how he had to keep telling his "friends" that he was righteous before God. His circumstances did not indicate his standing before God. It's the same with us - There are times when I feel so faithless and occasions when well meaning church people have added to that burden. But think about it a bit - our circumstances do not alter God's righteousness in us. We are covered by the blood of Christ no matter what trials life brings our way. We wear his righteousness as a breastplate as it protects our heart (Eph 6) - and Jesus is our righteousness and He never changes.

Today I will continue to meditate on the title of today's blog - But I will remember that God has my back! His righteousness covers and is strong enough and unwavering enough to cover me in both good times and bad! Will you join me?

Some Kind of Warrior

David was a warrior who faced many battles. The warrior side of him is seen even when he was a youth and went out to face Goliath who was many times his own size. In 1 Samuel 17:28, it says that even after Goliath's lofty threats, David ran out to meet him. David would face many battles after that monumental day. But there would also come a day when he would have to encourage himself in the Lord.

Sometimes it can seem like the caregiver's day is one battle after another; and like David, we must many times encourage ourselves in the Lord. It takes some kind of warrior to do that, don't you think? I know - most caregivers are not going to think of themselves as warriors! Our M.O. is more along the lines of well, we just do what we do. While that is true and we feel like we just put one foot in front of the other most of the time...we are doing much more than that. Let me explain.

As a caregiver I have battled depression and that is not uncommon for us. But how many times have you thought for sure that you were down for the count...when all of a sudden out of nowhere came encouragement? Maybe a phone call from a friend, a brief email or even a facebook status just said the right thing. Instead of being down for the count you felt yourself (almost involuntarily) pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps like the ole timer's used to say! That's because you are some kind of warrior! And because your heart is in what you are doing for your loved one as well as your heart being hidden in His - it's inevitable that you will eventually win out.

I've never thought of Job as an encouraging book but lately I have been reading it and finding great encouragement (may write a study guide for it later lol!). In Job 6:10 he said this to his "friends" but it is still my consolation, and I rejoice in unsparing pain that I have not denied the words of the Holy One. Job was a warrior just like you! Even in the midst of the pain and grief that can be an everyday thing, the heavy load many caregivers carry alone and the dark night of the soul...we continue to press on through the unsparing pain to hold on to His words. That's some kind of warrior!

Today I will meditate on the truth that He gives me the strength for the battle. I'll think about how David ran into battle with Goliath...and how he encouraged himself in the Lord. I will also think about what makes me a warrior...will you join me in holding on to His word for one more day?

Still Here

This week I decided to return to Job. It may sound odd to those most familiar with his story, but I was actually looking for some comfort. While his friends did not offer him much comfort or hope, my thinking was that by reading some of the things Job said I could gain a better perspective and find peace in dealing with the situation. So far, I haven't got past chapter 1. I hope we can take this journey through the book of Job together.

The first thing that caught my attention was that Job was blameless, a man of integrity, and he stayed away from evil. (You do know that Job wrote the book, right? *smile*) The second thing that caught my attention was further down when Satan confronted God about Job. He said that God protected Job, his family and all of his possessions from harm. He suggested that if Job lost everything, he would curse God to His face.

This is where I stopped for some inner reflections. As a caregiver, nothing is easy. Everything in our worlds have likely changed; and for me it has literally been everything. I have to look at myself and measure my own integrity - or lack of integrity. I certainly cannot honestly say that I have always said real pleasant things to God during this trial of faith; and I cannot say I have always had faith. But I can say that I have not cursed God or walked away from Him because of the tragedy, losses, or pain.

Losing everything is interesting because only then can you find out what you are truly holding on to. Only in the deepest trials of life do we find where our hope lies. Life doesn't lie. Instead, it reveals where our trust is, where our hope is and how we choose to make it through the dark night of the soul. We are still around. We are still seeking God; and He is still our provider and the keeper of our souls. Will I ever measure up to the patience or integrity of Job, not likely! lol. But I can say that even with a life of loss He is still my God!

Think about perspective today. Are we cursing Him for the storm? Or are we thankful He has chosen to walk through it with us? Let's be thankful today that He is still an ever-present God!

Consider Job?

Sometimes Sundays are the most difficult since I spent years going to church. Some caregivers can get out a little more freely, but that certainly does not mean it's as simple as jumping in the car and heading out. There are so many other aspects to take into consideration...so today I decided to consider Job again.

I read the first chapter where he really lost everything. Yet he still worshipped. I don't think  I have passed that test! Actually, I'm pretty sure I didn't!

One phrase in the first chapter stands out. When the enemy came to ask permission from God to tempt Job to give up - he said this: Does Job fear God for nothing?  See, Job had everything possible back then. He was one of the richest men in the land and had everything going for him. It seems like when everything is going our way it comes easier to trust God. At least on the surface level it seems so.

With these thoughts it seemed like a good time to stroll through an old favorite again. I thumbed over to Psalm 91.But what I found was that there was absolutely no promise in this favorite psalm that assured us that we would see no trouble. Actually, it's because of the trouble that we seek refuge in the secret place! We seek refuge under His wings (v4) - from nothing? I believe the things listed in the first few verses are destructions that come on the wicked - we see them but are safely hidden in Him...however, there is no false security here that says tough times will not come.

Actually, in verse 15 the Lord assures the psalmist - I will be with him in trouble.  He didn't say that He would keep it from ever happening! Learning to trust sounds so simple doesn't it? It is easy - but much deeper than a surface level occurrence. Our trust and confidence must be that He will fulfill His word  and work in our lives no matter what it looks like to us! He will work His good pleasure - but that doesn't bring any promise of a pain free journey!

I hope to trust God like Job did - even in the face of adversity.He does not make a promise that our flesh will never suffer - but He protects the part of us that is eternal - absolutely nothing can touch that!

Total Trust

Just about the time I get totally underneath the load of caregiving and feel I have totally lost my life...my Bible reading program takes me to Job! I cannot even imagine what it must have felt like to receive all that news all in one day. Totally overcome by grief in every area of life has got to be more than anyone can bear. Yet he fell to his knees and worshiped God. I cannot say that's always (or ever) been my initial response.

Then Job gets physically ill on top of all his losses. When his friends came to visit (now that's an idea) they didn't even recognize him and sat with him speechless for days. There's really nothing to be said in the time of intense calamity is there?

Job made a statement though that I have thought for a long time exhibits total trust. The faith-ers of the 70's gave Job a bum rap and said he lacked faith. However, I think the one phrase is full of more faith than I have seen anywhere in my lifetime. Job said, though God slay me - yet I will trust Him. It seems so contrary to faith to think that God would indeed slay us - wipe us out -- you know? But Job said pretty much no matter what God does - I will trust Him in and through it all!

I don't even hope to come close to that kind of faith. I have whined, cried, fussed and even feuded with God during my ordeal. However, I can always come back to the basics. He is God, and I am not. For the Christian there really is no other choice but to trust Him with whatever is allowed. That's not an easy thing to work through - however, once the choice is made, I can feel Him helping me carry the load. So let's trust Him together today with whatever life brings!

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...