One of my favorite speakers of late is Lisa Harper. She is so smart, engaging, and witty in her delivery. I love her books and her videos. She seems to be down to earth, down here with us real people. Yesterday, after Chris watched his teaching video (we do this almost every morning), the next one that played was Lisa Harper. I just left it on.  As she began to share, something she said sparked a mental reel. That's my best description for it. She was talking about trusting God and how He's carried us through so much already. Whenever she said it, it was like this mini-quick reel played in my mind. I thought about my divorce and the fears I faced, starting with no job and two little kiddos to raise alone. Then, as a single parent, I returned to school to complete my bachelor's degree in Education.  Images of the mystery illness I had in 1996-7 ran through my mind. I thought about how God carried me through that. In just a matter of a few seconds, these and so many other...

 I'm spending a lot of time in Psalm 119 as I am finishing up another devotional. There are so many verses that stand out to me, but I stopped to read verse 107 over and over. The psalmist says, I am severely afflicted , give me life according to Your word! I really wondered what was going on at the time for David to use the phrase "severely afflicted," but obviously, it was something big to him.  It made me think back over life, and the times I felt I was severely afflicted. Caregiving is definitely one of those seasons. Most days are okay. We make adjustments. We learn our new normal , which is a far cry from what it used to be. We mourn over the loss of our BC (before caregiving) lives. We suck it up and learn to give it to Him so we don't get sucked into the emotional abyss. But it's still difficult.  I think I like the two extremes in this verse. Maybe that's what caught my attention. David says he felt severely afflicted, but he's also asking God to ...

  I've decided there are just some things that come with caregiving. Things that are frustrating... like able-bodied people taking handicap parking spots. It's also frustrating to see everyone use the access buttoned door to go in and out of a building that has two other doors... but they want to use the button - lol. Does it really make it that much easier for them  to get in and out? I think not. Just frustrating. Today, when I got home from Chris's workout at the 34 Project, the delivery driver had set his supplies on the ramp. Now, there is a whole patio there, but they had to put it on the ramp - I'm sure somehow it was easier for them than using just a little common sense and putting it to one side.  First, I got so mad. I just don't get it! Then I decided to flip the script. I made a purposeful choice. I will not think about their stupidity or carelessness (however you want to classify that!); instead, I will be thankful that all of his supplies for this mont...

 Yes, I know how to spell. I'm the head of the grammar police! lol - I meant to say dessert,  meaning the sweet things you eat after a meal, and sometimes before! I wasn't trying to say desert , the very dry land form where not much lives.  The desert is dry for everyone. It's hot. It's uncomfortable. But dessert is not usually meant to be dry. It's supposed to be sweet, delicious, and enjoyable. But sometimes, for caregivers, even the sweet spots of life can seem difficult and dry. While everyone else is enjoying their piece of pie, we are sitting out. Alone. Hiding our emotions so they don't know that even the sweet can be bitter. BC (before caregiving), we didn't have to miss family functions or worry about accessibility. There are so many factors that go into each and every decision we make. We are "on" 24/7, even when we try to sleep. But I do think that we learn to savor those quiet moments. The moments when something nice happens. And it doe...

  What do Job, Jonah, and Joseph have in common, other than their names starting with J? I've been thinking about these three men and how they endured their circumstances. All three of them found themselves trapped by life circumstances. I don't want to disqualify Jonah, even though he did it to himself by choosing to deliberately and rebelliously disobey God. Why not toss Jonah out of this respectable group of men? Seriously. He was in the dark, dank, belly of the whale because he disobeyed. That doesn't even hold a candle to the other two, who continued to seek and serve God even when their “perfect” worlds fell apart. I didn't choose these three because of their integrity or grit. I've been thinking about how God met them . Job lost all his riches, the wealth he had stored up, and the good reputation that went with it. Soon after, he lost his health. He was so sick, his close friends didn't even recognize him when they came to check on him. Then, they sat wit...

 Ever have the kind of day when everything seems to be running along nicely, and then something happens? It doesn't even have to be anything big, but it takes you into the depths of darkness with no warning at all. In those moments, it can feel like life swallowed you whole. It's like instant despair, whether you identify the trigger or not! As this happened to me yesterday - totally out of the blue, btw - I thought. Man, that happened fast and outta nowhere! I just kept trying to sort through those crazy emotions. As I thought about the helpless feelings of being swallowed whole by life, my mind went to Jonah. He is one of my favorite characters. He was swallowed whole by a fish or whale that God had prepared just for the filthy backslider. LOL. I thought about how dark it must have been in the belly of the whale. How alone he must have felt. How hopelessness and helplessness must have surrounded his soul as he literally faced the possibility and probability of death. When lif...