Can You Hear Me Now?

Have you ever just reached the point of desperation? As a caregiver it seems I live on the edge of desperation a lot! lol. These are times when my life and my faith seem to conflict the most. I can pray and pray until I run out of words and it seems like God just isn't listening. My Bible thumping background haunts me because I know scriptures like 1 John 5:15 - And this is the boldness which we have toward him, that, if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us: and if we know that he hears us whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions which we have asked of him.

When I was taught that scripture it was by what I call the faith-ers. It was in the context of believing that God hears us and jumps at our command. Over the years I have found that concept to be in error. My next thought today is this So is healing not in His will today? I don't suppose I will ever really know why He chooses to do as He does; He is God of course and can see the whole picture while I can see only part - and not very clearly. 

My trouble is that if I am totally honest with myself - I don't know that He hears me. I trust that He hears me when my heart cries out - but how do I know that He hears my heart's cry? don't suppose there is any way to know...

But I can turn to another scripture for some help. Psalm 61:1-2 says this O God listen to my cry! Hear my prayer! From the ends of the earth I will cry to You for help, for my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety, for you are my refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me. (NLT) I have sung this scripture for years but today it really rings from my heart as I ask God to hear my prayers; hear my cries. I know He has been my shelter for all these years and I have no plans of running to anyone or anything else! He is my rock - my strength - my song. Today my heart cries to Him to hear me and rescue my heart from the enemy's snare.

My meditation today will be a cry to Him for help. I will remind myself of His faithfulness and strength. And I will trust Him to carry me today.

God is At Work

Just because we do not get exactly what we ask for does not mean that God is not working. I thought about Joseph this morning and the years he spent locked up in prison. I am sure he thought about his dreams quite a lot. In Psalms it says that the Word of the Lord tested him. No matter how you look at it this can sure chip away at our theology.

 I do not think that God is sitting up there waiting for ways to make us miserable just to see if we will continue to trust. However, life does bring with it a series of testings and opportunities to continue to believe. Life just happens, and so do bad things. It's not that God prevents everything bad from happening so that we have a nice cushy stay on earth...it's just that He works in the midst of them.

1 Thessalonians 2:13b says that His word performs its work in you who believe. The only stipulation here, if there is one, is that we believe. God's word does not stop carrying us because we hit tough times or things in life did not work out like we thought they were supposed to. His word continues to work as we believe. That's not an empty promise of healing, prosperity or cheap peace...the security here is that His Word is not bound by our circumstances. He is working in us in the midst of the circumstances. We must simply believe that He is...and come to Him. Even in our broken state, in our worrisome state, in our painful state...just come. He will not cast us away - He is still at work in us.

Healing Rest

Early in the mornings I go in and feed my son through his peg tube, change him and get him comfortable. Shortly after that he usually goes off into a deep sleep; a restful sleep. I checked on him just before starting to write this morning and he was out! I thought, he's getting good, restful sleep...healing rest. I figure that when he is sleeping real good and letting his mind and body rest that he is healing. We know rest and healing are connected.

 What does that mean to the caregiver? Because as a caregiver, we have pain every day. It never real goes away because we are dealing with a stressful, painful situation all the time; so it hurts all the time. We see our loved one not able to function fully on their own and to need help with simple, daily living skills. They are not who they were and in my case I grieve a lot over the loss of my son - even though he is still here. Yet he's not still here - not like he was. And as we walk out each day, each step along the way can be filled with pain.

 So as I watched my son sleeping (parents never tire of watching their kids sleep do they?) and was thinking about how rest brings healing, I though about the times I can press through the pain and truly find rest in Him. Those are the times He can heal our broken hearts...but only when we can quiet our souls and minds (sometimes it's more difficult to quiet the soul than the mind...) and truly rest in Him can we find the healing we need. And we must do it every day. Because we hurt every day - and we need His touch every single day.

So find a moment today somewhere, somehow...to rest your soul in His. Let Him wipe away the moment's pain...it will return...but He can handle it! Keep resting in Him....

Circumstance and Faith

Caregivers can come under fire from the church community and be accused of lacking faith. It's a sad truth,but it does happen. Hopefully, you've been spared from such accusations. It's not the church's fault - they really don't know what to do with us because our situations are very different. Some actually expect us to be able to function just like normal people. But we do not have the liberties that many others enjoy.Lots of caregivers are pretty much stuck at home without the freedom to come and go as we would like. It can be devastatingly lonely at times. And then the church ignores us pretty much...maybe they don't know how little it takes...

How can they say we have no faith since our loved one isn't healed? When Jesus went to the pool of Bethesda  there was a multitude of those who were sick, blind, lame and withered. Yet He only healed one of them. Did the entire multitude fall into the ranks of the faithless? I think not. To me they had some measure of faith just to be there waiting for the troubled water...

I propose that those who are in extremely adverse situations have great faith. Come on, give yourself a break, you're still believing in Him and looking to Him as your source aren't you? Then you have faith- you still believe in Him!

As a caregiver no doubt there has been some sort of earth shattering tragedy on some level that has put you in your present circumstance. Isaiah 54:10 says this:

For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake,

But My lovingkindness will not be removed from you,

And My covenant of peace will not be shaken,

says the Lord who has compassion on you.

Even when our world is shaken, He is not moved. Even though we cannot live the normal life, He has not forsaken us, He has not moved away (like it seems others have), He doesn't look at how our world fell around us to see if He will stay or not - He cannot be moved! His lovingkindness cannot be moved away from us. And actually, I think that this is what sustains us! Let His lovingkindness under gird you today. Rest in Him, trust Him! He cannot be shaken and is never moved by our circumstances.