Showing posts with label intimacy with God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label intimacy with God. Show all posts

Hard to Breathe

Some days it's all a caregiver can do to just keep breathing. I tease a lot about trying to remember to breathe and keeping that a top priority. But sometimes it really does feel like the life is being sucked out of you. Of course, there are many blessings that go with caregiving, but some days they are harder to find than others. No matter what our caregiving story - it's filled with difficulties. I try to keep a positive attitude but that's a fight at times.

This morning, in an attempt to protect my sanity I decided to start trying to journal again. I am glad I did as I hadn't made an entry since June. (I used to write in my journal everyday BC.) I found this poem I had penned. I hope you get a little something out of it.

Who am I to catch the King's gaze?
To know...
    He sees
   He Knows
   He hears
The deepest sighs from the place where no words live
The part of me that carries it all... with nothing left to give.

The part of me where no human wants to go
The Place that makes me - me
The part of me that no one sees
   No one knows
   Where no one goes

And He touches it
He makes me whole
A place where He is enough
His is the only voice I hear calling in my ear
"Peace be still."

   He sees
   He knows
   He hears
   He touches me
That part of me no soul wants to see
The place too deep for tears...
         but He catches them all...
                  before they fall

The part of me that knows - He is enough for me

His sight goes beyond the facade I live behind
 He sees
   my fears
   my heart
And He says...I am enough for Him - and He is enough for me

I can rest in this intimate place
Covered by His grace
Lifted by His gaze
Engulfed in His embrace

To others I am shut-in and shut out
But I landed in His arms
and that's enough for me.



Thank you for coming on this journey with me as I discover He is enough for me - and I am enough for Him. I continue to trust Him for one more day and pray you'll join me.


If He leads: paypal.me/dovesfireministries



Our Most Basic Need

Philippians 4:19 is going to finish out our little journey through Philippians. My God will supply all your need according to His riches in glory. Those of us who grew up in church know we learned this one early on. It was also used by our parents when we didn't get or couldn't have something we wanted. As we learn to be content in Him and with Him as we talked about in yesterday's devotion, our list of needs begin to shrink. I think some of that comes with age too as we learn to distinguish the things that have true value. We all have the same basic needs like food, shelter and love; but beyond that our needs can vary greatly. 1 Timothy 6:6 reminds us that godliness with contentment is great gain.

I have to admit that during this caregiving journey I've had some very tight almost suffocating financial situations. Anxious thoughts try to take over my mind and infiltrate my life. But in those moments I stop and talk myself through it by saying things like I have food, shelter, electricity, and my cable is still on so I can work today. Once I realize I am not missing anything today I can function. It doesn't make any money drop out of the heavens but it allows me to get a grip on my emotions.

Since this caregiving journey started I have to say God has certainly provided all along the way. But I could say that about my whole life including BC (before caregiving). If any of us were asked today what our most pressing need was, what would we answer? We could have a lot of different responses based on our level of perceived needs. Our collaborative list might look something like this:


  • money
  • love
  • food
  • electric bill
  • cell phone bill
  • a friend
  • healing
  • newer vehicle
  • gas for our vehicle
We might present a list a mile long. Do you remember the scripture where God asked Solomon what he wanted and Solomon said wisdom? It was the most encapsulating answer anyone could give. It was like saying everything since wisdom is the key that unlocks all the doors! Well I think our answer to What do you need?  is just as encapsulating and all-inclusive. We simply need Him.

Solomon said in Proverbs 3:32b - He is intimate with the upright. I was reading that this morning and it had a reference to Job 29:4 where Job said the friendship of God was over my tent. These are two very different views of needing Him. Here Solomon is sitting in the king's palace with the world at his fingertips; and Job is sitting in a pile of ashes having literally lost everything. Yet they both speak of intimacy with God. I must conclude that this is our most basic need.

As angry as I've been with God about allowing all this journey to happen; and as upsetting as the caregiving journey has been at times  - I always come back to my knees. I have to admit my desperate need for Him. He is my every need. The rest is irrelevant. Paul said that he counted all things as loss  in comparison to knowing Christ.

Today I will meditate on the truth that God is my most basic need. I will turn my thoughts toward Him and seek His intimacy. I will purposefully be aware that He is on this caregiving journey with me. I will be content with that. Will you join me? 



The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Aren't you glad we don't have a screen on our foreheads displaying our every thought? Sometimes it might be useful, but I know there are lots of things that run through my mind every day that I would not want anyone to know about.

Caregiver's thoughts are busy - they have to be because we have so many things to work out every single day. Many times I've condemned myself for my own thoughts not realizing it really is the way we work through stuff. But there are lots of thoughts that simply cannot be shared with others. For the caregiver there can be lots of things that we choose not to share.

When I first brought my son home from the nursing home and started working with him full time, I realized how difficult life was for him. He struggles to do anything. I had some thoughts many would find unacceptable. The only one I dare share is that my thoughts were that it would've been better for him to die in the wreck rather than live this way. Immediately I condemned myself for thinking that only to do some research and find that it was totally normal to have those thoughts and emotions; they go with the grieving process. They are normal to have - but not normal to share.

I started thinking about this because this weekend during my personal devotions I found myself in Luke 7, a passage I've read probably thousands of times. But this time, I saw something different. It reads like this:

Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him (Jesus) saw this,
he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet He would know
who and what sort of person this woman is who is touching Him, 
that she is a sinner."
And Jesus answered him,

I stopped there because that's what grabbed me. The Pharisee was upset that Jesus was letting this "sinner" wash His feet and had these judgmental thoughts. They were just thoughts - but Jesus answered them. If He knows the thoughts of the Pharisee, don't you think He knows the heart and thoughts of those who love Him?

Psalm 139:3 says He is intimately acquainted with all my ways. He knows my thoughts, actions and even the intents of my heart. Verse 1 of this psalm says He understands my thoughts.  I will rest in that today - knowing that He knows my thoughts - the good, the bad and the ugly - and He understands them. He understands me, the caregiver.

Today I will rest in the fact that God understands me - He gets me; and He offers no condemnation. I will rejoice in the fact that He is intimately acquainted with all my ways and knows me inside out. I'm okay with that. My goal for today will be to relax and not try  futilely to  hide my thoughts. I'm going to let Him run around in my thoughts and heart all day unrestrained and yield to His presence in my life. Will you join me?

The Lord Will Hold Me Close

Psalm 27 seems to have a little bit of everything. David starts out by pretty much disclosing his crazy emotions. He expresses fear and trembling and tries to console himself by saying he will remain confident even if he is attacked. I think many days, as caregivers we can feel like the world continues to attack in an ongoing battle. Our daily struggles can take many forms which can sometimes feel like we were put here on earth to just get others to do their jobs responsibly. (Those who work with health related agencies will understand that one!)

Even as David is consoling himself and working on releasing his fears to God, he begins to think about living in God's house. David states that this is where he is concealed when trouble comes.(NLT) He goes on to say that in God's house he is lifted high above his enemies  and from there he will offer sacrifices, shouts of joy, singing and praise. I am not so sure David is solely talking about the physical temple or tabernacle in Jerusalem. David understood that God was his rock, his hiding place...it looks to me that he was just simply talking about hiding in Him. I want to relearn how to do that.

As the days get tough and continue to be filled with broken, no shattered, dreams and constant pain, or hopelessness we tend to crawl back out away from Him instead of remaining hidden in Him. If we do not protect ourselves we can get so wrapped up in our own pain and fail to keep our eyes on Him - our source of strength. David could get busy running and forget to hide in Him! We are not much different. I've found over the years that we tend to run to our "religion" first - But there is a day that it will no longer make any sense and theological reason is tested and falls short. What a perfect time to return to Him! Theology nor religion can carry us through these days - it will take the supernatural strength of God to carry the load.

David must have understood that even though the struggle was physical, as is ours, he listened for God to call him away. He said in verse 8 - My heart has heard You say,"Come and talk with me." And my heart responds, "Lord, I am coming."  What a beautiful interaction between man and God! In this moment of surrender David states The Lord will hold me close.

Today I will meditate on letting Him hold me close. I will concentrate on simply resting and waiting patiently for Him. I will let Him be my rock today.

Puffed up Know-it-alls

Don't you just love the conversations that you have with people who act like they know it all? Usually the conversation doesn't get very far because the who know it all can't see past their limited knowledge to hold a true challenging conversation!

 Well, as I was studying this morning this short passage jumped out at me for a couple of reasons. It's actually in the context of Paul's instructions about eating meat that is sacrificed to idols. And then it seems he takes a little rabbit trail when he says the words in these three verses:

 Now let's talk about food that has been sacrificed to idols
You think that everyone should agree with your perfect knowledge.
While knowledge may make us feel important, it is love that really builds up the church
 Anyone who claims to know all the answers really doesn't know very much.
 But the person who loves God is the one God knows and cares for
 (1 Corinthians 8:1-3 NLT)

I found the first part about the know-it-all to be pretty amusing. I have met people like that. And I am sure I've come off as being that way myself at times. Thank God for life's tempering - it is indeed what helps us come to grips with the fact that we really don't know it all! lol!

But there are two other things that stand out to me in this passage. The first thing is that it is not knowledge which builds up the church. Listening to endless sermons may give us a lot of  information about God but that's not how the church is encouraged. Later in this same book, Paul will say that knowledge puffs up. But it is love that builds up the church. But then again we have to see the church not as a building - how can we love a building? But we must see it as us. We are the church and when we love one another and help carry one another's burdens it will build and encourage the church. (Ah! the missing link to modern Christianity!)

 And then the next part that grabbed me was verse 3 - the person who loves God is the one God knows and cares for. Wow! I so want to love Him...and not let my knowledge of Him surpass basking in His intimate love. Just some thoughts for today..

Side Note - I did start some video devotionals for caregivers. There is one up and I will be doing one later today. You can view them at www.livestream.com/reallysimpleafterall.

A Fruitful Vine

It can be very easy to slip into oblivion...I mean, who would know? Fighting with thoughts like this can be a daily struggle for caregivers. There's the aloneness that cannot really be described to those who do not understand. Besides the depression that can try to take hold there's a sense of barrenness that has to be fought...and it is indeed a fight of faith for many.

 Our trouble with thinking we are spiritually barren is tied up in the church's perception of fruit. Organized religion says that our fruit are all those things that we are doing inside the church. They consider teaching Sunday School, leading worship, helping with the church yard or cleaning the church to be fruit. Never mind that Jesus talked about none of these things when He talked about the sheep in Matthew 25. His sheep will visit the sick, and visit the prisoner, along with feeding the hungry. He didn't say that they attended Sunday School or Wednesday night Discipleship classes, did He?

 So what is the caregiver to do to bear fruit? By the church's standards we simply are not eligible and once again they deem us barren because we cannot function in their system. But that is because we tend to measure our fruit by what we do. While I agree that our fruit will display what's in our hearts - the caregiver is not barren.

 First of all consider this - you laid down your life to care for your loved one. If that's not a picture of Christ I don't know a better one! Our fruit is in the spirit, not the natural. And actually, we are blessed that the typical Pharisee cannot see our fruit, for if they can see it and measure it - trust me, it's not true spiritual fruit! Our fruit is being grown in the spirit realm. Just because religious people consider us barren - does not make it so!

 Isaiah 54:1 says this:

 Shout O barren one - you who have borne no child
break forth into joyful shouting and cry aloud 
you who have not travailed
For the sons of the desolate one 
are more numerous than the sons of the married woman!

When we develop our relationship with Him - that intimacy will produce much spiritual fruit! So relax. we are not barren! WE are a fruitful vine because we live in Him! 

Call to Intimacy

By the time you actually become a caregiver there's already been some sort of big ordeal in your life. You're not going to wake up in the morning and say, "I'm a caregiver now." Some series of events had to have happened that placed you in the position to chose it. Something, sometime had to of broken your heart...for each of us although the journey is similar - they are all uniquely different at the same time.

No matter what catapulted us to the place of caregiving, it had to hurt. And many times caregiving bears with it a hurt that does not go away...it's a living pain so deep it cannot be explained. No one can really understand it. No one can fix it. No one can make it go away...it's just there underneath the surface. The pain of being a caregiver is many faceted...because somewhere in the mix we lost our own lives in the shuffle.

Psalm 34:18 says this to us today The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Today, lay aside all the questions and the whys - you know - why didn't He fix this? type questions... and let your heart hear His heart for you. He is near - allow Him to be near you today. Don't move away...I see this scripture as a distinct call to intimacy with Him once again. Take a few minutes and think about what this already terrible journey would have been like if we didn't know Him. There would be absolutely no hope - anywhere - not even with the end of life - without Him...

Take some time to be near Him today - to allow Him to touch the damaged recesses of your heart - let Him heal the pains that no one has ever had any idea about. Let Him carry you today..He is near.

Just Capture A Moment

So I was meditating on the topic of John the Baptist and different prophets in the Bible. I was thinking about how each one was called. This was my mental preparation for the weekly newsletter that I send out through my ministry. (Dove's Fire) As I thought about John the Baptist I thought there is no record of his calling into ministry. He just appears out of the wilderness full of the fire of God!
Then the thought occurred to me that his mom was Elizabeth. And when she conceived John the Baptist instead of publicly celebrating the removal of her reproach, she hid  herself away to celebrate with God. And now here's her son who we know nothing about except his birth and short-lived ministry. He appeared out of the wilderness...and I wondered if he did the same thing his mama did. Did he feel that urge to be with God and go spend time with Him until he was prepared? I think it's a safe assumption although I cannot prove it in scripture (yet...).

There is a lot to finding that quiet place alone with God. But for the caregiver it is not always an easy task. There is so much to do to take care of our loved one that too many times there is no time left for ourselves. And for me personally, if I don't get a few minutes to myself to be with Him in the morning - the day is quickly so hectic that I can never capture a quiet moment again!

But it is important for two reasons. We really need to do something for ourselves - why not? We do everything we can for someone else but many times do not allow ourselves even the luxury of sitting quietly for a few minutes.  We deserve that few minutes of quiet meditation on the word. And really - we need it. We need to hear from Him, feel His touch, hear His breath...sometimes that is what will carry us through the day of caregiving. So take time - some time during your day for you to spend with God. You will find that you are refreshed - and like John the Baptist - filled with His fire once again. He will give you the strength to carry on!

The Stare

  Do you ever just find yourself sitting and staring at the wall? It doesn't really happen too often because, quite frankly, who has tim...